I am tired of being single.

[Michael J]

The title says it all. People will tell you to enjoy being single while you are, and I did. For eighteen years, I did. In a few short weeks I will turn 19 and I am absolutely sick of the single life. On top of that, there is a girl that I've been hung up on singe April 8th 2009. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't get her out of my head. Sometimes I manage to fool myself into thinking I'm over her, then suddenly I'll run into her somewhere and it all rushes back. I don't even live near her. I'm at least a good thirty miles away but I still seem to run into her. I just saw her for the first time tonight in months, and as soon as I saw her, it felt like I was getting punched in the chest. Just to keep myself from breaking down crying, I somewhat avoided her. I got a text a while later after she had gone home saying that she "enjoyed seeing me again tonight, even if I barely talked to her.. at all " I don't want to seem stand-of-ish or that I'm not there for her, especially when a lot of people at her school hate her. But it just kills me to be around her. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Windmill]

Well, what is stopping you from asking her out?

 

[metherion]

^^^ that. I know the feeling, I had it for one girl all throughout high school until I finally got up the guts to ask her got. Got shot down faster than I really could blink, but then I was over her. I mean, let's face it, the worst that could really happen is she says no... then you can move on. Lookit me, I've got a worse record than normal. Every girl who's shot me down (except for the first one, who was obligated to be near me in school and wound up with me in several projects because she shared classes with me) has NEVER SPOKEN TO ME AGAIN. It shouldn't be that bad for you, and it'll let you move on.

So, yes, moral of the story, ask her out and see what happens, worst that can happen is she declines.

Metherion

 

[ulu]

The title says it all. People will tell you to enjoy being single while you are, and I did. For eighteen years, I did. .

If you can't be happy at 18 being alone, good luck later in life.

 

[SonicBOOM]

dude the average age men get married now-days is something like 27 or 28. I'm 24 and if I got married now I'd be getting married earlier than average. You. Have. Time.

 

[SonicBOOM]

^^^ that. I know the feeling, I had it for one girl all throughout high school until I finally got up the guts to ask her got. Got shot down faster than I really could blink, but then I was over her. I mean, let's face it, the worst that could really happen is she says no... then you can move on. Lookit me, I've got a worse record than normal. Every girl who's shot me down (except for the first one, who was obligated to be near me in school and wound up with me in several projects because she shared classes with me) has NEVER SPOKEN TO ME AGAIN. It shouldn't be that bad for you, and it'll let you move on.

So, yes, moral of the story, ask her out and see what happens, worst that can happen is she declines.

Metherion

^this.


Ask her out dude. You never know. I have learned the hardway that if I like someone, I ask them ASAP without dely. Why? Because if she says "yes" I don't have to speculate and I'm happy. AND if she says "no" I don't have to speculate and it's a heck of alot easier to get over her. You have no idea how quikly feelings fade away after you get a "no". Take it from me ask her and ask her now... not later. You'll feel like a free man

I also gotta add that it isn't nearly as bad as Metherion has experienced. I've had a few experiences where girls have kind of shunned me [girls who shun guys for asking them out are crazy anyways]. However the vast majority of girls who have given me a "no" have said "hi" to me the very next day and were very freindly and still were very intrested in keeping a freindship. People typically tend to be level-headed

 

[SonicBOOM]

If you can't be happy at 18 being alone, good luck later in life.

dude show a little grace try to remember when you were 18. I know when I was 18 I certainly felt old [even though it is hard to believe now that I'm 24]. Your just getting out of high-school, and you are officially an adult.... it's only natural that you'll feel older than you really are.... it's all about perspective.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I think you should get it over with sooner rather than later. Otherwise these feelings you have will continue to linger. A crush isn't worth wasting yours or anyone else's life over.

 

[gzt]

Good grief. You're 18. You should be single because you're not likely to be in a position to marry soon. You don't need a girlfriend.

