Forum Honesty Thread (come try it out!)

[Hailehetes]

I'm single for several reasons, so I might as well make this a point-form post:

- I'm very picky. Considering that the majority of my relationships and dates (save for one special girl that I was forced to break up with) have been lackluster or even abusive, I don't blame myself for thinking this way. I refuse to put up with high-maintenance women, which, of course, cuts down on the number of attractive women I can go for. I'm also picky about looks (people consider me good-looking, so I feel I can afford to be), but I have different tastes than some, so I'm not too shallow I guess...

- I can't drive fully yet, although I'll have my G2 within a few months. I still need alot of practice with driving before even attempting that. I'm not in university/college either until September 2011, whcih severly cuts down on the pool of women I can choose from.

- Speaking of places to meet girls, my high school barely qualifies. I'm too old for the vast majority of them, and the ones that I have an interest in are ones I've already asked out, with no success (either they're Muslim or don't/can't date). There's only a couple or so that I can think of that I haven't asked out yet...

- I have a pretty quiet demeanor when people first approach me, although it doesn't take long for me to open up and be talkative. This may put off some women, who want their men exciting and engaging right off the bat. And it could also have the added effect of scaring a few off, since alot of my friends think I come across as the "strong, silent type".

 

[painloc21]

Im single only because im having a hard time finding nice christian women to date. The solution? Im not sure. I could drop down in the age range im looking at. There is no shortage of good looking 20 something at my church. However I am not sure if a single father of 3 would be something they would be intetested in. I could join and pay for a christian dating site but i would rather get some recomendations before going that route.

 

[jinjinweiwei]

I think the issue with me is the lack of boldness. I am trying to fix that. I am usually a shy person, so sometimes it takes me a long time to gather the courage to tell someone my feelings. Also I think I could lose some weight too.

 

[Tink]

I don't know why, if we're being honest.

 

[SullivanZ]

I'm kind of dating somebody, so I'm kind of not single, at the moment. lol But I do understand and appreciate what you're doing here with this topic. I think it's a good thing. People need to acknowledge their problem, then take steps to fix their problems once they know what they are.

 

[white dove]

Yeah, I don't really think that this is really the thread for you. You're kind of a bit busy right now. To say the least.

I really wasn't thinking when I said that, I'm sorry....you may have not passed into that phase yet, nor do I know about you having relatives or someone close who can easily do that sort of thing. That's why I said it was just a suggestion. I'm not God here.

Don't do that. I'm not the type of person you have to feign an apology to (and it really isn't needed anyway). You don't have to handle my posts with kid gloves, dude. I'm cool with you saying what you mean and meaning what you say. You have the right to kick me out of your thread if you wanted to. It'd be the first time ever for me, but it's your prerogative. I just took the OP for people who don't want to be perpetually single (as you mentioned this forum has become the home of) and I've been sifting through some things in my head. I thought all thoughts were welcomed here, but maybe not.

Also this was more of a rhetorical (which is why I didn't quote you when I posed it):

What are you really hoping to accomplish here?

I'm trying to accomplish the people who are on that crushless thread all the time talking about how nobody wants them or whatever, I want them (and me) to kinda create a support group that's not miserable but proactive.

Complaining/constantly doing the same things over and over again with the same results isn't solving the problem. Working on the issues that hold these people back from entering the dating world on their own terms does. It even crosses over, as well. Imagine someone who usually is pretty shy finally works up some confidence and asks someone out. Naturally they're going to feel more confident as a whole. Maybe that's what they need to get the client at work that will give them a promotion or a large commission.

By taking the bull by the horns, things hopefully start to come into perspective.

Not to get all psycho-babbly, but.. self-actualization is something I'm all for. I think it's helpful for people to sift through their thoughts, who they really are and their histories, however long or short and see if things can't change for the better. I'm also starting to see the value in assessing and resolving my own problems rather than attempting to first help others overcome theirs. I've done this for years and it's about time I start with myself.

 

[SplendidTree]

I am stuck on my past and feel I am not progressing in life. I need to move on from some things. I am also too afraid to get out of my comfort zones. I just don't feel ready for a relationship.

 

[Tink]

PS. If anyone here can think of the reason(s) why, please let me know!

 

[Blank123]

because God hasn't lead me into a relationship recently.

 

[toastface_grillah]

1. I'm unemployed, so finding work is my top priority these days. (see Maslow's hierarchy of needs)
2. I have the self-esteem and confidence level of a garden slug. I don't have a 1-2-3 plan to fix this, and I'm sure that it's gonna take a little more than "God loves, that's all you need!" to fix the fact that I feel completely unattractive.
3. I, too, have been "blessed" with introversion. I don't always have a stream of pop culture chatter or small talk or funny "you'll never guess what happened to me today" stories, and I can't always work a room like a talk show host or a televangelist. But I'm a swell dude once you get to know me.

