I hate someone, and it's tearing me up.

[HalupkiMonster]

I struggle with my feelings towards one of my sister's best friends.

He has been her friend since they were high school freshmen. He is extremely open about his homosexuality and his promiscuity with my sister and mother. They love to talk about this with him. I hate him for bringing out this hedonistic side in them.

What's more, I hate him for the things he does. He has brought his "boyfriends" to my home to hang out with my sister before. About three that I have seen. My sister says he, in fact, does not have "boyfriends" but rather meets boys he thinks are attractive just to spend a little time with them.

When he is in or home, I do not even want to leave my bedroom. I get such feelings of disdain for him and his actions.

I have been pretty open here on CF about the things I struggle with, and not so much about other things. It is so difficult for me to try to be chaste, and being in the presence of someone who is so young and is so proud of his actions, not to mention making it pleasant conversation with my mother and sister, sends me over the edge.

I know that these feelings are wrong. I am just struggling with them so much. He seems to uphold everything that I struggle with and know to be sinful and incorrect. I just don't know how to remedy this.

Advise would be much appreciated.

 

[Anhelyna]

Can't advise - but be assured of my prayers

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

Well, you are right to hate his sin. Just remember, and ask God's help, to love the sinner, knowing that you too are thus. The more you confess your own shortcomings, the easier it will be to love other sinners.

 

[InnerPhyre]

How much time do you spend praying for him?

"He who knows himself, when he sees another sinning, does he not say, 'Woe is me! him today - me tomorrow!'" (Abba Dorotheus)

 

[Vanilla Scripture]

I worked with a man who had an issue with someone he despised. Not like to your situation but still.

He bought one of those slam man contraptions that help people to train in boxing. Only he also bought an aluminum baseball bat at the same Suffice to say when he would have occasion to run into this guy he hated he'd repeat to himself silently, slam man!
He'd breathe and let go of the urge to beat this man within an inch of his life right there.

Then when it was time to go home he'd go get the bat, go the basement, and beat holy holler out of the slam man. Superimposing in his mind the image of the guy he hated and all that he hated about him onto the slam man. With every swing and impact he'd take out his aggression.

I never knew any of this until one season it was his turn to host the Super Bowl party. And that's when he told me, his best friend, what he'd been doing. And there, as we're setting up for the party, is this slam man hidden away in the downstairs utility closet beat to pieces.

Turns out the target of his rage, the real guy, had been arrested and ultimately sentenced to life without parole two weeks earlier. He ended up being far worse than my friend imagined.

I guess I'm sharing this with you so that you might find an outlet for your rage. Arnie said that he beat the slam man, screamed what he'd like to say to the real guy, pictured it all as happening and real life outlet for his anger, until he was exhausted. Then when he let all that baggage off his heart he felt better though tired.
He'd shower and change after putting the slam man away and be just fine until the next time he had to work with the object of his rage.

Maybe fill a laundry bag with old clothes and beat heck out of it when this guy that you hate comes to the house. If he hears you and comes to investigate tell him what you're doing and why. It may keep him away and send the message that you find him abhorrent at the same time.

Or, you could prepare for the next time he comes over and shares his sins out loud and openly with the women in your family, which is perverse in itself.
Write a list of Bible scripture that condemns his sins as a homoSexual and warns of the fires that await. Then add scripture that invites repentance and salvation in Jesus Christ.
Walk in and around the room and recite all of it low volume at first and see if it sinks in. Usually if people speak softly others will quiet to hear what is being said.

If you love the sinner you love their sin that is within them. You have every right to be opposed to a blatantly proud sodomite speaking about his sins openly with the women in your family home.

God be with you.

I struggle with my feelings towards one of my sister's best friends.

He has been her friend since they were high school freshmen. He is extremely open about his homosexuality and his promiscuity with my sister and mother. They love to talk about this with him. I hate him for bringing out this hedonistic side in them.

What's more, I hate him for the things he does. He has brought his "boyfriends" to my home to hang out with my sister before. About three that I have seen. My sister says he, in fact, does not have "boyfriends" but rather meets boys he thinks are attractive just to spend a little time with them.

