Is Finding Other Women Attractive a Sin?

[98cwitr]

Disclaimer: By no means am I wanting [or have intentions to] to commit adultery against my wife.

That said...do you find it sinful to look at another woman and find her attractive? Like women on TV..,my wife and I seem to point out those who are attractive, but what about "real life?"

What does it mean to "lust" after another woman?

I think it means that you would be willing to commit adultery...but that seems like a slippery slope.

Is "wow...she's hot" a sin?

 

[His Disciple]

I almost agree. Lusting after another woman is the desire to commit adultery, even if you're unwilling to follow through. It's an impure thought. It's adultery in the mind. I'm not going to insist on the absurdity that all sins are equal. The sin with willingness is greater than the sin without willingness.

There's no sin in appreciating the beauty of an attractive woman. But, like an alcoholic with wine... oops, sorry, find a Baptist-appropriate analogy... one should practice abstinence if one lacks discipline.

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

Disclaimer: By no means am I wanting [or have intentions to] to commit adultery against my wife.

That said...do you find it sinful to look at another woman and find her attractive? Like women on TV..,my wife and I seem to point out those who are attractive, but what about "real life?"

What does it mean to "lust" after another woman?

I think it means that you would be willing to commit adultery...but that seems like a slippery slope.

Is "wow...she's hot" a sin?

That is a very good question. The answer, in my view, is that it really depends on what's on your mind. There are two possible things that can be on your mind.

1) Finding a girl or a woman to be beautiful, physically attractive, sexually attractive (whatever you want to call it), as long as that's all there is to it, is not a sin. God created beauty so that it could be appreciated. The Bible sometimes says that certain women were beautiful (e.g., Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and many more). Of course that this cannot be sinful. If you look at a woman and think, ‘Wow! She is really beautiful!’, that is not sinful.

2) However, it can lead to sin. Jesus clearly warns us, in Matthew 5:27-28, saying: ‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ What is the difference between this and what I explained in the previous paragraph? The difference is looking ‘lustfully’. ‘Lust’, as the dictionary explains, is the desire to have something; it is related to the concepts of ‘greed’ and ‘jealousy’; in this context, it would mean to look at a woman and think, ‘Wow! I would like to (clears throat) be with that girl (if you know what I mean).’ In other words, if you feel like you would like to have sex with her, that is a sin.

The problem with lust is that it is often automatic, and it sometimes happens without our realising it. This is a problem I am aware of, and from which I have suffered, praying, ‘Lord, I am so sorry that I looked at her thinking that!’ Only you know what you are thinking: it is not something about which I can categorically state, ‘What you have done is sinful’ or, ‘What you have done is not sinful’. When you look at a beautiful woman, only you know whether you are just looking at her because she is astonishingly beautiful or whether you also have sexual intentions.

I do not know about you, but I find that the likelihood that I will lust after a woman increases with 1) her beauty and 2) the area of skin exposed. That is why I have created the formula a = b A (attention equals beauty times area). The second factor is probably the most important. I may be looking at a girl who is decent and just think, ‘Wow! She's pretty!’; but then, I may look at an equally beautiful girl who is more exposed, and think, ‘Wow! She is so sexy!’ I believe that this makes it clearer which one is wrong and which is OK.

To finalise, you asked, ‘Is thinking, “Wow! She's hot!” a sin?’ The answer depends on the idea you are attempting to transmit with the adjective ‘hot’. I tend to think of that adjective as implying some degree of sexual connotation (of the sort, ‘That is a girl with whom I would like to have sex’) — which expresses a desire for adultery, which, as we have seen, is wrong. However, if you use that adjective to mean simply ‘beautiful’ or ‘pretty’ or ‘cute’ (which is nonetheless contrary to the general idea which I have of its usage), that would be OK.

To summarise, only you know what's on your mind. Judge your actions for yourself!

I hope this has been helpful! Feel free to post again, or to leave me a private message, if you should have any more questions.

