I am lost with what to do...

[st90ar]

I hope I am posting this in the right part of the forum...

God is telling me to pursue a relationship, but I don't know if I should. My wife left me after 9 months of marriage, and she divorced my about 2 months ago. At this point, I am wanting to move on, and am ready to, but am afraid to give my heart away to just anyone. There is a girl that I haven't known for very long that God is telling me He has plans for me with her. Right now, I don't have a job, I am living with a friend until I can get on my feet again, and if I am going to be in a relationship, I would like to be able to provide. I feel a strong connection with this woman, and I can say that I am somewhat scared because of how bad I got hurt before, and I don't want to go through that again. Another issue is that she went through the same thing as me, minus being married, and she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship either.

With my self confidence, I think she is way too gorgeous to be with an average Joe like me, and she is way out of my league. God tells me, and I have received extremely overwhelming confirmation that He has a plan for the two of us, and He want's me to pursue it, but I am afraid. I am trying to get on my feet again, I don't want to get hurt again, and I don't know if she is ready for a relationship or if I am even someone that she would even be interested in. I keep praying about what to do, and He keeps telling me what I need to do, but I am so scared. I don't want to pursue it, scare her away if she's not ready for a relationship, and then be let down again. I am just so lost on what I should do.... Does anyone have any help or advice at all? Any help is much appreciated. Thank you and God bless!

 

[GQ Chris]

God is not telling you to get back in a relationship right after you just got out of one. At least, not if we are talking about the God of the Bible anyway.

 

[HazelWings]

I am sorry for your pain.

I also agree with Chris. Two months is extremely fast, and since you said that this woman isn't ready for a relationship then I would hesitate to say that what you're feeling is from God. From what you described, it sounds more like the two of you have been through similar struggles and you feel a connection on that level. Be her friend. Get your life in order. Re-learn who you are as an individual rather than as a couple. THEN let romance take its natural course.

 

[Inkachu]

First of all, I don't believe God is telling you to pursue anyone just 2 months after a divorce.

I think you need to remain single and give yourself time to heal and become "you" again, which usually takes at LEAST a year or more of remaining single and not dating after a divorce. A divorce is not like a dating relationship breaking up. It's the destruction of a family unit, and that is devastating, no matter how lightly it may be talked about.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but I'd rather say what I believe is true than stroke someone's feelings

 

[st90ar]

Ok, I don't feel that He wants any rush on it at all. But I don't know when either of us would be truly ready for a relationship again. But I feel, as well as had strong confirmation, that God has a plan for us. I'm kind of scared of it, and I don't know when it's all going to unfold, but when the day comes that His plan be fulfilled, I'm scared. If the timing isn't just right, then our friendship could possibly be ruined. I have only been in one relationship, and I ended up marrying that person because of God. When she left, she told me that God was telling her not to, but she didn't care because she wanted to join the Army and see what else her life had in store for her. She didn't want me as a part of her life for her own selfish reasons. I pray for her, and hope for the best. But last time God lead me into a relationship, she decided she didn't want one anymore, and I'm scared of that happening again. This woman I am talking about doesn't know about my feelings for her or anything like that, and I am horrible with reading women, but her best friend told me she has an interest in me. But with what we have discussed as far as relationships go, neither of us know if we ever want to be in a relationship again because neither of us want to be hurt that bad again.

By no means do I want to rush anything. I want everything to be on His timing. But the problem is that I don't know how to pursue it when/if the time comes that the both of us are ready for another relationship...

 

[Verve]

Just gotta say, if you haven't been through divorce recovery you probably aren't ready to date. I know I wouldn't "date" a man who was recently divorced.

If you really want to get close to her try being her friend for a while.

I've seen divorced friends who thought they were ready to move on but they were still carrying around lots of emotional baggage from their previous relationships. It's not a pretty scene.

I know this is a personal question and you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.
Have you been through a divorce recovery program and/or seeing a therapist to work through the issues?

This may seem insensitive but there is a reason your marriage ended, it takes 2 to make it and 2 to break it.

 

[st90ar]

This woman I married was my first everything. Part of that reason is because I get into the "friend zone" far too fast, and I have no clue how to get out of it. That's why I'm partly afraid of just being friends too is because I wouldn't know how to take it to the next step if that day ever comes. I'm good with relationships, but not getting into one. I'm too shy of a person, and I end up just being friends with everyone once I do open up...

 

[barefeetonholyground]

I hope I am posting this in the right part of the forum...

God is telling me to pursue a relationship, but I don't know if I should. My wife left me after 9 months of marriage, and she divorced my about 2 months ago. At this point, I am wanting to move on, and am ready to, but am afraid to give my heart away to just anyone. There is a girl that I haven't known for very long that God is telling me He has plans for me with her. Right now, I don't have a job, I am living with a friend until I can get on my feet again, and if I am going to be in a relationship, I would like to be able to provide. I feel a strong connection with this woman, and I can say that I am somewhat scared because of how bad I got hurt before, and I don't want to go through that again. Another issue is that she went through the same thing as me, minus being married, and she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship either.

With my self confidence, I think she is way too gorgeous to be with an average Joe like me, and she is way out of my league. God tells me, and I have received extremely overwhelming confirmation that He has a plan for the two of us, and He want's me to pursue it, but I am afraid. I am trying to get on my feet again, I don't want to get hurt again, and I don't know if she is ready for a relationship or if I am even someone that she would even be interested in. I keep praying about what to do, and He keeps telling me what I need to do, but I am so scared. I don't want to pursue it, scare her away if she's not ready for a relationship, and then be let down again. I am just so lost on what I should do.... Does anyone have any help or advice at all? Any help is much appreciated. Thank you and God bless!

