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I need a wife, but I am stuck...

Discussion in 'Baptists' started by faceofbear, Apr 6, 2011.

  1. faceofbear

    faceofbear Veteran

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    Well, I am obviously only 22, but I keep realizing that I need a wife. At least, according to Paul's standard, and I've realized my struggle with lust and the like is all related to wanting a relationship, a REAL relationship.

    However, I'm going back to school full time, and will be working full time, and I won't really have time outside of that. But on top of all that, I don't make enough money, and the career path I am choosing, I don't know that I ever will, to "support" a family (but I guess who does in todays economy?).

    I feel somewhat stuck because I don't know what to do. I obviously need to progress from where I currently am, and education will not be guarantee, but it will help. But I also believe spiritually, I need a wife. It's just paradoxically, I'm also not "prepared" for a wife -- or at least that's how I feel.

    Again, I'm just speaking out my mind. Does anyone have suggestions? Oh, and thanks for everyones help on the church thread. I'm going to be attending that Immanuel Grace Reformed Baptist Church this Sunday. Pretty excited about that.
     
  2. MbiaJc

    MbiaJc Veteran

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  3. leothelioness

    leothelioness Point me at the sky

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    I hate to quote Jeff Foxworthy, but:

    "Getting married so you can have sex is like taking a 747 to buy a bag of peanuts."

    He's got a point. Marrying just so you can satisfy a sexual need is, in my opinion, absurd. A marriage should be based on much more than that. Which is one reason I think there's more to the meaning of that passage than people see on the surface.
     
  4. faceofbear

    faceofbear Veteran

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    It's not about sex. The lust is a result of wanting a relationship. And it all ties in with Pauls message.
     
  5. RobertZ

    RobertZ New Member

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    I feel your pain brother, I really do but you need to take your time with this. To me your still so very young and you might not be ready yet financially to take on a wife, I dont say this to hurt you but to help you. I learned the hard way about getting married to soon because after 4yrs of marriage my first wife decided it was time to go, thank goodness we never had kids together! But let me tell you, kids or no kids the pain of divorce is something I would never ever wish on anyone!

    It took me quite some time to get over it and I eventually did remarry and now I have a wonderful wife and 2 precious little girls. But just so you know the pain of divorce is still in the back of my mind even though it happened in 2003, sometimes the wound will heal but the scars will remain for a lifetime.
     
  6. dies-l

    dies-l Guest

    To be honest, the first problem I see in your post is that you say you "need" a wife. If that is the way that you feel, then I would suggest that perhaps the concept of marriage is somewhat of an idol to you and that what you really need is to seek God's guidance, love, and nurturing so that you can be content with or without a woman in your life.

    I would discourage you from seeking a wife just as a matter of lust control. Although sex is a very important aspect of marriage, it is not the purpose of marriage. And, marriage does not solve the lust problem.

    If you don't have the financial, spiritual, and emotional means to care for a family, then you are not ready to be married. I made the mistake of marrying before I was ready, and it was a disaster.


    I would encourage you to seek God's direction on this one. I went through a period myself when I thought that I needed to get into a relationship so that I could get married. At the time, God had led me to memorize the prayer of St. Francis, which is as follows:

    Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
    Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
    Where there is injury, pardon.
    Where there is doubt, faith.
    Where there is despair, hope.
    Where there is darkness, light.
    Where there is sadness, joy.
    O Divine Master,
    grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
    to be understood, as to understand;
    to be loved, as to love.
    For it is in giving that we receive.
    It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
    and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
    Amen.

    One day when I was saying the line "to [not so much seek] be loved, as to love", I realized that as long as I was looking to a woman to fulfill my needs and to love me, I was not ready to even consider dating, let alone marriage. I realized that, before I should pursue a relationship with a woman, I needed to make sure that my heart was oriented completely on loving another, rather than on being loved or having my emotional, sexual, or other needs met.

    I would encourage you to think about the words of the prayer above, as it reveals a very biblical way of approaching relationships.
     
  7. 98cwitr

    98cwitr Lord forgive me Moderator Supporter

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    I dont believe anyone needs to get married...you don't need a wife. From the looks of it you just want to date someone and with dating comes strong temptations. People want to get married, and for various reasons. Paul's message was directly correlated to sexual immorality...not "wanting a relationship." Let's be real here....

    You're still looking for a church right? Well find you a church, then find you a good church-going girl....can't go wrong with that plan. Proverbs 16:9
     
  8. new_wine

    new_wine Citizen

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    Go to church, focus on finding a nice woman and have a relationship with her and then marry.

    Don't be in a rush. You have a lot of time. No one NEEDS to be married right now. Patience.

