God's not going to heal me.

[koshka]

Sorry, yes I get up and move around from time to time and since I often forget where I'm at or what I'm doing...I sign out..if I remember to rofl

I have a PhD in Christian Counseling, was in private practice when an international security firm wanted to hire me as a corporate psychologist doing debriefs and terrorist profiling. (What a place to be right now!) I had just finished field training when the industrial accident occurred....was just waiting for corp HQ to finish paperwork.
I cannot be consistent, nor totally correct when giving advice... and I haven't worked a day since that date. I've tried volunteering at a mental health support site, but alas, even with a CV they wouldn't even allow me to use this screen name like others did (dr, doc etc) oh well.
I have PTSD from the trauma, and from how the authorities didn't do what they should have to keep me safe, or to get me help. There is no cure. I have good reasons to believe that the part of the brain that is influenced by the stress chemical dump and errors in memory filing with PTSD is very close to where "faith" is held.
I had been in many organizations prior to being injured. Alas I never knew a volunteer could be fired before then either. I even tried at the local zoo after Hurricane Andrew, once I had some brain and ability, helping in the gift shop esp., but they fired me due to my being a risk and increasing their own worker comp insurance.
Anyway my life totally changed that day. I haven't been able to compensate yet... even after 25 years of working on myself daily. I don't get it. If I haven't "gotten it" by now, I have to wonder if ever.... but then that's a non sequitur as well.

Hi, it seems that you've really tried a great deal to find somewhere to volunteer or work. Here in the UK, we have an organisation called the Samaritans that operates a 'listening' service - so you don't give out advice as such (you're not allowed to) but need to be sensitive to the caller's situation - they do a great deal of good supporting people just by being there. There are also some volunteer prayer lines where people are willing to listen, again not giving advice as such, but are willing to come alongside you and pray. I just mention them incase something like them exists near you and would be an option at some point.

However, if you find that this isn't possible at the time, it may be that your niche may be closer to home. Have you tried journalling??

I don't mean just writing a diary as such, but rather a journal of your times spent with the Lord?

Maybe you've already tried it, but I'm mentioning it cos I've found it really helpful to look back over and to keep drawing me back on track to be closer to God.

Well, i'd best go now as its past my bedtime....

 

[drjean]

Hi, it seems that you've really tried a great deal to find somewhere to volunteer or work. Here in the UK, we have an organisation called the Samaritans that operates a 'listening' service - so you don't give out advice as such (you're not allowed to) but need to be sensitive to the caller's situation - they do a great deal of good supporting people just by being there. There are also some volunteer prayer lines where people are willing to listen, again not giving advice as such, but are willing to come alongside you and pray. I just mention them incase something like them exists near you and would be an option at some point.

However, if you find that this isn't possible at the time, it may be that your niche may be closer to home. Have you tried journalling??

I don't mean just writing a diary as such, but rather a journal of your times spent with the Lord?

Maybe you've already tried it, but I'm mentioning it cos I've found it really helpful to look back over and to keep drawing me back on track to be closer to God.

Well, i'd best go now as its past my bedtime....

