Help! I Am Not Attracted To And Do Not Really Love My Wife

[Jazer]

I felt that I kept reading the scripture whoever finds a wife finds a good thing. I never have felt true love for her but have tried to be obedient to what I thought God was telling me.

I do not think God tells us to get married. If we want to get married He will show us the right person. He would prefer we stay single. Jesus and Paul both teach it is better to be single. They teach to stay with your wife. If you do leave your wife then stay single. For me a wife is more then a wife, she is a sister and she is a friend. My wife and I were friends or I would not have married her. I expect her to treat me at least as good as she treats her brothers and she treats them pretty good. Also it does not matter what love we have for someone. God puts His love in us. His love is so much more powerful then mans love.

 

[susanpath32]

I do not think God tells us to get married. If we want to get married He will show us the right person. He would prefer we stay single. Jesus and Paul both teach it is better to be single. They teach to stay with your wife. If you do leave your wife then stay single. For me a wife is more then a wife, she is a sister and she is a friend. My wife and I were friends or I would not have married her. I expect her to treat me at least as good as she treats her brothers and she treats them pretty good. Also it does not matter what love we have for someone. God puts His love in us. His love is so much more powerful then mans love.

That really makes no sense. How can God prefer we be single? How would humankind continue? Why did God create Eve? He does not prefer that we stay single. It is sad that there are so many incorrect interpretations of the bible.

 

[Luis67]

It is said that God speaks to us through His Word. The Bible. When I met her it was through Bible study. I felt that God through his Word was leading me to marry her. I was trying to be obedient to what I thought I was being led to do. If I had to do it again, I would also do what your mother did. lessen learned!

No offense brother, but where would you get in his word to marry THAT PARTICULAR person in that moment? Yes, the Lord speaks to us through his word but also through logic and sense and other ways.

But your OWN words attest that you felt LED to marry her, so now you have to examine your heart. And if that is the case from your own words, God makes no mistakes, my brother. Right now honestly, it's not love but pure selfishness on your part, you are thinking about yourself and not about her or the covenant you entered before witnesses and God. Especially if, your own words testify to the unction of why you married her.

Forgive me for sounding very narrow, but what's the responsible thing to do now in your freedom, divorce her because you felt God misled you? Or by some coincidence her not being a gift of God you have a woman of God who may not be attractive, a deception? What does it say, what God has joined together, let no man separate. Has she been unfaithful? or mistreated you with contempt and disregard for her God?

If in your hands you have a gem of character, and beauty of Christ. I tell you this once and twice, if you get rid of her you will regret it for the rest of your life and live in guilt and searching for that gem. Women in beauty are many, many, many but in character priceless. This heart you present before Christ is unacceptable and it is why the world is divorcing forever as they are tormented with, false beauty.This is the true test of Character, situations like these. What if you became paralyzed or your face disfigured? Be a man.

Imagine what you would tell your next wife, I got rid of a godly woman because I was not attracted to her? What a slap in her face. The scriptures tell us Christ was not pleasant to look upon him, but yet look at this love he has created for us. Pray to God to have your heart changed, and he will for that is his will. The only thing that keeps you away will be your pride, vanity and ultimately unbelief.

My heart goes for you, but it was a decision you made, and as a man, being a man is doing what we don't want to with the strength of Christ. Mark my words if you get rid of her, it will be to your shame, not hers and will not be acceptable before God.

Wisdom Cries in the streets and the simple rebuke her.

 

[znr]

Get thee immediately to some good Christian professional counseling, or 1 on 1 counsel. It's mind boggling that this thread exists. I'm almost speechless. Please get some biblical based 1 on 1 counsel. The internet isn't qualified to handle this matter.

 

[emilyloohoo]

Get thee immediately to some good Christian professional counseling, or 1 on 1 counsel. It's mind boggling that this thread exists. I'm almost speechless. Please get some biblical based 1 on 1 counsel. The internet isn't qualified to handle this matter.