     
  9. 98cwitr

    98cwitr Lord forgive me Moderator Supporter

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    I have a rule of dating someone for 3 years before even considering marriage. Still got 1.5 left with the current 'ol lady
     
  10. Goinheix

    Goinheix New Member

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    Paul says that if you want really bad to have a bag of peanuts, it is better to buy a 747 than going around stilling peanust. I keep saying that there is only one thing worst than being married; being single.

    The idea of praying God for a wife is OK, it is a must. The Holy Spirit knows you in deep I you can pray telling God that He knows your words before you pray. You are not saying anything new to God. A good way of praying it is say that is in base of the promeses. If you can found a good promeses specific for your sitiation (not just only ask ans will recieve) your pray will be powerrfull. Aditionally you can pray in the sense that being man uncomplited is not your idea but His; founding a woman (the one God has to you,not any one) to be completed is not your competence it is His; and that becoming one flesh is not a sin but a bless.

    At other hand I advice you to do as David did before Goliath. He knew that God will help him, and that one ston will be enough; but he went to the river to select five stones. Only then he confronted Goliath in the name and power of God. My suggestion is to keep searching for that girl...contact the one is more atractive (not sexy) for you (perhaps her smille) and date her if possible. Keep going to the river selecting stones.

    You dont have to be restricted to the girls in the church. If you date a girl not necessarely has to marry her. I found my wife in the world and kind of date her for a while. The first kiss was only after she were new born. But dating girls from the world expecting to be converted is not the best thing to do.

    I hardly believe that God plan for you is remaining single.
     
  11. savedfromdistruction

    savedfromdistruction Regular Member

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    Please I am not trying to be mean. I am just trying to be honest by what you posted. I agree you need a wife, but does she need you? Keep in mind needing a wife and being ready for one are not the same. Based on your post you are not ready for a wife.
    While the temptations are real and difficult they are not impossible to deal with. It will take some serious effort on your part, but being a husband will take more. If you cannot withstand the temptations of singleness then I assure you that you will not be able to handle the responsibilities of marriage. So learn from this so that if you do get married and have children you do not do to them what you parents did to you. Teach your children from a young age how to be fathers amd mothers way before they have the need.
    So get into a strong bible believing church and surround yourself with Godly men. Seek to learn what your responsibilities as a husband and father are to be and ask the Lord to provide you with the right woman. Then you will be ready.
    One last thing. In your condition don't even date as your desire can only lead to trouble. Get your house in order before you seek any relationship even dating.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2011
  12. 98cwitr

    98cwitr Lord forgive me Moderator Supporter

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    idk, Goinheix I actually really like being single. :) I get my bed all to myself, I only have to buy food for myself, and I can keep my mind on matters of God moreso than matters of my hypothetical wife (as Paul says)...it's better to be single, but better to be married if you burn with lust. I would say if this is true and being married risks adultery, then it is better not to marry (Matthew 19).

    As a single man I can come and go as I please.
     
  13. Goinheix

    Goinheix New Member

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    I am very happy about you.
     
  14. 98cwitr

    98cwitr Lord forgive me Moderator Supporter

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    Hey man...if you're happy then I'm happy for you too :)
     
  15. If Not For Grace

    If Not For Grace Legend-but then so's Keith Richards

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    God's Grace was sufficient for Paul & it is for you as well!
     
  16. faceofbear

    faceofbear Veteran

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    I don't take criticism harshly, I like criticism. I'll respond to the rest later. But to answer your question about a wife needing me, no. That's my dilemma. I see I'm unfit, but my unfitness makes me need to become fit, but I can't become fit with the current state of things. The point of this thread is to take me from point a to point b or that's what it was in my mind. I'm not on the market. However, I enjoy being single, but I'm slowly realizing that a lot of my struggle is for need of a relationship. Something I would have denied the past year, because honestly, I am content without one, but I am noticing spiritually it'd be for my betterment (again not just the "sex," but my temptations are rooted in a deep longing for a relationship, though I may not be conscious of it 24/7 or even "feel" like I want it).
     
  17. Pete_Martinez

    Pete_Martinez Newbie

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    God may answer your prayer for someone however it is not guaranteed that it will be butterflies and sunshine. Sometimes God brings a person to bring you into conformity with Christ, and the person may be a big strain on you. You may have to learn how to love unconditionally. I'm not trying to discourage you but I am saying it may not be all you think it will be.
     
  18. new_wine

    new_wine Citizen

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    Are you saying that you actually have a desire to be needed or wanted by someone else? Is this what you are really after?

     
  19. Tim Myers

    Tim Myers Regular Member

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    When all is said and done, you will find that the best thing about having a wife is having someone nice to talk to........
     
  20. savedfromdistruction

    savedfromdistruction Regular Member

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    I assure you it was not criticism. I was simply trying at answer you based on what you asked and from what you wrote. I went back and read again what you wrote and my response to see if I had miss-understood you and if I answered incorrectly. I found neither. I hope you find the answer you are looking for. God bless.
     
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