Husband checks for escort service. Need help :(

[agirlhasnoname]

Hi, you can call me Ms. K, I'm 25 years old, married to a 35 year old guy for 3 years now, we also have a 3 year old son. My husband has inappropriate contentography addiction and cheated on me before but after he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior, he gradually changed to new person so, I thought he's all changed now because usually he would listen to Christian music, listen to christian podcasts and constantly reminding me to pray which he didn't do before.

The past week, I saw him always up between 3am-4am just browsing his facebook or the web, but one thing, bothered me when I saw him checking out Chinese female escorts.

I need your advice My husband is going to China next week and will be staying there for 6 days for a conference and I'm afraid he might actually hire an escort there. Even if I wanted to trust him, every fear I had before came back.

I do not know what to do but I'm planning to talk to him later about it. Thank you.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi, you can call me Ms. K, I'm 25 years old, married to a 35 year old guy for 3 years now, we also have a 3 year old son. My husband has inappropriate contentography addiction and cheated on me before but after he accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior, he gradually changed to new person so, I thought he's all changed now because usually he would listen to Christian music, listen to christian podcasts and constantly reminding me to pray which he didn't do before.

The past week, I saw him always up between 3am-4am just browsing his facebook or the web, but one thing, bothered me when I saw him checking out Chinese female escorts.

I need your advice My husband is going to China next week and will be staying there for 6 days for a conference and I'm afraid he might actually hire an escort there. Even if I wanted to trust him, every fear I had before came back.

I do not know what to do but I'm planning to talk to him later about it. Thank you.

Hi there; the most important thing for you guys to do daily is to read the Scriptures and pray together; like this, through the Word of God the Holy Spirit may change from the inside. John 3 speaks of the new birth.

God bless your family; and good to see you on the forums.

 

[agirlhasnoname]

Hi there; the most important thing for you guys to do daily is to read the Scriptures and pray together; like this, through the Word of God the Holy Spirit may change from the inside. John 3 speaks of the new birth.

God bless your family; and good to see you on the forums.

Thank you for the message..

 

[faroukfarouk]

Thank you for the message..

YW and whether or not your dh chooses to go in the strength of his Bible reading, it's something that you can do!

Sorry about your concerns; I know it must be difficult for you.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

The going to China thing and looking at Chinese escorts answers the question about what you should do. Confront him about it before he goes. Do you have joint bank account access? If so while hes gone check your accounts to see if hes spent money that seems suspicious. Unless he has cash of course. Escorts in other countries, especially asia are cheap to get. In my wifes country they were about $5 for sex. BTW I don't this first hand of course, just from reading online about the sex trade.

That all aside how is the sex life in your marriage? Often times its why someone will do something like cheating. I also know men who cheat because once a child is in their life the child becomes priority, so the couple doesn't get much times to themselves, so stress builds up and so on. Could also be maybe he thinks the sex life isn't that exciting anymore. Could be anything really. Not that its an excuse to cheat of course. You need to also talk to him about that end of things before he makes a big mistake.

Having had a inappropriate content addiction I can tell you when you let your guard down, sometimes the devil is waiting for you. Maybe he is also looking at inappropriate content too and its messing with his head since you see TONS of sex stuff thats not normal for a normal sex life. Are you able to check his browser history? And his phone? Normally I'd say don't go to overboard with it but with only a few days to go before this trip and him looking up escorts, this is a urgent matter.

Also of course pray, pray and pray. Read together. Do devotions. I'd also setup an emergency meeting with your pastor, yours husband and yourself. If God forbid he does go there and does something, I would make sure he gets checked for STDs. Maybe have him (or yourself) go somewhere for a few days until he gets help.

 

[LinkH]

Definitely confront him.

I doubt he'd use his US bank account directly to pay for prostitutes in China. I have no idea what escorts or prostitutes cost there, and I don't know if there is some kind of way you could track his spending money to see if he spends it on escorts. I have no idea how much that would cost, but food is about half price over there, unless you are at a big airport where prices can be higher than LAX. Unless you go with him, you can't monitory him. So you'll just have to confront him with it and pray about it.

I went to China not to long ago. It costs about $7 to change any amount of money at the airport. So if he has to be at the airport for a while, he may want to try to change a little before he goes so he won't have to change it at the airport. I asked a British guy and he changed a US $20 for me. The bank wouldn't change my money there unless I had an account when I got out of the airport. There was a water boiler at both airports I went to in China, where one can get hot water or cool water if the water has already cooled down. It's good to have some kind of empty water bottle for the plane and for the airport.