Hi. Thanks. Hope you had a good sleep.
Actually, I kept trying to do things through volunteer work, but being unable to work means unable to work, even volunteer for me. I was the first director of the first hotline for the deaf in the nation, out of the Deaf Services Bureau in Miami, FL. Short lived, but I was able to train the first deaf call takers etc. I'm not fully deaf and they wanted someone who was, to take over. Used for God.
I can't be consistent except in being inconsistent. I get into pain flares that are unpredictable (unless I do something physically taxing I'm not supposed to)... so I am unreliable. Charities need people they can rely upon...to be there. Sigh. I do some on the spot fill in for the orange bowl committee when someone else can't or when something comes up and I happen to be able... but that's only a few times a year. A lot of volunteer work requires the use of your hands too, packing, putting things together, organizing etc. and I have full disability just from my hand due to neuropathy and muscle spasms. I can wear my wrist splints to push through but it's tough.
I've really, really tried...and it seems as though there just isn't anything or anyplace nor anyone who wants me. I don't know why God wants me to suffer... and thought about writing a book "Called to Suffer" but if I try to rely upon the book of Isaiah where He tells Elijah...but I know the plans I have for you... to take that for myself is tougher than it used to be, and I think maybe that was just for the prophet.
I have an answered prayer today... the IME the insurance company ordered for Monday has been cancelled. Well, they haven't officially notified me, but I called the doctor's office and they told me...hopefully they aren't lying to entrap me.
My latest venture involves a brain new organic food company... I joined up so I can get the product at discount...but can't work a business for sure. I signed it up under my mom's trust account so it if makes any money, I can apply it to her gravesite issues. If God blesses. I haven't checked to see if this site has a place for website and business classifieds.
But I did this because my food allergies are getting unmanageable. I hope the organic food will solve a lot of the issues I have with synthetic food, GM foods, preservatives and vaccine and hormone injections into meats. I'm so allergic. (I'm a very sensitive person, in more than one way.)
Ok. Sorry, I really don't write large posts and yet here it seems that's all I've done. Sigh. I am maxed out and it's showing I guess. Thanks for reading.

 

[Jn1010]

My first impression is that you could be hearing the wrong voice. God wants us well and productive. We simply have to get that revelation into our hearts. That is the first step in realizing God's healing.

Are you aware of the fact that one part of the definition of salvation is healing? Look it up on Strong's concordance.

You might also study the ministry of Jesus. How many times did He heal people? Scripture said that He healed everyone who called upon Him and believed that it was His will to heal. Faith is involved but belief must accompany it.

Finally, I might refer you to Psalm 103:1-5. God's will could not be plainer than that.

 

[drjean]

Again, thank you all for reading and replying.
I'm not angry nor upset with any reply, btw, just so you know.
I'm sure that you all posted what you felt needed to be said. I've heard it all before and worked on it too, no offense, and also thought some thing of what I would try would be the key. So far, no.

Yes, Christ healed everyone who came to him, asked Him. Yes, I know there are those who believe that healing comes with salvation. And I have been miraculously healed in the past, truly on death bed (more than once) in the late 70s. Which only frustrates me more now, as well.
Of course, God does not heal everyone. Paul was afflicted and begged God 3x before he "knew" he would not be healed. Plus, we all still die, don't we, so God does not heal us totally yet. (Looking for the rapture any hour!)

Now... kind friends... I posted in this forum 'Deeper Fellowship' because I'm not looking for the "simple" answers of the how or why I'm not healed. No, I requested support in how to deal ongoing... after 25 years of 'suffering'. I truly am tired of trying... and have so much pain to "just" sit and wait on the Lord and do nothing... however, of course that IS what I have to do...while I writhed in pain on those days (or pace and sob as it may be) and be appreciative of days like today when my body is managed well with medication and healthy food and sunshine.
It is tough because I know what it 'feels' like to have God close, to sense His presence constantly, to 'hear' Him whisper guidance. Seemingly at the moment of impact, that all left...and I have developed alternative methods of knowing God is near, acknowledging He knows where I'm at. (This is what I have had to do with most areas of my life, i.e. eating...since I can't taste, I imagine what a food used to taste like...or i.e. feeling hunger...since I have that particular feeling all the time, I have to differentiate when it's not quite normal and then check the clock to see when I last ate...ah! I'm hungry!)
While I can't definitively say that this notice from God was not really from the devil, for myself, that would be blasphemy (saying something from God is of the devil). God "spoke" to me in the way He/I? worked out so I would know it's Him. No, it's not like He used to speak to me long long ago far far away.
These last two weeks I've tried to pour my 'value' into my PCA (personal care attendant) ... one week teaching her how to make bread (in a machine) and this week how to make pumpkin pies. (No hands on, directing only.) She's elated. Maybe God has something big for her in the future, and she needs something from these exchanges. I wish I could hope so.
Well, as for journaling... it always ends up relating how I'm dealing with the overwhelming events of the day, or not. I've tried blogging...and even began a new "healthy adventure" category with regards to the new organic food... but I got caught in the glitches of a new company (not everyone did) and I still haven't received my foodstuffs... nearly a month waiting now... sigh. I know better than to hope.

