I'm feeling Empty

[LunarRise]

I have never been a particularly religious person in my life. I'm 22, so I get that religion isn't just a decision I can rush.

But I, I don't know, I just feel so empty. Like something huge is missing from my life.

*sigh* It's just something that troubles me often. I've tried several different types of churches in my life. Methodist, Catholic, Baptist (Terrifying, sorry, I was 8, more on that later), Presbyterian, and Lutheran. I even attended a Christian Church Camp, camp LRCA (LRCA stands for Lake Region Christian Assembly)

But I just never...enjoyed any of it. It never made me feel connected to God, it never made me feel spiritual or full of light or any of that. It never made me feel safe or loved.

I think that part of this is due to my very 1st church experience. While my parents are both Christian, we were never taken to church as children (due to a falling out with the Catholic Church and my family) My parents decided that religion was something that they would let me discover and learn about in my own way and in my own time, and I am very grateful for that. My first church experience was a Baptist one, I went with a girl in my class (She scared me into going, I think, when she told me I would go to hell for reading Harry Potter). The pastor teaching the Sunday school (I was 8) talked about how, if we listened to everything he said and taught, that God would save us from the lake of eternal fire in hell. I left, crying, and never went back. It would be another 5 years before I attended a church service again. I spent a few years going with my sister to a Methodist church on and off, but like I said, I never enjoyed it and I never felt any connection to it. I still prayed, and I still believed in God, but that is about it. I went to Church Camp for a few years, more for the "day care" aspect than the religion or church aspect. It was fine, though I felt pressured much of the time to believe in something I was not sure of.

I spent about a year of my life studying Wicca in middle school, I enjoyed the idea of believing in both God (There are Christian Wiccans I was taught) and Magic. I dated a Catholic boy in high school, and went to church with him a few times. Very uncomfortable, a bit too "pomp and circumstance" (no offense meant at all), for my taste (Love the current Pope though, what a nice guy).

After graduating high school I started to encounter actual conflicts with religion. This was right around the time when the LGBT movement was picking up. I have several LGBT friends and family, so I fully support them and their cause. That caused several rifts between myself and Christian family members and friends (Curse you social media). Of course, I was also being a rebellious, stupid college student, who was discovering her own political opinion and voice, which caused some issues. I didn't know when to shut up. I had a Catholic woman actually tell me that I (and my Catholic boyfriend who went to church WITH her) "Possessed the same Pride that caused Lucifer to fall from Heaven." That was about the time I converted to Agnosticism, shortly followed by Atheism. My boyfriend, the Catholic, also converted to Atheism. I feel like this was because of the backlash and the treatment we got for supporting the LGBT community.

Just under 2 years ago I began dating a Baptist man I worked with. He and I DID NOT get along in the beginning haha, not by a long shot. But somehow, we were able to form a relationship. He was very pushy, and we almost cut it off then and there. But then my little brother died, at the age of 17, from brain cancer. I watched my family fall apart, dropped out of college, and got my world destroyed. I gave a very lovely speech at his funeral about how Physics explains that a persons energy never dies. It moved several people (though the pastor was not too happy).

I've attended several church services with my Baptist boyfriend (though he and his grandparents go to a Presbyterian church, I'm not really sure what the difference is). I definitely did not (do not) care for this church. It just feels very, hostile. I don't know what it is, but I feel very uncomfortable there.

Over the last year I have stopped just not believing in God. I don't know why, maybe it was all of the coincidences I was seeing and feeling. Maybe it was just me letting go of the pain anti-LGBT activists inflicted on me. Maybe it was because I want so badly to believe in something magical and beautiful. But I am not a worshiper of God. I do not agree with many traditional Christian beliefs. I believe in Intelligent Design, not Creationism. I don't believe that people go to hell for loving someone of the same gender. I believe in being a good person because it's the right thing to do, not because of the consequences/rewards. All of these beliefs of mine cause some conflict between my boyfriend and I, but overall he is happy I'm no longer an Atheist (we plan to marry within the next 5 years).

I haven't attended a church service in months. I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible. I feel like everything that is taught is just a way to control people (I'm sorry). I took a Philosophy of Religion course this past Spring Semester, thinking it would help me sort out my feelings on religion. It just made me more confused.

I feel like I would be happier if I were a more spiritual person. I feel like something vital is missing from my life. Maybe it's religion, maybe it's my brother. I don't know. All I know is that I don't feel right. I feel sick, broken, wrong, and tired. I want to believe in something more, but I just don't feel like I am capable. I fear I will slip back into Agnosticism, and in doing so I will lose the love of my life. He won't marry someone who isn't a Christian like him, it's against the teachings his grandparents have raised him on. And he absolutely will not allow us to raise any kids the way I was raised.

What can I do? Please, help me figure out something. Or...do you think I should just give up religion all together and let my boyfriend go so he can find someone better for him?

I'm sorry this was so long.

 

[Masihi]

"I am the light of the world, he who follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life".
Humans are in two form of darkness. Imagine a blind man in a dark cave. Proverbs 4, "the way of the wicked is like deep darkness, they know not by what they stumble." 1) darkness as in ignorant of knowledge of God; confusing him with man-made objects; seeking spiritual guidance from spirits created by God rather than God Himself; lack of biblical knowledge. 2) Spiritual darkness: living in a world all there own, full of insecurity, fear, depression, anger, ire, loss of interest, desire to harm others, etc. This is the darkness that Christ gave light to. You will find Him healing the blind in many of the gospel narratives. That physical healing was to show us symbolically the healing of our hearts. He takes us from darkness to light.
"In Him was life, and that life is the light of men." The blind man not only gained his sight but a great light illuminated the cave.
Don't give up; im praying for you. Very helpful for us all is our involvement in a weekly bible study. Gain knowledge of the Scriptures. "Believing comes thru hearing, and hearing the word of Christ".

