Have you ever been hurt? Truly hurt or disallusioned from someone on a messageboard?

[Catherineanne]

I've had my share of heated arguments (not on CF, I'm too new here, but elsewhere), but mostly I think we've been able to handle those as grown ups.

I've had one situation though, which is a great grief to me. I spend quite a bit of time hanging out on a parenting forum, and there was another lady on that forum whom I also got to know and we became friends in real life; meals at each other's houses, kids hanging out together, the whole bit (this was before I was ordained).

And one day she disclosed to me that as a child she had been sexually abused by a priest of my denomination. I helped her find information and supported her through the reporting process. Her case was coming to court at about the time I was being ordained.

And suddenly she cut all contact with me. Would not answer messages. Would not speak to me. As best I can piece it together from mutual friends, the trial process was very damaging for her, and in some ways she blamed me for encouraging her into that course of action, and could not cope with the fact that I'd committed to the institution that was doing her so much damage.

That was bad enough, for we had been really good friends. But she also started to write nasty things about me in the forum, accuse me of being an abuse apologist, and all sorts of things; probably more that I don't know about, to other people that knew us both. And despite me reaching out to her, she has been unwilling to discuss any of this or attempt to reconcile.

At the end of the day, I know that her wounds are greater and she needs to do what she needs to do, but it has been very genuinely hurtful.

I am really sorry that happened.

 

[Paidiske]

Thanks for sharing that, Catherineanne; I'm so sorry that that happened to you.

You're right; what has happened is not in the past and over and done; the wounds are carried for a long time. Intellectually I understand this, but on an emotional level of course it is different. I think I would be hesitant to mix friendship with that kind of support again; I'd be more likely to refer on to someone with no existing relationship.

 

[Catherineanne]

Thanks for sharing that, Catherineanne; I'm so sorry that that happened to you.

You're right; what has happened is not in the past and over and done; the wounds are carried for a long time. Intellectually I understand this, but on an emotional level of course it is different. I think I would be hesitant to mix friendship with that kind of support again; I'd be more likely to refer on to someone with no existing relationship.

Thanks for your empathy; it helps a lot.

I am sorry you would be reluctant to help someone else in the same situation. We are not all the same. But you are right; professional distance can help to protect everyone.

 

[LaSorcia]

I was really hurt here once for trying to help someone financially with a decent chunk of cash. They had made several posts about money being tight and needing some necessities. They were an active poster not a newbie with one begging post, so I offered to help. I even provided a reference of other people I'd helped online whom I'd never met, so they would know I was not a kook. I said I could paypal the money; no need to give personal details.

Well, they immediately put me on ignore and reported me to a moderator! I was not happy to receive the moderator's 'warning', although they were not rude. I really cried that there is so little trust and good will and the ability to believe that someone could possibly be kind and help a fellow Christian in need directly without going through a non-profit. I nearly left CF. I have not offered to help anyone online since. God forbid I might offend them by being nice.

 

[Catherineanne]

I was really hurt here once for trying to help someone financially with a decent chunk of cash. They had made several posts about money being tight and needing some necessities. They were an active poster not a newbie with one begging post, so I offered to help. I even provided a reference of other people I'd helped online whom I'd never met, so they would know I was not a kook. I said I could paypal the money; no need to give personal details.

Well, they immediately put me on ignore and reported me to a moderator! I was not happy to receive the moderator's 'warning', although they were not rude. I really cried that there is so little trust and good will and the ability to believe that someone could possibly be kind and help a fellow Christian in need directly without going through a non-profit. I nearly left CF. I have not offered to help anyone online since. God forbid I might offend them by being nice.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I am really sorry this happened to you; that is really unfair. Although I am happy you did not give away your money to someone so unkind.

 

[benedictaoo]

Lots of times. I find there is often a pack mentality on message boards, and they will have their own agenda. Dissenting voices, even if polite, often just lead to the whole pack piling in. At that point I usually quietly leave; life is too short.

I have tried lots of different boards over the years; this is the only one I stick with, although I do take extended breaks from time to time.

You see now, the other side of dissenting voices, the assenting voices can say the same. But in OBOB it use to be that dissenting wasn't something that could be promoted. Talking about it, discussing it is one thing but promoting it is something else. Now it seems rampart because of the new moderation and the ones who know what the true rules are, are who is being ganged up on. It's a sad state of affairs. It really is.