When he is in or home, I do not even want to leave my bedroom. I get such feelings of disdain for him and his actions.

I have been pretty open here on CF about the things I struggle with, and not so much about other things. It is so difficult for me to try to be chaste, and being in the presence of someone who is so young and is so proud of his actions, not to mention making it pleasant conversation with my mother and sister, sends me over the edge.

I know that these feelings are wrong. I am just struggling with them so much. He seems to uphold everything that I struggle with and know to be sinful and incorrect. I just don't know how to remedy this.

Advise would be much appreciated.

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

I worked with a man who had an issue with someone he despised. Not like to your situation but still.

He bought one of those slam man contraptions that help people to train in boxing. Only he also bought an aluminum baseball bat at the same Suffice to say when he would have occasion to run into this guy he hated he'd repeat to himself silently, slam man!
He'd breathe and let go of the urge to beat this man within an inch of his life right there.

Then when it was time to go home he'd go get the bat, go the basement, and beat holy holler out of the slam man. Superimposing in his mind the image of the guy he hated and all that he hated about him onto the slam man. With every swing and impact he'd take out his aggression.

I never knew any of this until one season it was his turn to host the Super Bowl party. And that's when he told me, his best friend, what he'd been doing. And there, as we're setting up for the party, is this slam man hidden away in the downstairs utility closet beat to pieces.

Turns out the target of his rage, the real guy, had been arrested and ultimately sentenced to life without parole two weeks earlier. He ended up being far worse than my friend imagined.

I guess I'm sharing this with you so that you might find an outlet for your rage. Arnie said that he beat the slam man, screamed what he'd like to say to the real guy, pictured it all as happening and real life outlet for his anger, until he was exhausted. Then when he let all that baggage off his heart he felt better though tired.
He'd shower and change after putting the slam man away and be just fine until the next time he had to work with the object of his rage.

Maybe fill a laundry bag with old clothes and beat heck out of it when this guy that you hate comes to the house. If he hears you and comes to investigate tell him what you're doing and why. It may keep him away and send the message that you find him abhorrent at the same time.

Or, you could prepare for the next time he comes over and shares his sins out loud and openly with the women in your family, which is perverse in itself.
Write a list of Bible scripture that condemns his sins as a homoSexual and warns of the fires that await. Then add scripture that invites repentance and salvation in Jesus Christ.
Walk in and around the room and recite all of it low volume at first and see if it sinks in. Usually if people speak softly others will quiet to hear what is being said.

If you love the sinner you love their sin that is within them. You have every right to be opposed to a blatantly proud sodomite speaking about his sins openly with the women in your family home.

God be with you.

This either a very good parody or very bad advice.

Please don't do any of this.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I worked with a man who had an issue with someone he despised. Not like to your situation but still.

He bought one of those slam man contraptions that help people to train in boxing. Only he also bought an aluminum baseball bat at the same Suffice to say when he would have occasion to run into this guy he hated he'd repeat to himself silently, slam man!
He'd breathe and let go of the urge to beat this man within an inch of his life right there.

Then when it was time to go home he'd go get the bat, go the basement, and beat holy holler out of the slam man. Superimposing in his mind the image of the guy he hated and all that he hated about him onto the slam man. With every swing and impact he'd take out his aggression.

I never knew any of this until one season it was his turn to host the Super Bowl party. And that's when he told me, his best friend, what he'd been doing. And there, as we're setting up for the party, is this slam man hidden away in the downstairs utility closet beat to pieces.

Turns out the target of his rage, the real guy, had been arrested and ultimately sentenced to life without parole two weeks earlier. He ended up being far worse than my friend imagined.

I guess I'm sharing this with you so that you might find an outlet for your rage. Arnie said that he beat the slam man, screamed what he'd like to say to the real guy, pictured it all as happening and real life outlet for his anger, until he was exhausted. Then when he let all that baggage off his heart he felt better though tired.
He'd shower and change after putting the slam man away and be just fine until the next time he had to work with the object of his rage.

