How do I stop asking the question, " Why was he taken?"

[NOTWHATIWAS]

Thank you for the recommendation; I have just ordered that film.

My h died in 2011. My dad died in January and now my mum is very unwell, although it is impossible to know how long she might have; days, weeks, months; nobody knows. I try to think in terms of lives completed rather than ended, but it is still very difficult.

None of this is easy to cope with, but I think of the younger generation; we have to show them how to live, so that they can live when our turn comes, as it certainly will one day.

My husband passed away at 4;00pm, November 11, 2006(there are some dates that you just don't forget. I think we can all relate to that.)Something else I will not forget about that day-As I entered the hospice(for what was to be the last day of my husband's time here on earth)I felt a breeze, looked up and saw movement in the leaves of a tree overhead and heard a soft, comforting voice say, " I tell you today, you will be w/ me in Paradise". The same God who, spoke to Elijah w/the "still, small voice" is the same today and always. Praise God for limitless compassion and comfort in our times of greatest sorrow.

He will also take care of our little ones as He takes care of us (His adult children). We just have to continue to give it all over to Him, like Hannah in the Book of Samuel. She prayed, " Lord you gave me this child and I give Him back to you." It's not easy some days because we want to protect them in the aftermath of such a traumatic event in our lives. He loves them and they are more resilient than we know. Just give it over to Him, everyday. God bless you and yours.

 

[Mudinyeri]

As others have said, death is a certainty ... it's only a matter of when. I would also like to add "how."

I haven't lost a spouse, but I've lost a lot of other family and friends - some, it would seem, way before their time. Of course, that isn't true. Their time came. They moved on.

As I step back for perspective to answer the question, "Why?" I look for people who may have been positively impacted by the lives of those who have moved on ... or by the circumstances of their death. Did a health professional hear something about Christ as my brother went to his Chemo treatments? Did my eulogy reach someone who otherwise may not have heard the Truth? Seek for those things to answer the question.

 

[blackribbon]

As others have said, death is a certainty ... it's only a matter of when. I would also like to add "how."

I haven't lost a spouse, but I've lost a lot of other family and friends - some, it would seem, way before their time. Of course, that isn't true. Their time came. They moved on.

As I step back for perspective to answer the question, "Why?" I look for people who may have been positively impacted by the lives of those who have moved on ... or by the circumstances of their death. Did a health professional hear something about Christ as my brother went to his Chemo treatments? Did my eulogy reach someone who otherwise may not have heard the Truth? Seek for those things to answer the question.

I don't think there is an answer to "why" other than we all die and that is how we get to be with God. To say that someone got saved because your spouse died, doesn't remove the grief involved in watching your children struggle with how does a loving God leave them fatherless (or wonder about their own value to that God)? I can see the positives...the lives he has touched or the lives that have been touched through watching me...but that doesn't reduce the intensity of what we are feeling or experiencing. The good doesn't outweigh the bad when a good husband/father dies...both the good and bad just continue to exist arm in arm. "Looking for the positive" doesn't feel like the right answer when someone you loved died...grief is a God made emotion as much as joy and anger are. Why are we not allowed to feel it but rather need to brush it under the rug and pretend that "as long as their death had meaning, then I should be okay with the loss".

 

[NOTWHATIWAS]

I don't think there is an answer to "why" other than we all die and that is how we get to be with God. To say that someone got saved because your spouse died, doesn't remove the grief involved in watching your children struggle with how does a loving God leave them fatherless (or wonder about their own value to that God)? I can see the positives...the lives he has touched or the lives that have been touched through watching me...but that doesn't reduce the intensity of what we are feeling or experiencing. The good doesn't outweigh the bad when a good husband/father dies...both the good and bad just continue to exist arm in arm. "Looking for the positive" doesn't feel like the right answer when someone you loved died...grief is a God made emotion as much as joy and anger are. Why are we not allowed to feel it but rather need to brush it under the rug and pretend that "as long as their death had meaning, then I should be okay with the loss".

You certainly do have a right to feel what you are feeling at this time. No one has the right to tell you otherwise. I've felt the loneliness, emptiness, anger everyday for the past ten years since the death of my husband. Don't stuff these emotions and deny them. It is important to bring them out and discuss them. Then, when you have done that, rest in the peace of knowing that Jesus also understands suffering.Stay in prayer and connected with Him. He loves you. There are also people on this site who get what you are feeling now and want to pray with you and be a friend .I'm one of those. God bless you today.

 

[Mudinyeri]

I don't think there is an answer to "why" other than we all die and that is how we get to be with God. To say that someone got saved because your spouse died, doesn't remove the grief involved in watching your children struggle with how does a loving God leave them fatherless (or wonder about their own value to that God)? I can see the positives...the lives he has touched or the lives that have been touched through watching me...but that doesn't reduce the intensity of what we are feeling or experiencing. The good doesn't outweigh the bad when a good husband/father dies...both the good and bad just continue to exist arm in arm. "Looking for the positive" doesn't feel like the right answer when someone you loved died...grief is a God made emotion as much as joy and anger are. Why are we not allowed to feel it but rather need to brush it under the rug and pretend that "as long as their death had meaning, then I should be okay with the loss".

I'm trying to decide if you are purposefully twisting what I say or if you don't read what I post but quote me and respond anyway ... or something else.

I didn't say (m)any of the things you've put in quotation marks - I assume attributing them to me.

I didn't say it removed the grief. I didn't say one should be okay with the loss. I didn't say it should reduce the intensity of one's feelings. I didn't say to brush it under the rug.

Why are you attributing these things to me? If you have an axe to grind with me, feel free to send me a PM. In the mean time, please stop quoting my posts unless you have fully read and understood them and comment/attribute accurately.

 

[blackribbon]

What are you saying then? Is there a "why" when a person dies?

What are you saying is the purpose in finding the silver lining...for example the person who is saved because my loved one died?

No, I am not trying to twist what you are saying but this is exactly what I see...

 

[Mudinyeri]

What are you saying then? Is there a "why" when a person dies?

What are you saying is the purpose in finding the silver lining...for example the person who is saved because my loved one died?

No, I am not trying to twist what you are saying but this is exactly what I see...

I talked about my own personal experience. You extrapolated that to include, apparently, the entire world - among other interpretational errors.

I did suggest to the OP that seeking such things might be helpful. If you disagree, please do so respectfully. Avoid exaggeration and mocking.

 

[blackribbon]

I did not intend to mock. I guess I extrapolated your comments to apply to widowhood since this is a widows forum. The OP is from 3 years ago so I assumed that this was a general statement to help all widows/widowers on this forum and after hearing this kind of "counseling" over and over (common Christian counseling from people who haven't lived it), I am trying to figure out how it applies or helps any of us.

Yes, I am frustrated...this life is frustrating and tiring...even for Christians.

 

[blackribbon]

I will shut up now. What do I know anyway?

 

[Mudinyeri]

I did not intend to mock. I guess I extrapolated your comments to apply to widowhood since this is a widows forum. The OP is from 3 years ago so I assumed that this was a general statement to help all widows/widowers on this forum and after hearing this kind of "counseling" over and over (common Christian counseling from people who haven't lived it), I am trying to figure out how it applies or helps any of us.

Yes, I am frustrated...this life is frustrating and tiring...even for Christians.

It may be helpful to some but not to others.

On a side note, I didn't look at the date of the OP. This thread showed up in my "new threads" search.