His inappropriate content Addiction is driving me crazy

[Thunder Peel]

I'm not licensed or anything, so take this FWIW.

Have you considered posing for some pictures for your husband? I assume you don't have any issue with having him look at you. Obviously he would need to keep the pictures, or videos, or whatever, in an absolutely secure place, and not share them with anybody.

That might make it feel like the burden is 100% on him and that you are trying to blame him for it all, and show that you want to help him and keep him happy.

I don't mean to offend you, so apologies if it comes across that way.

Regards,
Shodan

It's not a bad idea and something I suspect a lot of couples do, even if they're not struggling. Remind him that you can give him what the other women in those photos and videos never can: real intimacy.

 

[98cwitr]

What do you think he would do if he was going to watch it, you wanted to watch it with him? Do you think he would get mad or defensive if you suggested this, or inviting? Not suggesting you actually do this, but as a hypothetical.

 

[Wifey44]

What do you think he would do if he was going to watch it, you wanted to watch it with him? Do you think he would get mad or defensive if you suggested this, or inviting? Not suggesting you actually do this, but as a hypothetical.

He would probably be shocked if i ever suggested that. He knows where i stand and this isnt something he would like to share with me, its something he is ashamed of.

As for the other suggestions about taking pictures or videos myself, im open to the idea. I just worry that its something that could back fire. I dont know if him seeing images, even if they are of me, may trigger him to want to search for more images....?

 

[CCHIPSS]

He would probably be shocked if i ever suggested that. He knows where i stand and this isnt something he would like to share with me, its something he is ashamed of.

As for the other suggestions about taking pictures or videos myself, im open to the idea. I just worry that its something that could back fire. I dont know if him seeing images, even if they are of me, may trigger him to want to search for more images....?

For me the hardest part is the "pressure buildup" down there. When I was still single I would often times survive for 2-3 weeks without inappropriate content. But then the pressure buildup will be so much that I would always get "wet dreams". I would imagine a beautiful lady in my dreams and I would "naturally" release in real life. These cannot be stopped because Satan attacks me when I was sleeping and unconscious.

I stopped watching inappropriate content by releasing myself when showering and only thinking of my GF in my head when I did so (she wasn't actually there). After the pressure down there is gone it isn't so hard to stop watching inappropriate content. I had stopped for a while now.

I am not saying this is the most pure and holy way to stop inappropriate content for a dating couple. But I tried many other things and this seems to be the only thing that works for me. And while shower release is sinful, it seems to me to be less sinful than wet dreams. (I say this. Not God.)

It is my hope that when me and her get married I will have her and there won't be any need for even the shower release.

Maybe your husband can do the same? Try to release in the bathroom while thinking of you? Since you two are married you can even take a bath with him to help him out? The key is to help him "release" the pressure buildup in a Godly way within the marriage.

 

[genestealerbroodlord]

Hello again.

I posted a few pages back and explained that I am a inappropriate content addict, so giving this lady advice from experience of being a inappropriate content addict.

A lot of you guys are advising her to let him take pics or videos of her. I know you're saying this with good intentions and most people would consider it quite a logical idea, but seriously it's an extremely bad idea.

inappropriate content addiction is very much like drug addiction. You need to go more and more extreme over time to get anything from it. Handing him pics or video of yourself would be very bad, because you can't trust us with keeping something like that to ourselves. We will always eventually show it to someone else, as that in and of itself is an extreme turn on for a lot of inappropriate content addicts. And don't think his love for you will stop him. It won't. He will also likely choose someone who knows you to show it too, as that adds to the thrill he will get.

I almost did this with someone I know and it was only luck that stopped me.

I'm not trying to say your husband is beyond help. You just have to make him associate sex with you and not inappropriate content. It's difficult and he will trip up sometimes, but it can work. Romance is your friend here. One thing that helped me and you may laugh at this, was watching romantic movies. It helped me associate sex with love and helped me see women as more than just a sex toy. Most men, especially immature men will associate romantic and rom-com movies as gay or just for women, but there are some great movies out there. I particularly recommend the lake house, as that will appeal to men on a few levels, as will PS I love you.

I'm quite saddened to see a lot of the advice you're getting here. Don't just let him use inappropriate content without challenging him, but also don't give him ultimatums either. Shaming him will also just push him further into the hole he has dug for himself. Love and understanding, without condoning his behaviour is the best way forward. He needs love. Love is the most powerful weapon you have against this.

Just to add. What CChipps above is saying about the pressure build up is very true. Once you release that, the need for inappropriate content does go down, but some inappropriate content addicts like myself have quite high sex drives, so it might only help for a few hours or might as Cchipps says, last for a few weeks.

