Have you ever been hurt? Truly hurt or disallusioned from someone on a messageboard?

[RKO]

Neither do I normally. But the past year has left me a bit raw. I don't know, when you feel like you have gone above and beyond and made a connection with people you feel have been somewhat castigated and then you find out you have served your purpose it just kind of stinks. No worries though, never been much of a trusting sort of person anyway since I was a kid. But to feel this way over a connection on the net? Admittedly, it even freaks me out. I think that is really what is bothering me but at the same time, I see it as a valued lesson. Seriously, we need to walk softly even on the Internet. None of us know what we are dealing with and what is going to rip some old wounds in another or trigger something. Some things are unavoidable given the format but most of what is done is done in the name of agendas or just plain entertainment. I had a tough skin before obviously but it is tougher now.

I'm sorry that it happened and that it caused you pain.

 

[rose dahlia]

People can be extremely nasty and judgemental on the internet. Sorry you were hurt. Yes I have some people tend to forget that others have feelings.

 

[MikeK]

I'm sorry that you've been hurt, Michie, and I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I sincerely believe that you're a good person, I can't say that about very many people.

I don't recall ever being hurt on here, but I can understand how it might make a poster take a "once bitten" approach to posting personal things. ..and that really sucks, because our discussions become more fruitful the more open we are with the details of our personal lives, our great successes and our worst failures.

 

[pdudgeon]

I'm sorry that you've been hurt, Michie, and I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I sincerely believe that you're a good person, I can't say that about very many people.

I don't recall ever being hurt on here, but I can understand how it might make a poster take a "once bitten" approach to posting personal things. ..and that really sucks, because our discussions become more fruitful the more open we are with the details of our personal lives, our great successes and our worst failures.

as for that last ("our great successes and our worst failures") I personally tend towards reticience when it comes to that.

I would rather let all that come out from others and from God who rewards in good time, than to jump the gun and parade my accomplishments down here. Mostly i only do so out of necessity if the occasion demands it. and then i soft peddle it as much as possible (which is why i'd never be very good at running for a public office. )

(and off the top of my head i can only think of one such demanding occasion; my eulogy, which someone else will deliver!)

If there's something that I've learned in life that has helped me,
I'll share that with others when i think that it will be of help to them.
But I'd rather be a person who comes alongside to help
than to be the person leading the parade.

 

[longhair75]

As far as Rapture Ready and the like, I was banned at the Left Behind Message Board because I replied to a comment by saying that I did not think the Catholic Church worshiped Mary or prayed to the statues. I was banned from the Manna Cabana because I was an Administrator at The Pizza Parlor

Friend Michie, I remember the hurtful comments sent your way on a few now defunct message boards during your conversion. People can be so mean....

 

[benedictaoo]

Honesty alert: Warning, going to be honest... If you can't handle it, nows the time to turn away.

I think folks need to keep in mind that the rule of life (at least in the service industry) is never discuss religion and politics because people are passionate about their views and almost always can't them discuss rationally. It becomes heated. At least on here we don't yell and get the blood pressure going. I think it's funny, I can't only laugh because to moderate a forum where people discuss religion and politics is impossible because of the nature of it. Only two things really aggravate me here. I don't get hurt, I get annoyed and disappointed. Posters who will cloak their very condescending jabs at other posters being so condescending and insulting acting like they're so "Christian" showing compassion on a person when clearly their just being a blank a work I can't say. And then they're these sophist blanks I can't take those either... and the intolerant-"tolerant" blanks. So, as you can see, I don't get hurt, I wouldn't say mad either, just really annoyed because I can't tell these people what I really think of them. And then the mods want to talk to me like I'm 5. That annoys me too. So, some ppl get hurt, some get mad. The two are twins after all.

 

[longhair75]

Friend benedictoo, I would love to discuss politics in a calm and rational manner. Sadly for our country, this is becoming increasingly impossible. I enjoy discussion, but I will not argue.

 

[Michie]

I feel better today. Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for sharing. I was feeling pretty weirded out about it.

 

[Anhelyna]

Michie - we all need to vent at times - my GodPapa [ who has enough problems of his own ] always gets mine dumped on him when I vent.

Think about it though - if we don't vent it builds up inside us and that is NOT a good thing to happen - we have to let rip from time to time

 

[paul becke]

It could be anything. Someone you met, haven't met. I have found that lately I'm feeling a bit hurt. Has it happened to you?

Hi Michie. I had a horrible feeling You might have been offended by my attempted blandishments to bettercallpaul, talking about y'all of the female persuasion being great talkers and liking confabs and 'rubbing noses' (this last, in particular). I was just speaking generically and generally, not meaning to detract from serious matters you write about. Just thought it needed 'splainin'.

 

[Michie]

You are right Anhelyna. I tend to try to shrug things off and assume the best if possible but I think the combination of me being very tired with my mom's issues and some things that transpired here made me a bit more sensitive than usual. It does not excuse it but it is probably why I felt so unusually hurt by it all. Oh well, live and learn.

Michie - we all need to vent at times - my GodPapa [ who has enough problems of his own ] always gets mine dumped on him when I vent.

Think about it though - if we don't vent it builds up inside us and that is NOT a good thing to happen - we have to let rip from time to time

 

[Catherineanne]

It could be anything. Someone you met, haven't met. I have found that lately I'm feeling a bit hurt. Has it happened to you?

