I Fear Marriage

[LionDog1]

I've heard from the married and you guys have very good points. Do you guys ever worry about dealing with the death of a spouse? My grandma died and my grandfather had been taking care of her sickly body for years and it was an awful experience. Any comments on this issue. Is it better to be alone in that respect? Is there anyone who has chose the single life and thinks it's better?

"My grandma died and my grandfather had been taking care of her sickly body for years and it was an awful experience."

Love doesn't see a sickly body.

 

[Mateo1041]

I can speak from my own experience. I'm a guy who's been married 14 years and my wife and I have 7 kids, 2 being last summer through adoption in Ukraine. It's difficult, but also so worthwhile at the same time. Marriage is not easy, but you end up growing in how to love and that could be paralleled with how Jesus loves us, sinners though we are. Marriage is all about giving instead of receiving. And the Bible does talk about burning with passion and how God designed us to procreate. Better to be married and follow Jesus' example of love than live in sin. If you ever have questions, my wife and I would be happy to chat! Please PM me.

 

[cherokee's friend]

So far no one has brought up a huge RED flag in what se has said. What about Jesus Christ in her life? If she says she is a Christian, she most likely is not or she does not grasp that the Bible says immoral people will NOT inherit heaven. God has a standard for Christians, and if we do not fall in line with what the Word says, then there is more than sufficient proof to say we are not saved, born again. The same goes for greedy, and other on the list forum in the NT.

Why do men and woman not want to Follow the Teachings of Jesus? Because sin if so much more pleasurable, for a very short time. When Jesus says "I never knew you!" then the price for not being a Follower comes due.

Without Jesus we do not know how to really "LOVE". A man or a woman is incomplete without a mate. One reason God made marriage, is so we are NOT alone. Aloneness is one reason single people die so much younger that married people.

A marriage is can bring happiness, and joy, but only under the Lordship of Jesus Christ as the foundation of a marriage. But one fact books don't tell us is marriage takes work, and at times the stress is hard, but these stressors make marriages strong. Many give up when these points come, and they start again with a new person, so they can find a reason to not like them too. This is often repeated three or four times. Marriage is the proving grounds for God to work His love in two peoples lives willing to learn to love each other.

My wife and I are working on our 48th year, we are still learning how to love one another. We have 4 adult children and 11 grand children and one great grandson. That's a lot of love and it takes a lot or hard work.

Farout, I am afraid you are mistaken about several points here. For instance, it is inaccurate to say someone is incomplete without a spouse. In the book of Matthew says that some are called to marriage and some are called to celibacy. You must learn to find happiness and satisfaction independently before you can find it in a partner. I also do not care for your judgmental impression, it is the likes of condemnation that scare young, perhaps flawed Christians away from God the father. You have no right to tell someone the destination of their soul, only God can make that judgment, and who are you to play God?
Your point is valid that marriage takes hard work, and patience, people give up too quickly. On a whole I think you are pushing toward the judgmental side, I encourage you to reevaluate your approach.

 

[DJKWord]

I kept hearing over the years that singles--especially the older ones--aren't supposed to want to get married. You're supposed to be content like you are. If you want a spouse, shame on you. Don't you know it won't solve all your problems? And so on, and so on. And this from a community that always seems to be celebrating marriage and family.

 

[dysert]

I'll be Mr. Obvious here and say that marriage has its pros and cons. And singleness has its pros and cons. I don't think you can make the decision based on a pro/con list. Live your life in Christ the way you want to (note: the "in Christ" is important; that means an end to fornication). If you happen to fall in love with someone, then you may want to marry that person. If you don't, then there's no decision to make.

 

[DJKWord]

I'll be Mr. Obvious here and say that marriage has its pros and cons. And singleness has its pros and cons. I don't think you can make the decision based on a pro/con list. Live your life in Christ the way you want to (note: the "in Christ" is important; that means an end to fornication). If you happen to fall in love with someone, then you may want to marry that person. If you don't, then there's no decision to make.

