Hurting

[4KidsMOM]

You know, I've been hurting so much. Why can't anyone see my pain. The attacks I have received from those who were suppose to love me, from those that said they cared.Its unbearable.

How did I get here, in this place. Will I ever find rest? I have praying for a way out, but I know that I deserve to be loved, respected and cared for. Is that high expectations for a christian.

I was only three when it happened, but I think about it everyday. I can't get the hurt, the pain out of my head. Too many bad memories you know. Then being blamed for it and being treated so differently apart from my family. To make matters worst, I didn't always make the right choices growing up.

I know God has forgiven me. I know he has taken away my sins. But why does it still hurt so much. Why am I still surrounded around people who only objective is to hurt me. is this all my fault also?

I deserve all this?

 

[Sevensong]

I don't know what your sins were, but being hurt by others certainly wasn't one of them. Whatever happened to you when you were three was not your fault. I hope you at least know that much. Being blamed for what others did to you, especially by those who were supposed to love you, was monstrous. That, too, was NOT your fault. Of course you suffered the effects of trauma growing up, which threw you off course, so it's not surprising that you made some bad choices. So did I. That doesn't make us responsible for the abuse, or its effects. A lot of people - most people - are "thrown off" by abuse in this way.

I'm glad you realize that you deserve to be loved and respected. No, that's not asking for too much. I don't know when you'll find rest, but Jesus does, and He has everything you need. Please try to stay close to Him. Praying for you, and everyone like you...

 

[4KidsMOM]

You guys do not know how much it has helped to get advice from every single one of you. Knowing that I am not in this battle alone. That I have brothers and sister who are praying for me. I ask God to Bless each and everyone one of you. Thank you for allowing me to open up and tell you my story. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for keeping it straight with me.

Sevensong most people in these situations are turned away from family because the abuser has also betrayed there trust and they need someone to blame. So the victim in most cases is victimized again by there family. Told not to speak about it and treated as if they are a disgrace. not to forget my mother is a narcissis and its hard for her to understand where i am coming from. It hurts so much for your family you knew your whole entire life to have turned away from you. Or that they view as someone they really never knew. Its a pain i don't ever want any one to go through!!

When you abuse a child who is like a sponge every negative thing soaks in, that child doesn't know that your the sick one. They began to view themselves in an introverted way, changing the course of there growth completely.

I use think that one day i would forget and that the pain would soon be over. I never thought as a child that i would have to live with it the rest of my life.

Yeah

 

[4KidsMOM]

I guess there is no point of talking about it. It is nice to know that there is a place I can come and talk if the thoughts or the hurts are getting too much.

 

[Johnnz]

It really helps for a hurting person to be really listened to and understood. That is necessary for the trust needed for prayer that can heal.

John
NZ

 

[4KidsMOM]

You know what I was just thinking of, is why I could not see sooner? I thought I would just sit around expecting for things to change on there own. But things are not going to change until I can really see the change he has done in me, and until I can full without a doubt understand his forgiveness.

You know thats been the devils main attack, trying to make me doubt his forgiveness. I know he has forgiven me, I felt it. When he took away the emptiness inside me. Even though those who I thought would love and understand me would be there for me, instead they turned their backs on me, accused me. Made me out to be a liar! It hurts so bad, but even though all of this, God hasn't given up me. I can still feel his love, he wants me to trust him. I do.

 

[4KidsMOM]

You know I married my husband. Before I married him he told me that I would never come first before his family. I knew this was something that I could not live with. I knew that I could not spend the rest of our lives fighting his family for my husbands love. I cried when he told me this because we had already made many arrangements for the wedding. But I told him that we had to go our separate ways. He begged me to stay with him and talked me into marring him. Now everyday he makes me suffer, he is never home. Always doing something for a friend or family. I have two kids with him, I have given him everything. I have no family, no one to love me as a human being. I gave him my last chance to live a good life. Now what am I going to do with two kids and sadness in my heart? How am I going to get through this. He has thrown me away a long time ago, I just have no were to go. I have no one you know. Its been five years, I have been looking for a career. I've finished my schooling but nothing. I can't find anything. I don't understand why God doesn't want to help me out my situation. Haven't I suffered enough in this life. If it weren't for my children I would just end it all. I did not understand this about life, what I understand now. That I should have not rushed to get married, that I was valuable then and had a second chance. Why did I give it all to him. I would do anything for this man! I have, he knows I love him. I lose, I lose you now. I lose it all. I feel so hurt you know. Like I really messed up. I am only 26 but I am old enough to know that life is so short that there is no time for mistakes.