horrible blasphemous thoughts

[medelia]

Hi Kemar. . .

My journey through these blasphemous thoughts had brought me to the very edge of despair at my lowest point (about the time I initially posted this message) however it has been 2-3 years along now and I can honesty say that God had done a wonderful restoration and healing in the area of my thoughts. . .

To be honest I cannot say that I am free from these horrible thoughts entirely, and from time to time I still experience thoughts that are every bit as horrific as the thoughts I spoke about when I initially wrote this post. . .but the Lord has graciously set me free from the condemnation of these thoughts. I suppose it was always the condemnation that was the most terrifying part of this horrible experience. Feeling as though the Lord, would cast judgement for these unwanted thoughts, and that fear would in turn make the thoughts much much worse :'(

My heart honestly goes out to anyone who battles with this, and sadly looking at the posts here there are so many that endure or have endured this torment

Like another posted here, these thoughts so obviously reveal the spiritual war we are waging and with such a vicious and merciless enemy. . . however greater is he who is in us, than he who is in this world xx

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. . . this glorious truth. . that His Grace and Mercy is greater than my sin has been the turning point for me. . .learning to renew my mind to what his word says. . . the fact that we are his beloved children, whom he will never forsake x

Things that have helped me greatly through this experience have been listening to great bible based teaching messages. . .I have particularly found Pastor Joseph Prince (best way to check him out is to google his name) have been instrumental for me in revealing the Grace of the Lord Jesus and his amazing love for us. . .Pastor Joseph Prince has a similar testimony of experiencing unwanted thoughts himself, so I found his ministry tremendously healing. . .I would also completely recommend teaching by Joyce Meyer as well. . .there are so many amazing ministries the Lord has raised up to nurture his people. . .so investing time in listening to His truth I found helped me greatly. . .Truth that the Lord Jesus himself has taken away all our sin, and though we may not be perfect we are being perfected by his beautiful Holy Spirit. . .though we make mistakes (including every single unwanted thought we ever have) he looks at us as though we are blameless. . . .amazing. . .breathtakingly amazing, and I found when I believed that his love for me was greater than anything I could ever do wrong, I was more in love with Jesus, and the unwanted thoughts lost their stronghold and grip over my life. . .like I said earlier. . .I still have these thoughts, but I honestly don't believe any longer that they will condemn me. . .now I feel I hear the voice of the Lord whispering instead. . .give these thoughts to me. . . don't carry the weight or the burden of these thoughts. . .you were never meant to. . .

This has been my journey and testimony and I am happy if you would like to talk about what you are going through x you are not alone here, this forum is a wonderful outreach to help us all realise we are all in this together and that we share similar stories and hardships, which can help us feel less alone though this battle. . .

the Lord Bless you always xx

 

[kemar]

Gabriel777 there a so much different meaning today of what the phrase in the bible means, i listen them all to the point where I don't know what is the truth, but for now i beseech you that whatever temptation you face do not say anything bad out of your mouth. I like to think we are special, because while other Christian get the joy of having a peaceful mind we are tempted daily and accuse by the devil for many things. the lord does not gives more than we can handle and nothing happens outside his will, so if he allows this then we can manage it, i pray you hold out to the end cause our reward in heaven must be great if we overcome this.

Thursday i went bible class and our teach says that sometimes the best way to get over something is to face it, and that same evening i was think to myself and I was remembering when some people was praying for me when these thoughts first came about but I didn't believe in their teach and i said to myself in my mind that these people acting like they have the holy ghost its the devil they have!!! and immediate the guilt i always have of having theses thoughts just disappear and immediately what the teacher said came to my rememberance.

then i started to wonder if i committed the sin, cause the guilt is gone the thoughts are gone but i went church this morning and they slowly popping back up, but friends the devil is a lier. I tell you this every time a thought comes in your head just find something to thank Jesus for and trust me these thoughts will reduce

 

[kemar]

hi medelia

thank you for your kind words and motivation, its been a rough three months for since the beginning of these thoughts but like you said they are not our burden to carry so give them to the lord.

one thing that help me is to thank the lord every time a bad thought pops up it often reduce them

 

[klopez95]