Thanks. I often think about how, if I were married, everything would change. Like Martin Luther (married at 42) said, Suddenly there's a pair of pigtails on the pillow beside you that weren't there before. The responsibility, being spiritually and legally bound to this person for life. The inevitable clashes, the times when things get ugly as well as the blissful times. The change to finances. The hundred things that will doubtlessly throw me for a loop, much as I tried to anticipate everything. The things that were never an issue before that I have to deal with now.

I really think St. Paul was married in his before-Christ life. The advice he gives the Corinthians, like "I'm not saying it's wrong to marry, but such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you."

On the other hand, he reserved the right to get married if he ever so chose (1 Corinthians 9:5).

What gets me uptight sometimes is that, while Paul recommended a lifestyle that he himself led, Christians have told me I'm required to live in a way they themselves don't live.

 

[dysert]

Christians have told me I'm required to live in a way they themselves don't live.

Whenever someone says you *should* be married, you might remind them that Jesus wasn't married.

 

[DJKWord]

Whenever someone says you *should* be married, you might remind them that Jesus wasn't married.

It's actually the opposite thing, married people telling me I'm not supposed to want to be married.

Which is strange, given the way they made every meeting a celebration of all things marriage & family. And there I am, the single sap, watching it all.

 

[farout]

"My grandma died and my grandfather had been taking care of her sickly body for years and it was an awful experience."

Love doesn't see a sickly body.

My wife and I are loving each other for almost 48 years, I am in my seventies and in not very good health, in ract my health has been not very good most of our marriage. Yes death is always a possibility, especially the older we get. But as Followers of Jesus Christ, we know we are just pilgrims on this journey a temporary home called Earth. Heaven will be a fulltime home, and Jesus has a special place for those who have chosen to trust Him, and know He is Gods only Son who paid the price for my very sinful life. I have been redeemed Praise the LORD!

 

[farout]

Farout, I am afraid you are mistaken about several points here. For instance, it is inaccurate to say someone is incomplete without a spouse. In the book of Matthew says that some are called to marriage and some are called to celibacy. You must learn to find happiness and satisfaction independently before you can find it in a partner. I also do not care for your judgmental impression, it is the likes of condemnation that scare young, perhaps flawed Christians away from God the father. You have no right to tell someone the destination of their soul, only God can make that judgment, and who are you to play God?
Your point is valid that marriage takes hard work, and patience, people give up too quickly. On a whole I think you are pushing toward the judgmental side, I encourage you to reevaluate your approach.

I am not judgmental. The Bible over and over says unless we become a Follower of Jesus Christ during or stay on Earth, the rejection of not becoming a Follower of Jesus Christ is being eternally sent to hell. That as the Bible says is a place of fire and brimstone, eternal punishment. Now its not my words, that is what Jesus said. God does not force anyone to become a Follower of Christ, who have paid the price for the sins of those who will follow Him. If someone rejects His mercy and forgiveness, they will pay the price for their sins. Again not my words but Jesus own words.

Yes there are some who have the "gift" to be single, but as a general rule that is not the case. the Bible addresses this in 1 Corinthians Chapters 6 and 7. There in Chapter 6 it deals with sexual immorality, and it says it is better to marry then burn ust and sex outside of marriage. Buy the way that immoral life can be a sign a person is not a born again, saved, genuine Christian. These are very serious issues in consideration in wanting to remain single. marriage does bring with it not only the possibility of sexual joy and pleasure, but the responsibility of what pregnancy brings as well the joy of having children. There is much joy and happiness in marriage, and there is a lot of work in being responsible in loving and caring for each other and the children we are entrusted with. Yes marriage takes as much love and the joy that comes with it, as the work and sacrifice it takes it to make it worth while.

 

[Albion]

Not everyone ought to marry. Perhaps you are one who shouldn't or needn't. However, some of the matters that you listed seem to be the kind of concerns that disappear if you find the right person.

When we contemplate a theoretical mate, the doubts are serious and seem big, but if one's soulmate comes along, most of that can easily be resolved.

If specific advice is wanted, I guess I'd say 1) not to give up dating, but also 2) don't rush into any marriage unless the other person is really "the one."