But if you really think you're ready to date, just ask that girl out. Seriously. Just do it.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

First, I assume if there's a girl that you've been hung up on for nearly a year, who also finds your company pleasant (by the text message at least), and you are not dating her? I assume there is a reason... either you feel she is off-limits (for a valid reason, not a lame one), and you'll just have to suck it up and get over it.. or you just won't or can't ask her out, in which case the only person you have to blame is yourself. All I can tell you is to man-up and ASK her. Get it over with and see what happens. Sitting on your hands won't get you anywhere. If you want to "let her know" that you're "there for her"? Try telling her that

Next, you haven't been single for 18 years. You've been a kid for 18 years... and now you're an adult and you've barely even begun to live. Now, I happen to be the type of person who is better off in a relationship, I have never ever been content as a single person.. I've never been bitter or anything mind you, but never truly happy either. I was just born to be someone's other half, and I believe some people are just like that. It's fine, that's part of who some people are. So I'm not going to sit here and tell you "If you can't be happy at 19 and alone, you won't ever be happy." Because I'm sure you will be at some point.

However, you are intensely young, and there is a lot of time ahead of you yet to complain about being single. Let's save it for age 40+, shall we?

In the mean time, just enjoy being young. Get everything you can out of your life. Show a little confidence and self-esteem, grab life by the horns and say "I'm going to live my life and make it awesome, and when I find someone, it'll be great.. but for now I'm a young adult and I have plans to fulfill in my life." And if you don't have any plans.. I suggest making some, because you do need to keep on living, even as a single individual.

Sorry if that's all a little blunt but I've never been one for the sympathy talk.. I'm sure someone else will give you that All I can tell you is that this moping just won't get you anywhere. You are way too young to be bitter about singlehood. You've barely. even. lived. Don't waste youth complaining about a life barely even begun yet.

 

[deepgreen11]

I felt that way when I was 18 too. And 19. Mostly because it seemed like all my friends were hooking up into these really tight, nice relationships or that they had already been in one for over a year. A couple of my friends are still in those and celebrating 4th or so anniversaries. One couple just got married. Regarding that aspect, with 18, in a lot of situations, comes a lot of freedom. It took me awhile but I've learned to enjoy the ride.
Regarding your friend, I don't really understand why you feel so bad when you're around her. I don't understand why people at school hate her. However, if the reason you feel bad, uncomfortable, etc is that "intimidation around someone you like" feeling, then I think you should break the ice and ask her out. Like others have said, you'll have an answer either way.
But don't just ask her out because you are tired of being alone. Please. Ask her out because you specifically want to be with HER.

 

[StarryEyes]

Hey Michael!

Good to read your post! I just want to say that I have definitely been there. I was tired of being single, but God is also showing me a whole new perspective on it! And that if I can't be happy being single, I won't be happy being married either. Our lasting joy does not come from being in a romantic relationship with someone; our lasting joy comes from our relationship with Jesus Christ, with actively living out our faith in Him, with spending time alone with Him daily, time in His Word. The Bible says "in his presence is fullness of joy"!!! Sometimes people think that if they could just get married, then they would be happy. Then they get married and after all the newlywed bliss wears off, they're unhappy again! Our fulfillment comes from Christ; not from anyone else.

Also, I have been there and am still there when you talk about seeing someone you like and she just won't seem to go away! She just keeps popping up! Well, same thing for me with a guy.. for years. I'll see his old friends, or his family, or just something that reminds me of him, or I'll have a dream out of the blue about him.. sometimes I just have to cry. Sometimes I do feel really down about it but then God reminds me that He's in control. I know that if it's meant to be, God will arrange a divine meeting!

So hang in there.. and seek God. Ask Him to show you if He wants you to ask this girl out, or if He just wants you to spend more time with her. Pray about it... seek God's will in this.

Take care, and stay rooted in Christ!

 

[NoMoreTearsWithJesus]

if you are 18, it dosent mean you were single for 18 years, baby stage,kid stage,teen stage, are you saying you should of been dating as a child um no, stop thinking someone can make you happy, the truth is they can for one day and the next day can make you miserable ... relastionships are NOT rainbows and butterflys...hint hint why is there so many divorces

 

[YoDude]

Watch out for heavy relationships at a young age; I dreamed of having a steady girlfriend my senior year after a 2yr stint at boarding school. Well, I got my wish, one of the nicer looking gals tracked me down early in my senior school year back at home.

