Help - i think i hate my dad

[anonymous123454]

Okay so here's the deal. I've looked at numerous posts about Christians hating their dad... but they all had to do with their dad being abusive. that is not me. my dad is not abusive. he is a pastor and loves me, but he irritates me so much. he does everything for me like im five, and asks me to do something over and over again after ive already done it or to make sure im going to finish the food at dinner (he asks the same thing over and over repeatidly (he has ocd)). i have a problem with my temper and cursing sometimes. I wish to be close to God, I am a Christian, but i seriously just cant get along with my dad.. for whatever reason like 5 minutes ago he wanted me to help him with his phone and i told him i couldnt do what he wanted because it wasnt possible (he is terrible with technology, i know im pathetic) and he kept asking me over and over again like he was oblivious to what i just told him. i slammed his phone down and he got angry at me and freaked out even though i didnt slam it that hard and it had an otterbox on it... he made such a big deal of it even when i told him like 10 times that it was OKAY. i then told him i hated him and wished he would die. he then lectured me a few minutes later and said i have no control over my mouth and its a blazing fire like the bible said. he then said if you want me dead, i hope your wish is granted by God.
i seriously feel like i hate him. ive told him it so many times and then i "make up" with him but i literally feel no love for him as compared to my mom for example, who i do love. she irritates me too sometimes but my dad is just so annoying and oblivious that i literally just hate him. i know the bible says if one hates his brother then the love of God is not in him. I have struggled with assurance if im really saved and i just feel like im not when i go on about hating my dad because the bible says God is not in me if i hate someone. help? do i realy hate him? i literaly feel nothing for him, and if he was dead, i wouldnt remorse. i just dont care for him at all. i know. i dont have a real reason to, but why do i hate him if what he does is only annoyances? i just cant stand him..

 

[inlight12]

I do not understand. It is clear from your post that you do not love your dad and would not remorse if he died. Yet you are asking for help.

Why?
Do you think you actually love your dad?
Or you think hating someone that much is not good?

 

[bushinoki]

I don't even have to worry about my guess- teenager. What you are going through is actually very normal. Pray, read your Bible, ask God for help when you are frustrated. When you feel like you are being treated like a child, articulate to him that's how it feels. Speak reasonably and clearly to him about it, and prove that you are almost an adult, and be reasonable about asking for more responsibility, to prove you can handle it. Also, be patient, you need to set a pattern proving you're ready for more adult responsibility and freedom.

If you can't do those things, you're not ready to be treated more adult like.

 

[Bluelion]

couple passages to ponder.

1john 4 NLT

20 If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer,[c] that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? 21 And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.[d]

1john 3 NLT

14 If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers,[d] it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead. 15 Anyone who hates another brother or sister[e] is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them.


satan was a murder from the very start Jesus said. So you see how severe it is to hate a fellow believer.

You come off in your post as very spoiled. There are those of us who have wanted only to be loved by our parents. I did not even know my dad growing up, he stayed at the bars all night, my interaction was a lot of being whipped by him. I have a friend her mom was in sex cult and literally hand her over from the age of 7 to 17 to be raped by many grown men over and over, at 17 she beat her almost to death. She still carries a gun and has bag packed in case her mom ever finds her again.

It seems you need to grow up. I worry about your soul, Because as i have read God's judgement about what you say. I think it sad if you are not saved because you are still dead if you are not saved. The unsaved person knows right from wrong but they can not do what is Good because they are a slave to evil. Hell is being with out God, so if a person does not have God living in them, that person is already in hell inside themselves. They will wake up and find this world was a dream and they have always been in hell and that is reality all they ever new or would ever know. Repent fast, turn from sin, cry out to God and He will receive you, because time here to repent is short.

Praying for you.
Pride and arrogance before a great fall, so throw it away fast.
blu

 

[BrokenWarrior]

The Scriptures that Blu pointed out are words of wisdom in your situation.

You either:

A> Don't really hate your father, and are just really, REALLY angry.

Or

B> Do Hate your father and you need to be made aware of your current spiritual status with Christ.

