Godly wives in difficult marriages

[peacechild4]

We are overcomers by the blood of the LAMB and the word of our testimony.. but also that we do not love our own lives even unto the death!!

 

[CindyisHis]

The Lord is quite amazing, I think we can all agree.

He may lead one out of an abusive marriage, and protect one while in such a marriage. We as onlookers can hardly say what each one is to do. It is not our place to give counsel, unless we of course are counselors, and one has come to us for counsel.

I know a glorious testimony of one being delivered from a violent man and being restored in every way. I also know of one who stayed, prayed, and her husband was gloriously saved. She now says the past few years of marriage has been so good it was worth it all. The past is but a faded memory.

The Lord knows the end from the beginning.

 

[CindyisHis]

I apologize if it sounded like I was talking about your situation. You presented the thread as general advice, so I was trying to stay on the topic of what thread visitors might benefit from.

I agree with you, that marriages can stay calmer when we don't expect everything to be managed perfectly, and keep our values centered on God rather than gain. I am just interjecting balance. It had nothing to do with your situation.

What with work schedules and this site getting whacked out for a while I was unable to reply.

I don't think you killed a thread, nor have you stepped beyond your bounds. In fact, the one post you are referring too had excellent points, some of which I have tucked away for possible use in the future.

I am partly to blame for those who are trying to "counsel" me. I shared a small window of the mansion of our marriage. What I mean is, we are multifaceted and there many dynamics in our relationships, as in all relationships. I made a passing comment on one area of weakness. I could easily paint a picture of an ogre of a man if all I talked about were my husband's shortcomings. However he has far more good traits than bad. I brought in one single thought because the Lord had ministered to me so, convicting me and taking me to a level of greater commitment and obedience on my part.

1 Peter 3 will speak to every wife, and husband too for they are admonished there as well, in a unique way for the Lord deals with us so personally and individually. To all wives, we are to respect our husbands. To every husband, he is to honor his wife.

If we skip back to Philippians 2 we see each one of us are to esteem the other higher than ourselves. Does this mean they are higher? No. It means we are to treat them highly, as of great value. Does this diminish our value? Well, let's look at Jesus.

Jesus, considered us more important. He left heaven for us, and gave himself up to be treated brutally so can be freed from sin and all its bondages. Did his lowering Himself diminish His value? I should think not! He is now ever more precious to us.

We are not to count our lives as something to be held onto, but rather to lay down in service for others.

Now that is what I call a rewarding life.

 

[heron]

I am partly to blame for those who are trying to "counsel" me. I shared a small window of the mansion of our marriage. What I mean is, we are multifaceted and there many dynamics in our relationships, as in all relationships. I made a passing comment on one area of weakness. I could easily paint a picture of an ogre of a man if all I talked about were my husband's shortcomings. However he has far more good traits than bad. I brought in one single thought because the Lord had ministered to me so, convicting me and taking me to a level of greater commitment and obedience on my part.

We are not to count our lives as something to be held onto, but rather to lay down in service for others.

Now that is what I call a rewarding life.

I agree. We will not see value and blessing from a partnership unless we are willing to let go of our lives and expectations, and look toward the larger act of what God is doing through it.

Comfort is not the highest aim. Acceptance helps us get through, but is also not our best basis for keeping things going. Even balance of responsibility is going to change from one year to the next, and not always be fair. That flexibility makes the partnership even more valuable -- borrowing from each other and leaning on each other does not always keep a perfect reciprocation, but establishes a greater stability.

Thank you for keeping such a mature stance on this. Exposing an imperfection in something you generally respect can lead people to focus on the point you have brought up, and it makes sense what happened -- people just want to help each other come up with solutions, but never know the whole picture. Sometimes we don't even see the whole picture ourselves, when we are in a situation.

The marriage partnership is a difficult thing to manage year after year, because it involves two very different people trying to make decisions with different backgrounds and values.

Some people enjoy their spouses more than others, but that doesn't mean a non-adoring couple's marriage is not what it should be. We all need different things to keep our lives moving forward. And to work on our character!

 

[CindyisHis]

I agree. We will not see value and blessing from a partnership unless we are willing to let go of our lives and expectations, and look toward the larger act of what God is doing through it.

Comfort is not the highest aim. Acceptance helps us get through, but is also not our best basis for keeping things going. Even balance of responsibility is going to change from one year to the next, and not always be fair. That flexibility makes the partnership even more valuable -- borrowing from each other and leaning on each other does not always keep a perfect reciprocation, but establishes a greater stability.

Thank you for keeping such a mature stance on this. Exposing an imperfection in something you generally respect can lead people to focus on the point you have brought up, and it makes sense what happened -- people just want to help each other come up with solutions, but never know the whole picture. Sometimes we don't even see the whole picture ourselves, when we are in a situation.

The marriage partnership is a difficult thing to manage year after year, because it involves two very different people trying to make decisions with different backgrounds and values.

Some people enjoy their spouses more than others, but that doesn't mean a non-adoring couple's marriage is not what it should be. We all need different things to keep our lives moving forward. And to work on our character!

Ah, your reply blessed me. Much truth is in it, and you show a great understanding of the relationship from a godly, Biblical standpoint.

One interesting point you made is how we often don't see the whole picture ourselves. Isn't that the truth! We need the Lord to open the eyes of our understanding. From Him come wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. I find when I pray more in the spirit He opens thins up to me in life that I normally don't see. I also find I have more self-control, both being needful as a marriage partner.

Long-suffering is a word we don't like to use much anymore. In fact, my computer indicates I have misspelled it, simply because it is not used anymore. How much less we actually walk in it, yet it is one of the first things in the list in 1 Corinthians 13.

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. NKJV

That word in the Greek means this. (The highlight is mine.)
1) to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart
a) to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles
b) to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others
1) to be mild and slow in avenging
2) to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish


Imagine what change our relationships would experience if we did this more. I'm shooting for it. I'm purposing in my heart to walk in the light of the Word, since we are to walk in the light as He is in the light.