Lots of times. I find there is often a pack mentality on message boards, and they will have their own agenda. Dissenting voices, even if polite, often just lead to the whole pack piling in. At that point I usually quietly leave; life is too short.

I have tried lots of different boards over the years; this is the only one I stick with, although I do take extended breaks from time to time.

 

[Catherineanne]

You are right Anhelyna. I tend to try to shrug things off and assume the best if possible but I think the combination of me being very tired with my mom's issues and some things that transpired here made me a bit more sensitive than usual. It does not excuse it but it is probably why I felt so unusually hurt by it all. Oh well, live and learn.

I wondered whether that might be the case. Stress will tend to make us all a bit sensitive, which is why we need to be careful of one another; none of us knows what the others are going through.

Take care, Michie. x

 

[paul becke]

life is too short.

One of the wisest sayings imho, Catherineanne, in a lot of situations.

 

[Michie]

Oh yes. That is a big issue here for sure. Thank you for all your great advise!

Lots of times. I find there is often a pack mentality on message boards, and they will have their own agenda. Dissenting voices, even if polite, often just lead to the whole pack piling in. At that point I usually quietly leave; life is too short.

I have tried lots of different boards over the years; this is the only one I stick with, although I do take extended breaks from time to time.

 

[RuthD]

If you have been hurt the pain may not go away until you learn to forgive. I've been hurt many times on message boards including CF. I have retaliated towards those who hurt me, too. But not any more. I am learning to forgive the ignorant and the ones who claim they've done no wrong to me. Forgiveness just feels better than suffering. KWIM?

 

[Michie]

True. But is also not right to turn a blind eye to continuous wrongdoing or unhealthy patterns either.

If you have been hurt the pain may not go away until you learn to forgive. I've been hurt many times on message boards including CF. I have retaliated towards those who hurt me, too. But not any more. I am learning to forgive the ignorant and the ones who claim they've done no wrong to me. Forgiveness just feels better than suffering. KWIM?

 

[Catherineanne]

If you have been hurt the pain may not go away until you learn to forgive. I've been hurt many times on message boards including CF. I have retaliated towards those who hurt me, too. But not any more. I am learning to forgive the ignorant and the ones who claim they've done no wrong to me. Forgiveness just feels better than suffering. KWIM?

Pain is not connected with forgiveness in my experience; it is far closer to whether the other side is sorry or not.

I can (and do) forgive all day long, but if the other side remains unrepentant and rather thinks I deserved whatever happened to me the pain will remain, and this is not just in the context of message boards.

If we put the onus on overcoming suffering onto the person who has been hurt, because they have not been forgiving enough, then this is a variant of blaming the victim for the crime. The suffering is caused by the other person, and is his or her responsibility, not ours. Any pain we feel is not our fault, either because it happened or because we have not been able to forgive those who remain totally unrepentant and oblivious to what we are dealing with.

 

[Paidiske]

I've had my share of heated arguments (not on CF, I'm too new here, but elsewhere), but mostly I think we've been able to handle those as grown ups.

I've had one situation though, which is a great grief to me. I spend quite a bit of time hanging out on a parenting forum, and there was another lady on that forum whom I also got to know and we became friends in real life; meals at each other's houses, kids hanging out together, the whole bit (this was before I was ordained).

And one day she disclosed to me that as a child she had been sexually abused by a priest of my denomination. I helped her find information and supported her through the reporting process. Her case was coming to court at about the time I was being ordained.

And suddenly she cut all contact with me. Would not answer messages. Would not speak to me. As best I can piece it together from mutual friends, the trial process was very damaging for her, and in some ways she blamed me for encouraging her into that course of action, and could not cope with the fact that I'd committed to the institution that was doing her so much damage.

That was bad enough, for we had been really good friends. But she also started to write nasty things about me in the forum, accuse me of being an abuse apologist, and all sorts of things; probably more that I don't know about, to other people that knew us both. And despite me reaching out to her, she has been unwilling to discuss any of this or attempt to reconcile.

At the end of the day, I know that her wounds are greater and she needs to do what she needs to do, but it has been very genuinely hurtful.

 

[Michie]

I've had my share of heated arguments (not on CF, I'm too new here, but elsewhere), but mostly I think we've been able to handle those as grown ups.

I've had one situation though, which is a great grief to me. I spend quite a bit of time hanging out on a parenting forum, and there was another lady on that forum whom I also got to know and we became friends in real life; meals at each other's houses, kids hanging out together, the whole bit (this was before I was ordained).

And one day she disclosed to me that as a child she had been sexually abused by a priest of my denomination. I helped her find information and supported her through the reporting process. Her case was coming to court at about the time I was being ordained.

And suddenly she cut all contact with me. Would not answer messages. Would not speak to me. As best I can piece it together from mutual friends, the trial process was very damaging for her, and in some ways she blamed me for encouraging her into that course of action, and could not cope with the fact that I'd committed to the institution that was doing her so much damage.

That was bad enough, for we had been really good friends. But she also started to write nasty things about me in the forum, accuse me of being an abuse apologist, and all sorts of things; probably more that I don't know about, to other people that knew us both. And despite me reaching out to her, she has been unwilling to discuss any of this or attempt to reconcile.

At the end of the day, I know that her wounds are greater and she needs to do what she needs to do, but it has been very genuinely hurtful.

Oh that's just awful! I'm so sorry!