How to handle this?

[seashale76]

My parents have never been truly supportive of me becoming Orthodox. They'll talk out of both sides of their mouths on the matter. Some days everything is hunky dory and other days it is the worst thing ever.

We were in the position of being invited to a friend's house (from church) for Pascha and had accepted. When my mom called we told her we already had made plans (and I didn't want to hang out with her music minister and his wife anyway). You all know how Pascha goes- but when I called my parents later I got the cold shoulder. They are angry with me and are pretty much refusing to talk to me right now.

Everything was okay as of Thursday when I talked to my mom. With Holy Week services, Pascha, and having to study for finals and going to classes- I have been busy- and they know this. They live in another county- which is far enough to be inconvenient- so I've not had time to dedicate to calling or visiting.

What makes it worse is that I asked my dad how their service was and he said that it was just a regular Sunday service with an Easter message, but nothing special. Well, if it doesn't mean anything and isn't special, then why am I being emotionally manipulated and guilt tripped into hanging out with them on what is pretty much a meaningless holiday to them? I know it is- they raised me- after all. The only thing special about Easter when I was growing up was getting a new dress and eating chocolate. It's easier when Pascha falls on a different day even though I wind up spending their Easter with them on those days and hardly eat anything.

I'm thoroughly depressed now.

 

[Lukaris]

It seems like there is an ongoing undercurrent of tension with your faith & family. Overall I think you are all fine & just having ordinary ups & downs. I think this situation just hit you when you are overworked & tired.

 

[Nani-Day]

Are you sure it's not something deeper thats bothering them?

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Hang in there, sister! Hang in there.

I think my parents find it a bit odd that we converted, but overall they're friendly about it and positive. It sounds kind of weird in Central California, the Bible Belt where you're either an evangelical or a Catholic, to have some Slavic bunchuh Serbs having that onion-domed thingamajigerr church! LOL

It's pretty crazy to become Orthodox because sometimes we JUST DON'T FIT IN! People look at you like you're weirdsville for sure.

Your parents will just have to come around. Your conscience seems clear that you're in the True faith. You just need to keep praying for them....not that they'll become Orthodox, but that they'll accept it for your sake. Maybe pray to Saints Cyril and Methodius who went into brand new territory not knowing what to expect and won over hearts!? Maybe those saints would be great for intercessory help? Just keep your chin up and try not to involve them in your church stuff. Just do your thing and hang in there! Time heals wounds most of the time. Year after year as they see you going to Divine Liturgy, see your icons, smell that incense on your blouse, and watch it transform you into an EVEN better person, they'll come around most likely!!!

My parents have never been truly supportive of me becoming Orthodox. They'll talk out of both sides of their mouths on the matter. Some days everything is hunky dory and other days it is the worst thing ever.

We were in the position of being invited to a friend's house (from church) for Pascha and had accepted. When my mom called we told her we already had made plans (and I didn't want to hang out with her music minister and his wife anyway). You all know how Pascha goes- but when I called my parents later I got the cold shoulder. They are angry with me and are pretty much refusing to talk to me right now.

Everything was okay as of Thursday when I talked to my mom. With Holy Week services, Pascha, and having to study for finals and going to classes- I have been busy- and they know this. They live in another county- which is far enough to be inconvenient- so I've not had time to dedicate to calling or visiting.

What makes it worse is that I asked my dad how their service was and he said that it was just a regular Sunday service with an Easter message, but nothing special. Well, if it doesn't mean anything and isn't special, then why am I being emotionally manipulated and guilt tripped into hanging out with them on what is pretty much a meaningless holiday to them? I know it is- they raised me- after all. The only thing special about Easter when I was growing up was getting a new dress and eating chocolate. It's easier when Pascha falls on a different day even though I wind up spending their Easter with them on those days and hardly eat anything.

I'm thoroughly depressed now.

 

[rusmeister]

Yikes!