If "A", don't fret, your just angry and maybe even insulted, but if you pray to God, He will forgive you.

I would suggest working on your pride and anger, and try to obey Christ by being humble and seeking His guidance.

If "B", Friend, there is an extreme possibility your not saved, and being the daughter of a preacher I would assume you have at least a basic understanding of scripture and know the consequences of being unforgiven...

I would suggest you fear the possibility of being unsaved, that's healthy, and with fear and trembling, seek The Lord.

As Paul said, "Examine Yourselves-" make sure you are of the Faith.

People, even Believers, sometimes don't comprehend how important salvation is at times...

Your anger toward your dad doesn't matter at this moment, all the problems in your life do NOT matter right now. All that matters right now is being made known your standing with Christ, only then can you make the proper move into a happier and love - filled life...

Feel free to pm me if you have any other questions friend, I will pray for you.

-The Lowest Servant

 

[98cwitr]

It would be best to sit down with him, as an adult, and tell him exactly how you feel. Express yourself in a calm but deliberate fashion. If he attempts to drive the conversation, simply be patient and reiterate your point. You need to have open lines of communication. Hating your dad is really really bad, and you need to deal with the situation.

 

[anonymous123454]

I, having assurance problems, have asked God to save me so many times in my life. I believe Jesus died for me, rose again for me, and I have confessed my sins to Him. I want to live like Him and when I sin it hurts me inside and I am aware of my sin. I don't appreciate people telling me they don't think I'm saved, because I have struggled with that enough. If I've asked God to save me, and I'm trying to live a godly life, what more is there? How can I not be saved? Does God not want me to be saved? By the way I apologized to my dad.. I just have mixed feelings.. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't think I hate him. I was very angry last night. But you all saying I'm not a Christian makes me feel bad. How am I not if I believe in Jesus and have confessed my sin?

 

[BrokenWarrior]

I, having assurance problems, have asked God to save me so many times in my life. I believe Jesus died for me, rose again for me, and I have confessed my sins to Him. I want to live like Him and when I sin it hurts me inside and I am aware of my sin. I don't appreciate people telling me they don't think I'm saved, because I have struggled with that enough. If I've asked God to save me, and I'm trying to live a godly life, what more is there? How can I not be saved? Does God not want me to be saved? By the way I apologized to my dad.. I just have mixed feelings.. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't think I hate him. I was very angry last night. But you all saying I'm not a Christian makes me feel bad. How am I not if I believe in Jesus and have confessed my sin?

My apologies if that's how I came off, but I was in no way implying you where not saved.

I was stating that IF you did truly hate your father you where probably not saved, and you needed to find out yourself wether you are or not.

Believe me, I struggle with a pretty bad sin, and have been to very dark times in my life, I myself have been down the road of questioning my salvation... I must have asked Christ to save me a dozen times, but after some serious searching I found my answers and Christ is helping me along the way and I now feel better then I have in the last 4 years...

You have answered your own question, You truly believe in Christ and are trying to stop sinning, this is good.

You do however, like most of us, have a particularly difficult sin that your prone to. Some struggle with covetness, others lust, and some (like yourself) with anger.

But that's ok... just pray to The Lord for help and keep trying to serve Him, if you get angry again, try to cool off ask The Lord to forgive you again and try again...

I know it gets tedious after a while, but you have to just keep rolling with the punches...

Try to read the Scriptures more (Particularly ones that address anger and/or humbleness) and try to recite them in your head when you start getting frustrated with your dad.

here is a few for starters:


Proverbs 21:23
"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble."

Psalm 37:8
"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil."

