How do Christians get married?

[Hestha]

I know that Christians get married in a church, but exactly what are the steps for a marriage? Is marriage controlled by the state or by the church? Perhaps, Christians get their marriage license first from the state and then hold a wedding ceremony by their church? Is a standard Western wedding really a Christian wedding, with or without the mentioning of the word "God"? If Christians want to divorce, do they hire a divorce lawyer and obtain a legal divorce, or do they ask a priest to annul their marriage? Do Christians divorce in the secular court, or do they hire Christian lawyers and file for divorce in a Christian courtroom and judge whether or not the divorce has met the biblical requirements for a divorce? Can a Roman Catholic Christian marry a Protestant? If a Roman Catholic man marries a Protestant woman, then how will the children be raised - based on Roman Catholic teachings or Protestant teachings, even when they contradict each other? Do Christians ever date and meet their match, or do they ask their parents to arrange a marriage for them? What if the parents do not approve of their child's future spouse based on concerns on theological incompatibilities? Does the child still have to obey his or her parents and not marry the future spouse? Who has the power to officiate a Christian wedding - the Church or the State? Is a Christian marriage considered valid, if the partners are married by a priest but obtain no marriage license from the state? Do Christians seek legal recognition for their marriage as well as obtaining a marriage license, or do they think that just being married by a priest is more important?

I know I have a lot of questions, so try to answer as much as you can handle!

 

[ebia]

I know that Christians get married in a church, but exactly what are the steps for a marriage? Is marriage controlled by the state or by the church? Perhaps, Christians get their marriage license first from the state and then hold a wedding ceremony by their church? Is a standard Western wedding really a Christian wedding, with or without the mentioning of the word "God"? If Christians want to divorce, do they hire a divorce lawyer and obtain a legal divorce, or do they ask a priest to annul their marriage? Do Christians divorce in the secular court, or do they hire Christian lawyers and file for divorce in a Christian courtroom and judge whether or not the divorce has met the biblical requirements for a divorce? Can a Roman Catholic Christian marry a Protestant? If a Roman Catholic man marries a Protestant woman, then how will the children be raised - based on Roman Catholic teachings or Protestant teachings, even when they contradict each other? Do Christians ever date and meet their match, or do they ask their parents to arrange a marriage for them? What if the parents do not approve of their child's future spouse based on concerns on theological incompatibilities? Does the child still have to obey his or her parents and not marry the future spouse? Who has the power to officiate a Christian wedding - the Church or the State? Is a Christian marriage considered valid, if the partners are married by a priest but obtain no marriage license from the state? Do Christians seek legal recognition for their marriage as well as obtaining a marriage license, or do they think that just being married by a priest is more important?

I know I have a lot of questions, so try to answer as much as you can handle!

All the questions about the connections between church and state will vary from country to country - and in some cases between denominations.

 

[ViaCrucis]

There is no universally binding "marriage procedure" in Christianity. Marriage and marriage customs are dictated more by culture than religion. Christianity recognizes the sacredness of marriage, and some traditions and denominations maintain certain protocols; but speaking broadly and universally, there exists no official way of "doing" marriage.

Even the act of getting married in a church or by a clergy person is simply a matter of culture and custom.

In the Middle Ages St. Thomas Aquinas attempted to wax philosophical on what constituted valid marriage. Aquinas basically said that what was needed was:

First: Willing consent. The couple agree to be wed.

Second: Consummation. The couple consummates their union.

And that's about it.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[DCJazz]

Yeah there's no long list of ceremonial rites or anything. Marriage customs are dictated by the culture, usually. But any custom that's obviously sinful is probably gonna be ignored.

 

[Faulty]

This Christian found his mate while they were both serving as soldiers in the army, and was married on a beach in Florida at sunset on a February 29th (because leap days are cool).

 

[Hestha]

Yeah there's no long list of ceremonial rites or anything. Marriage customs are dictated by the culture, usually. But any custom that's obviously sinful is probably gonna be ignored.

Isn't that contradictory? First you say that marriage customs are determined by culture, but then you say that if the marriage custom is "sinful", then that's going to be ignored. How do you draw a line between a unsinful marriage custom and a sinful marriage custom?

- a marriage custom in which the husband and wife are equal in marriage whereas a marriage custom in which the husband is the patriarch of the household

- a marriage custom in which there is a great age disparity between husband and wife (typically, in this case, the wife is much younger than the husband and cannot rear children yet because she is a child herself) whereas a marriage custom in which both husband and wife's ages are relatively similar

- a marriage custom in which both partners in the relationship is of the same sex whereas a marriage custom in which there is one man and one woman

- a marriage custom of one man and one woman whereas a marriage custom of one man with many wives (or one woman with many husbands)

Can you be a little specific here?

