Forgiveness following divorce and remarriage

[nanookadenord]

I see,so out of the millions of people you know most of them....where do you find the time to know so much about so many people......you sound remarried to me,if so is your spouse dead ? if not some say you are an adulterer.

You like to jump to extreme conclusions it seems.

I do not know everyone or even most, but I know more than a few people who have gotten remarried including my own mother who has gotten remarried twice. It's her third husband that she has been happily married to over 25 years.

I am not remarried, even said as much in a post above, however I believe that because my my wife left me and filed for the divorce I am indeed free to remarry, us my church, the Catholic Church will grant me the ability to remarry due to a lack of form in my prior marriage.

I am currently dating a woman who while not Catholic, encourages me to stick to the faith and has expressed interest in going to church with me and I believe that will lead to her possibly becoming Catholic herself.

I also believe that God has brought her into my life as an answer to a prayer that I find someone who is like me, understands me and loves me even though I am faulty. She is all that and more. My mistake in my previous marriage is that I did not ask God to bring me someone. I found her on my own and it did fail. This time I did ask Him to bring someone into my life and he has.

So, no, I don't believe those who say that it's adultery if I remarry. They are not in my relationship with God and do not know what Him and I have talked about and what His response has been. He has told me to follow the process through the Catholic Church, my church and all will be well.

 

[RDKirk]

Yes,get married,trouble is that is not the answer to the sex issue,especially if it fails.

Sure, the full answer to a widespread social problem is never a matter of doing just one thing.

The Body of Christ in the US has adopted so many Americanisms that we think they're normal for Christians...when they actually weren't normal for the Church Paul, Peter, and James spoke to--and aren't even normal for most Christians around the world today. They're just Americanisms as prone to spiritual error as any worldly cultural practices.

One of those is urging young people to go to college, get a good job, pay off college loans, put money in the bank--basically to get fully economically fixed--before getting married. And to do so without parental assistance.

For the world, that's no big problem for young people at the peak of their sexual urges because sex before marriage is fine with them.

For Christians, that Americanism goes directly against scripture, which teaches, "It's better to marry than to burn." The teaching of scripture does not say, "Get economically situated before getting married." Nor is there any implication in scripture that parents would not continue to assist. Nor is that even the practice in much of Christianity in the world today. It's an Americanism.

Another Americanism is dating activity. In America, even small children are urged to begin dating and have "temporarily exclusive" sexual relationships--or at least expect and desire them.

When my daughter was only six years old, a female acquaintance chided her, "Do you have a little boyfriend? Whose your boyfriend?" My wife stopped the woman immediately: "She doesn't have a boyfriend, she doesn't need a boyfriend, and I don't want anyone putting it into her head that she's supposed to have a boyfriend."

These "temporary exclusive" sexual relationships (they're sexual even if they don't include sexual intercourse) do nothing but set a pattern of "love them and leave them." It teaches that relationships are made to be broken. When the young people reach sexual maturity, sexual lust is certainly involved. It's one of those unspoken sames that "youth church" is a primary sexual "hook up" place for young people.

But the young Christians of the early age did not do dating, and even today most young Christians in the world don't have these "temporary exclusive" relationships. It's not necessary, it's just an Americanism that Christians in America have given themselves over to.

A third issue is the idea that marriage is private between two people. That's not even true in the world, and certainly not true within the Body of Christ. Every personal relationship in the Body affects the Body. The Body has a stake in every personal relationship, which is why the preservation of relationships--both marriages and friendships--is given such weight.

As I said, it's not even true in the world--we can see the burden that high percentages of broken marriages, and unwed motherhood, and fatherless children has on secular society. Society has a stake in strong, resilient marriages.

 

[Open Heart]

what comfort is somebody elses successful marriage to the one who has a failed marriage ?

I'm a divorcee who will be celibate for the rest of my life. I take great, great comfort in knowing that true love exists and that couples have wonderful marriages til death do them part.

 

[Open Heart]

So, no, I don't believe those who say that it's adultery if I remarry.