 

[orangeness365]

I was a Christian most of my life, but I spent a year being an atheist. I think I still prayed during that time, my memory of that time is fuzzy, but I had no faith in God. I prayed just in case he was real, not having read most of the Bible, thinking that somehow God wouldn't care if I was lukewarm and faithless. I have to admit that my life as a Christian and as an atheist weren't that much different from each other. I noticed though that people were more accepting of me while they thought I was an atheist than while they thought I was a Christian, which is odd, cuz I live in the usa where Christianity is the main religion. I remember during the time I was an atheist, my life was better, but everything turned to ashes in my mouth. Nothing satisfied me. I eventually returned to Christianity, and I noticed that it made life matter to me. It gave me back the little bit of joy that I had that I hadn't even realized I had while I was a Christian. Christianity, or more specifically accepting Jesus, filled the emptiness in me. Don't get me wrong. I am a very depressed and depressing person, and I often have trouble feeling any kind of enjoyment, but Jesus gives me a little bit. I know that some people online say that the emptiness is not filled by Christianity for them, but it did it for me. I know you don't want to read the Bible right now, but I think reading the Bible is important to do. I think it's important to know that God is love, and that at Judgment Day there will be many surprises, and that we shouldn't assume that who God will judge to go here or there, but just know that God will mete out perfect justice.

 

[paul1149]

I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible. I feel like everything that is taught is just a way to control people (I'm sorry). I took a Philosophy of Religion course this past Spring Semester, thinking it would help me sort out my feelings on religion. It just made me more confused.

I know you don't want to read the Bible right now, but I think reading the Bible is important to do.

Hi LunarRise,

Did you ever have an impression about someone, perhaps through what others said about him, and then have that impression blown away when you actually met him? It may be that you were raised with a bias against God due to the difficulties your parents had with their church. I know how deeply that can cut, and how hard it can be to overcome. Man messes up and God gets the blame. This is all too common, and in fact, we're specifically warned several times in the Bible that the church is going to be a mess, especially in latter days. As a consequence of offense we develop a worldview that effectively excludes God and makes it hard for His power to break through.

It may be that that is what is in operation here. What is the solution? Go to the source and make sure your information is correct. The source in this case would be the Bible.

You may know the story of the guy who was making a picket fence. He cut one picket, then used it as a pattern for the next one. Then he used the second picket for a pattern for the third one. And he continued this way. When he was done, only the first picket was the correct length. All the others got progressively shorter by the width of the saw blade. He should have used the first picket as a pattern for all the others.

Another illustration is the telephone game. By the time the message gets around the room it bears little resemblance to its original form.

It's the same way with Jesus. None of us have the full picture. We might be strong in some areas but weak in others. We all, the best of us, need to keep on going back to the Bible to keep our image of Christ clear and to learn more about Him. If we only get our impressions of Jesus from man, like the guy with the pickets, we are going to come up short.

If you make an informed decision against Christ, that's one thing. But if you do so based on misinformation due to a misrepresentation of Him by others, that's sad. Jesus has promised that all who seek Him will find Him. He didn't go to the trouble He did to have it any other way. From everything I have learned and experienced, I can assure you that He went to all that trouble because He loves you and wants you reconciled to Him.

 

[Root of Jesse]

The essence of Christianity is to be found in Matthew chapters 5-7. The Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes. Read them, meditate on them, and then go find (by yourself, preferably)a Church that embodies these words.
For what it's worth, regarding your experience in a Catholic Church, your experience wasn't the Church, it was with a member of the Church. We don't hate LGBT people. Any Church that preaches hatred of people (of any flavor) is the wrong church. We might abhor their sexual practices, but the saying "Love the sinner, hate the sin" applies. The Catholic Church teaches that every human has an inherent dignity given by God.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Luna,

I would say that you should talk to God. What do i mean by that? I'm not talking about prayer, I'm just talking about talking to God. Like "If you are out there God could you help me to see you. Could you help me to find my way.". God does not always answer in our timelines, but I do feel that you will get an answer over time. It may be years though. I've waited years already.

One of the things that is most important is seeking. I think God respects seeking and looking. Don't think of it as prayer, more contemplating for yourself but putting it out there that if there is a God that you would like to know.

I wish that you wanted faith because I would love to tell you more, but I am going to respect the fact that you are seeking right now.

Good luck Luna.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I have never been a particularly religious person in my life. I'm 22, so I get that religion isn't just a decision I can rush.

But I, I don't know, I just feel so empty. Like something huge is missing from my life.

*sigh* It's just something that troubles me often. I've tried several different types of churches in my life. Methodist, Catholic, Baptist (Terrifying, sorry, I was 8, more on that later), Presbyterian, and Lutheran. I even attended a Christian Church Camp, camp LRCA (LRCA stands for Lake Region Christian Assembly)

But I just never...enjoyed any of it. It never made me feel connected to God, it never made me feel spiritual or full of light or any of that. It never made me feel safe or loved.

I think that part of this is due to my very 1st church experience. While my parents are both Christian, we were never taken to church as children (due to a falling out with the Catholic Church and my family) My parents decided that religion was something that they would let me discover and learn about in my own way and in my own time, and I am very grateful for that. My first church experience was a Baptist one, I went with a girl in my class (She scared me into going, I think, when she told me I would go to hell for reading Harry Potter). The pastor teaching the Sunday school (I was 8) talked about how, if we listened to everything he said and taught, that God would save us from the lake of eternal fire in hell. I left, crying, and never went back. It would be another 5 years before I attended a church service again. I spent a few years going with my sister to a Methodist church on and off, but like I said, I never enjoyed it and I never felt any connection to it. I still prayed, and I still believed in God, but that is about it. I went to Church Camp for a few years, more for the "day care" aspect than the religion or church aspect. It was fine, though I felt pressured much of the time to believe in something I was not sure of.

