Forgiveness in Friendships

[sisbarn70]

Question of forgiveness: I am struggling a little with the question of forgiveness in my friendships. I know people are entitled to act and behave as they see fit. However, as a Christian I feel like I have to live up to a higher standard. I met someone online on Dec 31…we started up a friendship that lasted for 2 solid months with daily communication. Without much warning the other person stopped talking to me all together when I asked if we could meet in person after talking/texting for so long (we lived about an hour apart). I honestly thought this was a good friend, we had common interests, good conversation/debate and I learned a lot from them. I have struggled a little with forgiving that person because I have no idea why they stopped talking to me. I thought our friendship was a truly odd one…as in unique or different that’s really all odd means. I know I’ll never be able to figure this one out…and maybe that person was just in my life for a time when I needed to experience some growth. Funny I can forgive my other friends for what are really just petty grievances but this one is different. Any thoughts?

 

[jsimms615]

I would think it might be hard for you because you don't know the reason that the conversation stopped. It could be a number of things though and no real reason for you to take it personally unless you can think of something you said that was cruel or something like that. Could be that this person had something in their life happen that has caused them to focus on other things or maybe they were not who they said they were and don't want to meet because you would find out they lied about some things.

 

[sisbarn70]

Thank you. More than anything I hope my friend is ok. If they were struggling with something the friendship could have handled it...but maybe they weren't ready.

 

[dms1972]

That can be disappointing?

To some extent we have to respect others autonomy. Relationship breaks down autonomy its true. But there is less of a friendship bond build through the internet, unless you have a common interest in something off the net. Sooner or later if they don't get back to you, you'll need to take that as a case of "here is where the road divides...".

Forgiveness is to at least me is never easy. It think it can be decision and process. In some cases it has to be: "Jesus, sort this one out...im movin on." My mum taught me "your miss is your mercy".

One instance on this site I had a conversation around a music group I was into when younger, and had listened to a few times more recently again. So I started up a conversation, but at one point the tone of discussion changed to me in major way that I thought someone was on a wind up. I said so. And said I would not be able to continue the conversation without knowing.

Another instance i used a bit of vulgar language once in a conversation and got a warning and a thankyou kindly. I apologised to website and asked forgiveness from person in question and said I would honour the request for me not to contact again.

Forgiveness if there is something to forgive, doesn't necessitate reconcilation or restoring every friendship.

 

[sisbarn70]

Oh people do like their autonomy. I understand that. But we talked and talked for hours on the phone...that's why I was flabbergasted by the cut off. Eh people will be who they really are eventually myself included. If I offend someone I want to know so I can make it right. And like you said an apology doesn't necessarily mean you continue talking. Thank you for sharing your experience too

 

[dms1972]

I think it sounds like you'll have to pass up an explanation on that one.

I'm not a regular user of forums until the last few years. I suppose others have used them for much longer. I'd have thought in the last couple of years to meet one or two new friends, and actually gone out for a coffee or game of bowls or or something...

Either that or I must be a bit mad. But God is faithful. Maybe I am not a christian, maybe I am just a hypocrite, maybe I am a scammer, or a problem person...

I can understand why you wanted to meet someone in person.

Maranatha, Come quickly Jesus!!

 

[sisbarn70]

Oh dms1972. I am sorry for what you've gone through at church. I know what you mean but what I have to tell myself is this: do I have a relationship with God? Yes. So as long as He and I are in step, then He'll lead me where I need to go.

I think maybe its not only forgiveness that was bugging me but that I let someone treat me falsely. I shouldn't have put myself in that position. I tend to give people a chance but I'm learning to set better boundaries in my friendships online and off line.

I'm also stepping out of my comfort zone and it is annoying when others don't step up at church...but then I realize that I should do things cheerfully and without gritting my teeth or worrying what they're not doing. That was a biggie for me I was a regular Martha Luke 10:39-42.

I'm pretty sure I can get over this now

 

[dms1972]

I think maybe its not only forgiveness that was bugging me but that I let someone treat me falsely. I shouldn't have put myself in that position. I tend to give people a chance but I'm learning to set better boundaries in my friendships online and off line.

Treated you falsely? Yet do you know for sure that is how you were treated though. I think its a case of what people online have got into the habit of. Which is superficial chit-chat a lot of the time. And folks guessing a lot about whether they had talked to someone before. Starts to seem fictitious after a bit, is how I feel...

I don't see any point on giving up on seeking Jesus as He's the only way to God, and the Truth of God, and the Life of God. And really as Pascal said the only proof of God. Friendship and fellowship... will follow.

 

[dms1972]

Oh dms1972. I am sorry for what you've gone through at church. I know what you mean but what I have to tell myself is this: do I have a relationship with God? Yes. So as long as He and I are in step, then He'll lead me where I need to go.

Oh its not always the case at church.

As a believer I have relationship with God through His Son Jesus, but there seems to be a boundaried circle of freedom in that. That's the view I take - I could be out of fellowship with God, out of relationship would mean outside of Christ, perhaps though a lot of sloth, through persistent rebellion could that occur.

Or I suppose one could say that before becoming a christian one is in a darkened, unseeing state spiritually and when one is converted that changes to give us spiritual vision, but if we backslide its possible to end up in that unseeing state again. I think one has to find a church that understands the dynamics of the kingdom. I have found churches concerned about whether God wants them to build a bigger building, but it seems at times they are not that sensitive even in ministering and concerned too much with big plans. If a church is full, let people go to another one that isn't is my view.