I Need Some Advice

[advice2006]

Thank you so much for having this site. I'm in a little bit of a bind and need advice on how to talk to one of my friends. I have known my friend for four years now. In the past couple of months I have made positive changes in my life by re-examining myself and my relationships. I have realized that with this one friend of mine I always feel tense around and manipulated. I am aware that I have allowed this to happen and do not want to anymore.

The whole time I have known my friend she always has complained about her family being the cause of her stress and she being the victim and how much she hates her job. In the past I would always praised her great qualities and have given her solutions that I thought might be of help, i.e., move out, find a new job etc. However, she has done nothing to change her situation. It does not bother me that she has not taken my advice but I feel exhausted that her situation does not change and she continues complaining. How do I deal with this in an honest and respectful way?

Also, as I have re-examined my relationship with this friend I have noticed that when I tell her about on-goings in my life and have expressed that I would like for her to be able to ask me about things that are going on with me she doesn't. I recently quit my job, started a new one and she has not inquired about how it was going. When I e-mailed her to tell her about how it was and to find out how she was doing the response I got was off topic about one of our mutual friends that I had gone to a concert with a few days prior. When I e-mailed her back saying, in a joking matter, "I just poured out my heart to you about what is going on in my life and want to know what is going on in yours." The response back to me was, "I'm sorry honey, I'm busy now, I'll e-mail you later." She has e-mailed me but about other things not about my job, what is going on with her, etc.

I do not want to demonize her but I do not know how to express my feelings to her without sound like I am attacking her. I also know that she is a master manipulator and cannot be honest. I'm stressed out but do not want to run away because I am afraid. I just need some advice on how to handle this situation.

I am meeting her to "catch up" this coming Wednesday and I do not know how I should act, say...I am a nervous mess.

Any guidance you could give would be much appreciated!

Thank you

 

[bfly]

You know some people are so self minded, anything you say that is not acceptable to their way of thinking will be taken wrong.

I think you have explained the situation with this person as good as could be explained.

Some people just refuse to hear good news.

It is wonderful that you have decided to rise above negative situations.

I would suggest you do a lot of praying for God to change your way of seeing this person, for you to be able to accept her as she is. To give you the right words when you talk with her.

Pray that God will understand her ways and meet her needs, to bless her and watch over her, pray that she will have joy and peace in her life. The same things you would pray for your very dearest person in the world.

Pray for wisdom to distance yourself from her but always remember special days in her life. Answer her e-mail with positive answers and always remind her you will be praying that the needs be met. You will keep her/that/them/they/ or whaterver on your prayer list.

I would always have something that has to be done so that you have a reason as to why you can't meet today. I would not let her rule my life. Don't answer email that have no significants, don't even mention anything in your life, because she really is not capable of caring and all it does is make you see her in a negative way.

All ways be positive regardless of the situation, and I may have all ready told you that.

This person will always be a friend but you do have the power to not let it be a personal relationship.

She will begin to realize anything she says will be met with positive reasoning and she will eventually back off.

Yes, stress is no stranger to any of us.
Bad days make the good ones better.
Yea, getting older but better.
God will give you strength if you believe.
Faith is an action. We must use it.
We are responsible for our situations/lives.
Good things come to those who wait.
We have to help ourselves.
Tomorrow is a new day, a better day.
Yes, I know the feeling, when it rains it pours.

This is some of the ways I have found that works for me.

I am quick to use God as my source. Offer to pray with her at the very moment she says something is wrong.

I hope something I have said will help.

May God bless you and make merry your heart today.

 

[VioletAngel]

bfly has good advice here. This person is so self-centered that nothing else matters to her, and she loves complaining to draw attention to herself. She's really not a friend. If you choose to remain friends with her, you should keep this in mind, but she will continue this no matter what you do.

 

[Rut]

 

[pastel]

 

[queenanne]

Hi and welcome CF!!

 

[psalms 91]

welcome to cf

 

[karen16652]

welcome and be blessed

 

[StarSapphire]

 

[Angeldove97]

Welcome to CF!! I hope that you enjoy sharing your love of God with the rest of us. We're a wonderful bunch of Brothers and Sisters and I'm sure you'll finding CF a blessing... as much as I have!

Take care and God bless! Also, if you have any prayer requests please feel free to pm with them... I would love to pray for your needs.

PS Pray about this... the Lord will give you the right words to say to your friend. I hope it goes well!

 

[joyouspirit]

I remember when I was working, I had a co-worker who was very self-centered. It even went to the point I almost quit my job, she was continuously jealous of me, anything from how I do my work, and stealing her boyfriend. And she was 14 years older than me.
What I want to say, as I understood her, she was a very deeply hurt person. I don't know about your friend if she has gone through hurts. When I understood her more and I stopped complaining about her, what she's doing to me and how she ignores me, that's the time, things changed. My sister told me I convict her, because inspite of my problems, I could still keep a smile on my face and I guess she never understood that. For me, just be the friend you've always been to her, but don't expect too much from her, you'll just keep on getting disappointed. And I prayed all the time, and it really helped me to be more compassionate. Hope this helps in some way! God bless you! Keep smiling!

 

[Shubunkin]

 

[BelovedWord]

Hi there,

Welcome to Christian Forums! We are glad to have you with us.

God Bless,
Brian

 

[Pansy]

 

[Bro_Sam]

Welcome to CF. I look forward to seeing you around.

 

[cajunlady]

Welcome, God bless.......