 

[MikeK]

You see now, the other side of dissenting voices, the assenting voices can say the same. But in OBOB it use to be that dissenting wasn't something that could be promoted. Talking about it, discussing it is one thing but promoting it is something else. Now it seems rampart because of the new moderation and the ones who know what the true rules are, are who is being ganged up on. It's a sad state of affairs. It really is.

Where do you see dissent tolerated? I see a new hatred for the Church and for Christ's servants storming into this forum in the form of so-called "traditionalism" which isn't true traditionalism at all, but that's about it. I don't see many people stating that moral evils like contraception, abortion, refusal to help those in need, unjust war, human torture, etc are acceptable. There are a few, but there have always been a few who reject the Church and substitute their own moral preferences.

 

[Michie]

There is a different vibe in OBOB but as long as people group up like pack animals and have little tolerance for anyone who has a differing opinion, we will continue to separate from one another and the place will eventually die or we will get a new group of people that actually know how to interact and rejuvenate the place when we go to pasture.

 

[KWCrazy]

I've been called many things on message boards; racist because I'm conservative, dull minded and uneducated because I believe in the Bible (qualified for MENSA, went to college on an academic scholarship, graduated on the Dean's List, B.S. degree); I've been called a woman because people can't look two inches to their left when reading a post; but I have never been hurt by the preposterous opinions of those who delight in name calling. The fact is, people can say strange and outrageous things about you without knowing the first thing about you as a person. It only illustrates their own failings.

The thing to keep in mind is that there are a lot of different people out there. For some the internet is their only way of interacting because they are homebound and crippled. For some it's an honest attempt at conversing with others and for some it is a place to have fun at another's expense. There are others on this board who are NOT here to talk about the Lord or learn about the Lord. They are here to destroy your faith in God. It irritates them that people have faith because they do not and their conscience nags at them for their sinful lives. They pretend to be experts on the Bible and come here with the sole intent of getting you to lose your faith. There are many here like that. When discovered, they open new accounts under different names, but the tactics remain the same. I'm pretty well convinced I have the same person blocked under 4 different names. You are the enemy to these people because you are among God's chosen. When they are rude to you, remember that it is not you they hate, but the Lord. Oh, sure, they will pretend to be well educated in Biblical studies, but they will never post anything you can't find in a few seconds on the internet.

The struggle continues; us against the world. However, we have the Lord on our side. they shall not prevail.

 

[paul becke]

Pain is not connected with forgiveness in my experience; it is far closer to whether the other side is sorry or not.

I can (and do) forgive all day long, but if the other side remains unrepentant and rather thinks I deserved whatever happened to me the pain will remain, and this is not just in the context of message boards.

If we put the onus on overcoming suffering onto the person who has been hurt, because they have not been forgiving enough, then this is a variant of blaming the victim for the crime. The suffering is caused by the other person, and is his or her responsibility, not ours. Any pain we feel is not our fault, either because it happened or because we have not been able to forgive those who remain totally unrepentant and oblivious to what we are dealing with.

Trying to always remember the great acts of unkindness I have committed during my life helps me a great deal to forgive others when they've wronged me in some way, and what helps me to remember that, is remembering to include myself in my prayers for the dirty, lowdown, 'lowernanasnakesbelly' ratbags. Reverting to sweetness and light....as also do those words of the Our Father.

A phenomenon I've noticed more recently is that I, sometimes, suddenly find myself harbouring hateful thoughts against people I'd thought I'd forgiven from the bottom of my heart at the time or soon after - for what happened a year ago or more ! It's a hard life if you don't weaken, as the saying goes.

 

[paul becke]

I've been called many things on message boards; racist because I'm conservative, dull minded and uneducated because I believe in the Bible (qualified for MENSA, went to college on an academic scholarship, graduated on the Dean's List, B.S. degree); I've been called a woman because people can't look two inches to their left when reading a post; but I have never been hurt by the preposterous opinions of those who delight in name calling. The fact is, people can say strange and outrageous things about you without knowing the first thing about you as a person. It only illustrates their own failings.

