oh no, truly I can be very stubborn , equate it with stupidity, really.. just on my own turf.. not meant to project that outwardly to anyone. Relate.. like more? gets scary. gets AWESOME. But, my experience.. is about me.. my sin, my repenting, my coming to faith with what I had at hand.. and I'm preeetty sure you'd think I was crazy unless you experience it yourself. He deals with each of us differently, similar but always personal.. But for the record, as I was saved, those first several months.. lets see, the event starts out in Sept. 1995, I get filled with the Holy Spirit in a Church of God in April 1996.. truly awesome, big wind Pentecost Day event.. really.. but the Lord told me so many things during that time and each and most every one, all except one I am starting to see fulfilled just now, has come to pass. Kind of why I showed up recently.. I search around looking for any one else mentioning it.. I'm a bit shy about that stuff. Lets just say it's time to get your house in order especially if you live in the USA.
Hi,
So yes, Crazy is how I thought anyone and everyone pereceived me. (To calm you, I will share.) Because of a medical condition that I have, which could be a menta illness, Your Federal Government and mine, required me to appear before two mental health professionals. One was for each incident. In incident one for which I was disabled, Idiopathic Hypersomnia, they are probably checking my honesty. He said to me, no, you are not mentally ill with those mystical encounters, because yoy have independently verified each one of them.
I did feel off though. Mystical encounters from God, are not handled real well later by even those who get them. Most Mystics, with a Close encounter of the God kind, eventually fear others and maybe even their own sanity.
On the second, no third mental health professional, I am seeing her, to find out if I am nuts, or really Gender Dysphoric. Medicare of the Federal Government requires a Ph.D. Psychologist or a Psychiatrist to make that determination.
As I was filling out the paperwork in her office, I put down my Mystical Marriage state, thus I put my marital status as married. That should be no problem, as normally, I do not have to say mystical, nor anything else.
Husband, though came up. My vocal cords started working. "If I tell you, who, I am married to, you will lock me up." She ordered me to put it down. I did, and spoke the words as I wrote that down.
This woman works at the State Mental Hospital, in town. I had prepared for the worst, as I knew that I would keep nothing from her. I also had a very very bad experience, but God Mandated everyone tells me, with a medical doctor years earlier, on this issue, and the other one that the Psychologist was seeing me for. There were other issues.
And that week, she did not have me arrested, for issues like you also fear. I knew why. She was not prepared enough, with the authorities on short notice, to handle a person like me. I am one who is obviously crazy, with some sort of Schizophrenia. I was stunned at not being arrested that week.
The next week, I would not be so lucky. I went anyway. I knew the routine. My appointment time would come. Two or more police officers would be there. I would be arrested fir observation, and when I told them everything, I would never be free again.
Shaking, or stunned, I am in her waiting room. Several times I worried. I was fifteen or twenty minutes early. I steeled myself. Finally her door opens, the policemen were not at the door, they were inside. It makes some sense. As, when I pass her, then I have to turn right.
Really, this is no way to arrest someone. It puts her in danger. Turning right, totally stunned by all this, as there should be feet there, in shiny black shoes, I turned right and was arrested.
There were two or three chairs there. A rug was there. I looked but, the situation was so tense and upsetting, that I remember little now. Some how I stumbled, staggered, and words came to my lips, internally. This should not be happening but it was.
"When I came this week, I thought you were going to arrest me." She said nothing to that. Later, in her office, as we talked she tried to calm me down. I really didn't listen. I didn't trust her.
Time passed, I drove to my house after that one hour appointment. I don't remember much of what she or I said, as my trust was not ther yet with her. I did ask her, maybe that week, if she felt anything when I came into her office? "Oh Yes!" And I saw through her some of what she saw. That is not me, I told her. I told her more.
Week three came, and God got involved. A false Christian Mystic, was going to be outed, and I was giong to learn something. The night before, that mystic was consulted by me, as he is a much better person Religiously than I am, and he is a better mystic than I am. He gave me an answer that was the opposite of my same question to God.
Since, he is a better Christuan than I am, and since he is given more information visually than I am, I realized that I was no mystic, I was not married. All these years, I have been lied to. Instantly, I cut off all communications with Whoever was giving me information. I would listen to no one ever again. I would not listen to God, as He was tge one who had someone, not Him, lie to me, like in Second Kings.
Somehow, after a horrid night, I actually made it to my psychologists office. She is all a twitter, but it is the next visit and her statement about pathologies that I am getting to. She opens the door, all smiles, all interested. She needs to tell me something. I can't listen. Gid had me lied ti for all my sins. I am not married to Him, God The Father. And, all that other stuff about God I wiil take as false also. I am a sinner, He had, and Has the right to have me lied to. I needed to talk first. My night was horrible. I had lost seven years or more, to a lie God let an evil spirit tell me. I believed that lie.
Finally, in about ten minutes I was calm enuough to let her speak. I said to her: I am okay now. What did you want to tell me? "Last week when you left, the next patient came in, " I saw no other patient when I left. I looked for one, as I knew ther was one right after me, There was none there though. "She told me, ""When I come in your office, there us a healing energy here. This week it is off the charts "" I told her that is because I had a very special man in here before you. She then said to me, Well when he has an appointment, I want the very next one. Isn't it great that you are getting confirmations on who you are?"
The conversation was quick, I was lied to by that false mystic, he was told, and all that happened with God and me, was believed again. Later, I would remember that my marriage, and all I learned about God prior to me being asked, was already independently verified, making this exercise, very curious.
Finally the next week or so, she tells me a word. It is Pathology. She said it twice. She then explained that word to me in context.
"You have no Pathologies" Later, she called me Kate, which is short for Katerina, and is now Mary***, as Katerina was my chosen female name, and she made sure I had a letter to protect me from all people in the future.
The letter basically says this, Kate, is amazing, and yes please help her become more comfortable in her gender. You will find it difficult to talk to her unless you are highly Spiritual or are well schooled Religiously. I am familiar with all her themes. She takes orders Spiritually and lives her life that way. S.... .. G....... Ph.D.m License number ........
The point for you is, I had to be cleared by God really, but through this Ph.D. as not being crazy, even if many others would like to say so, who are unskilled and uneducated enough to not know that some people are real mystics, and God really does talk to some people, and gender dysphoria is real, and extremelely high intelligence, even when throttled back is real and not a mental illness either.
It seems like people in the trade of minds, would say you are not crazy in any way.
Is there any chance, you might feel more certain now, that others, some others, with authority, will defend you against those, who would make you feel crazy? I keep, that paperwork, as being what she calls me, a medical mystic, and married to God The Father of all things, plus being transgendered, are items, each of which, I and others are routinely hurt by society over. And, I do not keep quiet.
Have, I like the Ph.D., told me been hurt by others for each of those? Yes, Once I was locked up in the Psychiatric Ward, arrested and hand cuffed by three police officers, only to be told 21 business days later, that the Medical Doctor, my regular one who I normally confided in, with him, I had exceeded his ability to believe in me. Later, them finding no pathologies either, I was let out.
I was stunned by this also. "How is it you are this old and have not learned to talk to dumb people? I learned that I fourth grade. I give each person one piece of data at a time. If they complain I give them more. When someone like you complains, I let out my full intelligence. You were supposed to learn that in fourth grade, We are going to teach you how to do that before you leave " OhMy, large intelligence is mistaken routinely for mental illness. I had no idea, True Christian mysticism, is also mistaken. Being Transgendered even in 2009, was still mistaken as mental illness, but not now since 2014, or so.
LOVE,
...Mary., .... .