I do wish all a good, safe thanksgiving. I hope you spend it with those you love and who love you. Be well.

 

[Forge3]

Again, thank you all for reading and replying.
I'm not angry nor upset with any reply, btw, just so you know.
I'm sure that you all posted what you felt needed to be said. I've heard it all before and worked on it too, no offense, and also thought some thing of what I would try would be the key. So far, no.

Yes, Christ healed everyone who came to him, asked Him. Yes, I know there are those who believe that healing comes with salvation. And I have been miraculously healed in the past, truly on death bed (more than once) in the late 70s. Which only frustrates me more now, as well.
Of course, God does not heal everyone. Paul was afflicted and begged God 3x before he "knew" he would not be healed. Plus, we all still die, don't we, so God does not heal us totally yet. (Looking for the rapture any hour!)

Now... kind friends... I posted in this forum 'Deeper Fellowship' because I'm not looking for the "simple" answers of the how or why I'm not healed. No, I requested support in how to deal ongoing... after 25 years of 'suffering'. I truly am tired of trying... and have so much pain to "just" sit and wait on the Lord and do nothing... however, of course that IS what I have to do...while I writhed in pain on those days (or pace and sob as it may be) and be appreciative of days like today when my body is managed well with medication and healthy food and sunshine.
It is tough because I know what it 'feels' like to have God close, to sense His presence constantly, to 'hear' Him whisper guidance. Seemingly at the moment of impact, that all left...and I have developed alternative methods of knowing God is near, acknowledging He knows where I'm at. (This is what I have had to do with most areas of my life, i.e. eating...since I can't taste, I imagine what a food used to taste like...or i.e. feeling hunger...since I have that particular feeling all the time, I have to differentiate when it's not quite normal and then check the clock to see when I last ate...ah! I'm hungry!)
While I can't definitively say that this notice from God was not really from the devil, for myself, that would be blasphemy (saying something from God is of the devil). God "spoke" to me in the way He/I? worked out so I would know it's Him. No, it's not like He used to speak to me long long ago far far away.
These last two weeks I've tried to pour my 'value' into my PCA (personal care attendant) ... one week teaching her how to make bread (in a machine) and this week how to make pumpkin pies. (No hands on, directing only.) She's elated. Maybe God has something big for her in the future, and she needs something from these exchanges. I wish I could hope so.
Well, as for journaling... it always ends up relating how I'm dealing with the overwhelming events of the day, or not. I've tried blogging...and even began a new "healthy adventure" category with regards to the new organic food... but I got caught in the glitches of a new company (not everyone did) and I still haven't received my foodstuffs... nearly a month waiting now... sigh. I know better than to hope.

I do wish all a good, safe thanksgiving. I hope you spend it with those you love and who love you. Be well.

I am a recovering alcoholic and have a ministry too. I find I usually have a lot to give. For me that also means self-care is vital...to keep centered knowing love can be a two-way street. I have more mobility than you to keep active most of the day though dealing with PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms) means I have really low points energy wise. And also like you I turn to God when there is nothing to do...not to say I don't call upon God in the midst of my active life.

I can say pray more,. cleave to God more. I mean it is a given that in such situations we cleave to the hem of God's robe so to speak. And surrendering ourselves over and simply listening, listening for his voice, his presence, the way/s He manifests in our lives. Or chatting God up so to speak sharing all our thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, or expressing affection, or asking questions; or just bowing our heads in the moment in silence and letting God be God and being where we are at with Him in the present moment.