 

[DCJazz]

Isn't that contradictory? First you say that marriage customs are determined by culture, but then you say that if the marriage custom is "sinful", then that's going to be ignored. How do you draw a line between a unsinful marriage custom and a sinful marriage custom?

I'm not really being contradictory at all. God comes first, even before a wife/husband. As for the line, I think it'd be pretty obvious what I meant. Things such as being married in the name of gods that are not the true God would be a big one, I should think.

- a marriage custom in which the husband and wife are equal in marriage whereas a marriage custom in which the husband is the patriarch of the household

- a marriage custom in which there is a great age disparity between husband and wife (typically, in this case, the wife is much younger than the husband and cannot rear children yet because she is a child herself) whereas a marriage custom in which both husband and wife's ages are relatively similar

- a marriage custom in which both partners in the relationship is of the same sex whereas a marriage custom in which there is one man and one woman

- a marriage custom of one man and one woman whereas a marriage custom of one man with many wives (or one woman with many husbands)

Can you be a little specific here?

The last two would probably fit the definition, I should think. Anything of a sexually immoral nature would fit. It's not limited to just polygamy and same-sex marriages. Age would be an issue if one or both partners were too young; of course, for the subject of marriage, I automatically assume adults only are involved.

 

[Hospes]

I know that Christians get married in a church, but exactly what are the steps for a marriage? Is marriage controlled by the state or by the church? Perhaps, Christians get their marriage license first from the state and then hold a wedding ceremony by their church? Is a standard Western wedding really a Christian wedding, with or without the mentioning of the word "God"? If Christians want to divorce, do they hire a divorce lawyer and obtain a legal divorce, or do they ask a priest to annul their marriage? Do Christians divorce in the secular court, or do they hire Christian lawyers and file for divorce in a Christian courtroom and judge whether or not the divorce has met the biblical requirements for a divorce? Can a Roman Catholic Christian marry a Protestant? If a Roman Catholic man marries a Protestant woman, then how will the children be raised - based on Roman Catholic teachings or Protestant teachings, even when they contradict each other? Do Christians ever date and meet their match, or do they ask their parents to arrange a marriage for them? What if the parents do not approve of their child's future spouse based on concerns on theological incompatibilities? Does the child still have to obey his or her parents and not marry the future spouse? Who has the power to officiate a Christian wedding - the Church or the State? Is a Christian marriage considered valid, if the partners are married by a priest but obtain no marriage license from the state? Do Christians seek legal recognition for their marriage as well as obtaining a marriage license, or do they think that just being married by a priest is more important?

I know I have a lot of questions, so try to answer as much as you can handle!

The Bible teaches that marriage is much more profound than the various practices we call "getting married." Three Christian beliefs with massive implications:

1. God created marriage.
2. God himself joins husband and wife in marriage.
3. Marriage is to be a temporary display of the eternal relationship between Jesus and the Church.

The way we popularly view marriage is a horrid caricature of what God intended it to be.

 

[Hestha]

The Bible teaches that marriage is much more profound than the various practices we call "getting married." Three Christian beliefs with massive implications:

1. God created marriage.
2. God himself joins husband and wife in marriage.
3. Marriage is to be a temporary display of the eternal relationship between Jesus and the Church.

If marriage is "temporary", then that means the only two things that separate marriage are death and divorce, right? Is there a permanent display of the eternal relationship between Jesus and the Church?

The way we popularly view marriage is a horrid caricature of what God intended it to be.

Well, if "we" refers to Christians, then I suppose you are implying that Christians have drawn a horrible display or conception of marriage of what God intended it to be. In other words, Christians do not know what marriage is? Well, that's too bad. But there's church, right? Perhaps, church leaders can create a sermon on what is a Christian marriage.

Now, if "we" refers to Christians and non-Christians, then it's pretty obvious that not all marriages are arranged the same way. Different cultures have different ideas about marriage. As the former posters have mentioned, marriage rituals are mostly cultural. I can see how Christians would view other marriage practices as a horrid caricature of what God intended it to be: they are not Christian.

 

[Hospes]

Is there a permanent display of the eternal relationship between Jesus and the Church?

Can't think of any. But I am not sure I get your point: do you think there should be a permanent display?