 

[faroukfarouk]

Farout, I am afraid you are mistaken about several points here. For instance, it is inaccurate to say someone is incomplete without a spouse. In the book of Matthew says that some are called to marriage and some are called to celibacy. You must learn to find happiness and satisfaction independently before you can find it in a partner. I also do not care for your judgmental impression, it is the likes of condemnation that scare young, perhaps flawed Christians away from God the father. You have no right to tell someone the destination of their soul, only God can make that judgment, and who are you to play God?
Your point is valid that marriage takes hard work, and patience, people give up too quickly. On a whole I think you are pushing toward the judgmental side, I encourage you to reevaluate your approach.

I don't believe in pushing young people into marriage unless they are sure. There is the saying: "Marry in haste; repent at leisure". A single Christian can live a very full life.

 

[orangeness365]

It's actually the opposite thing, married people telling me I'm not supposed to want to be married.

Which is strange, given the way they made every meeting a celebration of all things marriage & family. And there I am, the single sap, watching it all.

I think the Bible warns against that say you can't marry.

1 Timothy 4:1-5
Some Will Depart from the Faith

1Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons, 2through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared,3who forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth. 4For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, 5for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.

 

[DJKWord]

I don't believe in pushing young people into marriage unless they are sure.

Well blazes! Nobody ever tried to push me into it, that's for sure. In fact I never heard of such a thing. Maybe in some denominations?

It is inaccurate to say someone is incomplete without a spouse.

The Chaplain who converted me told me the same thing. There was also a lady I knew, who said she believed we're born as incomplete halves and are meant to find our mates.

The Chaplain was happily married and had been a ladies' man during his school years. The lady was single and unattached. Kind of depends on which one you are, doesn't it?

In the book of Matthew says that some are called to marriage and some are called to celibacy.

I'm familiar with that passage. You make it sound like it's half and half, but isn't it true that the celibate ones are the exception?

I've read that in the Jewish community, they do everything they can to help their singles get married. There's none of these metaphorical mind games: God's grace is supposed to be sufficient for you (2 Cor. 12, Paul was talking about sufferings & trials), you're supposed to learn in whatever circumstances you are, to be content (Phil. 4, Paul was talking about finances.) You have no family? OK, your brothers and sisters in Christ are your family. Be content with them. You feel pangs of loneliness, long for a spouse and a family like the others have? (There might be a connection here with Gen. 2:18, but I've never heard anyone make it.) Your brothers and sisters in Christ are your family, yes, visit them and read bedtimes stories to their kids and that's supposed to take care of everything.

It. Doesn't. Begin to.

 

[mikeirvan]

coming from a person in a struggling marriage, marriage is not bad. when you are with the right person it could be the best years of your life. You have to make sure it's with the right person. My wife and I can barely stand each other and have way too many differences, and I can't say anything without it setting her off so a lot of times I think "why do I bother talking?" I'm also the only one who is trying to follow God with what I do. She is too busy listening to the world on how to be (and we know how corrupt more and more the world is getting these days with how it views things.) I never can seem to get things right with my wife.

as far as sex and masturbation is concerned, I like sex but unfortunately don't get it enough but as a Christian we shouldn't be concerned all that much about sex, but when you have a high sex drive it's hard not to think about or not want to do it sometimes. I don't think masturbation is necessarily wrong as long as you're not lusting for anyone while doing it. The bible doesn't say anything about masturbation, so it's hard to figure out if it is wrong. we know that lust is wrong, and so if you lust while doing it, than it's a sin, but if you're not than it is ok I think, but I could be wrong. I don't know. I struggle at times as well because of my own sinful desires. No one said it will be easy being Christian. Luckily we have God's grace. He died for our sins, and so Just pray for forgiveness and continue improving your life with God. You should be ok.

 

[DJKWord]

No one - single or married - is incomplete as long as they have a relationship with God through Jesus. If the OP chooses not to marry, that is between her and God. What ever happened to the verse that claims that Jesus is sufficient? He is all she needs in order to be complete.

Truth time. Are you married? When you hit your teens, did you get your "first love" right on schedule?

I find it interesting that in the beginning when all was fresh and perfect, no such thing yet as evil and no sin separating Adam from God--God nonetheless saw Adam alone and said, this is not good. And so he created Eve.