The thing to keep in mind is that there are a lot of different people out there. For some the internet is their only way of interacting because they are homebound and crippled. For some it's an honest attempt at conversing with others and for some it is a place to have fun at another's expense. There are others on this board who are NOT here to talk about the Lord or learn about the Lord. They are here to destroy your faith in God. It irritates them that people have faith because they do not and their conscience nags at them for their sinful lives. They pretend to be experts on the Bible and come here with the sole intent of getting you to lose your faith. There are many here like that. When discovered, they open new accounts under different names, but the tactics remain the same. I'm pretty well convinced I have the same person blocked under 4 different names. You are the enemy to these people because you are among God's chosen. When they are rude to you, remember that it is not you they hate, but the Lord. Oh, sure, they will pretend to be well educated in Biblical studies, but they will never post anything you can't find in a few seconds on the internet.

The struggle continues; us against the world. However, we have the Lord on our side. they shall not prevail.

'... us against the world.'

I like it, especially only a day after St Athanasius' feast day in the Catholic church. 'Athanasius contra mundum.'

By the way, Michie, you should take heart. I read yesterday that Athanasius was alleged to have punched Arius in the face at the Council, I think, 'of Nicea'. I expect the thought of the hideous damage his heresy would cause tipped him over the edge ! Though he certainly suffered for the faith in that struggle against Arianism, which almost won the day at one time, being exiled five times, among his other trials. Most of the clergy had turned Aryan, and I believe it was the most outstanding example of that concept of the wisdom of the laity. I forget what it's called.

 

[Michie]

'... us against the world.'

I like it, especially only a day after St Athanasius' feast day in the Catholic church. 'Athanasius contra mundum.'

By the way, Michie, you should take heart. I read yesterday that Athanasius was alleged to have punched Arius in the face at the Council, I think, 'of Nicea'. I expect the thought of the hideous damage his heresy would cause tipped him over the edge ! Though he certainly suffered for the faith in that struggle against Arianism, which almost won the day at one time, being exiled five times, among his other trials. Most of the clergy had turned Aryan, and I believe it was the most outstanding example of that concept of the wisdom of the laity. I forget what it's called.

I can't help but smile a bit when I hear of a Saint punching someone in the face. Saints aren't perfect and I like that. It gives a bit of hope.

 

[paul becke]

I can't help but smile a bit when I hear of a Saint punching someone in the face. Saints aren't perfect and I like that. It gives a bit of hope.

.. and he was pretty special, Michie, being held to be the soul of orthodoxy ! They do sound to have been a wild lot.... Not much change there, then !

 

[LivingWordUnity]

By the way, Michie, you should take heart. I read yesterday that Athanasius was alleged to have punched Arius in the face at the Council, I think, 'of Nicea'.

That's a legend about St. Nicholas not St. Athanasius.

 

[paul becke]

That's a legend about St. Nicholas not St. Athanasius.

'fraid you're right, there ! Well, at least he was another saint, Michie !

 

[grandvizier1006]

I'm not even Catholic and even I knew it was st. Nick. I.e. Santa Claus! So picture Santa in an outfit that is way too warm to be worn in a Mediterranean climate bunching out an old man in a toga while other shocked men in togas look on.

 

[paul becke]

I'm not even Catholic and even I knew it was st. Nick. I.e. Santa Claus! So picture Santa in an outfit that is way too warm to be worn in a Mediterranean climate bunching out an old man in a toga while other shocked men in togas look on.

Bah !I only read it the other day, grandvizier. Yes, I thought of him in his Santa outfit, too. It reminds me a bit of that report of the scuffle between different orders of monks, looking after one of the holy places.

It seems to have been a 'turf' war - kind of a trade-union, demarcation dispute - 'turf'-task demarcations.

 

[Michie]

'fraid you're right, there ! Well, at least he was another saint, Michie !

Lol! I thought there might of been another that walloped someone!

 

[Paidiske]

I believe it was the most outstanding example of that concept of the wisdom of the laity. I forget what it's called.

Sensus fidelium?

 

[benedictaoo]

Where do you see dissent tolerated? I see a new hatred for the Church and for Christ's servants storming into this forum in the form of so-called "traditionalism" which isn't true traditionalism at all, but that's about it. I don't see many people stating that moral evils like contraception, abortion, refusal to help those in need, unjust war, human torture, etc are acceptable. There are a few, but there have always been a few who reject the Church and substitute their own moral preferences.

We all see things the way we want.