 

[NoodlesNoodlesNoodles]

I'm single because I'm a workaholic who is starting a business and trying to get a house.

I could become unsingle if I left the house more often, hung out at some meetup.com events and generally socialized.


Simple.

 

[Ukrainia]

I've been single lately. Here's why:

Justin Timberlake broke numerous laws and has apparently little moral judgement as he took a small part of the sexy that I kept near an abandoned barn in northeast Maine and then main the claim that he actually was "bringing sexy back." Anyway, my usual full array of super duper hotness (it's a technical term), consisting of forest-like body hair, 70's dance moves, and a legion of cute pug dogs who help me find quality women, were not at their best after the aforementioned sexy was stolen. I heard Timberlake sold some to Chuck Norris, Superman, Jimmer Fredette and Charlie Sheen - the poor man apparently overdosed - but I'm on a mission and am sure to have it back in no time so I can commence with dating.

 

[stan1472]

The thing is that a lot of people try to pretend or work around their issues, and when things don't work out they get sad, and then the cycle repeats. By working on the changeable issues directly in a slow and deliberate manner, it provides a sense of empowerment and helps these people (myself included) break the cycle and reach the goals that they've always wanted.

I agree with this. Very encouraging.

 

[Perhaps Today]

I've been single lately. Here's why:

Justin Timberlake broke numerous laws and has apparently little moral judgement as he took a small part of the sexy that I kept near an abandoned barn in northeast Maine and then main the claim that he actually was "bringing sexy back." Anyway, my usual full array of super duper hotness (it's a technical term), consisting of forest-like body hair, 70's dance moves, and a legion of cute pug dogs who help me find quality women, were not at their best after the aforementioned sexy was stolen. I heard Timberlake sold some to Chuck Norris, Superman, Jimmer Fredette and Charlie Sheen - the poor man apparently overdosed - but I'm on a mission and am sure to have it back in no time so I can commence with dating.

Epic Win.

 

[Ukrainia]

As to actual reasons as to why I'm single, I've come up with these:

1. I not much of a socialize butterfly, and it takes awhile for someone to get to know my full personality.

2. I'm picky, and only will date someone with whom I can have a serious relationship with.

3. All the girls who I have really liked, haven't liked me back.

So I think, concerning factors that are within my own power to change, I just need to meet more girls, be more personable, and hopefully I'll find someone to share my life with.

 

[stan1472]

My #1 reason for being single? I don't go places that single guys hang out at. Seriously, I go to work, church and spend time with my family. Other than that I do a ton of stuff on my own and occasionally go out with friends. But none of those things really leads to meeting someone.

If I had met someone locally that I was interested in, I am proactive enough to go after that possibility but there is just no one here.

That said, I've been kicking around the idea of joining a friend for her church's singles group stuff. But really, my standards would be dropping since I would basically be going to meet guys. And that seems so shallow and against what I stand for.

 

[Gilbert 61]

I don't know what's keeping me single, but I hate it. But I'm trying to learn that my fear of being single my whole life is very real. I am working on waking up every morning and kicking that fear in the gut. Some days I get it, others I miss. Being single all my life doesn't appeal to me at all. People ask me what's so bad about it. I tell them, my dream job is a college football coaching job for the university of Florida. I could win 5 national championships, and it would all be meaningless to me if I go home to an empty house every night. But what I have learned is, sometimes nothing is holding you back, it's just God's will that's your single right now. I don't like it, there's deep rooted emotional pain that I experience everyday from it. But in the end nothing I can do will change God's will. I would love to know what I need to know to no longer be single. But I am not going to put matters into my own hands, I'll just have to wait on God. As much as I hate it right now. I have no other choice.


Ladies: for the most part your weight isn't the problem. My ex was kinda big. She was by no means fat. But she was big for a girl. I LOVED her body. Most guys don't want to see girls ribs. I know I don't.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Austin, you need to list what changes you'd like to make to answer these problems. Just making a list IS NOT good enough for this thread.

If I knew the answers I wouldn't be here! I'm open to suggestions though!

 

[waves16]

Changeable things, Katie. Maybe some baby steps toward being less shy would really do some good with your situation.

If you haven't met anybody good enough yet, just hold off then. Nobody should be forcing you to go after someone if there's no one worth having.

The thing is, I'm not really a shy person, I'm just really shy when it comes to guys and relationships. I'm an extremely optimistic person, but when it comes to guys I'm really pessimistic. If I like somebody, I usually don't even bother because I assume that they won't like me.
So, if we're talking about things I can change, I guess I need to take more risks. Hopefully that'll help me meet more people too.

 

[Ayersy]

I'm single because I'm bad with people.

I tend to put things in the bluntest, straightest way possible, and people tend to confuse that with rudeness. I don't really care if I offend people, and they misconstrue this as me not liking them.

I could change it by setting up some kind of mental checkpoint for insensitivity, I suppose.