I spent about a year of my life studying Wicca in middle school, I enjoyed the idea of believing in both God (There are Christian Wiccans I was taught) and Magic. I dated a Catholic boy in high school, and went to church with him a few times. Very uncomfortable, a bit too "pomp and circumstance" (no offense meant at all), for my taste (Love the current Pope though, what a nice guy).

After graduating high school I started to encounter actual conflicts with religion. This was right around the time when the LGBT movement was picking up. I have several LGBT friends and family, so I fully support them and their cause. That caused several rifts between myself and Christian family members and friends (Curse you social media). Of course, I was also being a rebellious, stupid college student, who was discovering her own political opinion and voice, which caused some issues. I didn't know when to shut up. I had a Catholic woman actually tell me that I (and my Catholic boyfriend who went to church WITH her) "Possessed the same Pride that caused Lucifer to fall from Heaven." That was about the time I converted to Agnosticism, shortly followed by Atheism. My boyfriend, the Catholic, also converted to Atheism. I feel like this was because of the backlash and the treatment we got for supporting the LGBT community.

Just under 2 years ago I began dating a Baptist man I worked with. He and I DID NOT get along in the beginning haha, not by a long shot. But somehow, we were able to form a relationship. He was very pushy, and we almost cut it off then and there. But then my little brother died, at the age of 17, from brain cancer. I watched my family fall apart, dropped out of college, and got my world destroyed. I gave a very lovely speech at his funeral about how Physics explains that a persons energy never dies. It moved several people (though the pastor was not too happy).

I've attended several church services with my Baptist boyfriend (though he and his grandparents go to a Presbyterian church, I'm not really sure what the difference is). I definitely did not (do not) care for this church. It just feels very, hostile. I don't know what it is, but I feel very uncomfortable there.

Over the last year I have stopped just not believing in God. I don't know why, maybe it was all of the coincidences I was seeing and feeling. Maybe it was just me letting go of the pain anti-LGBT activists inflicted on me. Maybe it was because I want so badly to believe in something magical and beautiful. But I am not a worshiper of God. I do not agree with many traditional Christian beliefs. I believe in Intelligent Design, not Creationism. I don't believe that people go to hell for loving someone of the same gender. I believe in being a good person because it's the right thing to do, not because of the consequences/rewards. All of these beliefs of mine cause some conflict between my boyfriend and I, but overall he is happy I'm no longer an Atheist (we plan to marry within the next 5 years).

I haven't attended a church service in months. I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible. I feel like everything that is taught is just a way to control people (I'm sorry). I took a Philosophy of Religion course this past Spring Semester, thinking it would help me sort out my feelings on religion. It just made me more confused.

I feel like I would be happier if I were a more spiritual person. I feel like something vital is missing from my life. Maybe it's religion, maybe it's my brother. I don't know. All I know is that I don't feel right. I feel sick, broken, wrong, and tired. I want to believe in something more, but I just don't feel like I am capable. I fear I will slip back into Agnosticism, and in doing so I will lose the love of my life. He won't marry someone who isn't a Christian like him, it's against the teachings his grandparents have raised him on. And he absolutely will not allow us to raise any kids the way I was raised.

What can I do? Please, help me figure out something. Or...do you think I should just give up religion all together and let my boyfriend go so he can find someone better for him?

I'm sorry this was so long.

Hi Lunar,

Growing up in a family where religion is only given a nominal place may contribute to your difficulty in belief. I had a similar experience with religion in my youth, particularly being that my parents had a falling out with an Independent Baptist church.

Anyway, Christian faith is something that has to come on its own, although I would suggest that you begin and/or continue by approaching the Bible as a historic collection of possible phenomena instead of a mystical "answer book."

By the way, may I ask what it was about your Philosophy of Religion course that you found confusing?

Peace
2PhiloVoid

 

[aiki]

But I, I don't know, I just feel so empty. Like something huge is missing from my life.

Well, if the Bible is correct - and I believe it is - then you aren't living in the manner for which you were created. God made you to be in fellowship with Him, the Bible says. So, when you aren't in fellowship with Him, life feels like something fundamentally important is missing. Many try to fill up the God-shaped vacuum in their lives with other things (hobbies, work, sex, drugs, etc.), but these really end up being mere distractions from the feeling something is missing. They can't ever take the place God intends only He should fill. That feeling of emptiness you're having is God's way of prompting you to turn to Him.

*sigh* It's just something that troubles me often. I've tried several different types of churches in my life. Methodist, Catholic, Baptist (Terrifying, sorry, I was 8, more on that later), Presbyterian, and Lutheran. I even attended a Christian Church Camp, camp LRCA (LRCA stands for Lake Region Christian Assembly)

But I just never...enjoyed any of it. It never made me feel connected to God, it never made me feel spiritual or full of light or any of that. It never made me feel safe or loved.

Being part of a community of Christ-followers/disciples, which is the biblical definition of a Christian, is supposed to be the consequence of faith in Christ as your Saviour and Lord. In other words, you're putting the cart before the horse when you attend Christian churches without first being a disciple of Christ. Being connected to God cannot happen simply by attending a church any more than attending a hospital can make you a surgeon. The Bible, the Christian's handbook for theology and doctrine, teaches that entering into relationship with God happens through only one avenue: faith in Jesus Christ as one's Saviour and submission to him as Lord. The feeling of spiritual life, that experience of being full of light that you were expecting, comes only when you have been reconciled to God and adopted into His family as one of His children through faith in Christ. When you have by faith accepted Christ, attending church will have a very different feel, I think.