If you receive an annulment then no, it is no adultery.

 

[Jan001]

​

No, this is a misunderstanding. The believer is free to live alone, because the principle of keeping peace will be in opposition to the principle of keeping your marital obligations. So if there is unpeace in the relation, you should pursue peace rather than pursuing to fulfil marital obligations. Which means, allow the unbeliever to go his/her way. But it is not a license to a remarriage. One is still bound by the marriage, especially of course if one is a believer, and therefore can be expected to have a higher moral ground.

A believer is always free to live alone if the unbelieving spouse refuses to live with the believer.

I am discussing what is possible if two unbelievers marry, and later one of them becomes a believer, but unfortunately the unbeliever wants nothing more to do with the believing spouse. A legal marriage between two unbelievers is not the same thing as a covenant marriage between two believers.

 

[Jan001]

Yes like i said all peasure must be atoned for,birth control has nothing to do with it since that can mean not having sex or not being married...thanks for making my point that pleasure always comes at a very high price or it is not legitimate

Pleasure does not always come at a very high price.

Daily, God gives us many wonderful gifts to enjoy simply because He loves us. I feel great pleasure in seeing a sunrise, sipping a delicious cup of hot chocolate, visiting while playing board games with my friends, and hundreds of other delightful things. I assure you that all of these are legitimate pleasures.

Matthew 7:11
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! rsv​

 

[Jan001]

Yes, but the Law of Moses sheds some light on what God thinks about such things.

We know the law of Moses did not always teach what God preferred.

Jesus Christ taught the following about marriage and divorce:

Matthew 19
Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” 8 He said to them, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. rsv​

 

[Jan001]

Contraception does not increase sex drive. More significant is the modern delay of marriage for a decade or more after puberty, with Christians unrealistically insisting on abstinence during that time, rather than seeking ways to support earlier marriages.

I disagree. Being able to have sex whenever one wants to without any consequences except pleasure because the person is using a contraception method does indeed fire up the sex drive.

However, being concerned about becoming pregnant when one prefers to not have a child definitely cools down the sex drive because there is a real possibility of pregnancy and the responsibilities of parenthood when a person is not using a contraception method.

 

[Tull]

Pleasure does not always come at a very high price.

Daily, God gives us many wonderful gifts to enjoy simply because He loves us. I feel great pleasure in seeing a sunrise, sipping a delicious cup of hot chocolate, visiting while playing board games with my friends, and hundreds of other delightful things. I assure you that all of these are legitimate pleasures.

Matthew 7:11
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! rsv​

That's not the kind of pleasure I'm talking about

 

[Tull]

So, no, I don't believe those who say that it's adultery if I remarry. They are not in my relationship with God and do not know what Him and I have talked about and what His response has been. He has told me to follow the process through the Catholic Church, my church and all will be well.

What happens if you're wrong,consensus among men means nothing to God.

 

[Tull]

One of those is urging young people to go to college, get a good job, pay off college loans, put money in the bank--basically to get fully economically fixed--before getting married. And to do so without parental assistance.

So you are against financial responsibility,how many people are relying on the responsability of others to feed their kids,it wouod seem that somebody has to be responsible,since we have "adults" in their 30s still living at home these days I guess that's a good thing.

Another Americanism is dating activity. In America, even small children are urged to begin dating and have "temporarily exclusive" sexual relationships--or at least expect and desire them.

I agree that young children should not be dating but dating for adults and young adults is a good way to find a potential mate,would prefer the arranged marriages of the past where one has no choice in who they marry.

But the young Christians of the early age did not do dating, and even today most young Christians in the world don't have these "temporary exclusive" relationships. It's not necessary, it's just an Americanism that Christians in America have given themselves over to.

Are people supposed to marry through some kind of lottery,the relationship being exclusive temporarily allows time for people to get to know one another.

A third issue is the idea that marriage is private between two people. That's not even true in the world, and certainly not true within the Body of Christ. Every personal relationship in the Body affects the Body. The Body has a stake in every personal relationship, which is why the preservation of relationships--both marriages and friendships--is given such weight.