At the same time I will pray for God to send loyal/faithful people into your life. As I said before anytime you want to talk I am a great sounding board that is much of my ministry. And I am grateful for it. Again my name is Mark. I do not have all the answers to what you are experiencing, maybe I'll be able to shed some insights upon it. 25 years of suffering is hard to turn around in one night and you have my support.

 

[Alive_Again]

There are "keys" God has given us that make for renewal. Worship is primary. Spirit filled worship. You can put it on and as best as you can hear it lift up your hands (if you are able) and get into the flow. If you can, go to somewhere where Spirit filled worship takes place. It's an environmental thing and it WILL affect your state of being. If you have to leave in the middle of the service, that's ok. That worship shakes things up in the spirit realm (always for the better).

Agree with what the Word says about you (in spite of how things are). Begin to effect change in the spirit realm, which affects the natural realm by coming into agreement in any way you can. Acknowledge His work in your life. Cast the thoughts of hopelessness out of your mind, because they counter the lively hope that God wants to cultivate within you.

By all means, pray in tongues! You will edify yourself (your inner man). When your inner man is made strong, you can lay hold on the promises of God more readily. Your body will be affected. Speak over your own body in faith! You must have hope before you can have faith. To have hope, you must cast down the imaginations (no matter how powerful they are or no matter how many years they have behind them). The imaginations that things can't and won't be different you've got to send packing.

Is God bigger than this? You know it to be so. The fruits all point to a deception that God won't restore or can't restore your life. Your part is your heart condition and how you receive the promises of God. The covenant promises. Find them and speak them over your life. Bind the enemy! Don't forget!

Ask God for wisdom and then believe you have it. Speak it over your life. Let God provide it. You cannot do God's job, but you can do yours. Acknowledge His faithfulness.

It's a road and many battles to go through, but hope can be restored and this is the beginning.

Find some way to love someone in His name. Whatever your hand finds to do. Whatever your fingers find to do.

Don't let the enemy interfere with "alternative" methods of God's speaking. It's funny how these methods often contradict the promises of God and deflate hope. These are the fruits and they are not of God...

I will be praying for you and will make mention of you to others in the Spirit that I know. It will take the anointing of God to break these yokes. One battle at a time, and the one inside you is the place of beginning. Nothing can separate you from the love of God. Make sure it is the anointed Word you're listening to when you incline.

(Incredibly) Be blessed this thanksgiving that you call upon the name of the Lord who is a strong tower for all who hope in Him.

 

[drjean]

Yes, yes, thank you again. This is much more the support that helps me. I think I can glean a few things from these posts... and will contemplate.

Yes, the loss of hope is most devastating... and as I even hope with the above paragraph, I am almost afraid to hope for the disappointment that always seems to come is more than I can handle at times. It's tough to have faith when my ability to is affected.

I have no local worship place to worship...and have tried many visits to various ones. I did sense the Spirit one place... and could possibly try and just leave before the service which quenched the Spirit there. They have a 10:30am service and I often don't have my wits about me til that time (up often during night in pain)... but I will intend to try again this Sunday. Thanks.

Mark I really don't know what my ministry is "now"...and even question any ministry I may have had in the past. I am torn between remembering the past, and forgetting the past.

I know, prior to the accident (am I allowed to delineate that way?) that whenever I had a mindset that I needed changed according to God's Word/Will, I prayed for God to change my "want to" so I wanted it... and that's how it went... but I just don't see such answered prayer these days. I will try again.

Part of my dilemma has been reviewing the promises of God...I even have a book of them, to try and claim-reclaim something of them. I become more and more depressed as I realize these ARE the PROMISES of GOD!!! And so many, many of them are for now, for living, for today...and yet.... I don't have them, and so??? I crave them, I want them, I've demanded them at times...I wait for them, I've given up figuring they are not for me for some reason, I want them....I just don't understand what this trial is ... I am long past asking why. That's a non sequitur.

 

[Forge3]

Have you read any of the lives of the Saints and I don't means Butler's version?