I agree whole heartedly.

 

[Jazer]

That really makes no sense. How can God prefer we be single? How would humankind continue? Why did God create Eve? He does not prefer that we stay single. It is sad that there are so many incorrect interpretations of the bible.

Jesus said not everyone will accept it.
By all means interpret the scriptures for yourself.
These are the ones I am refering to.

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.

 

[GaryLee]

Wow, welcome to the human race. Most likely the problem is not her, but you.
The questions should be, Why I don't like being married to me? I bet you did not feel
this way on your wedding night.

 

[blessedmomof5]

This threadhad me thinking, this guy has been open and HONEST about his feelings,and theni thought, he really recieved no solid advice....and not that i can give any either, but i will not stand in judgement of him, i will Love him, think about what Jesus did for him, me , you...... Because.................
have any of you done any of this? Just 1 of them?
If you have ever broken any of the Ten Commandments, you are a sinner. Have you ever let something else come between you and God? Have you ever worshipped an image, object, or living thing as though it was God? Have you ever used God’s name as a curse word? Have you ever failed to keep the Sabbath day holy? Have you ever been disrespectful to your parents? Have you ever committed murder or bitterly hated someone? Have you ever committed adultery or had impure thoughts about another person? Have you ever taken something that was not yours? Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever been jealous of other people’s possessions? If you have every done any of these things, even just once, you are a sinner. The Bible says that we are ALL sinners. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

So DID not Jesus come to this earth to take on the sin of the world? Yes we are suppose to repent, and not do it again....and try our best, but we ALL fall short. everyone of us.

Didn't Jesus with the women who was caught in adultery, say So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

Then He said...When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

I think i am going to side with Jesus on this one. He is a forgiving God, Does not mean we keep repeating the same offense over and over again without remorse.
the OP seems to be caring, and honest, and wants whats best for his wife, so she can have someone that truley loves her.......
Praying for You, God will lead you, sometimes when we sit quietly with Him we get the answer..better Him then man!

 

[help_the_lord]

I was in a 3 year relationship with a girl that at one point I thought I was going to marry *because i loved who she was as a person*, despite having the same feelings about attraction that you have about this girl.. with that in mind here are my thoughts on all of this. You not in love with her so get divorced.. if you end up getting married again and comitting adultery and she does the same it is what it is. For all sins can be forgiven except blasphemying the Holy Spirit.. since your by no means doing that. you can and most certainly will be forgiven.. Or best case scenario is you guys divorce and never remarry.. thus nobody commits adultery and everybodys happy.. Think about it this way.. if you get remarrried you only commit adultery once.. If you stay in this relationship and pretend to be in love with her you lie every day.

 

[Luis67]

This threadhad me thinking, this guy has been open and HONEST about his feelings,and theni thought, he really recieved no solid advice....and not that i can give any either, but i will not stand in judgement of him, i will Love him, think about what Jesus did for him, me , you...... Because.................
have any of you done any of this? Just 1 of them?
If you have ever broken any of the Ten Commandments, you are a sinner. Have you ever let something else come between you and God? Have you ever worshipped an image, object, or living thing as though it was God? Have you ever used God’s name as a curse word? Have you ever failed to keep the Sabbath day holy? Have you ever been disrespectful to your parents? Have you ever committed murder or bitterly hated someone? Have you ever committed adultery or had impure thoughts about another person? Have you ever taken something that was not yours? Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever been jealous of other people’s possessions? If you have every done any of these things, even just once, you are a sinner. The Bible says that we are ALL sinners. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

So DID not Jesus come to this earth to take on the sin of the world? Yes we are suppose to repent, and not do it again....and try our best, but we ALL fall short. everyone of us.