My first church experience was a Baptist one, I went with a girl in my class (She scared me into going, I think, when she told me I would go to hell for reading Harry Potter). The pastor teaching the Sunday school (I was 8) talked about how, if we listened to everything he said and taught, that God would save us from the lake of eternal fire in hell. I left, crying, and never went back.

There is no getting around the judgement of Hell that hangs over every non-believer. It is an awful truth for the unsaved person at whatever age. But, wonderfully, God has not stopped at judging our sin. He has shown us enormous mercy and grace in making a way for us to avoid the punishment of Hell. It is unfortunate that along with the reality of Hell you were not also told, when you were eight years old, of the love of God extended to you in the Person of His Son, Jesus Christ. God will judge the unrepentant wicked but He would rather embrace them as their loving Heavenly Father. If this had been emphasized to you as a child perhaps you would not now be suffering the emptiness you describe.

I spent about a year of my life studying Wicca in middle school, I enjoyed the idea of believing in both God (There are Christian Wiccans I was taught) and Magic.

I have to strongly disagree with what you were told about Christians being Wiccans. I am no expert on Wicca, but from what I do understand of it, it is at sharp odds with the teaching of Scripture. Anyone claiming to be both Wiccan and Christian has a serious misunderstanding of the Christian faith.

After graduating high school I started to encounter actual conflicts with religion. This was right around the time when the LGBT movement was picking up. I have several LGBT friends and family, so I fully support them and their cause.

Since you aren't a disciple of Christ, I can understand why you're friendship with LGBT folk has recruited you to their sexual cause. The Bible is very clear, however, in its condemnation of homosexuality. Scripture explains that such perversion is the natural consequence of turning from God to self-worship.

I've attended several church services with my Baptist boyfriend (though he and his grandparents go to a Presbyterian church, I'm not really sure what the difference is). I definitely did not (do not) care for this church. It just feels very, hostile. I don't know what it is, but I feel very uncomfortable there.

This shouldn't really surprise you, I think. You are living in a manner quite contrary to what you will encounter in such a place. Any church that is preaching and living out the teachings of God's Word is going to seem very hostile to someone like yourself who has rejected it. Perhaps, though, you have your own hostility toward Christianity, which is being reflected in your feelings when you attend your boyfriend's church. Remember, too, that the Church is a place for those who love God. You don't love Him, so it stands to reason that you won't find it comfortable to be in a congregation of people who do.

Maybe it was because I want so badly to believe in something magical and beautiful. But I am not a worshiper of God. I do not agree with many traditional Christian beliefs. I believe in Intelligent Design, not Creationism. I don't believe that people go to hell for loving someone of the same gender. I believe in being a good person because it's the right thing to do, not because of the consequences/rewards.

All of these things put you at distinct odds with biblical Christianity. I can tell you that God is not going to budge on His side. If you wish to fellowship with Him, you are going to have to let go of your self-will and independence from Him and submit to His will and way. There is no other way to truly know and walk with Him.

Why is being a good person the right thing to do? What, exactly, constitutes being a good person? How do you know that what you think is a good person is necessarily what the next person should think is a good person?

People don't go to Hell merely because they are homosexual but because they have not repented of their sin, accepted Christ as their Saviour, and submitted themselves to the will and way of their holy Creator.

I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible.

Then why are you posting in an Exploring Christianity forum? Surely you don't expect Christians in such a forum not to talk about their beliefs? It's what the forum is for!

I feel like I would be happier if I were a more spiritual person. I feel like something vital is missing from my life. Maybe it's religion, maybe it's my brother. I don't know. All I know is that I don't feel right. I feel sick, broken, wrong, and tired. I want to believe in something more, but I just don't feel like I am capable. I fear I will slip back into Agnosticism, and in doing so I will lose the love of my life. He won't marry someone who isn't a Christian like him, it's against the teachings his grandparents have raised him on. And he absolutely will not allow us to raise any kids the way I was raised.

What can I do? Please, help me figure out something. Or...do you think I should just give up religion all together and let my boyfriend go so he can find someone better for him?

As far as the Bible is concerned, there is no true spirituality without Christ. He brings those who are "dead in trespasses and sins" to life spiritually. You have an opportunity to respond to how you're feeling by turning in faith and submission to Christ, or you can do as so many others do and try to fill your God-shaped void with the temporal and ultimately unsatisfying illusions of the World. But one day you will face your Maker. Will He be at that moment your wrathful, holy Judge or your loving Heavenly Father? I hope and pray for the latter.

The truth is that no one comes to faith in Christ unless God has enabled them to do so. He saves us; we do not save ourselves. Consequently, God must meet your desire to believe (which I believe originates with Him) with the ability to do so. And He will. Simply ask Him and keep on asking until He answers. My bet is, though, that He will not answer in the way you expect.

I don't think you do your boyfriend any favors by creating a situation where he is pulled in two contrary directions: toward your god-less style of living and belief and towards his Christian faith. He has already compromised his obedience to God by entering into an intimate and romantic relationship with you, which is explicitly forbidden in Scripture. You have the unfortunate effect of dividing his love and loyalty for His Maker. Rather than both of you moving toward a deeper love-relationship with God, one of you is moving toward God and the other away from Him. Your romantic relationship with your Christian boyfriend fosters a tension within him between his affection for you and his love for His Creator. The more he comes to love you, the more his relationship with God will seem an impediment to his romance with you. He would not be the first to apostasize for the sake of a romantic relationship, which is why the command forbidding "unequal yoking with unbelievers" is given by the apostle Paul.

Selah.

 

[LunarRise]

Thank you Masihi, I enjoyed reading the picture you painted for me, about the cave and Christ being the light. It was very insightful.


Thank you Orangeness365, I understand how you feel. This is much how I have been feeling for the last 2 years.