 

[drjean]

Not much at all since the injury... between head trauma and vision issues (much worked out now) I have had real issues reading and comprehending for any length of time, plus I don't do trauma, bad situational stories well at all. I know reading the stories of the early missionaries in college was inspirational but the trials and tribulations overwhelm me now just think about them (like Adonoram Judson). But it's something I'll work on. Thanks.

 

[Forge3]

Yes. When I read some of the Saints and was edified and aspired to Sainthood I used to put myself through certain disciplines. Never really liked the crosses that just happened to be there, such as anxiety, depression, loneliness. The desire for Sainthood became the desire to simply be a helper/servant. And the crosses that make up my life to embrace them gently with God. This means good self-care like you are doing with your diet. You are honoring your body, a gift.

As far as ministry goes we don't always have a feeling about it or always seem connected. It is the same with the presence of God in our lives. Sometimes the feeling of connection and the zeal does not seem to be there. It would be hard if our body lags in the energy department as well as mobility. I find nature refreshing, some music, writing can be good as are any forms of creativity. This taps into deeper parts of ourselves.

 

[Alive_Again]

Yes. When I read some of the Saints and was edified and aspired to Sainthood I used to put myself through certain disciplines. Never really liked the crosses that just happened to be there, such as anxiety, depression, loneliness.

If you're in Christ, you should know that you ARE a saint right now! This is good news! There is a great cloud of witnesses that observe what saints on Earth are doing right now. They cheer us on. You cannot achieve sainthood. Saints are those in covenant with God who have the nature of eternal life in them right now.

Anxiety, depression, and loneliness are spirits not crosses. You are not called to carry ANY of that. There is warfare, but we are to walk victorious. Sometimes we can get into a pit and need great grace to get us out. We must call upon the Lord via the church and the gifts He has given us. Different anointings, but the same Lord and to not avail ourselves of them means that we won't walk in the provision God has given us. The worst thing that can happen is to get isolated. That is the goal of the enemy.

 

[Forge3]

If you're in Christ, you should know that you ARE a saint right now! This is good news! There is a great cloud of witnesses that observe what saints on Earth are doing right now. They cheer us on. You cannot achieve sainthood. Saints are those in covenant with God who have the nature of eternal life in them right now.

Anxiety, depression, and loneliness are spirits not crosses. You are not called to carry ANY of that. There is warfare, but we are to walk victorious. Sometimes we can get into a pit and need great grace to get us out. We must call upon the Lord via the church and the gifts He has given us. Different anointings, but the same Lord and to not avail ourselves of them means that we won't walk in the provision God has given us. The worst thing that can happen is to get isolated. That is the goal of the enemy.

With depression I often isolated myself. And yes whatever good works we do do not save us in and of themselves. Bearing good fruit is rather a sign of our salvation.

 

[cherrybliss9]

Hi there,
Sorry if this offends you but I don't think that is God speaking to you. I think you are being lied to by satan. He is the one who comes to Kill , steal & destroy. God can breath breath of life, into any situation. He has healed you already several times, why won't he doing it again? There is several reasons to why he might not heal you.
1: you are already healed & just don't know it yet.
2: you are doing something with your health that he might not like. Eg: not resting, when you know you should be resting, which will help you get strength. If you are damaging yourself in some way, when asked for healing, off course you won't be healed. I would hate for God to turn around, the God that suppose to love me and turn around and say that he is not going to heal me. I have been healed 3 times and need to be healed again. It would be devastating to hear that.
3. What are your motives. Are they right? If they are not right, could be a reason to why you might not be healed.
Don't think that God can't and won't heal you again. People like having Pity. People to feel sorry for them. People like to stay sick for that reason. I know of a person who is like that, just so they have things done for them 247 and use people. I am assuming you are not like that. So why would you wanna stay un healed for? Maybe God can use you, minister to others with the same problem, it could be a possibility. If it is going to bring Glory to him. Look at people like Bethany Hamilton & Nick Nick Vujicic.
4: You are in a double mind set. Off course you may not be healed, living in two minds. Wanting healing then don't. Which means, iF you are in a double mind , you could be scared. Scared to receiving healing. Getting your hopes up to high, just to have them shot down again. Which God says Fear not, for I am with you.
Sorry, I just can't understand why you have felt this way. I hope and pray that you do still get healed. God wants to Bless his children, although it happens in his perfect timing, not outs. He wants to bring us into completion. So this is why I think you have been lied too. It just seems to be against Gods promises. Don't get discouraged, I beg you, not to give up hope. Keep believing. Don't believe the lies in your mind, the games the enemy plays. God loves you, he wants to bless you, Even if that means healing you 10 times over , if that is what it takes for you to see that you are loved, then he is going to do it. He is not going to stop helping you & loving you. That is just not Gods nature.