 

[gzt]

It sounds like what little they did for Easter as a family was more significant to them than you thought based on the externals, or that perhaps it's become a little more important to them. You obviously cannot abandon the celebration of Pascha at an Orthodox Church, but you might have to compromise on the rest.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hmmmm. I wish I had wisdom to offer. I'm just sorry with all the joyousness of Pascha that on the heels of that you have such a depressing situation to distract you from Pascha.

And I have not told my family I am going to an Orthodox church. Only my aunt and her husband are very concerned with the faith anyway, but the others I believe are in the faith, just very "open". Still I expect they may not react very well. Then again, they didn't react well when I went to a Pentecostal church either. And I have had odd reactions from friends, and even shop-keepers, mentioning anything to do with Orthodoxy. So I can relate to a tiny part of your situation.

You know your family best ... do you think your mother is just trying to guilt you? And because she wants you do do something different, or just to get a reaction from you emotionally, or wants you to be obligated to something for her? Or do you think she might be truly hurt and the gathering on Easter was more important to her?

It seems as if she's trying to manipulate you, maybe it's best to pray about your feelings on the matter, and gently ignore it? If she is truly hurt, perhaps there is a way you can acknowledge her feelings and help her to feel better?

As I said, I wish I could offer you wisdom, but I don't really have any. I just pray that your joy may be restored, and you'll know what to do.

Christ is Risen! For all of us!

 

[Gxg (G²)]

My parents have never been truly supportive of me becoming Orthodox. They'll talk out of both sides of their mouths on the matter. Some days everything is hunky dory and other days it is the worst thing ever.

We were in the position of being invited to a friend's house (from church) for Pascha and had accepted. When my mom called we told her we already had made plans (and I didn't want to hang out with her music minister and his wife anyway). You all know how Pascha goes- but when I called my parents later I got the cold shoulder. They are angry with me and are pretty much refusing to talk to me right now.

Everything was okay as of Thursday when I talked to my mom. With Holy Week services, Pascha, and having to study for finals and going to classes- I have been busy- and they know this. They live in another county- which is far enough to be inconvenient- so I've not had time to dedicate to calling or visiting.

What makes it worse is that I asked my dad how their service was and he said that it was just a regular Sunday service with an Easter message, but nothing special. Well, if it doesn't mean anything and isn't special, then why am I being emotionally manipulated and guilt tripped into hanging out with them on what is pretty much a meaningless holiday to them? I know it is- they raised me- after all. The only thing special about Easter when I was growing up was getting a new dress and eating chocolate. It's easier when Pascha falls on a different day even though I wind up spending their Easter with them on those days and hardly eat anything.

I'm thoroughly depressed now.

If I may say..

I have wondered on that dynamic when it comes to the call of "Honor Your Father and Mother" - and how that has often been misconstrued to be something it's not meant to be when it seems parents forget that children who've grown up need to be able to make their own decisions and know that they'll not be exactly the same as them.....nor the children feeling guilty for it when they've already been effectively on their own and living their own life. If commitment to church has led to problems respectively, then it does seem that times may involve having to separate so as to provide distance and not be around one another as much if it's the case that there's no mutual respect with how each live differently - and may have miscommunication.

If both sides are able and willing to pray and ask what they may have been doing respectively that led to conflict - much can be worked through. But with both sides in a mindset of "They're 100% wrong!!", it gets interesting...

 

[Dorothea]

My advice is going to be worthless because my whole family is Orthodox, so I haven't experienced it, so take it with a grain of salt.

If I were you, I'd give them time to simmer down. After doing so, try contacting them at that later date. Hopefully things will have improved a bit. It is my experience that with family, some time to cool down helps. Praying that you and your family can come to a peaceful resolution.

 

[ArmyMatt]

I would give it time. members of my family were upset when I converted years ago, and those same members loved my uber Orthodox wedding and are stoked that I can finally go to STOTS. give it time, some prayers, and love and you will be alright.