 

[sdmsanjose]

Your husband is a young Christian that has some bad habits engrained in him. Has he been working at maturing in his Christian faith? Getting your sins forgiven and accepting the great grace of God is just the first part. After that it is very important to build that faith up and that is not always fun but takes commitment and discipline.

I hope that your husband is touched by the spirit because that is very powerful and affective, However, I would not hesitate to give him a few scriptures such as those below:



Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge




1 Corinthians 6:9

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,




Luke 6:46
46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?


I know the consequences may not be the best and most permanent way to change a person from the inside out but God's words of warning sure can get their attention for 6 days. It can also keep him from sinning.




Being a strong Christian requires being a person of strong character and integrity. It also requires a person to be unselfish and sacrifice for the good. God does not play games with His requirements for a child of God. You reap what you sow!

 

[98cwitr]

Definitely confront the issue. Interested to hear how the talk goes.

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, I'd definitely confront him. I can't imagine any reason other than wanting to get one that someone would be looking around for that info.

 

[agirlhasnoname]

Hello guys, thank you for all your kind responses. It's all comforting.

I already confronted my husband about it and he was kind to answer all my questions. He told me he was just looking for a messaging app that could work in China since we'll be having a hard time to communicate because of banned messaging apps like facebook messenger, viber etc. He told me he just stumbled at a certain site and got curious. He also reasoned that if he will do something bad he could have deleted the history and wouldn't let me see what was there. He was also sorry about being curious and told me that I have to trust him.

By the way, yes, my husband is a young Christian, he had bad relationships before (most of his long term relationships are LDR, that's why he got addicted with inappropriate contentography) and had inappropriate contentography addiction for a decade. Our sex life is also great and very active.

Just an update, their plane just landed in China.

 

[agirlhasnoname]

The going to China thing and looking at Chinese escorts answers the question about what you should do. Confront him about it before he goes. Do you have joint bank account access? If so while hes gone check your accounts to see if hes spent money that seems suspicious. Unless he has cash of course. Escorts in other countries, especially asia are cheap to get. In my wifes country they were about $5 for sex. BTW I don't this first hand of course, just from reading online about the sex trade.

That all aside how is the sex life in your marriage? Often times its why someone will do something like cheating. I also know men who cheat because once a child is in their life the child becomes priority, so the couple doesn't get much times to themselves, so stress builds up and so on. Could also be maybe he thinks the sex life isn't that exciting anymore. Could be anything really. Not that its an excuse to cheat of course. You need to also talk to him about that end of things before he makes a big mistake.

Having had a inappropriate content addiction I can tell you when you let your guard down, sometimes the devil is waiting for you. Maybe he is also looking at inappropriate content too and its messing with his head since you see TONS of sex stuff thats not normal for a normal sex life. Are you able to check his browser history? And his phone? Normally I'd say don't go to overboard with it but with only a few days to go before this trip and him looking up escorts, this is a urgent matter.

Also of course pray, pray and pray. Read together. Do devotions. I'd also setup an emergency meeting with your pastor, yours husband and yourself. If God forbid he does go there and does something, I would make sure he gets checked for STDs. Maybe have him (or yourself) go somewhere for a few days until he gets help.

Yes, I actually check his browser history and his phone everyday, there are times that I could see he is still browsing but I usually confront him about it. Those are times when we don't have sex for like a week or so.

It's just also weird because he don't usually initiate for us to do it. Mostly, it is me who would make the first move before we actually have sex but nonetheless, we have an active sex life, if you ask.


Anyway, thank you for your message and God bless you!

 

[shioks]

whatsapp works in China.

 

[agirlhasnoname]

Your husband is a young Christian that has some bad habits engrained in him. Has he been working at maturing in his Christian faith? Getting your sins forgiven and accepting the great grace of God is just the first part. After that it is very important to build that faith up and that is not always fun but takes commitment and discipline.

I hope that your husband is touched by the spirit because that is very powerful and affective, However, I would not hesitate to give him a few scriptures such as those below:



Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge




1 Corinthians 6:9

Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,




Luke 6:46
46 And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?


I know the consequences may not be the best and most permanent way to change a person from the inside out but God's words of warning sure can get their attention for 6 days. It can also keep him from sinning.




Being a strong Christian requires being a person of strong character and integrity. It also requires a person to be unselfish and sacrifice for the good. God does not play games with His requirements for a child of God. You reap what you sow!

Hello, yes! My husband is a young Christian. He received Christ last year and I am very happy for his decision to do that. Anyway, the thing is that, we are actually living as of the moment here in Japan for a year and it's really hard for us to find a Christian community or a church. We only listen to Christian podcasts for sermons.