Didn't Jesus with the women who was caught in adultery, say So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

Then He said...When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

I think i am going to side with Jesus on this one. He is a forgiving God, Does not mean we keep repeating the same offense over and over again without remorse.
the OP seems to be caring, and honest, and wants whats best for his wife, so she can have someone that truley loves her.......
Praying for You, God will lead you, sometimes when we sit quietly with Him we get the answer..better Him then man!

Yes, but no one is judging him, but giving him counsel from our faith's view point. The other thing it's not something that has been in his past, it's something that he is facing right now. Something head on and chance to meditate on. More than one have spoken by the same spirit, with almost the identical word. That shows where the wisdom is coming from.

Anyone can say yes, you deserve to be happy, divorce her, don't look at the fact of all those you are going to hurt around you or your wife, that you have mistakenly chosen. The word of God and it's guidelines for love and peace, eh, they don't matter your God is forgiving, knowingly willfully do what will make you happy. This is the ideology and everyday chant of this decaying world.

Speaking the truth is true love for all involved, overlooking or putting a band-aid over it is not. I guarantee he can find the answer he is looking for and what he does will ultimately come to his desire.

This justification and abuse of God's grace knowingly and willingly only opens the door for more justifications of our actions and beliefs. We tell him this because we love him and care for his heart and all those around him. I wonder how you would feel if you were married and your husband just came and told you that.

 

[Luis67]

I was in a 3 year relationship with a girl that at one point I thought I was going to marry *because i loved who she was as a person*, despite having the same feelings about attraction that you have about this girl.. with that in mind here are my thoughts on all of this. You don't love her so get divorced.. if you end up getting married again and comitting adultery and she does the same it is what it is. For all sins can be forgiven except blasphemying the Holy Spirit.. since your by no means doing that. you can and most certainly will be forgiven.. Or best case scenario is you guys divorce and never remarry.. thus nobody commits adultery and everybodys happy.. Think about it this way.. if you get remarrried you only commit adultery once.. If you stay in this relationship and pretend to be in love with her you lie every day.

Is that the best wisdom you can give to a brother in Christ, of all things to willfully and knowingly go against what's best for all. You think only his wife suffers of this shame and disgrace brought to her, what about her parents and the family legacy, what about the embarrassment of his parents and their son's choice.

No wonder true manhood is dieing in our culture.

 

[Terene]

This threadhad me thinking, this guy has been open and HONEST about his feelings,and theni thought, he really recieved no solid advice....and not that i can give any either, but i will not stand in judgement of him, i will Love him, think about what Jesus did for him, me , you...... Because.................
have any of you done any of this? Just 1 of them?
If you have ever broken any of the Ten Commandments, you are a sinner. Have you ever let something else come between you and God? Have you ever worshipped an image, object, or living thing as though it was God? Have you ever used God’s name as a curse word? Have you ever failed to keep the Sabbath day holy? Have you ever been disrespectful to your parents? Have you ever committed murder or bitterly hated someone? Have you ever committed adultery or had impure thoughts about another person? Have you ever taken something that was not yours? Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever been jealous of other people’s possessions? If you have every done any of these things, even just once, you are a sinner. The Bible says that we are ALL sinners. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

So DID not Jesus come to this earth to take on the sin of the world? Yes we are suppose to repent, and not do it again....and try our best, but we ALL fall short. everyone of us.

Didn't Jesus with the women who was caught in adultery, say So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

Then He said...When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?

She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.

I think i am going to side with Jesus on this one. He is a forgiving God, Does not mean we keep repeating the same offense over and over again without remorse.
the OP seems to be caring, and honest, and wants whats best for his wife, so she can have someone that truley loves her.......
Praying for You, God will lead you, sometimes when we sit quietly with Him we get the answer..better Him then man!

Dear brother,

Bear with my words, and consider them in the love of Christ.