James 1:19
"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger"

I've particularly always liked that last one

Again, if you have any questions about anything, pm me, I'm happy to help a fellow Servant in anyway I possibly can.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

-The Lowest Servant

 

[Bluelion]

I, having assurance problems, have asked God to save me so many times in my life. I believe Jesus died for me, rose again for me, and I have confessed my sins to Him. I want to live like Him and when I sin it hurts me inside and I am aware of my sin. I don't appreciate people telling me they don't think I'm saved, because I have struggled with that enough. If I've asked God to save me, and I'm trying to live a godly life, what more is there? How can I not be saved? Does God not want me to be saved? By the way I apologized to my dad.. I just have mixed feelings.. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't think I hate him. I was very angry last night. But you all saying I'm not a Christian makes me feel bad. How am I not if I believe in Jesus and have confessed my sin?

now we are getting some where. No one question your salvation, speaking for me, i posted what God said about you if you do indeed hate a fellow believer. Seems it woke you up a bit. Kids say lots of stuff they do not mean like I hate you and wish you were dead, but the real question is if you mean it? because if you do in fact mean it God says something is wrong in your heart.

You struggle with if you are saved? why? I did to for 30 years. I had preacher after preacher tell me I was not saved sit down with me have me ask Jesus to save me then he put his stamp i was saved, then next church I went to same process. I thought why is it so hard to be saved, its not. If you truly love God in your heart you are saved, a person can not love God with out Jesus in their heart.

But it does take more than believing, it takes surrendering your will to God's. This is something I hope you can get early on because it will save you much pain. We surrender to God's will say we will no longer do it our way but God's. Two things you need to do to keep all the Law, love God with all you are, and love each other as yourself. Do it for God do it for yourself. That is all you need to and you will fail at it but keep trying. reading God's word often and praying and praising God is important and will also save you from much suffering.

Careful with your words because you may have to account for them all.

for the record you do not lose salvation once you are saved, saved means just that, SAVED.

Peace and Love
blu

 

[Bluelion]

one more thing Hate is the opposite of Love, 1 john 4:8 says God is love. So if God is Love Love is Good the opposite of love is hate so hate is evil. In the Bible when it says God hates something it does not mean he Hates the emotion it is extreme dislike. take this, in the Bible is says Jacob I have loved but Esau i have hated. Those are not the most accurate translation of the Hebrew, Close to Hebrew love would be accepted and hate would be rejected, now knowing that it reads. Jacob I have accepted but Esau I have rejected.

Demons have no love only pure hate i have had a few or so try to possess me, it was pure hate, trust me on this. People try to get me to hate all the time, but they battle God directly, because God lives inside me and is love, Love and hate can not dwell in the same place. So they are trying to kick God off His throne when people try to cause a child of God to hate. Now who do you think will win that one? Here is a hint, what finishes the devil off is he trys to set his throne above God's.

 

[inlight12]

Others have given some good advice. Let me add something. If there is something your father does over and over and you don't like it, there is nothing you can do but deal with it. In my life I have a lot of people who does very stupid things that causes waste of resource, annoyance and misunderstanding for everyone. I tried telling them better way to do things. They don't listen. I simply ignore them. Not my problem.

Another thing is if your father is asking for your help for same things everyday, write down a booklet of how to do those things with simple step-by-step instructions and give it to him.

 

[auskid]

Till when, O you sons of men, Would you turn my esteem to shame, Would you love emptiness, seek falsehood? Selah. ([bless and do not curse]Psalms‬ [bless and do not curse]4‬:[bless and do not curse]2‬ ISR98)

David had every right to be angry. Falsely accused and slandered (Psalm 4:2), he could have written a sharp letter counterattacking his accusers.

But know that the LORD has set apart for Himself him who is godly; The LORD will hear when I call to Him. Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, And put your trust in the LORD. There are many who say, “Who will show us any good?” LORD, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us. You have put gladness in my heart, More than in the season that their grain and wine increased. I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety. ([bless and do not curse]Psalms‬ [bless and do not curse]4‬:[bless and do not curse]3-8‬ NKJV)

Instead, David brought his emotions and pain to God with a prayer expressing his quiet confidence in Him. Instead of retaliation, he chose silent reflection—redirecting his anger and calmly reflecting on God’s goodness and faithfulness.

Knowing that God had set him apart for godliness (Psalm 4:3), David warned of the danger of being angry enough to seek revenge on those who slander us.

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent” is a radical therapy against impulsive anger (Psalm 4:4).