 

[98cwitr]

He would probably be shocked if i ever suggested that. He knows where i stand and this isnt something he would like to share with me, its something he is ashamed of.

As for the other suggestions about taking pictures or videos myself, im open to the idea. I just worry that its something that could back fire. I dont know if him seeing images, even if they are of me, may trigger him to want to search for more images....?

How much adult [civil] discussion have you two had around the topic? Do you think it could be approached again without him getting defensive?

If he vowed to change prior to marriage, I think that is something that needs to be visited. Open and honest communication is great, but you also want to be able to accept the person you're marrying, flaws and all, prior to the big day. I know this is water over the dam, and I know his vow is something you trusted...and that carries weight. If he hadn't of vowed, then I don't know I would hang anything over his head...but a promise is a promise. Broken promises = broken trust.

 

[Wifey44]

I compleatly understand the need for release, but that's not my husbands issue. I have a pretty high sex drive and I have made it clear to him that he can have sex whenever he wants it.

 

[Wifey44]

Which topic? The idea of us watching it together?

 

[98cwitr]

He could just be being really lazy. Masturbation is a zero stress act that does not require virtually any effort on the part of the receiver. Have you tried to just satisfy him and him knowing he doesn't have to do anything in return?

The above is also just a question, not suggesting you actually do this either, because it could set a selfish precedent. I am just trying to figure out the true scope of the issue.

 

[98cwitr]

Which topic? The idea of us watching it together?

The topic of his inappropriate content addiction. I think he needs a reminder that as a husband he has some duties that need not be an obligation, but done out of love. Masturbation is for instant gratification and done out of laziness.

 

[Wifey44]

Yes, we discussed it again recently. I told him I need to see progress and he told me he would fight for our marriage.
And yes I do sexual things just for him pretty regularly. He usually likes to return the favor but sometimes its all about him and thats alright with me.

 

[98cwitr]

Yes, we discussed it again recently. I told him I need to see progress and he told me he would fight for our marriage.
And yes I do sexual things just for him pretty regularly. He usually likes to return the favor but sometimes its all about him and thats alright with me.

That's a tough one then. I think the next thing, unless you already know, is to find out (at the root of it all) what he gets out of inappropriate content that he doesn't get from sex with his wife. Just don't ask unless you're really ready for the truth though...things like this can get pretty dark.

I might have missed it, but do yall attend a church regularly?

 

[Wifey44]

That's a tough one then. I think the next thing, unless you already know, is to find out (at the root of it all) what he gets out of inappropriate content that he doesn't get from sex with his wife. Just don't ask unless you're really ready for the truth though...things like this can get pretty dark.

I might have missed it, but do yall attend a church regularly?

Im a strong person and i can handle the truth, he won't open up about this though. We do have a church family and we attend everytime there is a service or gathering that doesn't conflict with our work schedule.

 

[98cwitr]

Good deal. Well it might cause a fight, but it's high time to get the truth. Two calm adults should be able to at least discuss their own motivations behind their actions, even if they are ashamed of them. You think he fears rejection or resentment from you?

 

[Wifey44]

He might but i have made it clear that I am with him in this.

 

[Thunder Peel]

One thing he can work on is training his brain to not make sex a big deal. It's extreme but once you realize that inappropriate content feeds on a controllable human urge it begins to lose its power. If he learns to view sex as something pleasant, yet not a need, it will put less pressure on both him and you. He should find a hobby or something he really enjoys and pursue that instead. If given the choice between dirty pictures or listening to a Bob Dylan album on vinyl then I'll take Dylan every time. I get far more pleasure from music than I would from inappropriate content or something along those lines. He needs something that he enjoys more and you can help encourage him in his search. You have to think of hormones like a boxing match: you have to be tougher and hit harder if you want to win. Sometimes you have to go to extremes to root sin out of your life and rewiring your brain plays a big role in that. It's not easy but it can be done.

A lot of men (myself included) need to train our brains to not make sex a priority or something we need. It's hard work, and it will definitely be strange and challenging at first, but it can be done. Curbing that drive and driving it down will make things much easier, both for him and for you. A lot of people may disagree with that, and I'm not saying it's fool-proof, but men have gained a reputation as sex-crazed Neanderthals because that's typically how we act. We have to change it and with God's help we can.

 

[98cwitr]

Thats a good point, Thunder Peel. I love working on cars and building things. I usually will turn to my hobbies to occupy my brain, but sometimes even my hobbies may intrude on my wife's desire to have sex or spending time with her. I'm getting better at pulling myself away from things and finding stopping points without completing a project, but that too is a struggle.