Do you think it is right when we see a brother or sister on the verge of plunging into a pit, instead of reaching out our hands to help him or her, we stand there and comfort them and say: God will help you and bring you out of the pit? Meanwhile the brother/sister may not see where he/she is heading towards, but we see the danger of his/her path, should we comfort them with words of false security and claim that it is ok for them to fall into the pit, suffer in the darkness and then pray that God will rescue them? Do you think as a brother/sister in Christ, we can show such indifference when we see our brethren falling into the snares of the devil and plunging into the sin that our Lord freed them from with His own shed blood? Should we have such indifference towards sin, which the Lord had to suffer on behalf of us by bearing reproach and strips, having a crown of thorns jammed into His head and nails nailed into His hands and worse still, facing the separation from and the wrath of His Father so that we may be delivered from sin's harmful effects and bondages?

There is a difference between hypocritical judgement and good judgement, and not all judgments are forbidden by God. When Lord Jesus said we should not judge, it is mainly regarding hypocritical judgment as well as judging small matters that God has given us freedom to choose from. I give an example from the Scriptures:

Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations. For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.

We may eat according to the proportion of faith we have in God, and in such matters, God has given us liberty to choose what to eat and what not to eat. In this regard, we should not judge a brother because whether we eat meat or not, it doesn't affect our position or relationship with God. As long as we eat in faith, even eating vegetables can bring glory to God.

I was in a 3 year relationship with a girl that at one point I thought I was going to marry *because i loved who she was as a person*, despite having the same feelings about attraction that you have about this girl.. with that in mind here are my thoughts on all of this. You not in love with her so get divorced.. if you end up getting married again and comitting adultery and she does the same it is what it is. For all sins can be forgiven except blasphemying the Holy Spirit.. since your by no means doing that. you can and most certainly will be forgiven.. Or best case scenario is you guys divorce and never remarry.. thus nobody commits adultery and everybodys happy.. Think about it this way.. if you get remarrried you only commit adultery once.. If you stay in this relationship and pretend to be in love with her you lie every day.

To both brother blessedmomof5 and help_the_lord

But the situation with this brother here is not a mere matter of eating meat or vegetables, but that of breaking a marriage vow towards his wife. Regarding this, both Lord Jesus and His apostle gave direct commands about. Lord Jesus said clearly: "What God has joined together, let man not separate." More from the Word of God which I quoted earlier on:

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

In divorcing his wife, he himself commits adultery, and causes even his wife to commit adultery. Such is the seriousness of divorce, and something God is not pleased with.

Should we then say it is ok, when God actively commands that it is not ok? Is our own desire to be followed above that of the direct command of the Lord? If so, what kind of faith do we hold towards God by thinking that we can ignore the commands of God and do what we please? Remember the stern warnings of the apostles:

For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

We do stumble and fail in many areas, but actively and continously putting aside the commands of God to satisfy our own desires is wilful sinning, and such will receive the most terrible judgments. Faith is not just about professing and believing the Lord, but also loving and obeying the Lord. Lord Jesus Himself said:

If ye love Me, keep My commandments.

His commandments is but to love God above all things and to love your neighbor as yourself. If you do love God above all things, putting aside God's commands for your own desires will never be part of your life. I urge you therefore, brother, that you repent now what you have just said and make sure your heart is right with God. I do not say this to judge you or accuse you, but to save you from the deceit that has been blinding so many believers and putting them into a sense of false security. Professing the Lord does not save anyone, because even the devils profess that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, but they actively rebel against God. If merely a profession and belief in the Lord void of obedience to God is considered faith, satan and his demons would long have received salvation, because they know and believe the truth about Jesus Christ and they believe in one God right from the beginning. But mark the Words spoken by the Lord:

And why call ye Me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

May our God bring you to repentance and free you from such deception.

 

[Luis67]

Dear brother,

Bear with my words, and consider them in the love of Christ.

