How would Jesus handle family that didn't help at home?

[pinkjess]

I am the only one who washes dishes in my house and it makes me upset. My family doesn't really help out and it seems like they expect me to take care of everything and I get stressed out especially since I have been having fatigue issues and stress makes it worse. The sink will pile up and it gets upsetting. I have no will to keep all of the house clean because it feels like nobody will help keep it that way so what is the use?

It feels like nobody cares to keep the house cleaned up, and it bothers me greatly. I have been getting angry feelings towards my family when I see them relaxed on the couch while I clean things. I know it is sinful so I repent and ask God to take my angry feelings away. I can't keep living like this.

Everyone wants me to get a job before January and I still haven't got a medical answer for my flu like fatigue and sun sensitivity (and sometimes joint pain) and if I have to work a job and clean the house I don't know how my health will stand.

What would Jesus want me to do about this? I want my family to help me keep things clean. I'm not asking them to scrub the toilets, but at least help me keep the sink and counters clean after they make a mess. I think it would be fair to have some dual cooperation when it comes to stuff like that, you know? I'm not asking them to do everything, just help me keep things under control.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I don't clean up after able bodied people unless I'm getting paid to be a housekeeper/maid.
(This don't mean that I never help out, or do my share of dishwashing, it just means that I don't make dishwashing my job all the time when there be others who live in the home that should do they share of housework, if they are capable.)

At home... my hubby helps me with the housework. The days either of us don't feel like washing dishes, we use paper plates/cups and plastic flatware...I keep that stuff on hand.

 

[High Fidelity]

If they're supporting you financially and you aren't working then I can somewhat understand their mentality.

I'd explain that to them too that yes, if you're financially dependent on them and unemployed then yes, you should be doing more around the house, however, if your health truly is getting in the way of things then they need to understand and respect that reality whether or not it's something they truly understand.

Even Doctors rely largely on the patient telling them what symptoms they're experiencing before they can recommend further considerations. Doctors can't feel what we feel, so we have to communicate it and them act accordingly and if your health is getting in the way of their expectations then you need to talk to them about it and ask them to trust you.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

...What would Jesus want me to do about this?...

1. He would tell you to fear not; believe only, and you shall be made whole:

Luk 8:49-50 KJV
(49) While he yet spake, there cometh one from the ruler of the synagogue's house, saying to him, Thy daughter is dead; trouble not the Master.
(50) But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.

2. He would tell you to focus on His teaching more than on what you think needs to be done and who needs to do it around your house:

Luk 10:38-42 KJV
(38) Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.
(39) And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.
(40) But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
(41) And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:
(42) But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

look at your duties around the house like it was a job - you get paid by having a place to sleep, food to eat, and time to focus on God's healing word. when you do get a job in the workforce, you will definitely have to deal with these same issues of others being inconsiderate in your view - take advantage of this opportunity to train yourself to serve God in your work as a show of faith in His faithfulness to reward you, instead of expecting others to change.

and receive your healing from His word - stop focusing on your symptoms and focus on His promises of healing.

it's all about your focus - shift your focus to God and you won't be bothered by others, and will receive your healing; you've tried everything else - why not try this?

http://moorelife.org/listseries.php?xml=rss/ReceivingAndMinisteringHealing.xml
http://moorelife.org/listseries.php?xml=rss/ReceivingAndMinisteringHealing2.xml

 

[Greg J.]

I don't know your family situation in enough detail, but it sounds like they may be rejecting helping you you with your needs due to your limitations. Something along the lines of what Kit Sigmon said would be to nicely and specifically ask them to rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher as each finishes eating (or whatever is needed that would help you). Then do not clean up after them. Clean up after yourself and whatever things you didn't ask them to do. Let their dirty dishes pile up. You may have to also not completely clean up after yourself so you clean only a dish for yourself before you eat.

Withstanding rejection in any form from family members can be extremely painful and impossible for some, so don't feel bad if this particular option doesn't work for you.

Also, this may not be acceptable behavior for you if they are regularly doing their share of other chores around the house.

You need God's help in many areas of your life. (Actually we all need God's help in every area of our lives.) One thing that is relatively easy to do is to ask him for wisdom about how you should handle things. Be sure you are doing your side of a good relationship with God, then he will certainly respond. Because of the level of struggle in your life, the best thing you can be doing is investing as much time as you can into worship, prayer, fasting, and obedience to God. The more you are seeking him, the more of him you will get (in ways he decides).

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5, 1984 NIV)

If your bigger problem is that you are living in a toxic family situation, you need to be praying to God for help with that. Make specific requests and keep praying them. Seek help from people and organizations that can help you.

 

[Goodbook]

Just sit at jesus feet and let them do their own dishes. Dont worry about it. If the rats and ants come and it starts to smell, let it.

Jesus told martha not to get angry about stuff like that, do what Mary did, that was more important.

 

[mmksparbud]

You really need to get medical attention and get to the bottom of your physical problems. I have fibromyalgia which eventually led to being on disability. At first my husband did not believe me. I know a lot of people with fibro who's family at first did not believe them. It took time for my husband, and reading articles about it and as my work suffered and the doctors had to cut me off work altogether. It was devastating emotionally and physically, not to mention, financially, to see myself deteriorate as I did. I was a workhorse my whole life-very independent and this just humbled me to the floor. You have to take care of yourself or you will be useless to anyone else. Make sure you get everything documented and keep every record of your doctors visits and have records to show when you need to. Really, the one thing that changed my husband was not the information I gave him so much as the medical problems he also started experiencing that eventually led to him going on disability also----nothing like personal experience!! If you do not work, then they are bound to expect you to do the housework, however, they should not be allowed to take advantage of that and turn into total slobs.
As for what would Jesus do---a whip does come to mind!!