Thank you for your message! God bless!

 

[agirlhasnoname]

whatsapp works in China.

Hi shioks! Yes, we already figured a way to communicate, we downloaded whatsapp and wechat already.
Thank you for your kind response

 

[shioks]

WeChat is China version of Whatsapp though more features.

Pray for his trip and focus on Christ. There are churches for foreigners in China. Which part is he going?

 

[agirlhasnoname]

WeChat is China version of Whatsapp though more features.

Pray for his trip and focus on Christ. There are churches for foreigners in China. Which part is he going?

He will be staying in Beijing for 6 days! I'm just not sure if he'll be able to go to church on Sunday there.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well good to hear its not a sex life issue at least since you initiate it. Did he ever look at inappropriate content in the past? I ask because inappropriate content is like poison. You can be married but because of inappropriate content in the past you view sex differently. So sex can become "bland" because your so used to new stimulus in inappropriate content. I speak from experience. My past to some degree twisted my view on sex in marriage at first. Thankfully I recovered from that view quickly. But I've seen many men who don't recover as well and get bored with intimacy in their marriage.

Its also good he admitted why he looked at that escort stuff. And its good he says he won't take action while in China. Obviously we can only pray this is the case. Always best to give a person the benefit of the doubt. Accidents happens, especially online where you can be reading a news story and theres a "Sexual" ad right net to it.

 

[kmrichard7]

Im sorry but his response irks me.
He has given you reason to not trust him, but expects trust before he goes to another country solo after looming at escort sites he happened to "stumble upon"?

So is he curious about escorts or chineese escorts?

How ironic that he stumbled on chineese escort info right before a flight to china.

Im sorry but i hate it when people in the erong turn the situation over and blame the other person. What are we 5? I just imagine them yelling and pointing "He did it!" ugh

I actually completely cut off a brother of mine because of this reason. When being confronted with something he did that was wrong he tried to shift the blame on me. Proves he doesnt think hes done anything wrong nor has any plans to change. These are the types of people that will keep hurting you.

I dont suggest leaving him, im no marriage therapist so i dont know what advice to give on how to save your marriage (But God can save it!) but i do know that he is full of it with his excuses and shifting blame.

 

[agirlhasnoname]

Well good to hear its not a sex life issue at least since you initiate it. Did he ever look at inappropriate content in the past? I ask because inappropriate content is like poison. You can be married but because of inappropriate content in the past you view sex differently. So sex can become "bland" because your so used to new stimulus in inappropriate content. I speak from experience. My past to some degree twisted my view on sex in marriage at first. Thankfully I recovered from that view quickly. But I've seen many men who don't recover as well and get bored with intimacy in their marriage.

Its also good he admitted why he looked at that escort stuff. And its good he says he won't take action while in China. Obviously we can only pray this is the case. Always best to give a person the benefit of the doubt. Accidents happens, especially online where you can be reading a news story and theres a "Sexual" ad right net to it.

I agree with you, him being a inappropriate content addict before was hard especially on our first year of marriage. I just knew he was an addict when we got married, I was shocked and deeply hurt but then I prayed that God intervene for his situation and He actually did! Thank you for your words, it made me comfortable and trust God than my gut. Hearing that you also had an experience about it and recovered from it is already an assurance.

Probably, him accidentally seeing an escort ad and me knowing he made such action is already a warning for both of us which made things better because maybe God already intercepted what could happen.

Thank you, thank you so much

 

[agirlhasnoname]

Im sorry but his response irks me.
He has given you reason to not trust him, but expects trust before he goes to another country solo after looming at escort sites he happened to "stumble upon"?

So is he curious about escorts or chineese escorts?

How ironic that he stumbled on chineese escort info right before a flight to china.

Im sorry but i hate it when people in the erong turn the situation over and blame the other person. What are we 5? I just imagine them yelling and pointing "He did it!" ugh

I actually completely cut off a brother of mine because of this reason. When being confronted with something he did that was wrong he tried to shift the blame on me. Proves he doesnt think hes done anything wrong nor has any plans to change. These are the types of people that will keep hurting you.

I dont suggest leaving him, im no marriage therapist so i dont know what advice to give on how to save your marriage (But God can save it!) but i do know that he is full of it with his excuses and shifting blame.

Hello, kmrichard7! He could do it or not but only God knows. I also need to be positive for myself so, I could sleep soundly at night. I already entrusted my doubts and fears to the one and only Lover of my soul Thank you for your comment and concern!