 

[drjean]

Hi there,
Sorry if this offends you but

This type of beginning always sends up red flags for me. I'll consult on your post, thanks.

 

[drjean]

Moving forward....

I can't return to the double mind as the dichotomy of yes healing and no it hasn't occurred yet in 25 years is too heartbreaking for me. Perhaps if I had someone in my life who could walk with me, fellowship, you know the give and take world... I might be able to hold out. I cannot.

I see as much evidence in Scripture to show that where I am now to be just as "Biblical" as where I was before...in fact moreso because I don't have the angst of the dichotomy pushing my buttons. Such stress from that...

Let me try and explain (since I'm writing a book here anyway in this thread ) I pushed myself and had a wheel chair carrier with a ramp (all manual) put onto the back of the car. This took me since 2002. I bought the car for this reason, and kept after them for the paperwork from the manufacturer for the $1000 rebate. As soon as I signed the paperwork for the new car (in 2002) I realized that paperwork wasn't in there...and then the salesman checks and says, oh, that car isn't available for any modifications, being a convertible.
Throughout the years I've tried to have a carrier put on the car, but no one would do it. I finally last year had uhaul weld a hitch onto the car, but it was a small one and wouldn't handle a carrier with a chair. I kept jury rigging my options, even bought a trailer kit and got that put together... but alas couldn't get the lights hooked up.. yadda yadda yadda...
Alas I figured out if I could get a welder to cut the adapter...no that's not the right word... sigh so many different parts... hitch mount, the 1 1/2 " hitch mount off, and weld a 2" mount on, that would handle the chair. But I couldn't find anyone. So I bought an adapter... however that was an extra 8" long and caused the carrier to scrape on the roadway...and drag on inclines like into the driveway.
I kept asking welders, even at DIY shops... nope, the liability was too great. You see, they kept saying that since it was a front wheel drive car, any weight like that would lift the front end and I'd loose steering. Hmmm. back to the trailer. This year paid a guy to hook up the wiring, but the wood cut for the floor of the trailer was off and iffy. And I still don't have a ramp for it..
So I began asking in a city south of me...welder? Ah ha! Found a guy who would do it, and it assured me that since it was a convertible, the base of the car was heavier than most FWD cars. (And who hasn't seen a little FWD with a carrier on the back...how are they steering>>>>?)
But, the hitch was, he had to have the hitch off the car to cut and weld, and he wouldn't put it back on the car. But my local Firestone guy would do that...on his own... and no charge (he's the bosses son I found out. ) Thank you God.
So that took a week... off, cut weld, on.
But now I'm unable to physically put the carrier onto the mount myself. I had laid it down on dollies and rolled it over to the back of the car, having backed the car up the angled driveway just so... but it caused too much for my back and spinal cord... pain flares. Now I have to wait for my PCA to put it onto the car the week before I plan to need/use the wheelchair.
(Oh there was a problem with the license tag too... the police said it was illegal to have the carrier because it blocked the tag...but I can't be moving the tag on and back... so I made copies (and though I sealed them, they fade terribly and I'm not sure that's legal either. There is no mini plate for duplication for this issue..)
Anyway... I still have to undo the ramp, get the chair off and lift the ramp and then reverse that at any place I'm using it...and then again when I'm home because the car won't fit into the garage with the carrier down. It's too much.
So, I need a van with motorized ramp.