It was awesome, but it got heavy, then it was not so awesome. Either way, having a steady girlfriend is perfectly natural at your age, being alone sucks. The main thing is to show confidence, show interest, but also show non-interest, stop worrying about some dream girl. Look around and open your eyes, there may be some girl dreaming about you, she could be right next to you on a daily basis. That is the girl you want, someone who digs you and is trustworthy, just don't let the relationship get too heavy.

Also, there has been a trend lately of 30-something guys marrying 20-something girls, this is necessary to produce children, perhaps. I have been married since age 21 (20+ yrs now), we built our life together when we had nothing, we had some bad struggles since we were so young, but we stuck it out and the rewards are an excellent marriage. Getting married in like your Junior year at college will work for the part-time working stiff, the silver spoon set may fair better marrying after college. I think waiting until you are 35 and marrying a 25 yr old is legit, but I prefer the path I took.

 

[Michael J]

I guess I have some explaining to do.

First off, being single. I don't really know if dating is different in other areas, but around where I live people start dating pretty young. The earliest I remember seeing it was in 6th grade. Did I have the desire to date anyone in sixth grade? Definately not. But I don't know of a single person that has graduated from high school and been single their whole life. I'm not looking toward marriage or anything like that. At this point, I guess the best way to put it would be that I'm seeking validation. There has been a lot of talk lately in churches and on Christian radio about a book called "The Five Love Languages". I had already read it before it became popular. A quote:

I am significant. Life has meaning. There is a higher purpose. I want to believe it, but I may not feel significant until someone expresses love to me. When my spouse lovingly invests time, energy, and effort in me, I believe that I am significant. Without love, I may spend a lifetime in search of significance, self-worth, and security. When I experience love, it impacts all of those needs positively. I am now freed to develop my potential. I am more secure in my self-worth and can now turn my efforts outward instead of being obsessed with my own needs. True love always liberates.

Obviously in this case, it wouldn't be a spouse. But there are times when I just feel kind of worthless. I just want someone to show me otherwise. And just telling me I'm a great guy and would make a good boyfriend doesn't work when no one wants to put their money where their mouth is.

Secondly, this girl. When I first met her, there was an immediate connection. But she already had a boyfriend. I was a little dissapointed, but I never got a chance to make a real strong connection. A couple months later, I took a trip out of the country. While I was gone, she broke up with her boyfriend. I knew what I had to do as soon as I got back. Once I did, I immediately started spending time with her. Our friendship grew. I was liking her more and more all the time. She said nice things about me that no other girl had ever said. One evening she finally asked my how I felt about her. Answering wasn't easy, but I was truthful in my response. She then told me that she felt the same way. All is good, right? We spent a lot of time together the two following weeks. Until one evening she texted me saying that she really liked me, but she still had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. That was it. I was done. Once I had gotten a taste of what being with someone might be like, I no longer enjoyed being single. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. But when it's taken away from you, you feel worse then you've ever felt in your life. I eventually "got over her". Or so I thought. I went to a chior concert at her school, thinking it would be no big deal. The second I saw her, it all came back. It was like someone was grabbing my insides and was twisting them around. I avoided her that evening. She had no clue I was there. I waited until I was out of town to text her to tell her she sounded good that night. She was dissapointed she didn't me see so she could give me a hug. I probably would have cried had that been the case. I would occasionally see her and it would be the same story, except she would see me and she would give me a hug. Jeez. I finally met another girl that basically got my mind off her. I was finally over it. There was someone else I liked now, and it seemed as though she liked me. That turned out to not be true. She liked some guy that was "hot with a capital H". After that, the old memories started coming back. And last night when I saw her, I was back to square one.

 

[Michael J]

Watch out for heavy relationships at a young age; I dreamed of having a steady girlfriend my senior year after a 2yr stint at boarding school. Well, I got my wish, one of the nicer looking gals tracked me down early in my senior school year back at home.

It was awesome, but it got heavy, then it was not so awesome. Either way, having a steady girlfriend is perfectly natural at your age, being alone sucks. The main thing is to show confidence, show interest, but also show non-interest, stop worrying about some dream girl. Look around and open your eyes, there may be some girl dreaming about you, she could be right next to you on a daily basis. That is the girl you want, someone who digs you and is trustworthy, just don't let the relationship get too heavy.