Do you think it is right when we see a brother or sister on the verge of plunging into a pit, instead of reaching out our hands to help him or her, we stand there and comfort them and say: God will help you and bring you out of the pit? Meanwhile the brother/sister may not see where he/she is heading towards, but we see the danger of his/her path, should we comfort them with words of false security and claim that it is ok for them to fall into the pit, suffer in the darkness and then pray that God will rescue them? Do you think as a brother/sister in Christ, we can show such indifference when we see our brethren falling into the snares of the devil and plunging into the sin that our Lord freed them from with His own shed blood? Should we have such indifference towards sin, which the Lord had to suffer on behalf of us by bearing reproach and strips, having a crown of thorns jammed into His head and nails nailed into His hands and worse still, facing the separation from and the wrath of His Father so that we may be delivered from sin's harmful effects and bondages?

There is a difference between hypocritical judgement and good judgement, and not all judgments are forbidden by God. When Lord Jesus said we should not judge, it is mainly regarding hypocritical judgment as well as judging small matters that God has given us freedom to choose from. I give an example from the Scriptures:

Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations. For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.

We may eat according to the proportion of faith we have in God, and in such matters, God has given us liberty to choose what to eat and what not to eat. In this regard, we should not judge a brother because whether we eat meat or not, it doesn't affect our position or relationship with God. As long as we eat in faith, even eating vegetables can bring glory to God.



To both brother blessedmomof5 and help_the_lord

But the situation with this brother here is not a mere matter of eating meat or vegetables, but that of breaking a marriage vow towards his wife. Regarding this, both Lord Jesus and His apostle gave direct commands about. Lord Jesus said clearly: "What God has joined together, let man not separate." More from the Word of God which I quoted earlier on:

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

In divorcing his wife, he himself commits adultery, and causes even his wife to commit adultery. Such is the seriousness of divorce, and something God is not pleased with.

Should we then say it is ok, when God actively commands that it is not ok? Is our own desire to be followed above that of the direct command of the Lord? If so, what kind of faith do we hold towards God by thinking that we can ignore the commands of God and do what we please? Remember the stern warnings of the apostles:

For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
We do stumble and fail in many areas, but actively and continously putting aside the commands of God to satisfy our own desires is wilful sinning, and such will receive the most terrible judgments. Faith is not just about professing and believing the Lord, but also loving and obeying the Lord. Lord Jesus Himself said:

If ye love Me, keep My commandments.

His commandments is but to love God above all things and to love your neighbor as yourself. If you do love God above all things, putting aside God's commands for your own desires will never be part of your life. I urge you therefore, brother, that you repent now what you have just said and make sure your heart is right with God. I do not say this to judge you or accuse you, but to save you from the deceit that has been blinding so many believers and putting them into a sense of false security. Professing the Lord does not save anyone, because even the devils profess that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, but they actively rebel against God. If merely a profession and belief in the Lord void of obedience to God is considered faith, satan and his demons would long have received salvation, because they know and believe the truth about Jesus Christ and they believe in one God right from the beginning. But mark the Words spoken by the Lord:

And why call ye Me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

May our God bring you to repentance and free you from such deception.

Amen

 

[Teemu]

God knows your heart. You cannot fool him. So if you try and pretend, He knows.

A person who says the right things but does the wrong things is a hypocrite. But doing the right thing when you feel not like doing it, keeping doing the right thing until it feels right is part of renewing your mind. There is nothing authentic in feelings, but many Christians seem to confuse renewing your mind with hypocrisy. Being in love is just a feeling, and when that feeling or longing for it because lack of it encourages doing wrong thing, it is as bad as rage and other bad feelings. The point of emphasis of Jesus on the badness of sinful thoughts was to encourage people to stop the sinful thought patterns, because they encourage sin and even if you don't implement them, it hurts you on spiritual level, not to give people a reason to do sin since they feel like it already. "Follow your heart" is just "Do what feels good" worded differently, which is modern secular humanistic view.

 

[help_the_lord]

Dear brother,

Bear with my words, and consider them in the love of Christ.