Well, if "we" refers to Christians, then I suppose you are implying that Christians have drawn a horrible display or conception of marriage of what God intended it to be. In other words, Christians do not know what marriage is? Well, that's too bad. But there's church, right? Perhaps, church leaders can create a sermon on what is a Christian marriage.
Now, if "we" refers to Christians and non-Christians, then it's pretty obvious that not all marriages are arranged the same way. Different cultures have different ideas about marriage. As the former posters have mentioned, marriage rituals are mostly cultural. I can see how Christians would view other marriage practices as a horrid caricature of what God intended it to be: they are not Christian.

Sorry if I seem thick, but I am having a hard time understanding what your points are. So I'll just try to address some of what you write here in hopes I get at whatever they are.

When I write of a popular understanding of marriage, I mean the prevalent, i.e. the most popular, understanding of marriage held by us in the U.S., non-Christian and Christian alike.

I tried to be clear I was not writing of how marriage, or wedding, is practiced. I was writing of the Biblical view regarding the nature/essence/character of marriage. If the nature of marriage is understood correctly, there are no doubt many great ways to have culturally influenced marriage practices that are consistent with it and support it.

Of course there are many different ideas of what marriage is. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I think what he taught is true and all other thoughts on marriage are correct only as far as they are consistent with his teaching and that of the apostles.

Sure hope I addressed something for you!

 

[Hestha]

Can't think of any. But I am not sure I get your point: do you think there should be a permanent display?


Sorry if I seem thick, but I am having a hard time understanding what your points are. So I'll just try to address some of what you write here in hopes I get at whatever they are.

When I write of a popular understanding of marriage, I mean the prevalent, i.e. the most popular, understanding of marriage held by us in the U.S., non-Christian and Christian alike.

I tried to be clear I was not writing of how marriage, or wedding, is practiced. I was writing of the Biblical view regarding the nature/essence/character of marriage. If the nature of marriage is understood correctly, there are no doubt many great ways to have culturally influenced marriage practices that are consistent with it and support it.

Of course there are many different ideas of what marriage is. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I think what he taught is true and all other thoughts on marriage are correct only as far as they are consistent with his teaching and that of the apostles.

Sure hope I addressed something for you!

In the Biblical view, the nature/essence/character of marriage is, I presume, the union of two individuals under God, correct?

 

[Hospes]

In the Biblical view, the nature/essence/character of marriage is, I presume, the union of two individuals under God, correct?

That is a good summary. Like all good summaries, there's tons of important but not obvious detail.

 

[RaiseTheDead]

The Bible teaches that marriage is much more profound than the various practices we call "getting married." Three Christian beliefs with massive implications:

1. God created marriage.
2. God himself joins husband and wife in marriage.
3. Marriage is to be a temporary display of the eternal relationship between Jesus and the Church.

The way we popularly view marriage is a horrid caricature of what God intended it to be.

Yup, that's it!

 

[Hestha]

If Christians believe that God created marriage, then how would they perceive an atheistic marriage - that is, a marriage without God?

 

[RaiseTheDead]

There are Christians here that think that due to this very thing, legal unions should no longer be called "marriage" at all, and all unions should be civil.

As much as I hate the term "religion," marriage is a religious thing.

 

[Hestha]

There are Christians here that think that due to this very thing, legal unions should no longer be called "marriage" at all, and all unions should be civil.

As much as I hate the term "religion," marriage is a religious thing.

So, you are saying that atheists are not married, but rather, united?

 

[RaiseTheDead]

Hmmm ... personally I think God is much more active in our lives than most give Him credit for. All good things come from Him! And that includes a loving marriage. So a marriage that is actually "united," may be far more 'religious' (in the good sense of the word, if you can imagine one) than many (so-called) Christian marriages, which have gone loveless, lifeless, and either dead, bitter or angry.

Make sense?

 

[Hestha]

Hmmm ... personally I think God is much more active in our lives than most give Him credit for. All good things come from Him! And that includes a loving marriage. So a marriage that is actually "united," may be far more 'religious' (in the good sense of the word, if you can imagine one) than many (so-called) Christian marriages, which have gone loveless, lifeless, and either dead, bitter or angry.

Make sense?

It sounds like you are trying to say that atheist marriages are more successful than Christian ones.

 

[RaiseTheDead]

It sounds like you are trying to say that atheist marriages are more successful than Christian ones.

Not at all, just that things are often not as they appear. I think that on Judgment Day, everyone will be surprised.

 

[Hospes]

If Christians believe that God created marriage, then how would they perceive an atheistic marriage - that is, a marriage without God?

Because teaching re. marriage references all the way back to the story of Adam and Eve and Jesus and the early church fathers did not qualify their teaching on marriage, I consider the beliefs to be universally applicable. Therefore I view marriage the same for all, even a person who worships an idol or thinks they worship nothing at all. Good question.