I am a catholic -- as is my fiancé. We live together -- I moved to his town and into his home about a year ago. We lived a few hours away and he was making more money than me...and he begged me to move with him so he could cut down on the travel. He said he would take care of me financially until I got a new job. I got one asap, because I was terrified of being without my salary. I am very independent so I was scared.
Well a year later, he and I are still together. I'm making almost as much as he is. And he just lost his job. We had major relationship problems about 6 months ago because he was super controlling and trying to prevent me from expanding my work. He also demanded we share finances and that I have all my finances exposed and in a joint account. He wants every single penny. Fights have hit hard when I try to buy something even though I bring in JUST AS MUCH as he does -- and I have zero debt....he has substantial debt and child support he pays for 3 kids.
We both consider ourselves married.... but we are not. We wear rings and we are in a state that the says if you live together for 24 months and identify yourself as married -- you are legally married in the state. We haven't hit that time yet but we tell people we are married. His idea --
Anyway, sorry to be longwinded. But, I am really feeling uncomfortable. We are not married. I live with him. He takes every dime I make and says he is depending that my salary continues and builds so he can open his own business. He is taking a 200k business loan next month. He says he has tried to find a salary job but he can't. He refuses to move and says his only option is to start his own biz.
He keeps starting fights telling me I should "run" because we are about to go through hell. He says that he won't make money at all for awhile and that I should realize that my salary isn't enough to support him, our expenses and his 3 kids on child support. (children he sees about once or twice a month). They are 15, 16 and 17. He also pays for their car payments, their insurance and soon -- he wants to help pay for their college.
He continues to throw in my face that we are still about 4k short each month when just going off my salary. He says that we will never survive and I am seriously in denial if I think I can support us. He doesn't want to downsize. Our cars and his mortgage etc are SO high -you would choke.
I had told him gently during a fight last night that if wanted to put this pressure on me - he should at least marry me. He said that he wants to go through the Catholic church (even though he won't even go to church with me) and see what they say before he marries again legally.
He is 49. This will be his third marriage.
I think this is a long post that is bottom line about a woman (me) who is upset that she is giving every single dime to her fiancé who is not making good financial decisions and he won't even marry me. At least not now.
Who is to say (considering how he is about money) that he doesn't drain me dry and get his business going and then leave me. Broke.
He warns me day in and day out that "hell is coming" and tells me that I'm not tough enough to get through the mess that's ahead.
I suggested he consider finding a proper employment position even upstate or something -- he won't do it. He says his kids are here. He sees them once a month and they are older.
He has all the reasons why he won't do that...and none of them seem to add up.
If I ask to separate money - I know (after many fights) that he will say I'm not a team player and he will end our relationship.
Well a year later, he and I are still together. I'm making almost as much as he is. And he just lost his job. We had major relationship problems about 6 months ago because he was super controlling and trying to prevent me from expanding my work. He also demanded we share finances and that I have all my finances exposed and in a joint account. He wants every single penny. Fights have hit hard when I try to buy something even though I bring in JUST AS MUCH as he does -- and I have zero debt....he has substantial debt and child support he pays for 3 kids.
We both consider ourselves married.... but we are not. We wear rings and we are in a state that the says if you live together for 24 months and identify yourself as married -- you are legally married in the state. We haven't hit that time yet but we tell people we are married. His idea --
Anyway, sorry to be longwinded. But, I am really feeling uncomfortable. We are not married. I live with him. He takes every dime I make and says he is depending that my salary continues and builds so he can open his own business. He is taking a 200k business loan next month. He says he has tried to find a salary job but he can't. He refuses to move and says his only option is to start his own biz.
He keeps starting fights telling me I should "run" because we are about to go through hell. He says that he won't make money at all for awhile and that I should realize that my salary isn't enough to support him, our expenses and his 3 kids on child support. (children he sees about once or twice a month). They are 15, 16 and 17. He also pays for their car payments, their insurance and soon -- he wants to help pay for their college.
He continues to throw in my face that we are still about 4k short each month when just going off my salary. He says that we will never survive and I am seriously in denial if I think I can support us. He doesn't want to downsize. Our cars and his mortgage etc are SO high -you would choke.
I had told him gently during a fight last night that if wanted to put this pressure on me - he should at least marry me. He said that he wants to go through the Catholic church (even though he won't even go to church with me) and see what they say before he marries again legally.
He is 49. This will be his third marriage.
I think this is a long post that is bottom line about a woman (me) who is upset that she is giving every single dime to her fiancé who is not making good financial decisions and he won't even marry me. At least not now.
Who is to say (considering how he is about money) that he doesn't drain me dry and get his business going and then leave me. Broke.
He warns me day in and day out that "hell is coming" and tells me that I'm not tough enough to get through the mess that's ahead.
I suggested he consider finding a proper employment position even upstate or something -- he won't do it. He says his kids are here. He sees them once a month and they are older.
He has all the reasons why he won't do that...and none of them seem to add up.
If I ask to separate money - I know (after many fights) that he will say I'm not a team player and he will end our relationship.
