I have known since I was very young that I was called into the ministry. It has been reiterated again and again and at the same time, it has been put off again and again. Now I am at a crossroads. A few weeks ago I was terminated from the fourth job in as many years for the same old stuff. I feel like a square peg in a round hole everywhere I try to work; I just don't fit in. So how do I go about getting into the ministry? I am already praying about this often and fervently, pleading with the Lord in the Spirit. Today I am going to meet with a local pastor whom I trust and who has a similar background. I used to be just eaten up with anxiety over getting to teach what I knew. I was very impatient to get out there and knock some people over the head and tell them all about how wrong they were about God. Now I know better. I am the least qualified, the least eloquent. I need to be refined in SO many ways...why would He ever choose me? And that's what we hear from everywhere, but I now see it and believe it. Before, my attitude was, "Well why WOULDN'T he choose me?? Doesn't He know who I am?!" Boy was I an arrogant child.
The world runs on money and I need to make some money to provide for my family. So far I've done a poor job of it. We've survived...but my wife has had to take up a lot of the slack. I am most myself when I am fully immersed in God. I am reminded of a passage that I read about one of the OT prophets: "(even when he was following God) he knew no peace, yet dedication to divine purpose brought him closer to reality than could the contentment that comes from tired surrender to difficulty." I need to be "closer to reality". But how do I get there from here?
The world runs on money and I need to make some money to provide for my family. So far I've done a poor job of it. We've survived...but my wife has had to take up a lot of the slack. I am most myself when I am fully immersed in God. I am reminded of a passage that I read about one of the OT prophets: "(even when he was following God) he knew no peace, yet dedication to divine purpose brought him closer to reality than could the contentment that comes from tired surrender to difficulty." I need to be "closer to reality". But how do I get there from here?