 

[DJKWord]

I'm afraid of getting married and having to cook for a guy and having to have his kids and take care of them and socialize with his friends and go to the bathroom in the same house and for him to see how weird i am.... sigh. I like being alone too much. I enjoy sleeping way too much and I don't eat the same foods a lot of people do because I try to be healthy. I am also uncomfortable with my body due to my acne. Even though I am in good shape.

At the same time I want a companion and I like sex. It's too easy for me to feel like I just want to please myself and stay alone for the rest of my life and stay away from people, but this is sinful. It's also easy for me to date a guy and commit acts of fornication and never commit so I can enjoy my free time. That's also sinful.
I feel like I can't love anyone and I'm scared of marriage.

What do I do with myself?

Hi Angeleyes. I'm afraid I've steered things off topic airing my own issues. This morning I was thinking about your situation and it reminded me of 1st Corinthians 7:

17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. 18 Was anyone called while circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters.

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife...The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.

36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.

Christ also did mention eunuchs who were born that way--perhaps you're one of these?--and those who determine to give God their undivided attention.

I'm also someone who likes solitude, and don't like so much to be around people. I confided this one day to a pastor who was the very epitome of the outgoing people person. He immediately said, "Do not feel guilty about that. You are who you are."

As far as any sex outside of marriage goes, I've read the Bible through several times and it's struck me how it's so completely forbidden, no ifs, ands or buts. (1 Cor. 6 & 10, 1 Thess. 4, Ephes. 4 come to mind.) And I guess we can see the reason in all the havoc it's wreaked on our society.

Hope this helps.

 

[insurchoftruth]

Do not be afraid of marriage, because it is God's idea from the very beginning! God thought that marriage is a good thing, that is why he created Eve, to be a companion and helper for Adam.

Because God initiated marriage, therefore, he will bless a marriage, and make it a blessing, even in the face of challenges and difficulties, but the wife and the husband, must follow the way of God, his Word, for their lives.

Conflict? Find a decision, which both sides, the husband and the wife, are willing to
compromise with and accept, which fits both of them, even if one or both, does not completely
like that decision. Both need to bend a little bit, to come to the common ground. If one feels
stronger and cares more, about a topic of the conflict, than the other, make the decision
according to the one who cares more, about the topic or subject.

Choosing a marriage partner, is like choosing of shoes for yourself, in a shoe shop.

Love gives you the choice and freedom to obey it or not.

Your husband/wife does not love you enough? Well, God does more than your wife or husband.

Matthew 7:12, Ephessians 5:22 (Greek - belong and be separate – not submit), Ephessians
5:23 (Greek - head = source of life), Romans 8:38,39, Galatians 3:28, Genesis 1:31, 1
Corinthians 7:29-35

 

[ValleyGal]

Truth time. Are you married? When you hit your teens, did you get your "first love" right on schedule?

I find it interesting that in the beginning when all was fresh and perfect, no such thing yet as evil and no sin separating Adam from God--God nonetheless saw Adam alone and said, this is not good. And so he created Eve.

I gave my history in a previous post. I married for the first time when I was 26. I was married, had my son at 29, my husband ran away from home. I was happily on my own for a couple of years and then met up with an old acquaintance/friend and we had the most amazing, God-honouring relationship until he died from brain cancer. I met and married someone I thought would be good male role model for my son. I was wrong, and we divorced after a one-month marriage (extensive and deadly physical abuse). I was then on my own for a decade until I met and married my current husband. I loved my single years. And I went through the height of my sexuality during my single years. I know what it is like to be married to the wrong person, to the right person, and to be on my own.

My first love - yes, I spent several years with my first love - age 17 - 20. My father said no when my lover asked to marry me. We discussed the options like eloping, but he did not want to erode any relationship I had with my family. Although I regret my father's choice, I am very happy for my ex and how his life unfolded.

I have learned to manage my heartbreaks. I have learned to be content being single and being married. I have learned to trust God with my marital status. I have learned that it's okay to make mistakes and to accept Jesus' sacrifice to cover them. I encourage you to seek the Kingdom first. Then the other things like marriage, will fall into place.

 

[DJKWord]

Thanks for sharing, especially that last paragraph.