Hello Everyone, I have been struggling with this issue for half a year now, and I am only 19. These thoughts came to me out of nowhere. I was watching this show on television abut incest and it was just so repulsive to me. That night I think that triggered the blasphemous thoughts and ever since I have not been able to be at peace with myself. I desperately need God in my life and I pray everyday that I can move forward but I can't. Some days are better than others. But on the better days I think about how its better than yesterday which causes me to think about the thoughts I was trying to forget. just like you guys any religious figure would trigger the thoughts. Lately I have been trying to use look at those objects and think about all of God's goodness and how much forgiveness and love he has for us even when we have sinned. Sometimes I wear a cross necklace to remind me that God is always with me. I don't believe these thoughts are true and I absolutely hate this feeling of helplessness. The worst thing is I can't tell anyone, no one because the thoughts are just so horrific that I don't even want to say them. I just have to go day by day like nothing is wrong. Some days I can't even eat because I feel so bad and I weigh 105 llbs as it is. I don't know what to do anymore I love Jesus and believe in him, and know that he died on the cross for everyone to be forgiven of sin, so why do I keep feeling this way? I would not wish these thoughts on anyone, I'm in a constant state of guilt, shame, and sadness. I am in college and the other day I could not even study for a test because the thoughts were so bad. I am at my wits end and I just want to know what to do to cure myself of these thoughts. I cannot CANNOT go on living this way. I would rather die than live like this. I would never commit suicide because I know that God would not want me to take for granted the life he gave up so that I could live mine. I just wish that I could go to sleep one night and never wake up. I just want to live happily in heaven with God and my loved ones so that I can finally be at peace. Some days I wonder why this happened to me, what did I do, what happened to me? I feel like this has gotten me closer to God, I definitely pray ALOT more, probably 20 times a day and I ask forgiveness everyday, another thing that triggers the bad thoughts. I think I have OCD at this point. I feel like the thoughts have lessened since I read this forum, because I don't feel sooo alone. Please anybody who is reading this please keep me in your prayers because I really need it.
Also I have not been to church for about 2 years now maybe more, but I have recently started watching the Sunday service of television which makes me feel good. I have been trying to move on with the thoughts, Think it and then move on, not trying to pick myself about why I had it and how horrible it is. I just think it and let it be, move on. Anyway pouring this out has made me feel better.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Hey,
I too struggle with blasphemous thoughts and I try to pray a prayer of forgiveness every time I think a bad thought which causes me to kind of lagg in conversations. It's definitely a hard life living with this but all I can do is look forward to life in heaven and how things will eventually be better.

 

[IneedJesus1]

Sweetheart. I am doing these very same things. I am even having feelings that I don't want this path. It hurts so bad. I know the path I want but it feels so heavy that I don't want it. Does this make sense to anyone? God has shown himself to me in signs in the last two months and I can't hold onto that. I am severely depressed and I don't know what to do. Please hold on too. Any advice for us would be appreciated because I have never heard of anyone feeling like they don't want Gods path. It's hurting me so bad. Help us.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Ask the Lord for help from Him. Lean on him and he will carry you. I'm sorry you feel depressed, all I can say is hold on to Him and He will hold on to you. Persevere and hold on to your crown of salvation and you will be blessed in the end.

 

[IneedJesus1]

Thank you so much

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Glad I could help. I pray that Jesus lifts your depression, in Jesus's name I pray, Amen!

 

[IneedJesus1]

Thanks again Gabriel

 

[lyndseyb]

It started a year ago 2014 heard something on the tcv about the unpardonable sin got so scared wouldnt read it ugh fear was terrible nawing me the thing is i was dealing with lust for 7 months 2013 horrible stuff names after names over and over just wouldnt stop, read the verse about the unpardonable sin and it started creeping lust left and blaspheous thoughys took over like a broken record it was horrible i had to get delivered so many times was fear, couldnt sleep just horrible it just wouldnt leave this year its off and on but i feel im condemned im scared of saying something feel i said things but probably satan lieing to me man its been so tough i would trade for any other trial and this bad stuff about God its heart breaking and kills me. See i deal with a thought and tries to find good words to replace and theb my mind goes over and over again i get scared of believing these stupod thoughts im so glad im not the only one but its so depressing i just want these thoughts to disappear forever i regret reading that verse about the unpardonable sin cause im being haunted i read it because i was tired of being scared ugh i feel i made the biggest mistake i get jealous of my families they dont have it they dont understand it, i just want aa pure peace mind thats my desire i feel hopeless sorry i didnt do grammar just so sad right hopefully someone reads and helps me theres so many times i wanted to kill myself because im like why me

I have a very similar story.
Below I have quoted a post that I posted in reply to another person on here.
This is hard for me to post because I am so ashamed of talking about the way I used to be, but if the story of my past can help people rationalize these uwanted thoughts then I am happy to share it:

I officially became a Christian last year in February 2014. Before that, I was a very bad person and my heart was very far from God. I'd said the sinners prayer a few times but saw no immediate change so then I straight away went back to calling myself an Atheist, mocking God, mocking Christians etc. Now as I said, during that time my heart was very far from God and yet I never had any blasphemous thoughts at all.
It was only when God called me to be a true Christian last year, when I started taking my faith seriously, when I repented and asked Jesus to come into my heart, when I believed in him and was trying to get closer to him, that the blasphemous OCD started. Why? Because I desperately DID NOT want to think these thoughts and OCD does what it always does - attacks you with doubts and fears about something you really, truly care about.
So do you see how the advice 'If you're worried about the unforgivable sin then you haven't committed it' is true? When I was calling myself an atheist I suffer no blasphemous thoughts at all! It only started when I really, truly believed and cared. You haven't committed this sin because you love God and want to please him.