 

[JM]

Q. 137. Which is the seventh commandment?
A. The seventh commandment is, Thou shalt not commit adultery.[766]

Q. 138. What are the duties required in the seventh commandment?
A. The duties required in the seventh commandment are, chastity in body, mind, affections,[767] words,[768] and behavior;[769] and the preservation of it in ourselves and others;[770] watchfulness over the eyes and all the senses;[771] temperance,[772] keeping of chaste company,[773] modesty in apparel;[774] marriage by those that have not the gift of continency,[775] conjugal love,[776] and cohabitation;[777] diligent labor in our callings;[778] shunning all occasions of uncleanness, and resisting temptations thereunto.[779]

Q. 139. What are the sins forbidden in the seventh commandment?
A. The sins forbidden in the seventh commandment, besides the neglect of the duties required,[780] are, adultery, fornication,[781] rape, incest,[782] sodomy, and all unnatural lusts;[783] all unclean imaginations, thoughts, purposes, and affections;[784] all corrupt or filthy communications, or listening thereunto;[785] wanton looks,[786] impudent or light behaviour, immodest apparel;[787] prohibiting of lawful,[788] and dispensing with unlawful marriages;[789] allowing, tolerating, keeping of stews, and resorting to them;[790] entangling vows of single life,[791] undue delay of marriage,[792] having more wives or husbands than one at the same time;[793] unjust divorce,[794] or desertion;[795] idleness, gluttony, drunkenness,[796] unchaste company;[797] lascivious songs, books, pictures, dancings, stage plays;[798] and all other provocations to, or acts of uncleanness, either in ourselves or others.[799]

Thomas Boston's understanding of the 7th Commandment.

 

[Goodbook]

don't know why this is in the baptist forum...

if you are having struggles, go to christian advice. They can help you out there. Or the men's forum. I'm female, so..I'm going heh.

All of us females are attractive. But we don't often make a conscious desicion to even attract males. God made us that way.

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

don't know why this is in the baptist forum...

if you are having struggles, go to christian advice. They can help you out there. Or the men's forum. I'm female, so..I'm going heh.

All of us females are attractive. But we don't often make a conscious desicion to even attract males. God made us that way.

Perhaps he chose to post it in the Baptist forum because he trusts in the Baptists to provide the most biblically-based and truthful answers. If that is it, then I can understand.

Don't go! We like to talk to females!

Indeed, in most cases, it is not, by any means, your fault (I speak to all attractive women, in general) that we, men, are attracted to you (except for the rare cases where some women really want to draw attention). It is not your fault. You were created beautiful. It is always our fault, not yours.

However, if you would like to help us fight this temptation, the best thing you can do is avoid showing too much skin (you know what I mean). It is much more difficult to resist the temptation of lust if the girl in question is, for example, displaying a significant amount of cleavage.

Anyway, I am sure you will understand (at least, up to a point)...

 

[Goodbook]

Oh so THATS why we getting all these weird questions on here lol. eg Jesus isn't your good buddy. OK....I just thought some people were trying to start arguments.

well in that case, I understand.
But in another sense, I don't because...Jesus flesh was crucified. We were crucified with him. Jesus leads us out of temptation. If you are following Jesus, you are not going in the way of temptation.

And as for cleavage, that can apply to men too. I mean low-riding jeans. we do NOT need to see. If you going round in states of undress, you should stay at home.

 

[mikedsjr]

Disclaimer: By no means am I wanting [or have intentions to] to commit adultery against my wife.

That said...do you find it sinful to look at another woman and find her attractive? Like women on TV..,my wife and I seem to point out those who are attractive, but what about "real life?"

What does it mean to "lust" after another woman?

I think it means that you would be willing to commit adultery...but that seems like a slippery slope.

Is "wow...she's hot" a sin?

No way. That isn't sin. That's typically stating a fact. That isn't lusting. Lusting goes beyond that.

 

[nonaeroterraqueous]

The attributes that you find attractive in your own wife are going to exist to some extent in other women also. Loyalty to your wife isn't the same as insisting on being surrounded by ugly people.

 

[His Disciple]

Perhaps he chose to post it in the Baptist forum because he trusts in the Baptists to provide the most biblically-based and truthful answers. If that is it, then I can understand.

That's a good point. Half the religious groups that participate here don't hold the Bible in as high esteem as Baptists. As long we we're not talking about wine, anyway.

To ask for advice in a general sub-forum would be to invite a lot of non-conservative responses.

 

[His Disciple]

I do not know about you, but I find that the likelihood that I will lust after a woman increases with 1) her beauty and 2) the area of skin exposed. That is why I have created the formula a = b A (attention equals beauty times area).

I'm mystified why celebrities go to fancy events showing a lot of skin. Their knobby knees and various skin flaws are not pretty. I find exposed skin usually looks trashy, not attractive.