Do you think it is right when we see a brother or sister on the verge of plunging into a pit, instead of reaching out our hands to help him or her, we stand there and comfort them and say: God will help you and bring you out of the pit? Meanwhile the brother/sister may not see where he/she is heading towards, but we see the danger of his/her path, should we comfort them with words of false security and claim that it is ok for them to fall into the pit, suffer in the darkness and then pray that God will rescue them? Do you think as a brother/sister in Christ, we can show such indifference when we see our brethren falling into the snares of the devil and plunging into the sin that our Lord freed them from with His own shed blood? Should we have such indifference towards sin, which the Lord had to suffer on behalf of us by bearing reproach and strips, having a crown of thorns jammed into His head and nails nailed into His hands and worse still, facing the separation from and the wrath of His Father so that we may be delivered from sin's harmful effects and bondages?

There is a difference between hypocritical judgement and good judgement, and not all judgments are forbidden by God. When Lord Jesus said we should not judge, it is mainly regarding hypocritical judgment as well as judging small matters that God has given us freedom to choose from. I give an example from the Scriptures:

Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations. For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand.

We may eat according to the proportion of faith we have in God, and in such matters, God has given us liberty to choose what to eat and what not to eat. In this regard, we should not judge a brother because whether we eat meat or not, it doesn't affect our position or relationship with God. As long as we eat in faith, even eating vegetables can bring glory to God.



To both brother blessedmomof5 and help_the_lord

But the situation with this brother here is not a mere matter of eating meat or vegetables, but that of breaking a marriage vow towards his wife. Regarding this, both Lord Jesus and His apostle gave direct commands about. Lord Jesus said clearly: "What God has joined together, let man not separate." More from the Word of God which I quoted earlier on:

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

In divorcing his wife, he himself commits adultery, and causes even his wife to commit adultery. Such is the seriousness of divorce, and something God is not pleased with.

Should we then say it is ok, when God actively commands that it is not ok? Is our own desire to be followed above that of the direct command of the Lord? If so, what kind of faith do we hold towards God by thinking that we can ignore the commands of God and do what we please? Remember the stern warnings of the apostles:

For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries. He that despised Moses' law died without mercy under two or three witnesses: Of how much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done despite unto the Spirit of grace? For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

We do stumble and fail in many areas, but actively and continously putting aside the commands of God to satisfy our own desires is wilful sinning, and such will receive the most terrible judgments. Faith is not just about professing and believing the Lord, but also loving and obeying the Lord. Lord Jesus Himself said:

If ye love Me, keep My commandments.

His commandments is but to love God above all things and to love your neighbor as yourself. If you do love God above all things, putting aside God's commands for your own desires will never be part of your life. I urge you therefore, brother, that you repent now what you have just said and make sure your heart is right with God. I do not say this to judge you or accuse you, but to save you from the deceit that has been blinding so many believers and putting them into a sense of false security. Professing the Lord does not save anyone, because even the devils profess that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, but they actively rebel against God. If merely a profession and belief in the Lord void of obedience to God is considered faith, satan and his demons would long have received salvation, because they know and believe the truth about Jesus Christ and they believe in one God right from the beginning. But mark the Words spoken by the Lord:

And why call ye Me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

May our God bring you to repentance and free you from such deception.

All of your advise to me can be summed up in one very important lesson about God i've learned through some very unusual circumstances. God will never use any means that will cause you great physical or emotional harm for the sake of your betterment. With that being said I know what being in this sort of relationship is like, and trust me its very emotionally hurtful; it makes you feel terrible every day. If you've never done it you cannot understand.. this is why I gave him the advise I did and you are chosing to give him other advise. God did not put him in this relationship if he did this man would be happy and filled with joy.. He placed himself in it thus it is not of God from the start. I am sorry you cannot see it this way but it doesn't make me wrong. Quoting Hebrews is well and good.. but sometimes quoting experience is just as powerful. The same Yashua that said "if thou put away your wife for a cause other than fornication commits adultery." Also said "forgive us of our debts as we have forgiven our debtors." Thus if it was not possible for God to forgive him there would be no reason to make this prayer.

