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How to deal with a procrastinating husband without turning into a nagging wife?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Amy, Nov 10, 2003.

  1. Amy

    Amy Quiet Kitty

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    Is it even possible?... :scratch:
     
  2. katelyn

    katelyn Senior Veteran

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    I'm not too sure about this one. :p If you figure it out, let me know!!! LOL!
     
  3. chris320

    chris320 Charismatic Zionist

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  4. JillLars

    JillLars It's a Boy! Jace David- Due 1/20/07

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    I would just tell him straight up that you don't want to be a nag, but he needs to get off his bum and do ___ whatever it is that you want him to do.

    All he might need is a push in the right direction, I am a procrastinator myself, and I know it annoys my fiance, its hard to get me to do anything, but if I know that he's annoyed, I will usually be more motivated to get things done.
     
  5. Gabriel

    Gabriel I Once Was Lost, But Now Am Found

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    Procrastinator? Hmmm, I'll have to answer this tomorrow...;)

    Seriously, the title of this thread describes me and my wife. Funny, though, the nagging seems to make my procrastination worse. Stupid and stubborn on my part, yes.

    The thing that finally made a difference is that she made me understand how my procrastinating made her feel. See, most guys know the wife loves them if they do the wifely, umm, things when we ask, or if the wife says, "I love you" or gives us kisses, etc. Wives, on the other hand, see acts of service as acts of love. For instance, I work out of a home office. I eat breakfast and lunch in my very own kitchen and see no problem at all with throwing the dirty dishes in the sink and doing them with dinner dishes. My wife, however, has a big problem with that. She comes home to a spotless house with a few dishes in the sink. She sees a dirty house. This causes her stress as she comes home to her refuge from the world. She's a neat nick and the first thing she sees is a "mess". Big deal, right? To her it is. Men see dirty dishes and think, "I'll do them later." women see dirty dishes and think, "My husband doesn't love me enough to take two minutes out of his day to take care of those dishes so that I can come home to a clean house." Crazy, huh? Not crazy, just different. The thing is, I had no idea why this thing that was little to me was so big to my wife. Until she told me. Have I changed over night? Not hardly. However, more often than not, I do realize the importance of those "little things' and I take two minutes to get it done.

    So, ladies, educate your husbands. You will tell your friends the smallest thought or detail, yet you expect us to be mind readers. Heck, we barely know what we're thinking most of the time, let alone what someone else is thinking. Tell them, in a nice way, how the procrastinating makes you feel. Let them in on the signal it sends to you. And if they don't respond appropriately, bribe them. If that doesn't work, they deserve to be nagged.
     
  6. allieisme

    allieisme I am ME

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    Describes me and my husband as well!

    Mine is the worst procrastinator ever, and I have to nag and nag until something gets done, and I always must emphasize to him that I wouldnt nag if he wouldnt put things off all the time.
    The best thing I think you could do to change the situation around is to pray, pray for your husbands ability to not put things off.
     
  7. Raterus

    Raterus He Slices! He Dices!

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    Do it yourself, or at least try (and maybe even mess up).

    If my wife starts doing something that I know is my job, that'll urk me, but urk me enough to push her out of the way so I can do it. Wait a minute...I just figured out her secret...hmmm..
     
  8. Kelly

    Kelly Dungeon Master

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    I'll get an answer to you later.


    ^_^
     
  9. blitzn

    blitzn God is my Strong Tower

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    Very well said. I totally agree. Personally, I've always told my wife, "all you have to do is smile and I melt..." :)

    - blitzn
     
  10. Iddie4him

    Iddie4him Guest

    This also describes E-Beth and I to a T.....
    The more she complains, The more jobs I find to put off what she needs done...Not 100% of the time, but, most of the time. Now, If you had asked me about my first wife, The answer woulda been an emphatic yes, just to get her goat.
     
  11. Amy

    Amy Quiet Kitty

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    LOL!! :D

    Thank you all for your input. I love my husband dearly, and it is fine with me if something that could be done today gets put off till tomorrow; I can be the same way, too. But certain things just need to be done. We both know it, and there is not much I can do about them alone. Gentle reminders do work, but sometimes I'm afraid that in my husband's mind they begin to turn into nagging... :sigh:
     
  12. search1ng

    search1ng New Member

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    Gabriel knows what he's talking about.

    My husband and I just had this discussion about his lack of doing anything around the house. I tried nagging, I tried just leaving it, I tried doing it myself.. nothing worked. But now that I have explained how it makes me feel, he has really shaped up. Knowing that leaving a mess makes me feel disrespected and taken for granted has opened his eyes. Now if I can just get him to buy me flowers..... ;)
     
  13. E-beth

    E-beth Senior Contributor

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    That Gabe is a smart guy!

    Yes it irks me to see dirty dishes that I left by the sink still there, even bigger, when I get home from work. I think, If he loved me, he would want me to relax after work and would do all the work before I get home. He just left them there, assuming I would be overjoyed to do them when I get home, sandwiched in between cooking dinner and cleaning the baby messes all over the place. When I come home to a dirty mess, I feel unloved.

    In my heart I know I am, and for that reason I try not to nag. I will hint, ask, mention, complain, and do it myself very angrily. I admit it...I resent feeling like I am taken for granted.

    Nagging wives make me really uncomfortable, but sometimes a bad mood and overtiredness coupled with overwork makes E-beth a nagging chick.