Maybe fill a laundry bag with old clothes and beat heck out of it when this guy that you hate comes to the house. If he hears you and comes to investigate tell him what you're doing and why. It may keep him away and send the message that you find him abhorrent at the same time.

Or, you could prepare for the next time he comes over and shares his sins out loud and openly with the women in your family, which is perverse in itself.
Write a list of Bible scripture that condemns his sins as a homoSexual and warns of the fires that await. Then add scripture that invites repentance and salvation in Jesus Christ.
Walk in and around the room and recite all of it low volume at first and see if it sinks in. Usually if people speak softly others will quiet to hear what is being said.

If you love the sinner you love their sin that is within them. You have every right to be opposed to a blatantly proud sodomite speaking about his sins openly with the women in your family home.

God be with you.

I agree, this is some pretty redonk advice. I say avoid. if it is a joke I still say avoid.

remember that this person, under all the sin, is still a creature made by God in His Image and likeness. it's the sin that you should despise, because it gets in the way of the icon of Christ that is there. so I say pray for him, forgive him, and even if you cannot because of what you go through, at least commend them to God and let Him deal with it.

prayers for you.

 

[127.0.0.1]

Sounds like the cause of your rage is being internally triggered. In which case, it's probably just best to stay in your room and avoid him.

Maybe buy some noise-isolating headphones (they do a pretty good job) and listen to some music and work on something to distract you.

Just remember, more than anything, that hating him hurts you more than it hurts him. Missing out on the Glory of God in Heaven, all because you don't like your sister's best friend is a pretty poor excuse.

Avoiding him altogether is probably your best bet.

 

[shawnavery]

My prayers for you. Maybe at the least try and talk with him and see if you can say when he is in your home to respect you and your home by not talking about his exploits

 

[Vanilla Scripture]

I agree, this is some pretty redonk advice. I say avoid. if it is a joke I still say avoid.

remember that this person, under all the sin, is still a creature made by God in His Image and likeness. it's the sin that you should despise, because it gets in the way of the icon of Christ that is there. so I say pray for him, forgive him, and even if you cannot because of what you go through, at least commend them to God and let Him deal with it.

prayers for you.

It is the sin that was being addressed. When a bold blatant sinner enters into the sanctuary of a family home and proceeds to speak aloud about their sin, their homosexual sin, their murderous sin, their thieving sin, their adulterous sin, whatever sin it is, and they brag and make conversation of it and defile a sanctuary with that sin, they should be addressed.

They are a guest in the home. Why should someone who lives there avoid someone who is there by invitation only?

Hide in your room and boil with anger because a bold boastful sinner contaminates your sanctuary?
Jesus didn't hide.
Redonk advice advises to stay silent and endure the abuse that only proceeds because it hasn't been confronted.

 

[shawnavery]

It is the sin that was being addressed. When a bold blatant sinner enters into the sanctuary of a family home and proceeds to speak aloud about their sin, their homosexual sin, their murderous sin, their thieving sin, their adulterous sin, whatever sin it is, and they brag and make conversation of it and defile a sanctuary with that sin, they should be addressed.

They are a guest in the home. Why should someone who lives there avoid someone who is there by invitation only?

Hide in your room and boil with anger because a bold boastful sinner contaminates your sanctuary?
Jesus didn't hide.
Redonk advice advises to stay silent and endure the abuse that only proceeds because it hasn't been confronted.

I agree and that person should be told to respect the home he is in.

 

[ArmyMatt]

It is the sin that was being addressed. When a bold blatant sinner enters into the sanctuary of a family home and proceeds to speak aloud about their sin, their homosexual sin, their murderous sin, their thieving sin, their adulterous sin, whatever sin it is, and they brag and make conversation of it and defile a sanctuary with that sin, they should be addressed.

They are a guest in the home. Why should someone who lives there avoid someone who is there by invitation only?

Hide in your room and boil with anger because a bold boastful sinner contaminates your sanctuary?
Jesus didn't hide.
Redonk advice advises to stay silent and endure the abuse that only proceeds because it hasn't been confronted.

