A
ajm122188
Guest
Hello. I have a very bad problem and was wondering if anyone could relate to me, give me advice, or pray for me.
This has now been going on for 2 and a half years. It all started back in August of 2002 when I joined a message board community. At first, I loved the idea. If I had known how much pain this would have cost me, I would have never joined. After about 2 months of posting, I would come home after school, glue myself to the computer, and not be able to get off. It was like a never-ending convorsation, and I always felt the need to see where it would go next. My problem kept going downhill as time progressed. I lost interest in haning out with real friends, the message board was my social life. Do you know that feeling you get when you're at home? You know, the feeling like you can be you. Well, I didn't have this feeling anymore when I was in my house.. I didn't get that "home" feeling until after I had logged in to the message board..
The community that I was a member of is what I call an anarchy message board. The admin rarley showed up. And when he did, he didn't delete the posts that should've been deleted nor ban the people that should've been banned. The majority of the posters there were either trolls, flamers, or a bit of both. Everyone was a member of a certain clique. If you weren't in a clique, you usually would have one or two really good friends that would support you. Usually, all the cliques tried to outflame or outwit the other. Everyday, it was a game to us. I liked the idea.. but everyone, including myself always had to come back, no matter how good or bad their position was. I guess it was a pride and addiction thing. I quit posting on that message board in January of 2004. I now go to other ones, but not the anarchy type.
Did any good come out of this? Absolutley. I now have a huge amount of wit. I can outwit and outflame pretty much anyone I want, and I've done it too. I now have all the characteristics needed to become a lawyer or politician.
Anyway, I haven't been speaking much about the negative affects it's having on me. Everyday when I get home, I feel the need to get on and check the boards. If I don't, then I'm so distracted that I absolutley cannot think.. The first thing I do on weekends when I get up is get on the message boards, and don't log off for about an hour. Remember how I was talking about the "home" feeling earlier? I remember on my birthday, my Dad took me and my friends out to the movies and the arcade. I was so distracted thinking about replying and immersing myself into the message boards, that I didn't even feel like celibrating my birthday nor did I feel like I was having as much fun as I potentially could. Because of message boards, I've lost interests in playing sports, hanging out with friends, and playing video games.
Normally, I'd convince my parents to get rid of the internet so I wouldn't even have the ability to log on. I have a 14-year-old brother who's considered attractive by many girls he goes to school with. He has a good social life and he's always talking to them via AOL instant messanger. I don't want my brother to not be able to talk with his girls..
Did you know that I've actually taken medication to help me get off message boards? Anti-depressents would work for this. I've taken paxil, wellbutrin, zoloft. They work at keeping down my compulsions of worrying too much about my messages, but the pills still don't berid of my mental addiction.
Am I going to be stuck like this until I can finally move out in the next two years?
This has now been going on for 2 and a half years. It all started back in August of 2002 when I joined a message board community. At first, I loved the idea. If I had known how much pain this would have cost me, I would have never joined. After about 2 months of posting, I would come home after school, glue myself to the computer, and not be able to get off. It was like a never-ending convorsation, and I always felt the need to see where it would go next. My problem kept going downhill as time progressed. I lost interest in haning out with real friends, the message board was my social life. Do you know that feeling you get when you're at home? You know, the feeling like you can be you. Well, I didn't have this feeling anymore when I was in my house.. I didn't get that "home" feeling until after I had logged in to the message board..
The community that I was a member of is what I call an anarchy message board. The admin rarley showed up. And when he did, he didn't delete the posts that should've been deleted nor ban the people that should've been banned. The majority of the posters there were either trolls, flamers, or a bit of both. Everyone was a member of a certain clique. If you weren't in a clique, you usually would have one or two really good friends that would support you. Usually, all the cliques tried to outflame or outwit the other. Everyday, it was a game to us. I liked the idea.. but everyone, including myself always had to come back, no matter how good or bad their position was. I guess it was a pride and addiction thing. I quit posting on that message board in January of 2004. I now go to other ones, but not the anarchy type.
Did any good come out of this? Absolutley. I now have a huge amount of wit. I can outwit and outflame pretty much anyone I want, and I've done it too. I now have all the characteristics needed to become a lawyer or politician.
Anyway, I haven't been speaking much about the negative affects it's having on me. Everyday when I get home, I feel the need to get on and check the boards. If I don't, then I'm so distracted that I absolutley cannot think.. The first thing I do on weekends when I get up is get on the message boards, and don't log off for about an hour. Remember how I was talking about the "home" feeling earlier? I remember on my birthday, my Dad took me and my friends out to the movies and the arcade. I was so distracted thinking about replying and immersing myself into the message boards, that I didn't even feel like celibrating my birthday nor did I feel like I was having as much fun as I potentially could. Because of message boards, I've lost interests in playing sports, hanging out with friends, and playing video games.
Normally, I'd convince my parents to get rid of the internet so I wouldn't even have the ability to log on. I have a 14-year-old brother who's considered attractive by many girls he goes to school with. He has a good social life and he's always talking to them via AOL instant messanger. I don't want my brother to not be able to talk with his girls..
Did you know that I've actually taken medication to help me get off message boards? Anti-depressents would work for this. I've taken paxil, wellbutrin, zoloft. They work at keeping down my compulsions of worrying too much about my messages, but the pills still don't berid of my mental addiction.
Am I going to be stuck like this until I can finally move out in the next two years?