Is that why the bible says that they shall leave father and mother and join together,meddling parents,in-laws and "friends" have ruined many a marriage,people who cant leave mommy and daddy behind and make their husband or wife their first priority are headed for trouble and those who engage in child worship are also headed for problems.....the order is God,spouse,family then friends and few if any get that right with the spouse usually being last.

 

[Tull]

I disagree. Being able to have sex whenever one wants to without any consequences except pleasure

Yes,consequences....a price,a very high price.

 

[RDKirk]

We know the law of Moses did not always teach what God preferred.

Jesus Christ taught the following about marriage and divorce:

Matthew 19
Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” 8 He said to them, “For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. rsv​

The Law of Moses stopped short, but pointed the direction.

 

[RDKirk]

I disagree. Being able to have sex whenever one wants to without any consequences except pleasure because the person is using a contraception method does indeed fire up the sex drive.

However, being concerned about becoming pregnant when one prefers to not have a child definitely cools down the sex drive because there is a real possibility of pregnancy and the responsibilities of parenthood when a person is not using a contraception method.

You're free to disagree, but have you used contraceptives and found that they caused you to desire more sex?

 

[Jan001]

That's not the kind of pleasure I'm talking about

Sex is vastly over-rated.

Do you think that people who do not have sex can not be happy or fulfilled? I've been married close to 40 years and I know that I can be happy whether I am married or not married.

 

[Jan001]

You're free to disagree, but have you used contraceptives and found that they caused you to desire more sex?

This is what I stated:

"Modern contraception methods greatly abet this evil of physical self-gratification. Sex without the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood is one of the gods of 21st Century men and women."

I was not talking about the frequency of an individual having sex. I meant that contraception makes it much more convenient for the unmarried to experience sexual self-gratification without having to be concerned about the consequences of pregnancy.

 

[Tull]

Sex is vastly over-rated.

Do you think that people who do not have sex can not be happy or fulfilled? I've been married close to 40 years and I know that I can be happy whether I am married or not married.

I

Is that why inappropriate content sites are the busiest on the web,is that sex for sale is such a booming business,is that why people destroy their lives,families and careers.....because sex is overrated.

You have been married 40 years but know you would be happy if not....interesting.

 

[Rodan6]

You're forgetting that a previous marriage is in the past. What's done is done. There's no reason to believe that God would hold someone's past sins against them. No harm is done if a remarried person is genuinely repentant and lives a godly life in his or her new marriage. Frankly, I don't see why God would wish for a repentant divorced person to live alone until his or her former spouse dies, which would mean many decades of loneliness for that person. After all, God created Eve precisely because he didn't want Adam to be lonely.

I very strongly agree. Jesus taught that marriage is not an institution in heaven. Still, it is among the very highest our of human institutions. It represents commitment and so much more and therefore God must be disappointed in the failure of such relationships. When we are given tasks to complete and jobs to perform in heaven, will we similarly quit before the task(s) are complete? Since it is the experiences in the marriage relationship that are so valuable, how can it be argued that a divorced person should not marry again? I think it's safe to conclude that God would like us to learn from our mistakes and do better with a second try.

 

[victorinus]

I don’t think all of those with divorced parents would have been better off if their parents had been forced to stay together.

did you ask the children?

 

[PeterDona]

A believer is always free to live alone if the unbelieving spouse refuses to live with the believer.

I am discussing what is possible if two unbelievers marry, and later one of them becomes a believer, but unfortunately the unbeliever wants nothing more to do with the believing spouse. A legal marriage between two unbelievers is not the same thing as a covenant marriage between two believers.

Yes, I think I understood your intention correctly. And I believe that you based your argumentation on 1 Cor 7:15 (?)
But really, in spite of what one might think based on the KJV translation "not bound" in 7:15, it is, if you dive into the greek, not to be translated "not bound", but rather "not under slavery". It is a tone of difference. But it means that the freedom is not to remarry, but to live alone. That is what I would get from 1 Cor 7:15.