Thank you Paul1149. I won’t place the blame on my parents, they were never hostile or reserved against the church when I was a child. Their biggest issue was the Catholic church had asked for a large amount of money to baptize my sister, money my parents didn’t have at the time. But they kept those opinions to themselves until I was older. But I completely agree with you, I think that my hesitance to commit to religion comes from how other religious people have treated me and the social issues going on right now. I cannot seem to separate my feelings for these people from my feelings of God. It’s wrong, and I’m trying very hard to change it.


Thank you Root of Jesus, I will most certainly read those chapters and reflect on them.


Thank you ToBeLoved, for respecting the fact that I am seeking. I have found that it is a little bit difficult for some people to accept that, but I respect the fact that they are worried about me and love me. I will try and talk to God. Do you think it is ok to just talk casually to God? Like, Hey, What’s up? Just wanted to thank you for letting me have a good day. I do that from time to time. I often thank him for giving me such a wonderful man in my life, and I ask him to tell my little brother that I love him and miss him.


Thank you 2PhiloVoid, I love your profile picture btw. I think I will continue to read the Bible independently. Maybe try and just get a feel for it myself. My Philosophy of Religion class was very interesting, I enjoyed taking it. It was just confusing because it gave very strong arguments both for and against religion. Many arguments were made for and against the ideas of God, miracles, evil, and Intelligent Design. It was very thought provoking for both sides.


Thank you Aiki, that was quite a reply. I guess I was always under the impression that going to a church would be like coming into a family event. I thought that it would immediately feel welcoming and loving. I never considered that reaction would come later. I do really wish my first church experience would have been different, but there is no changing it right now. Perhaps graphic descriptions of hell should be saved for older children? For the young ones, maybe the focus should be on Gods love, instead of the consequences and scare tactics. When I was studying Wicca, it was described that Christian Wiccans used, say, Amethyst stones and candles in the same way a Catholic uses rosary beads. It is just compiled of different methods of praying. I believe in being a good person simply because it was how I was raised I guess. Be kind to others, follow the law, do unto others as I would have done unto me. While my parents were not attending church as I grew up, they were still Christians. They still told us about Christ and raised us to be like Him, kind and loving. I guess when I say that “I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible.” It came off wrong. It’s a hard feeling to explain. I did not mean that I don’t want to talk about it at all, but I don’t want to be preached at. I don’t want to be sat down and lectured, like I was all those years ago at the age of 8. I can definitely tell you that if I had not entered into this relationship with my boyfriend, I would still be a complete atheist. The only reason I have come this far is because of him. And I feel like as long as I am willing to put effort into finding God, he is not compromising his spirituality. I’m very lucky to have him.

 

[onetwopi]

Hi LunarRise,
First, it sounds like the church owes you an apology. Can I apologize on her behalf and ask for your forgiveness? You were treated harshly, and not like a beautiful person created in the image of God (which you are). The thing about the church is that she is made out of people. We often screw it up royally. We are sheep with a wonderful shepherd, but here in the pen you sometimes get stepped on or you step in someone's crap.
Second, I believe God is so happy you are asking these questions! I have been a Christ-follower for 23 years. I'm still seeking. I'm still on the journey. I've become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. The journey is the fun part. Keep looking. Talk to God. I'm praying for a miracle in your life.

 

[aiki]

Thank you Aiki, that was quite a reply. I guess I was always under the impression that going to a church would be like coming into a family event. I thought that it would immediately feel welcoming and loving. I never considered that reaction would come later. I do really wish my first church experience would have been different, but there is no changing it right now. Perhaps graphic descriptions of hell should be saved for older children? For the young ones, maybe the focus should be on Gods love, instead of the consequences and scare tactics. When I was studying Wicca, it was described that Christian Wiccans used, say, Amethyst stones and candles in the same way a Catholic uses rosary beads. It is just compiled of different methods of praying. I believe in being a good person simply because it was how I was raised I guess. Be kind to others, follow the law, do unto others as I would have done unto me. While my parents were not attending church as I grew up, they were still Christians. They still told us about Christ and raised us to be like Him, kind and loving. I guess when I say that “I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible.” It came off wrong. It’s a hard feeling to explain. I did not mean that I don’t want to talk about it at all, but I don’t want to be preached at. I don’t want to be sat down and lectured, like I was all those years ago at the age of 8. I can definitely tell you that if I had not entered into this relationship with my boyfriend, I would still be a complete atheist. The only reason I have come this far is because of him. And I feel like as long as I am willing to put effort into finding God, he is not compromising his spirituality. I’m very lucky to have him.

A church is a family - a family of God's children, of Christ followers. You are neither so it is no surprise that you feel a lack of fellowship with those in the church your boyfriend attends.

The judgment of God is a hard and terrible reality and it should not be ignored or glossed over, but God never intended that we should come to salvation solely out of fear of Hell. The gift of salvation is God's greatest expression of His love for us. We see God's awesome mercy, grace, and love in what He did for us through the sacrifice of His Son on the cross of Calvary. And it is our recognition of these things that God intends should propel us into relationship with Him. So, no, I don't think young children should be frightened into accepting Christ as their Saviour. They need to understand the great danger in living in rebellion to their Maker, but also - and more importantly - the wonderful goodness of God in making a way of escape for them from the eternal punishment of Hell.

It seems to me very difficult to make a case for the necessity of any particular kind of morality without having an objective and authoritative source for it. A Christian has such a source (God), but you don't. What it looks like to me is that you are borrowing from Judeo-Christian morality. But this is a rather illegitimate borrowing inasmuch as you deny the Source of that morality. Does it not trouble you to have an essentially Judeo-Christian system of moral values and duties but reject the Source from which that system originates? This seems to me to be, at least, profoundly philosophically inconsistent.