Do you see now? When your heart is far from God, you don't care about the unforgivable sin! It's normally when you try and get closer to him that this happens. OCD only attacks what people value highly, otherwise it would have no power would it? For those of us who have Scrupulosity it attacks our faith because WE CARE.
I know this is such a difficult illness to live with but you are not alone.

 

[jcguess78]

Lyndseyb. Thank you for sharing this testimony. I read it when you posted in on my earlier thread. I just read it again. What you say makes sense and makes it a little easier to bear. Thank God our Father for this site so we can bear each other's burdens and encourage and build each other in the Lord.

 

[lyndseyb]

Lyndseyb. Thank you for sharing this testimony. I read it when you posted in on my earlier thread. I just read it again. What you say makes sense and makes it a little easier to bear. Thank God our Father for this site so we can bear each other's burdens and encourage and build each other in the Lord.

I'm glad it helps.
I've read the 'If you're scared of the unforgivable sin, you haven't committed it' explanation many times but I struggled to believe it.
It wasn't until I really started thinking about how I used to be that it 'clicked' I guess and I was able to rationalize it. That's not to say that I don't still struggle with this fear but when I applied the logic to my own life, it made perfect sense. Fear of this sin shows a heart that cares, the complete opposite to the state of the heart of someone who would be in a position to commit this sin.
Thank Jesus that he forgave me for the way I used to be and that I can now use this knowledge to help others.

jesusismysaviorforever
You wrote:

It started a year ago 2014 heard something on the tcv about the unpardonable sin got so scared wouldnt read it ugh fear was terrible nawing me the thing is i was dealing with lust for 7 months 2013 horrible stuff names after names over and over just wouldnt stop, read the verse about the unpardonable sin and it started creeping lust left and blaspheous thoughys took over like a broken record it was horrible

Now think about the part in bold. If you really, truly meant these blasphemous thoughts, why would it take hearing about the unforgivable sin for them to start? Surely they'd be there already if you felt that way, without having to read a particular scripture to trigger it?
It is fear of the unforgivable sin - because you CARE about God and your salvation and would never want to commit this sin - that triggered your OCD. Rationalize it like that and it seems less scary because you can see where and how it happened and it is clearly not because you want these thoughts in your head. It's obvious that you hate these thoughts.

 

[Enahs4Him]

Hey,
I too struggle with blasphemous thoughts and I try to pray a prayer of forgiveness every time I think a bad thought which causes me to kind of lagg in conversations. It's definitely a hard life living with this but all I can do is look forward to life in heaven and how things will eventually be better.

Gabriel, I know exactly what you mean by lagging in conversations. Thought comes while conversing, then in my mind I'm repenting, while trying to listen/talk. It's amazing how we think we might be the only one. Stay strong!

 

[Kaff23]

Wow God bless all you strong sisters & brothers in Christ
Praying for you

I'm Kaff & I've been a Born again Christian for almost 5 years now. My OCD is "Scrupulosity" in nature. As soon as I became a Christian about a week later I've started having nightmares. The first & most disturbing was I was in a dark place & there was some evil person trying to get me to say something bad about the Holy Spirit but I wouldn't say it. So it started to choke me. Then I woke up so scared.

Then I thought I must be a really bad person because God allowed it to happen. So then I started internalizing it. Thinking bad thoughts about God. The more I tired to stop it the worse it got. I've fasted so many times I've lost count. 40 days 21 days on & on.

Now I have a thorn in my side that God has put on me. I wake up in pain & go to bed in pain. God is punishing me & I have lost hope in ever being better. I don't think I'm going to make it to the end. I'M LOST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! Hopelessness consumes me

 

[IneedJesus1]

Wow God bless all you strong sisters & brothers in Christ
Praying for you

I'm Kaff & I've been a Born again Christian for almost 5 years now. My OCD is "Scrupulosity" in nature. As soon as I became a Christian about a week later I've started having nightmares. The first & most disturbing was I was in a dark place & there was some evil person trying to get me to say something bad about the Holy Spirit but I wouldn't say it. So it started to choke me. Then I woke up so scared.

Then I thought I must be a really bad person because God allowed it to happen. So then I started internalizing it. Thinking bad thoughts about God. The more I tired to stop it the worse it got. I've fasted so many times I've lost count. 40 days 21 days on & on.