I did not say stay silent, but your advising someone to beat someone with a dirty laundry bag is pretty awful advice.

 

[Vanilla Scripture]

I did not say stay silent, but your advising someone to beat someone with a dirty laundry bag is pretty awful advice.

I did no such thing.
Perhaps if you go back and read the account of my friend who beat a slam man, and then realize I said if someone doesn't have a slam man they can fill a laundry bag with old clothes as a suitable substitute and beat it as my friend did the slam man, you'll see what I did say.

 

[ArmyMatt]

wow, did I missread, sorry about that. beat the bag. my bad on that one.

either way, in Orthodoxy, we don't do that kinda stuff, so either way it's not sound for an Orthodox Christian to do when confronting someone.

but again, forgive me please for missreading what you said.

 

[Vanilla Scripture]

wow, did I missread, sorry about that. beat the bag. my bad on that one.

either way, in Orthodoxy, we don't do that kinda stuff, so either way it's not sound for an Orthodox Christian to do when confronting someone.

but again, forgive me please for missreading what you said.

Of course I forgive you.

The exercise that I mentioned helped release the anger that my friend felt for someone who ended up going to prison for being far worse than he even imagined the man capable.

Often times bottling up emotions, as the OP writer mentions is happening with them, causes other difficulties because the anger needs an outlet, a release, because it is not healthy to keep it bottled.

Exercise the likes of which is as pro-active in releasing the anger as the anger is in that same degree filling the person, whether it is beating a slam man or laundry bag, or running, or swimming, aggressive exercise as it were, deflates the rage on equal ground.

After I learned of what my friend had done to cope, I incorporated his advice in my own way and started to swim strong laps when I'd get upset and bottle things up. Letting them go with the swim until I was near exhausted.
It was exhilarating and very freeing. And it helped put things into perspective. Which isn't always easy to do when anger is foremost in one's mind.

 

[ArmyMatt]

Of course I forgive you.

The exercise that I mentioned helped release the anger that my friend felt for someone who ended up going to prison for being far worse than he even imagined the man capable.

Often times bottling up emotions, as the OP writer mentions is happening with them, causes other difficulties because the anger needs an outlet, a release, because it is not healthy to keep it bottled.

Exercise the likes of which is as pro-active in releasing the anger as the anger is in that same degree filling the person, whether it is beating a slam man or laundry bag, or running, or swimming, aggressive exercise as it were, deflates the rage on equal ground.

After I learned of what my friend had done to cope, I incorporated his advice in my own way and started to swim strong laps when I'd get upset and bottle things up. Letting them go with the swim until I was near exhausted.
It was exhilarating and very freeing. And it helped put things into perspective. Which isn't always easy to do when anger is foremost in one's mind.

oh I hear you as far as releasing the anger, but there are better ways that slamming something around. it ain't how we roll.

 

[127.0.0.1]

Often times bottling up emotions, as the OP writer mentions is happening with them, causes other difficulties because the anger needs an outlet, a release, because it is not healthy to keep it bottled.

If course keeping things bottled up is unhealthy and you risk exploding with an inappropriate level of anger which you may latter regret. Christ calls upon us to be the better man, not to respond in kind.

Addressing the guest in his home may help him, but there's a fine line between just telling him how he feels and starting another fight.

Even if you address the issue with him, he may or may not heed the OP's concerns. In which case, the OP needs to be able to deal with either outcome.

Something my priest often says:
You cannot control your environment but we can (indeed we must) control our response to it.

 

[Vanilla Scripture]

I would dread the scenario wherein a guest in my home, behaving inappropriately and asked to cease the behavior, would then elect to pick another track that rather than comply with the request would simply escalate as offensive behavior.

Being a guest in someone's home is a privilege not a right.

 

[SwordofPeace]

Bring up Jesus and talk about jesus a lot.

 

[Willie T]

Do you have a father around, or is it just the three of you?

(BTW, you might want to rethink your avatar. You got that a little wrong.)
(See my signature below.)