Angry feelings aren’t necessarily sinful, but letting anger control you invariably leads to grievous sins (Genesis 4:1-8; Ephesians 4:26-27).

Elsewhere, David warned, “Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm” (Psalm 37:8).

Is it any wonder, then, that David was able to rejoice and could say, “In peace I will lie down and sleep” (Psalm 4:7-8).

When your dad makes you angry, do not retaliate. Instead, go take a moment to yourself and give a little prayer. Go in your room or somewhere peaceful and quite. Redirect your anger and reflect on Christ goodness and faithfulness.

Dont let anger overtake you, remain silent and think of it overnight just like David did.

God bless.

 

[Messy]

I, having assurance problems, have asked God to save me so many times in my life. I believe Jesus died for me, rose again for me, and I have confessed my sins to Him. I want to live like Him and when I sin it hurts me inside and I am aware of my sin. I don't appreciate people telling me they don't think I'm saved, because I have struggled with that enough. If I've asked God to save me, and I'm trying to live a godly life, what more is there? How can I not be saved? Does God not want me to be saved? By the way I apologized to my dad.. I just have mixed feelings.. I don't know how I feel about him. I don't think I hate him. I was very angry last night. But you all saying I'm not a Christian makes me feel bad. How am I not if I believe in Jesus and have confessed my sin?

I had an anger problem. It's bad, you know you need to convert but each time you fall and it's impossible. I also got irritated by nothing. I put on youtube, T.B. Joshua praying for viewers, he kicked a demon of anger out and now it's gone.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

Okay so here's the deal. I've looked at numerous posts about Christians hating their dad... but they all had to do with their dad being abusive. that is not me. my dad is not abusive. he is a pastor and loves me, but he irritates me so much. he does everything for me like im five, and asks me to do something over and over again after ive already done it or to make sure im going to finish the food at dinner (he asks the same thing over and over repeatidly (he has ocd)). i have a problem with my temper and cursing sometimes. I wish to be close to God, I am a Christian, but i seriously just cant get along with my dad.. for whatever reason. he just does things that really p i s s me off. like 5 minutes ago he wanted me to help him with his phone and i told him i couldnt do what he wanted because it wasnt possible (he is terrible with technology, another thing that really p i s s e s me off... i know im pathetic) and he kept asking me over and over again like he was oblivious to what i just told him. i slammed his phone down and he got angry at me and freaked out even though i didnt slam it that hard and it had an otterbox on it... he made such a big deal of it even when i told him like 10 times that it was OKAY. i then told him i hated him and wished he would die. he then lectured me a few minutes later and said i have no control over my mouth and its a blazing fire like the bible said. he then said if you want me dead, i hope your wish is granted by God.
i seriously feel like i hate him. ive told him it so many times and then i "make up" with him but i literally feel no love for him as compared to my mom for example, who i do love. she irritates me too sometimes but my dad is just so annoying and oblivious that i literally just hate him. i know the bible says if one hates his brother then the love of God is not in him. I have struggled with assurance if im really saved and i just feel like im not when i go on about hating my dad because the bible says God is not in me if i hate someone. help? do i realy hate him? i literaly feel nothing for him, and if he was dead, i wouldnt remorse. i just dont care for him at all. i know. i dont have a real reason to, but why do i hate him if what he does is only annoyances? i just cant stand him..

Forgive all. Pray for all. Move on. Life is too short.
Read Philippians 4:8
Renew your mind.

 

[98cwitr]

one more thing Hate is the opposite of Love, 1 john 4:8 says God is love. So if God is Love Love is Good the opposite of love is hate so hate is evil. In the Bible when it says God hates something it does not mean he Hates the emotion it is extreme dislike. take this, in the Bible is says Jacob I have loved but Esau i have hated. Those are not the most accurate translation of the Hebrew, Close to Hebrew love would be accepted and hate would be rejected, now knowing that it reads. Jacob I have accepted but Esau I have rejected.