 

[Goodbook]

I think some good advice is, if you love your wife, you will only have eyes for her.
Song of Solomon celebrates a marriage and it talks about how 'I am my beloved and he is mine'. They are not looking at other people.

so even if an attractive lady somehow walked wearing a bikini in front of you at the beach, you aren't going to be looking at her, cos your eyes will be on your wife.

 

[98cwitr]

don't know why this is in the baptist forum...

if you are having struggles, go to christian advice. They can help you out there. Or the men's forum. I'm female, so..I'm going heh.

All of us females are attractive. But we don't often make a conscious desicion to even attract males. God made us that way.

It's in a Baptist forum because Im Baptist.

All females are attractive? While I don't necessarily agree with that, what about the reciprocal? What if I said something like "All of us guys are attractive." You'd probably laugh, I know I would

 

[com7fy8]

As I get more and more into love with my lady friend, I realize that how nice a woman looks has nothing to do with love; and so it is easier not to be so concerned and distracted with attractive women who are around us.

And I need to not only use women to look at; I need to love and care about each one.

A woman might be beautiful but she could be suffering in sin, maybe is being used or abused. So, I need to pray with compassion or each woman.

I think I have seen what can happen to a woman because she uses the "sex bait" to get a man. The bait you use can be what chooses the fish you catch.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

My attention needs to be to what is better . . . how a lady can help me get more real with God and learn how to have compassion for any and all people, while learning how to share in a close relationship with her.

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

Oh so THATS why we getting all these weird questions on here lol. eg Jesus isn't your good buddy. OK....I just thought some people were trying to start arguments.

Hopefully not! Indeed, if I needed help, I would be very leery about the idea of posting it in a general forum where any moron who calls himself a Christian but really ignores the Bible could say anything.

This happened one time. Shortly after I joined CF, I visited the teens area, and I saw a question of a guy who had a transsexual female friend, asking how he could talk her out of the idea of changing sex. Then I read the reply of someone who said, ‘Never mind! She was made that way! Encourage and support her in that change!’ I was astounded! Like, ‘What is this moron saying?’ Of course I had to leap in, grab my Bible, criticise the attitude of the person who had replied, and answer the OP, by 1) telling him to ignore the unbiblical advice of the other person, and 2) actually giving him proper advice.

Christian Forums can be very dangerous!

well in that case, I understand.
But in another sense, I don't because...Jesus flesh was crucified. We were crucified with him. Jesus leads us out of temptation. If you are following Jesus, you are not going in the way of temptation.

Temptation is never fully overcome. Surely you feel tempted to do wrong things every day! Surely you sin every day! We are not free from the power of sin. The Devil still roams around us like a lion, tempting us to sin. Lust is just one of the many ways in which many men are vulnerable (and, personally, I must admit that it is my worst Achilles' heel).

You do recognise that you are not free from temptation, do you not? Same thing with me! And even Paul said the same thing, in Romans 7:14-25. As someone put it, ‘We have been freed from the penalty of sin, we are being freed from the power of sin, and we will be freed from the presence of sin.’

And as for cleavage, that can apply to men too. I mean low-riding jeans. we do NOT need to see. If you going round in states of undress, you should stay at home.

Hmm... I was not aware that girls also have a similar problem with temptation. Rest assured: I do not wear such trousers!

I think some good advice is, if you love your wife, you will only have eyes for her.
Song of Solomon celebrates a marriage and it talks about how 'I am my beloved and he is mine'. They are not looking at other people.

so even if an attractive lady somehow walked wearing a bikini in front of you at the beach, you aren't going to be looking at her, cos your eyes will be on your wife.

Well, I have no experience in that aspect (which makes me sad, but that's not the point), but I am not sure if it's really that easy to ignore pretty girls around you even if you are in a relationship... I surely hope so, because I do not want my girlfriend or wife to feel under-appreciated, nor to lust after other girls when I already have one.

Therefore, I'm not sure whether it really is reasonable for you to say that, if he feels tempted by other women, it is because he does not really love his wife...

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

That's a good point. Half the religious groups that participate here don't hold the Bible in as high esteem as Baptists. As long we we're not talking about wine, anyway.

To ask for advice in a general sub-forum would be to invite a lot of non-conservative responses.

You are absolutely correct! We must be very careful with the advice we listen to. Some so-called Christians are not real Christians and will end up leading you into falsehood. The Bible is the ultimate standard for the truth. I have always been taught that ‘the Bible is to be our only source of faith and practice’.