All I can say is get counseling. From a Pastor. You clearly aren't ready for this and you're probably the worst judge as to when you are ready to date or not because you're too close to be objective. If you don't get help soon I guarantee that you will
a) get too emotionally involved too quickly leading to getting too physically involved
b) carry your baggage from your ex-wife into your relationship with this girl

Just because you feel that God is telling you that this woman is in your future doesn't mean that you need to start pursuing her RIGHT NOW. You need to get a job, get your own place, and then start pursuing her. You don't have a place to put that woman if you marry her. Do you really want to start things off couch-surfing with fiends and relatives?

 

[HazelWings]

and 2 to break it.

Not true unless you count one being the abuser the other being the one who filed the divorce papers.

 

[st90ar]

There was no real problems in our marriage. But what happened is she was talking to her family about what all is offered in the Army, and the her twin joined, and I guess she decided being single in the Army is more fun because she wouldn't be tied down to someone. That's why we got divorced.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

There was no real problems in our marriage. But what happened is she was talking to her family about what all is offered in the Army, and the her twin joined, and I guess she decided being single in the Army is more fun because she wouldn't be tied down to someone. That's why we got divorced.

Sounds familiar. Lord Voldemort actually told me that God wanted our marriage to fail and that the Navy was more important than me.

 

[st90ar]

God didn't want our marriage to fail. But after talking to her sister, who is apparently more influential than God, convinced her to join the Army single. I've prayed a lot about it, and have received counseling from my church, and I am to the point to where I will only get myself into a relationship if it is guided by God, and things go slower than molasses, because the last thing I ever want is to go through that again... My only problem is moving from the "friend zone" to the actual relationship once the time comes that I feel I am completely ready, and when she seems to be ready as well.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

You'll figure it out. I would suggest that you google the "peasant princess" sermons.

 

[GQ Chris]

 

[Stravinsk]

God is telling me to pursue a relationship, but I don't know if I should.

Interesting. Doesn't God telling you to do something constitute the highest "should"?

There is a girl that I haven't known for very long that God is telling me He has plans for me with her.

Yet...

Another issue is that she went through the same thing as me, minus being married, and she doesn't think she is ready for a relationship either.

God sure can be confusing sometimes eh? Must be frustrating being God. I mean - he has, according to you, given you a strong "word" to pursue this woman, that in fact he has plans for you two- all this despite neither of you being ready to be in a relationship. Talk about pushy!

God tells me, and I have received extremely overwhelming confirmation that He has a plan for the two of us, and He want's me to pursue it, but I am afraid.

What "overwhelming confirmation" was this exactly?

I am trying to get on my feet again, I don't want to get hurt again, and I don't know if she is ready for a relationship or if I am even someone that she would even be interested in.

What kind of God gives you overwhelming confirmation, continues to speak clearly to you that you and her are an "item", or should be - yet you doubt she is even interested?

I keep praying about what to do, and He keeps telling me what I need to do, but I am so scared.

And what is this, exactly?

I don't want to pursue it, scare her away if she's not ready for a relationship, and then be let down again. I am just so lost on what I should do.... Does anyone have any help or advice at all? Any help is much appreciated. Thank you and God bless!

Man, I don't know what to say. If I had been given such overwhelming confirmation by God - if He had spoken to me numerous times on the issue, and even given me advice on how to proceed - I really wouldn't be asking people on a message board what to do!

 

[GQ Chris]

^


That certainly wasn't the God of the Bible the OP was talking about. Sounded like a malevolent individual whatever it was.

 

[Sketcher]

I don't believe God is telling you to date again. The one exception Jesus covered in Matthew 19:9 does not cover these circumstances. You need to take your time to heal, rather than jump into relationships, with no job to boot.

 

[Rhye]

Blind post-

God is telling you a lot of things you are completely ignoring and listening to things God is not telling you.


I recommend getting professional help and advice.

 

[RedheadedPrincess]

There are two reasons God allows for divorce: adultery and a non-believer bowing out of a marriage with a believer. Doesn't sound like your situation. In that case getting involved with someone else is adultery. You took a vow til death do us part. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

My ex cheated and did not want to leave his mistress. I did not date for 3 years after our separation and waited for him to get married meaning there was no chance of ever reconciling things--EVER!! I also during that 3 years got professional help as well as mentoring from an older woman in my church who went through similar circumstances years ago. I worked on all the my short comings from the marriage and allowed myself to forgive and heal from everything.

You can't possibly be ready to move on in 2 months. Divorce creates a lot of emotions and baggage.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

There are two reasons God allows for divorce: adultery and a non-believer bowing out of a marriage with a believer. Doesn't sound like your situation. In that case getting involved with someone else is adultery. You took a vow til death do us part. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Wrong! There are four causes of divorce on Biblical grounds.

Adultery (Deuteronomy 22:22, Matthew 5:32)
Sexual Immorality, A far more broad category of sexual sin (Matthew 5:32, 19:9)
Non-Christian quits the Marriage (1 Corinthians 7:10-24)
Treachery or Treasonous Betrayal (Malacai 2:14-16)
Hardness of Heart (Matthew 19:8, Mark 10:5)