Demons have no love only pure hate i have had a few or so try to possess me, it was pure hate, trust me on this. People try to get me to hate all the time, but they battle God directly, because God lives inside me and is love, Love and hate can not dwell in the same place. So they are trying to kick God off His throne when people try to cause a child of God to hate. Now who do you think will win that one? Here is a hint, what finishes the devil off is he trys to set his throne above God's.

I really think indifference is the opposite of love actually. Hate is still an emotion to feel towards something, but to feel nothing for something, to me, is the opposite of loving it. Also, the Bible speaks about God hating many things as you pointed out, so to say that hate is simply evil is not a fair assessment. I'd rather have someone I love hate me than feel nothing for me, because if there is any emotion then there's still a bond, and if there's still a bond there is a chance for reconciliation, but if there are zero feelings any more all bonds are broken.

 

[Bluelion]

I really think indifference is the opposite of love actually. Hate is still an emotion to feel towards something, but to feel nothing for something, to me, is the opposite of loving it. Also, the Bible speaks about God hating many things as you pointed out, so to say that hate is simply evil is not a fair assessment. I'd rather have someone I love hate me than feel nothing for me, because if there is any emotion then there's still a bond, and if there's still a bond there is a chance for reconciliation, but if there are zero feelings any more all bonds are broken.

Indifference is the opposite of emotion not love, Love is more than emotion, God is Love 1 john 4:8. Most people don't know about objective awareness, there is no emotions but it can be used for Good. Indifference would be closer to luke warm, your neither hot nor cold, or your both, but Hate is the opposite of Love. I have never seen hate used for good. There is a reason demons are filled with hate. As the Bible says if you hate a believer you are murder. Hate is where murders come from. Cain hated Abel.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Indifference is the opposite of emotion not love, Love is more than emotion, God is Love 1 john 4:8. Most people don't know about objective awareness, there is no emotions but it can be used for Good. Indifference would be closer to luke warm, your neither hot nor cold, or your both, but Hate is the opposite of Love. I have never seen hate used for good. There is a reason demons are filled with hate. As the Bible says if you hate a believer you are murder. Hate is where murders come from. Cain hated Abel.

Good point from 1 John 4.8.

 

[Bluelion]

Good point from 1 John 4.8.

thanks

 

[98cwitr]

Indifference is the opposite of emotion not love, Love is more than emotion, God is Love 1 john 4:8. Most people don't know about objective awareness, there is no emotions but it can be used for Good. Indifference would be closer to luke warm, your neither hot nor cold, or your both, but Hate is the opposite of Love. I have never seen hate used for good. There is a reason demons are filled with hate. As the Bible says if you hate a believer you are murder. Hate is where murders come from. Cain hated Abel.

I can see your point, but I am gonna stick with my initial answer. Really good talk here about this very subject: What is the opposite of love? - General Philosophy - Science Forums

But if I hate lies, and murder, and greed, and hate evil...how can that be evil? The emotion has to be applied based on a specific moral construct. So if I hate evil, I then love good and vice versa. To your point though, I can't love God and be indifferent toward evil, I must hate evil in order to love God:

Psalm 97:10 Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Amos 5:15 Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the Lord God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

We're getting off topic, and that's my bad. I hope the OP can find love in her heart, and in order to do that, she must focus on God's wishes and to possess a patient fruit of the Spirit.

 

[Bluelion]

I can see your point, but I am gonna stick with my initial answer. Really good talk here about this very subject: What is the opposite of love? - General Philosophy - Science Forums

But if I hate lies, and murder, and greed, and hate evil...how can that be evil? The emotion has to be applied based on a specific moral construct. So if I hate evil, I then love good and vice versa. To your point though, I can't love God and be indifferent toward evil, I must hate evil in order to love God:

Psalm 97:10 Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

Amos 5:15 Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts. Perhaps the Lord God Almighty will have mercy on the remnant of Joseph.

Romans 12:9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

We're getting off topic, and that's my bad. I hope the OP can find love in her heart, and in order to do that, she must focus on God's wishes and to possess a patient fruit of the Spirit.

i'll start a new thread i hope you will join it.