I thoroughly agree with this, and I have this feeling that, unfortunately, the Baptists are one of the few faith groups nowadays that emphasise this truth; it seems that many people think that the Bible is kind of irrelevant, and many people value traditions, experiences, feelings, visions, rationality and their own ideas over the Bible. It seems as though it is more and more common to see people supporting homosexuality, transsexualism (I have recently had an experience with this one: see post #15), abortion, women as church leaders, equality of men and women in marriage, and many other scandals which the Bible clearly condemns. And why? Because little do they care about what the Bible has to say. The Baptists have a very remarkable and praise-worthy history of ‘holding the Bible in high esteem’, as you put it very well.

In fact, I must admit that this is one of the reasons that made me think twice before I decided to join Christian Forums. I realised early on that I could find so-called Christians proclaiming the stupidest heresies in the blessed name of Christianity. I was afraid of what would happen. ‘What happens if I see that? Should I engage in discussions? Do I really have time for that? Is this nonsense going to affect my studies? What if I do not? Will I feel OK?’ Nevertheless, I still decided to join, hoping that the blessings it would bring would be greater than the sorrow (and, possibly, anger) that I would feel by reading other people's shenanigans or the time wasted trying to prove them wrong.

If I have any questions, though, perhaps I will not ask them here (it may be too dangerous). I will probably ask them at gotquestions.org (these guys are really biblically-based).

I'm mystified why celebrities go to fancy events showing a lot of skin. Their knobby knees and various skin flaws are not pretty. I find exposed skin usually looks trashy, not attractive.

It depends. Usually I do not see any skin flaws, and knees are not necessarily ‘trashy’. Fleshly speaking, I like to see exposed female skin (needless to say, though, spiritually speaking, I hate it — I'm sure you will understand).

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

As long we we're not talking about wine, anyway.

Sorry, I forgot to ask you about this detail of your answer. Wine? What are you talking about?

 

[royal priest]

Disclaimer: By no means am I wanting [or have intentions to] to commit adultery against my wife.

That said...do you find it sinful to look at another woman and find her attractive? Like women on TV..,my wife and I seem to point out those who are attractive, but what about "real life?"

What does it mean to "lust" after another woman?

I think it means that you would be willing to commit adultery...but that seems like a slippery slope.

Is "wow...she's hot" a sin?

I cannot remember where I read it, but I do remember the words, "God creates females with a desire to be looked upon and creates men with the deisire to look." This author also said that, because of this, whenever a woman dresses in an imodest manner which calls attention to her sexual appeal to men, she commits inappropriate contentography. Actually, I think it may have been from a book called, "Not even a hint" by Joshua Harris. As in, let sexual immorality not even be named among you, in Ephesians.

 

[Goodbook]

I was just going to say please don't call christians morons as the christian advice forum which I frequent has helped me a lot and only christians can post there and its not their opinions the intention of the forum is BIBLICAL advice.

And it doesn't matter what denom you are, so, I thought this question was a general one and not targeted at baptists or implying that we as baptists find this problem in our churches.

Jesus sets us free from sin, not to say we aren't tempted, but we don't follow in the WAY of temptation because Jesus leads us away from it. If we are following him. I am not implying anything of the OP just something to think about. It's a narrow way and few are those that find it, but if you actually do follow Him and acknowledge him in all your ways he's not going to lead you to a place where you keep stumbling.

I mean, do I go to strip pubs and bars? No, and I don't see any reason to and not even tempted to go there to see what its like. It is not me being holier than thou its just going there would not glorify God. And if God wanted me to go there, for maybe reaching out to someone sure I would go but I'm not going to be tempted because I am following Him.

When David was at home from his wars and not doing as he was meant to do he fell into temptation by casting his eye on Bathsheba. And not only that he ACTED on it. So he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Why? Maybe he got complacent and lazy. I don't know. Bathsheba was just having a bath for goodness sake. She wasn't even aware of him at first. So its not like she enticed him at all.

 

[Goodbook]

If a guy was looking at me while I was having a bath and I was aware of it I would have covered up. Even at home, like one time I was sure the neighbours might see if I undress and don't close the curtain. I mean you take steps but if you aren't aware of it, its not your fault.
But if you become aware of it, men looking/staring at you, its an uncomfortable feeling. I don't like it and I know the difference between someone appreciating you and someone who is leering at you. I get the vibe.