Now I have a thorn in my side that God has put on me. I wake up in pain & go to bed in pain. God is punishing me & I have lost hope in ever being better. I don't think I'm going to make it to the end. I'M LOST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! Hopelessness consumes me

Hello sweetheart. I just want to say that I love and care about you and what you are going through. I just want to also say that God does not put the thorn there nor does He punish us this way. He allows the enemy sometimes to tempt us or battle us but only for our good. God wants us more than you will ever know. He wants us to totally depend upon Him. It is so hard to do being human but you have to absolutely depend on Him for our next breath. I am still growing and I will probably always be growing. I never want to get to where I am satisfied with how much of Him I have. He supplies the faith we need to get through this. He supplies the strength. He supplies the desire. He supplies the obedience we need to serve Him. He supplies the knowledge and wisdom. He supplies the love too. We have the free will to ask for all these things in sincerity. He will supply them if we seek for them. He is so merciful and full of grace. Sometimes I feel like I really don't know or feel his worth and it almost kills me because He shows Himself to me daily. I praise Him for everything. I praise Him for all my trials and tribulations because it produces more faith and more growth. I praise Him for you too because you reminded me that I am still growing and I want more even if my flesh says no my spirit is yearning for more.

You are a blessing and just hold on. Ask for Hos help and guidance. It don't always come instantly but it will come. I am praying for you sweet friend. Love you.

 

[Kaff23]

Wow I'm reading your awesome message with tears in my eyes. What a God send this was to my spirit. 0Truly touched my heart. I totally agree I'm on my face daily sometimes I may miss a day in between not feeling well or just heartbroken. I've laughed and enjoyed God's presence so many days & the sweetness of that time no one & nothing can take that away from me.

Recently I've been in such physical pain that it's more than I can bare. I feel like God is so mad at me for having a broken mind. I am not disobedient & am very aware of what not to do.
I walk around with a smile on because I want top represent God in the best possible way. Don't know how much longer I can endure this pain. Not going to even with this much longer but I thank you dear friend for the kindness shown to me. May God bless you.

 

[jcguess78]

Believe me when I say this to you. Your physical pain is not from God, it is from the severe emotional anxiety and depression associated with OCD Scrupulosity. Believe I have gone through all you are going through. You are not condemned. This is false thinking based on deeply rooted anxiety disorder. God may allow us to go through storms in life, but it is for our ultimate good. You are not unforgiveable either. The only unforgiveable sin is when people continually, willfully, completely, and hatefully reject Jesus as God, Lord, and Savior. It's not that God couldn't or wouldn't save these kind of people it is that these people harden their own hearts by their own choice and will never repent because they never want to. You on the other hand are not one of those people. You are a born again Christian who has called upon and trusted on Jesus Christ alone for salvation. You cannot lose your salvation in Christ, because your salvation is in Christ and not yourself. Please smile and eat right drink plenty of water and start going for walks reading your Bible and praying and singing songs to the Lord in your heart. This pain you are under is a result of OCD, it is not God's punishment. Anxiety and depression can do some really weird things to the body. Jesus loves you. You just need to realize that and walk in Him. I'm praying for you.

 

[IneedJesus1]

Wow I'm reading your awesome message with tears in my eyes. What a God send this was to my spirit. 0Truly touched my heart. I totally agree I'm on my face daily sometimes I may miss a day in between not feeling well or just heartbroken. I've laughed and enjoyed God's presence so many days & the sweetness of that time no one & nothing can take that away from me.

Recently I've been in such physical pain that it's more than I can bare. I feel like God is so mad at me for having a broken mind. I am not disobedient & am very aware of what not to do.
I walk around with a smile on because I want top represent God in the best possible way. Don't know how much longer I can endure this pain. Not going to even with this much longer but I thank you dear friend for the kindness shown to me. May God bless you.

I understand everything you are saying. My mind and emotions are not in tact at the moment. I have been this way a while but I can see where He is working on me. I can see where He is pulling me out. He is giving me all things new. Praise God! Keep the faith. It's hard when your in the fire as we are but those that persevere until the end shall be saved. Oh won't it be great to sit in the garden with Him on that bench with His arms around you in conversation? Just hanging out? What's good is we can do that here too. I just know your a soldier. So keep up the good fight. Invite Him to fight it with you sweet friend. I'm praying for you. Love you.

 

[Kaff23]

I understand everything you are saying. My mind and emotions are not in tact at the moment. I have been this way a while but I can see where He is working on me. I can see where He is pulling me out. He is giving me all things new. Praise God! Keep the faith. It's hard when your in the fire as we are but those that persevere until the end shall be saved. Oh won't it be great to sit in the garden with Him on that bench with His arms around you in conversation? Just hanging out? What's good is we can do that here too. I just know your a soldier. So keep up the good fight. Invite Him to fight it with you sweet friend. I'm praying for you. Love you.

Thank you so much for the encouragement sometimes it's so overwhelming that I just can't take it. Trying to be strong. It's great to receive so many awesome encouragement and support. God bless you ~