I am glad to hear that the influence of your boyfriend on you has been so positive! Has he been likewise encouraged toward God by your involvement with Him? As I said, he is already, in being romantically involved with you, in violation of the explicit command of Scripture. That you have less antagonism toward God now than you used to does not change this fact. Unless you come to faith in Christ for your own reasons, for reasons independent of your current romantic entanglement, you cannot avoid passively and/or actively encouraging your boyfriend toward further compromise of his faith. Do you really feel at ease about having such an impact on the man you claim to love?

I am a direct sort of communicator. I hope this directness does not feel like animosity or aggression to you. I write solely out of a concern for both you and your boyfriend.

Selah.

 

[graceandpeace]

I have never been a particularly religious person in my life. I'm 22, so I get that religion isn't just a decision I can rush.

But I, I don't know, I just feel so empty. Like something huge is missing from my life.

*sigh* It's just something that troubles me often. I've tried several different types of churches in my life. Methodist, Catholic, Baptist (Terrifying, sorry, I was 8, more on that later), Presbyterian, and Lutheran. I even attended a Christian Church Camp, camp LRCA (LRCA stands for Lake Region Christian Assembly)

But I just never...enjoyed any of it. It never made me feel connected to God, it never made me feel spiritual or full of light or any of that. It never made me feel safe or loved.

I think that part of this is due to my very 1st church experience. While my parents are both Christian, we were never taken to church as children (due to a falling out with the Catholic Church and my family) My parents decided that religion was something that they would let me discover and learn about in my own way and in my own time, and I am very grateful for that. My first church experience was a Baptist one, I went with a girl in my class (She scared me into going, I think, when she told me I would go to hell for reading Harry Potter). The pastor teaching the Sunday school (I was 8) talked about how, if we listened to everything he said and taught, that God would save us from the lake of eternal fire in hell. I left, crying, and never went back. It would be another 5 years before I attended a church service again. I spent a few years going with my sister to a Methodist church on and off, but like I said, I never enjoyed it and I never felt any connection to it. I still prayed, and I still believed in God, but that is about it. I went to Church Camp for a few years, more for the "day care" aspect than the religion or church aspect. It was fine, though I felt pressured much of the time to believe in something I was not sure of.

I spent about a year of my life studying Wicca in middle school, I enjoyed the idea of believing in both God (There are Christian Wiccans I was taught) and Magic. I dated a Catholic boy in high school, and went to church with him a few times. Very uncomfortable, a bit too "pomp and circumstance" (no offense meant at all), for my taste (Love the current Pope though, what a nice guy).

After graduating high school I started to encounter actual conflicts with religion. This was right around the time when the LGBT movement was picking up. I have several LGBT friends and family, so I fully support them and their cause. That caused several rifts between myself and Christian family members and friends (Curse you social media). Of course, I was also being a rebellious, stupid college student, who was discovering her own political opinion and voice, which caused some issues. I didn't know when to shut up. I had a Catholic woman actually tell me that I (and my Catholic boyfriend who went to church WITH her) "Possessed the same Pride that caused Lucifer to fall from Heaven." That was about the time I converted to Agnosticism, shortly followed by Atheism. My boyfriend, the Catholic, also converted to Atheism. I feel like this was because of the backlash and the treatment we got for supporting the LGBT community.

Just under 2 years ago I began dating a Baptist man I worked with. He and I DID NOT get along in the beginning haha, not by a long shot. But somehow, we were able to form a relationship. He was very pushy, and we almost cut it off then and there. But then my little brother died, at the age of 17, from brain cancer. I watched my family fall apart, dropped out of college, and got my world destroyed. I gave a very lovely speech at his funeral about how Physics explains that a persons energy never dies. It moved several people (though the pastor was not too happy).

I've attended several church services with my Baptist boyfriend (though he and his grandparents go to a Presbyterian church, I'm not really sure what the difference is). I definitely did not (do not) care for this church. It just feels very, hostile. I don't know what it is, but I feel very uncomfortable there.

Over the last year I have stopped just not believing in God. I don't know why, maybe it was all of the coincidences I was seeing and feeling. Maybe it was just me letting go of the pain anti-LGBT activists inflicted on me. Maybe it was because I want so badly to believe in something magical and beautiful. But I am not a worshiper of God. I do not agree with many traditional Christian beliefs. I believe in Intelligent Design, not Creationism. I don't believe that people go to hell for loving someone of the same gender. I believe in being a good person because it's the right thing to do, not because of the consequences/rewards. All of these beliefs of mine cause some conflict between my boyfriend and I, but overall he is happy I'm no longer an Atheist (we plan to marry within the next 5 years).

I haven't attended a church service in months. I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible. I feel like everything that is taught is just a way to control people (I'm sorry). I took a Philosophy of Religion course this past Spring Semester, thinking it would help me sort out my feelings on religion. It just made me more confused.

I feel like I would be happier if I were a more spiritual person. I feel like something vital is missing from my life. Maybe it's religion, maybe it's my brother. I don't know. All I know is that I don't feel right. I feel sick, broken, wrong, and tired. I want to believe in something more, but I just don't feel like I am capable. I fear I will slip back into Agnosticism, and in doing so I will lose the love of my life. He won't marry someone who isn't a Christian like him, it's against the teachings his grandparents have raised him on. And he absolutely will not allow us to raise any kids the way I was raised.

What can I do? Please, help me figure out something. Or...do you think I should just give up religion all together and let my boyfriend go so he can find someone better for him?

I'm sorry this was so long.

There is a lot to take in with this post. I'm going to offer a few opinions & suggestions, which may turn into a long post as well.

1) I think if you're interested in Christianity, it would be beneficial to try to understand the basics & to slowly sort out differences between churches. My suggestion is to just start with history, from the religion's beginnings to today. I would not suggest philosophical readings right now, history is what will give a needed intro & background.