 

[Angelfrog]

help-the-lord, I understand where you're coming from- but to say, basically, that it's fine to do something because God will forgive one anyway is skating on thin ice a bit, isn't it?

Where do you draw the line?

I could say that I need some money desperately and I have the chance to steal from someone. I can justify it with how much I need it- and can say Jesus said 'forgive our sins as we forgive.....'
Well, why not? I won't feel good doing it- but what the heck... I'll be forgiven so it's fine.

I could name a whole range of things I can claim the 'I'll be forgiven' clause on.

I think as well that the whole 'adultery is a one off' thing is a bit tricky as well.

If I was to sleep with someone other than my husband whilst married to him, I'd be committing adultery, obviously. If I had an affair whilst married to my husband, I wouldn't be committing adultery just once, would I? It would be an ongoing state. I'd be committing it over and over.

If you believe that remarrying is committing adultery, it's because you believe that in the eyes of God you're still bound to that person.

In that case, every day you spend with a second spouse would be an ongoing state of adultery. It wouldn't be a one-off thing that's done and over with. You couldn't claim you'd repented of the adultery if you then stayed with the new spouse.

You either believe that remarriage isn't adultery- in which case there'd be nothing to repent of- or you believe it is- in which case it's by no means a case of committing adultery just once. Your entire marriage to that new spouse would be an act of adultery.

I think the whole 'do and repent later' thing is a bit simplistic.

 

[help_the_lord]

To be fair my words were "Or best case scenario is you guys divorce and never remarry".. thus nobody commits adultery and everybodys happy.. " Not best case scenario you get remarried and God forgives you for the adultery.. either way the splitting up part is essential.. because as I said I was in that same boat.. and that is a boat I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

 

[Jazer]

he really recieved no solid advice....

Everyone has to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling. At times it can be helpful for people to share with us what God is showing them and working in their life. Sometimes we receive what they call a prophecy, a word of wisdom from God for a fellow Christian.

 

[Teemu]

Sin causes suffering. Suffering caused by obsession with emotion of "being in love" is not really different from obsession with lust or any emotion. Also people should stop summarizing "being in love" with term love, since I don't think the Bible ever uses word love to describe "being in love", and we should stop this putting the emotion of "being in love" on some special pedestal, which it by no means deserves. I think the history of marriage arrangements show pretty clearly that the "being in love" is not some necessary basic need, it is an obsession fed by modern values. But you don't have to accept modern values. Also relationship research has shown that the intense "being in love" generally goes over in few years, so you are not going to find an easy constant "being in love" relationship anyway most likely.

God doesn't contradict himself. Any guidance that tempts you to break His Commands is misguidance of Satan, not guidance of Holy Spirit. But God never allows Satan to tempt more than you are capable to resist if you will to do so. The point of this is not to be judgmental, but point to the way of concentrating on loving rather than being in love is going to make you happier in this world too in the long run.

 

[thesunisout]

To be fair my words were "Or best case scenario is you guys divorce and never remarry".. thus nobody commits adultery and everybodys happy.. " Not best case scenario you get remarried and God forgives you for the adultery.. either way the splitting up part is essential.. because as I said I was in that same boat.. and that is a boat I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

The best case is that he obey God and stays married and tries to love his wife. The worst case is he divorces her and falls into sin.

I too have been in this situation, where I was married to a woman I didn't love. However, I wasn't a Christian at the time. If I was I would have done the whole thing differently and we'd probably still be married today.

It's more important to obey the will of God, every time. We are supposed to deny ourselves whatever it takes to do it. Though the Lord doesn't want us to be unhappy we are often thrust into unhappy situations where we have to make the best of it. It doesn't give us permission to throw up our hands and sin everytime we confront something we don't like.