 

[Razare]

Are any your children?

Children should be given chores and shown to take care of the house. Personally, I would probably have my children manage most of that. Why? So they can learn something and have good job skills when they get older.

I think the key with it, is a lot of parents who do this are "mean parents" ... and the children are right to fuss over it because the attitude of their parents is terrible. But me personally, I'm a fun-loving person, and I'd just share with my children the idea of enjoying work, rather than being bothered by it. And I would also share with them the idea of promotion... you learn one thing well, you gain skills to move on to a better position... so dish washing is a good skill, if you don't want to be dish washing when you're 18 and looking for a job... because if you handled dish washing well as a teen, you'll be able to handle something bigger at 18.

I love to work now that I got Jesus in me. And if they're not your kids, I would rely on loving to work from the spirit of Jesus put in you.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well for starters I understand having health issues. You need to get those worked on.

Next, if your not working then it makes sense you do the chores. My wife works and I am a "at home" husband. So because of this I do the chores. We do live at home though. My mom also does some chores too. Now that my dad is retired though he does NOTHING really. And it gets annoying. Just because you retire doesn't mean life responsibility ends suddenly.

Once your working I'm sure they won't expect as much from you. Though if they still expect all chores done once working, then obviously there is an issue with them that needs to be addressed. There are times when my health is just bad and I don't want to do the chores. And sometimes someone will do my chores like my mom. Not always though. Which does annoy me because if I have a very severe migraine and can't leave the bed, last thing I want to do is find out no one put away the dishes for a a whole day.

 

[longwait]

I suffer the same plight. My family is just like that. Even if I am ill and in bed they won't help around the house. Now I have come to realize thats how they are and I have learned to accept it.

 

[John Davidson]

Just sit at jesus feet and let them do their own dishes. Dont worry about it. If the rats and ants come and it starts to smell, let it.

Jesus told martha not to get angry about stuff like that, do what Mary did, that was more important.

I completely disagree with this mentality.

Jesus also taught us to be servants.

So serve your family and don't complain.

 

[mmksparbud]

I completely disagree with this mentality.

Jesus also taught us to be servants.

So serve your family and don't complain.

And I disagree with this mentality. Children need to be taught to be servants also--they need structure, they need discipline, they need rules to live by and they will not learn to be mature, caring adults, self-reliant, if they do not learn to work around the house and help out and learn cooking and how to take care of a home, each other and themselves. They will expect others to do for them if that is all they are taught. I have seen it over and over of both men and women.

 

[John Davidson]

And I disagree with this mentality. Children need to be taught to be servants also--they need structure, they need discipline, they need rules to live by and they will not learn to be mature, caring adults, self-reliant, if they do not learn to work around the house and help out and learn cooking and how to take care of a home, each other and themselves. They will expect others to do for them if that is all they are taught. I have seen it over and over of both men and women.

Isn't that what I said? That she should be a servant and work.

 

[mmksparbud]

Isn't that what I said? That she should be a servant and work.

No--you're talking about a woman who has medical issues with a family that doesn't help and you want her to

So serve your family and don't complain.

 

[John Davidson]

No--you're talking about a woman who has medical issues with a family that doesn't help and you want her to

This is a young girl with no job. I think my advice is good. Christ wants us to lead by example. If she cleans house and sets a good example maybe eventually her relatives will follow. Christ taught us to be servants and not demanding slave drivers.

I am severely ill but I still manage to mow the lawn and do housework. She can possibly do the same.

 

[pinkjess]

This is a young girl with no job. I think my advice is good. Christ wants us to lead by example. If she cleans house and sets a good example maybe eventually her relatives will follow. Christ taught us to be servants and not demanding slave drivers.

I am severely ill but I still manage to mow the lawn and do housework. She can possibly do the same.

I thank you for your honest response. What I am most worried about is when I do get a job, I will be the one still cleaning up after everything and still feeling ill from fatigue. I get so fatigued I feel like passing out. It's scary and I fear the future. But I will have faith if God can help you then He can help me.

 

[John Davidson]

I thank you for your honest response. What I am most worried about is when I do get a job, I will be the one still cleaning up after everything and still feeling ill from fatigue. I get so fatigued I feel like passing out. It's scary and I fear the future. But I will have faith if God can help you then He can help me.

pinkjess,
Only do what you feel comfortable doing. If you feel too ill then take a break.

Being sick I try not to push myself too hard. When I feel too sick I go lay down.

 

[Goodbook]

Just do what you can without complaining about everyone else.

Martha complained because she was doing everything but she didnt HAVE to.

You are not the parent. If your own parents or family members are lazy, then let them be. You just do the things that need doing and dont complain about what they dont do. GOd sees you. Dont feel you have to do everything and then noisily comlplain that you are.

Also its important to be Jesus friend, yes, we can be servants but its far better to be FRIENDS and listen and hangout with Him.