If that seems overwhelming right now, then just start with the Gospels, to get acquainted with Jesus & His teachings. Mark is the shortest Gospel & easy to read. Matthew & Luke are longer but also generally easy to read. John is also longer & is heavier in theological content/harder to understand, along with being quite different from the other three.

2) I put some of your words in bold in the quoted text above. There are many Christians who would agree with everything you've stated there, & churches that would agree or tolerate these views as well. Creationism is a relatively new ideology that few of the world's Christians believe in, even fewer churches teach it. (I accept evolution). There are Christians & churches that are LGBT friendly or affirming.

The mainline churches - such as the Episcopal Church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church (ELCA), etc - would be accepting of those statements.
Baptist churches in general are probably not going to agree with those statements, however, & so that could cause conflict for you.

3) I think the situation with your boyfriend currently sounds doomed, I'm afraid. You shouldn't become a Christian to appease him, & you definetly shouldn't consent to raise any future children in a particular religion that you don't follow or don't yet understand. Entering a marriage where one spouse is in a different faith could set you up for a lot of heartache.

Personally, I would not be comfortable in a Baptist church for various reasons.

Anyway, bottom line: If you become a Christian, it should be because you love Jesus & believe in the basic tenets of the Christian faith.

 

[jmldn2]

I have never been a particularly religious person in my life. I'm 22, so I get that religion isn't just a decision I can rush.

But I, I don't know, I just feel so empty. Like something huge is missing from my life.

*sigh* It's just something that troubles me often. I've tried several different types of churches in my life. Methodist, Catholic, Baptist (Terrifying, sorry, I was 8, more on that later), Presbyterian, and Lutheran. I even attended a Christian Church Camp, camp LRCA (LRCA stands for Lake Region Christian Assembly)

But I just never...enjoyed any of it. It never made me feel connected to God, it never made me feel spiritual or full of light or any of that. It never made me feel safe or loved.

I think that part of this is due to my very 1st church experience. While my parents are both Christian, we were never taken to church as children (due to a falling out with the Catholic Church and my family) My parents decided that religion was something that they would let me discover and learn about in my own way and in my own time, and I am very grateful for that. My first church experience was a Baptist one, I went with a girl in my class (She scared me into going, I think, when she told me I would go to hell for reading Harry Potter). The pastor teaching the Sunday school (I was 8) talked about how, if we listened to everything he said and taught, that God would save us from the lake of eternal fire in hell. I left, crying, and never went back. It would be another 5 years before I attended a church service again. I spent a few years going with my sister to a Methodist church on and off, but like I said, I never enjoyed it and I never felt any connection to it. I still prayed, and I still believed in God, but that is about it. I went to Church Camp for a few years, more for the "day care" aspect than the religion or church aspect. It was fine, though I felt pressured much of the time to believe in something I was not sure of.

I spent about a year of my life studying Wicca in middle school, I enjoyed the idea of believing in both God (There are Christian Wiccans I was taught) and Magic. I dated a Catholic boy in high school, and went to church with him a few times. Very uncomfortable, a bit too "pomp and circumstance" (no offense meant at all), for my taste (Love the current Pope though, what a nice guy).

After graduating high school I started to encounter actual conflicts with religion. This was right around the time when the LGBT movement was picking up. I have several LGBT friends and family, so I fully support them and their cause. That caused several rifts between myself and Christian family members and friends (Curse you social media). Of course, I was also being a rebellious, stupid college student, who was discovering her own political opinion and voice, which caused some issues. I didn't know when to shut up. I had a Catholic woman actually tell me that I (and my Catholic boyfriend who went to church WITH her) "Possessed the same Pride that caused Lucifer to fall from Heaven." That was about the time I converted to Agnosticism, shortly followed by Atheism. My boyfriend, the Catholic, also converted to Atheism. I feel like this was because of the backlash and the treatment we got for supporting the LGBT community.

Just under 2 years ago I began dating a Baptist man I worked with. He and I DID NOT get along in the beginning haha, not by a long shot. But somehow, we were able to form a relationship. He was very pushy, and we almost cut it off then and there. But then my little brother died, at the age of 17, from brain cancer. I watched my family fall apart, dropped out of college, and got my world destroyed. I gave a very lovely speech at his funeral about how Physics explains that a persons energy never dies. It moved several people (though the pastor was not too happy).

I've attended several church services with my Baptist boyfriend (though he and his grandparents go to a Presbyterian church, I'm not really sure what the difference is). I definitely did not (do not) care for this church. It just feels very, hostile. I don't know what it is, but I feel very uncomfortable there.

Over the last year I have stopped just not believing in God. I don't know why, maybe it was all of the coincidences I was seeing and feeling. Maybe it was just me letting go of the pain anti-LGBT activists inflicted on me. Maybe it was because I want so badly to believe in something magical and beautiful. But I am not a worshiper of God. I do not agree with many traditional Christian beliefs. I believe in Intelligent Design, not Creationism. I don't believe that people go to hell for loving someone of the same gender. I believe in being a good person because it's the right thing to do, not because of the consequences/rewards. All of these beliefs of mine cause some conflict between my boyfriend and I, but overall he is happy I'm no longer an Atheist (we plan to marry within the next 5 years).

I haven't attended a church service in months. I have no desire to be told about God or read to about the Bible. I feel like everything that is taught is just a way to control people (I'm sorry). I took a Philosophy of Religion course this past Spring Semester, thinking it would help me sort out my feelings on religion. It just made me more confused.

I feel like I would be happier if I were a more spiritual person. I feel like something vital is missing from my life. Maybe it's religion, maybe it's my brother. I don't know. All I know is that I don't feel right. I feel sick, broken, wrong, and tired. I want to believe in something more, but I just don't feel like I am capable. I fear I will slip back into Agnosticism, and in doing so I will lose the love of my life. He won't marry someone who isn't a Christian like him, it's against the teachings his grandparents have raised him on. And he absolutely will not allow us to raise any kids the way I was raised.

