Fornication in long term relationship

[heymikey80]

I think I have to argue that to your pastors, the issue of your faith is somewhat [more] important than the issue of your fornication. I get the feeling that they didn't want to ask of you more than you can bear -- for Christ does forgive as you grow in repentance and faith. I don't envy their attempts to draw lines in redemptive ways.

Yes, they should have represented God's morality more consistently. I hope you would please grant them their faults like any other Christian. They're probably constantly dealing with people whom they think, if only the new Christian would grow just a bit more, they would come to recognize God's will for their lives and be married, or quit drug use, or drunkenness. It's a tough range of people that ministers minister to.

It's a tough thing to walk the line of redeeming people, yet recognize their newfound faith as well. I've been in that situation in my own church -- we generally don't admit unmarried, sexually active couples to membership, but invite them into participate in every other opportunity where they can grow to see God's claims on their lives.

 

[CindyMKF]

My partner and I have reconciled after a year apart in a ten year relationship. We have lived together for that time period except for the past year. He moved back in a few months ago. Things have been going famously and we plan to be married in the next few months and we start our Alpha marriage prep course in a couple of days. Our son is seven years old.

We have found a church and have been going for the past couple of months. Life is great and we are nurturing a relationship with God. In our reading a couple of weeks ago we had a realization about fornication that we never had before. Now that we believe differently it is something we take much more seriously. We have not had sex in the past two weeks.

We asked one of our pastors if it is advisable to wait until we are married to make love again. She didn't really give us a straight answer. We asked another pastor and he didn't either. One said "I would advise a new couple...", but said not to stop sleeping in the same bed or having one of us move out until marriage. I am not willing to live apart until marriage anyways. The other pastor said "well you have been living together as a married couple for the last ten years except for a year". He kind of chuckled.

Can anyone out there tell me scripturally what the best route may be to go? Is it a sin if we make love before the wedding date if we have been doing that for so long? Can we do that if god knows in our hearts our desire and plan to marry now?

I believe that when we were not aware, god will forgive us for that, but since we are aware now of the sin of fornication we will not enter the kingdom of heaven if we knowingly commit a sin. Am I just too rigid?

Thank you

Hi Clep! I believe that when you knew right from wrong (realized it is a sin to fornicate no matter how long you've been together w/out being married) then you now know right from wrong and it is a sin. I believe you should abstain from sex until marriage. It is hard to abstain from sex, my partner and I had been togeter for 4 years before getting married our 5th year together and I abstained from sex for a month before marriage and it was no simple task. It is possible to live together AND not have sex, just takes some self control, hope this helps!

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 & 1 Corinthians 7:1-2​

"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

 

[clep]

I think I have to argue that to your pastors, the issue of your faith is somewhat [more] important than the issue of your fornication. I get the feeling that they didn't want to ask of you more than you can bear -- for Christ does forgive as you grow in repentance and faith. I don't envy their attempts to draw lines in redemptive ways.

Yes, they should have represented God's morality more consistently. I hope you would please grant them their faults like any other Christian. They're probably constantly dealing with people whom they think, if only the new Christian would grow just a bit more, they would come to recognize God's will for their lives and be married, or quit drug use, or drunkenness. It's a tough range of people that ministers minister to.

It's a tough thing to walk the line of redeeming people, yet recognize their newfound faith as well. I've been in that situation in my own church -- we generally don't admit unmarried, sexually active couples to membership, but invite them into participate in every other opportunity where they can grow to see God's claims on their lives.

Thank you. My thoughts exactly but put so much better than I could have.