Also, there has been a trend lately of 30-something guys marrying 20-something girls, this is necessary to produce children, perhaps. I have been married since age 21 (20+ yrs now), we built our life together when we had nothing, we had some bad struggles since we were so young, but we stuck it out and the rewards are an excellent marriage. Getting married in like your Junior year at college will work for the part-time working stiff, the silver spoon set may fair better marrying after college. I think waiting until you are 35 and marrying a 25 yr old is legit, but I prefer the path I took.

I think I know what you're talking about when you say "heavy relationships" and that's not waht I want. I want a loving relationship. I'm always told that a person dates to find out what they like. How am I supposed to do that if I can't get a date? No offense, but I would not want to get married at 21. Would I be with the person I would later marry? Sure, why not? I think the youngest I'd be comfortable with would be someone three years younger than me. That's pretty young for my age. And I'm not really worrying about a dream girl. We just crossed paths at one point and hit it off really well.

 

[gzt]

Well. Might as well ask her if she wants to give it a go now. Maybe she's over him.

Incidentally, this whole thing of developing strong strong feelings for somebody and then breaking it off, that's part of why I recommend against dating young (ie, too young to get married). It's quite literally inviting this to occur several times in your life because you're just not going to end up with the guy/girl you were dating at 16. There's a chance you'll get hurt like that if you're dating somebody at 22, but you actually have the ability to get married. God created love for marriage. Anyway. Rant off.

 

[Riddik7]

i just wanna interject on something that bugged me about the OP

ok in many aspects when someone says enjoy being single while you can its because its true...

yes this is coming from a young single guy...

i havent always been single, but there are various things i missed when i wasn't... various freedoms i no longer had or responsibilities i gained....

now don't get me wrong i still greatly wish i was no longer single and in a happy relationship... but you have to look at both flips of the coin. There are things about being single that you dont get when in a relationship and vica versa... you should enjoy either one while it lasts...

 

[YoDude]

I think I know what you're talking about when you say "heavy relationships" and that's not waht I want. I want a loving relationship. I'm always told that a person dates to find out what they like. How am I supposed to do that if I can't get a date? No offense, but I would not want to get married at 21. Would I be with the person I would later marry? Sure, why not? I think the youngest I'd be comfortable with would be someone three years younger than me. That's pretty young for my age. And I'm not really worrying about a dream girl. We just crossed paths at one point and hit it off really well.

I believe the strong emotions young people feel are a biological design to ensure couples get together, your Labido is likely off the charts and you will ride a roller coaster now and again. I certainly experienced that with my steady girl in high school, but you forget and move on eventually - its just a powerful emotion that is making this girl seem more than she is, she may just be keeping you on stand-by as a second choice, people do that. She sounds like trouble to me, I would focus on a different gal, there is a fine line between a fun rollercoaster and one that is terrifying.

 

[Sunset2009]

One thing. You are freaking LUCKY to have never been in a relationship at your age. Because let me tell you, as our brains are developing and we have no idea what is going on with our minds and our bodies, being in romantic relationships as teenagers can suck hardcore when they inevitably end in heartbreak.

Kind of an exaggeration, but not really. I'm not going to lie, if I find a guy my age (I'm 19) who has never been in relationships, it's a huge PLUS. Guys who've had 10 girlfriends every year since they were 15, and especially those who have been in some long-term relationships, are not NEARLY as appealing to me as a guy who has almost always been single. Why? Because it tells me that he can survive and live his life without giving into the pressures of always having to have a girlfriend. If he's a happy man, it's even better because it shows me that he can be happy and independent and content "alone." It shows me that he's put effort into maintaining OTHER relationships, with his family, church family, and his friends.

That said, I'm not being fooled. I know that most all men long for a woman. That's how God made us, and men, especially. Adam, in his PERFECTION, felt alone before Eve was created. Even though he was surrounded by God and tons of animals. He still felt alone, and God said "it is not good for man to be alone." (Gen 2:18) And that's when He made Eve. So I get it! I was very discontent single for awhile. In turn, I made some bad decisions entering into a relationship when I was 17. So just hang tough! And focus on God, work, family, friends, etc. And she'll come around. But don't be afraid to pursue her!