I said all that to get to this : if I'm healed, and believing God has healed me (though it isn't manifested yet) how can I spend the energy and time and all to start figuring out how to get a van with a ramp that I should not need in the first place????

And...this was just one issue like that...in the realm of the dichotomous thinking.

I'm tired just writing it. Thanks for reading.

 

[drjean]

I have continued, one foot in front of the other, and made it through the dark day of December 1st.

I have also attended a health seminar put on by Beyond Organic, a new green-fed, organic company. I have now been on their food (and nothing else that is toxic to my body) for a few days.

I have to do what I can to get healthy. If God chooses to allow this (it would be His will, I think we all agree) then so be it.

If there are others who need pure food, PM me for the link to "my" site (I joined to get the 20% discount not make money personally), if that's allowable by admin. What with the most recent disclosure of arsenic in grape and apple juice, can you still trust the FDA? I haven't for years, yet finding out this toxic information has been nearly impossible....but I have known for a very long time that my body doesn't like the garbage the FDA allows. I thank God for this new company, as it comes just as I was at my last knot in the rope.

Perhaps God isn't going to heal me directly... but indirectly? IDK.

 

[Rao]

Your story really is touching!

I don't generally believe in miraculous healing... I don't know if that is what you've been wishing for all this time, but if so then it is understandable if you feel abandoned and disappointed. I just don't think we should expect God to work as a physician, but rather a healer of our souls. And from the little I know about you, I think your soul is strong, for many people would have lost hope a very long time ago and would have started to hate God or become atheists, so He must have been healing you already somehow.

Bad things like your accident are quasi-random events in our lives. "Quasi" stands for the fact that probably someone was (ir)responsible for it to happen, but from your point of view it was random because you had no control over it. I hope this is not the case (you didn't mention this in fact), but please don't ever think your condition is any sort of punishment, because it is not. We have to accept that unfortunately bad things happen, but we have to strive for seeing light in our lives at any cost, no matter our pain and tribulations. Your life still has a lot of meaning, and your desire to work for the benefit of others clearly shows that!

Maybe the physical healing itself is just not possible, and probably you should not be waiting for a miracle. This does not mean you should let yourself down, quite the contrary in fact! I'm not sure if you've done this already, but can you try to focus daily on the smaller challenges? I think your doctors might have suggested this many times already, for example setting yourself goals of doing small things of life that are difficult (not way too difficult of course), targeting small achievements to approach with some daily exercise (I'm not only thinking of achievements directly related to your disabilities, but also general things which are difficult as a whole... maybe learning something new? Succeeding at building/creating some craft?). Sometimes it'll happen that a set goal will not be reached and would need to be forsaken, but every other time that you reach one of them you will be entitled to be happy, and if you can manage to bring a little more happiness it will not only relieve your pain but it will also attract more friendship from other people, which I think it is something you really need and deserve.

And this takes me to the very bitter part of my post... I cannot help but being also very angry at hearing how your family and acquaintances have treated you since the accident. I wonder, what was the purpose of all those people's Church-going, singing, praying, Bible-reading, if when they had one of them striked by misfortune they abandoned her? They had their best chance of being Christian there, in front of their eyes, and they couldn't lend a hand or comfort you with words because they were too busy shouting "Lord! Lord!"?

 

[Alive_Again]

!

 

[Alive_Again]

Hello Rao,

What's a "candlecaster"?

I don't generally believe in miraculous healing...

I don't know if that is what you've been wishing for all this time, but if so then it is understandable if you feel abandoned and disappointed. I just don't think we should expect God to work as a physician, but rather a healer of our souls.

Many times this must take place before we can receive the Word. The enemy can do a whammy on us and like a beaver, build up a stronghold in our souls that we are powerless to get beyond. God is able! The power of the anointing breaks the yoke.

I remember when I didn't believe that healing was necessarily for everyone, just whom God singled out.