What can I do? Please, help me figure out something. Or...do you think I should just give up religion all together and let my boyfriend go so he can find someone better for him?

I'm sorry this was so long.

What an interesting story. Thanks for taking the time to explain about yourself and why you posted. If I may, first of all Christianity is not a "religion." It simply means "following Christ." People ask me what is my religion and I tell them I have none. I'm a follower of Christ.

I understand the "emptiness" you feel and explained above. I had that feeling once myself. I was raised up in church (several ones - Freewill Baptist, Church of God, etc.). I am a member of a Methodist church because I like that form of worshiping. but I am a follower of Christ.

I hope you will not give up. God is real and He wants to fill up that empty void you have. John 3:16 tells us how to begin our journey with God. Growing and maturing is a matter of study, prayer, walking with God daily.

 

[aiki]

Just to be clear: Not all Baptist churches approach the preaching of the Gospel with a view to frightening people into accepting Christ as their Saviour. I have been in Baptist churches all my life and have yet to be in one that takes this line in sharing the Good News of salvation with the non-Christian. I would rather, however, know the clear but terrifying truth of God's Word about God's eternal judgement and wrath upon unrepentant sinners than be coddled and pacified into Hell with the liberal and unbiblical "spirituality" that is rampant in what some describe as more "mainline" denominations.

Selah.

 

[jmldn2]

I like the idea of coming to God through Jesus Christ out of love and forgiveness rather than fear.

 

[Brianlear]

A lot to unpack here.

A word on emptiness--one time I was on a beach taking a nap and I stumbled on an idea. Emptiness is a gift. A pure, empty space of potentiality, a protective garden from which to make decisions and interact with the world. A quiet place to retreat. Our God who made the air, water, and the vastness of space. He who made quietness, stillness. He is massive and powerful yet uses that power often in such a light, quiet, gentle way. As you stare into your own soul, the emptiness may look on superficial inspection to be, "empty" but look deeper and you might find that the empty "chamber" in your heart is God shaped and he is filling it. He's just such a good fit you think nothing is there.

You said "I believe in intelligent design, not creationism". You've missed something fundamental--these things are not incompatible. Look into "theistic evolution".

Please keep an open mind about "LGBT"--always challenge yourself to discover what that really is, what it really means. Versus what modern day people say it is. I believe many people who label themselves "LGBT" do so mistakenly because they assume the love they feel for same gendered people is somehow not right. But it is.
Of course, we don't comprehend God fully, and obviously he has chosen to make some people transgender, gender ambiguous, etc. So it's something we have to deal with, to be sure.

There is a lot of talk in your post about christian denominations--have you considered trying a non-denominational church?

 

[LunarRise]

Thank you everyone who has been helping me through this change. It is certainly a lot to take in. I really appreciate so many people taking such a patient approach to my questions haha.

I did take some time the other night to read the first 8 or 9 chapters in Matthew. It was very nice to read, caught myself smiling and laughing in a few spots. I think I will defiantly continue on from there.

I think I need to clear something up really quick. I didn't decide to look into Christianity because I want to make my boyfriend happy. While he definitely inspired me to look into it, it was all my own decision. He understands and respects that I would never change my outlook on religion for him. Thank you all for your concern on that matter and looking out for the both of us in the long run.

I think perhaps I will look into a non-denominational church. There is one close by (Named Calvary Chruch) that a friend I used to work with told me about. Although, when he mentioned the size, I was a little intimidated. He said there are hundreds of people at service every week! My parents currently attend a church with a total of 9 people. Maybe I'll give the Calvary a try next week.

I attended a Catholic service this week. Granted, it was a Catholic Service/Funeral, but it was still a service. It was rather peaceful, though much like I remember. Lots of ritual like actions. I really enjoyed the music. That's one thing that I'm kinda picky about (in a completely non serious way). When I attend church with my boyfriend, the music just doesn't click with me. Drums and base and guitars, just doesn't seem to fit well with holy music. So at the Catholic service this weekend I liked the more choir style music. Like I said, it's a silly little detail, but I thought I would share it. Makes me miss Choir in high school haha....

 

[graceandpeace]

Thanks for the response & the clarification.

A few more thoughts.

I think perhaps I will look into a non-denominational church.

A word of caution. "Non-denominational" is a misnomer. In my experience, most non-denominational churches are Baptist or charismatic in their beliefs & in their practice; however, they are isolated or otherwise are not held accountable by a larger denomination/tradition.

I attended a Catholic service this week. Granted, it was a Catholic Service/Funeral, but it was still a service. It was rather peaceful, though much like I remember. Lots of ritual like actions. I really enjoyed the music.

If this is the case & based on some of the statements in the OP, then you may want to seriously consider the Episcopal Church.

 

[NJA]

I have never been a particularly religious person in my life. I'm 22, so I get that religion isn't just a decision I can rush.

God never wanted religion, it comes between man & God, complicates and confuses the mind. Jesus came to bring relationship - by the "infilling" of God's Spirit, with the promise that you will "never thirst again" ... you can only fill a vessel that is presented as empty!

You don't need a long search, you have already spent 22 years doing your own thing and it left you empty sop you see what all people need to see, man's own ways (atheist or religious) don't satisfy.
Simply read Acts 2 where all the disciples received what Jesus came to give, *put yourself there* ... it's the same today!
He also speaks of it directly in John 14:15-20.

Then you should contact a church that is saying the same thing.
I'm with these.

 

[LunarRise]

So it's not so much learning all the rules and spending your life trying to be perfect, but accepting that God is real and despite my flaws and sins He loves me? I just need to accept that, be thankful for it, and try and love people the way Christ loves all of us?