I also remember the exact intersection I was at driving when I got the revelation. That's what it takes. It takes someone to get the revelation from the Father. The next step is to find out how to appropriate it. We have many wonderful examples of people who did so and received it different ways. How can we make that relevant to our own lives?

So we begin our search in hope. You must have hope for faith to bring substance. Hope is the first step. I remember someone (James Goll, I believe) said that the Father told him that hope was the certainty that something was going to happen any moment (or something like that). Hope is not faith, but we can plant the seed of the Word in hope. From their, we tend the garden that is in our heart and wait for the harvest.

We must not uproot our planting and we must also give water and sunlight to guide its growth to fruition. We must not sow in rocky soil and neither among thorns. Sometimes God wants to tend to our garden to make the soil ready for planting.

Sometimes the preparation of our garden can take a long time depending on our part to submit to ministry that will help God to remove rocks and to keep thorns from choking out that Word. God wants to remove pests from your garden and make it healthy and sound.

We must also let the seed of the Word become planted in our heart. We must also not let the enemy come and steal the Word.

As a first step to getting the initial revelation on healing to to decide that you want God's best. You must be open and teachable (humility) about it and you must be a seeker. (I'm not saying that you aren't or haven't been). Sometimes we give up seeking because we don't seem to find. God is a rewarder of the diligent seeker.

There is power in the seed of the Word of God. Regard it as such, and that it is capable to bringing to harvest the exact need that you have (no matter what it is).

...we have to strive for seeing light in our lives at any cost, no matter our pain and tribulations.

If you do not need healing, then this will not a priority to you. We all need it from time to time but many of us can live with a little sickness. For those who really need it (You know who you are!) it is everything. The woman with the issue of blood was permanently defiled and could not go near those OT believers walking in covenant with God. They would be defiled if she touched them (according to the Law), but she didn't take no for an answer and pressed in. She first had to hear the promise of God in her heart for her to respond to by saying: "If I may just touch the hem of His garment, I shall be made whole!". She had to say it to and come into agreement with the revelation. It didn't stop there. At the time of her visitation she got her harvest when her positioning herself with the Word of God (Jesus in bodily form in this case) and her performing that action of faith.

Bad things like your accident are quasi-random events in our lives... We have to accept that unfortunately bad things happen, but we have to strive for seeing light in our lives at any cost, no matter our pain and tribulations.

This was brought home in the book "The Big Why". (Perry Stone interviews Walter Hallum and he explains. It's on Youtube.) Walter lost a daughter in a plane crash. Both he and she were Spirit filled radical believers. The Lord appeared to him 4 or 5 times in the course of an evening and explained why bad things can happen to believers. One scripture given to illustrate this was that a wall that fell on certain Jews wasn't because they were the biggest sinners (it's in the gospel). Their is a warfare going on and we can become the casualties. These were people that died.

If you believe you can have WHATEVER THINGS YOU DESIRE and that covers a lot of ground. Interesting enough to become a seeker again?

 

[mamatoady]

Your post reminded me of my grandmother. Ever since I was little she had an ulcerated leg that doctors simply could not heal. Every day for at least twenty years she had to wrap and medicate this wound on her leg. She walked with a cane for a while and then I remember she only ever used a wheel chair. I remember her always saying that Jesus was going to heal her some day and some day she'd walk again.

One day as she was going to treatment for something entirely unrelated, this new doctor asked her about her leg and she explained the scenerio to him. He sent her for an aquatic therapy -- submersing her lower body in a hot tub (something she had not done ever)...and within a couple weeks, her leg was completely healed. She was at least in her early eighties when that happened.

Unfortunately, the muscles in her legs were no longer strong enough to support her weight, but she kept for those many years and was healed.

Perhaps when times get hard for you, it would help to remember that our knowledge of God and what He does and why is so minute. I fully believe that when we are tested it is for our personal spiritual development. Keep the faith and draw from your tests what helps you be closer to God.