Hey Everyone,
I joined these forums a long long time ago, I've been an on and off Christian for about 5 years.
However I would always deny my faith or hide it to not cause embarrassment around non Christians.
There's alot in the bible I don't agree with, but It doesn't matter now as my time is running out.
See I'm 20 years old, I've always been just a tiny bit overweight, nothing HUGE, Heck maybe 10 - 20 pounds? Not even that.
At the start of the year I was getting in shape, everything was going fine, then I got the stupid idea of wanting a dream.
My dream was to move to the USA, start a business, a family, explore, meet new people..
So I looked into options to move to the USA, the best I could find with my lack of education was entering the green card lottery.
In order to enter that lottery I had to get my Year 12 Diploma, which meant one year of school ( I left early in 2005 ).
So I packed my bags and have had to struggle to get my Diploma ever since, In 7 weeks my final exams are coming up meaning I'm finished school forever.
However, all the studying and busy time tables has taken a tole on my health, I started getting fatter, slower and now something serious has happened.
A few weeks ago I was munching down on my fav food ' Pizza ' when my Kidneys started really hurting, It was like someone was squeezing them with a vice grip.
I ignored it at first, but then I started to ' feel ' my kidneys working, It wouldn't hurt per say, but I could feel something wasn't right.
Last week I had a blood test and everything came back fine except I have a DANGEROUSLY high Potassium level.
This means my Kidneys aren't filtering as they should anymore and It's only down hill from here.
For the first time in my life I'm scared and depressed.. I have to somehow get my Drivers license ( test is next Tuesday ), Study for my exams and worry about dying at the same time, not to mention if I dont die It's a life long commitment to being on a drip or contant needles or something.
On top of that things aren't settled between me and God, there's not enough faith there to get me to Heaven.
The thought of dying just after 20 breaks my heart, I never got my dream of moving to the USA, I never got to be with a woman, or even have a Girlfriend.
To think I wont even outlive my parents is just horrible. I was just getting prepared for life and suddenly I'm dying already?!
I know I can't blame God but I'm very upset with him, I've had nothing but abuse and torture my whole life and just as I finally fix it all I get slapped with this.
Please pray that the test is wrong or the Doctor is lying and I'll heal up. I don't want to die at 20.
I joined these forums a long long time ago, I've been an on and off Christian for about 5 years.
However I would always deny my faith or hide it to not cause embarrassment around non Christians.
There's alot in the bible I don't agree with, but It doesn't matter now as my time is running out.
See I'm 20 years old, I've always been just a tiny bit overweight, nothing HUGE, Heck maybe 10 - 20 pounds? Not even that.
At the start of the year I was getting in shape, everything was going fine, then I got the stupid idea of wanting a dream.
My dream was to move to the USA, start a business, a family, explore, meet new people..
So I looked into options to move to the USA, the best I could find with my lack of education was entering the green card lottery.
In order to enter that lottery I had to get my Year 12 Diploma, which meant one year of school ( I left early in 2005 ).
So I packed my bags and have had to struggle to get my Diploma ever since, In 7 weeks my final exams are coming up meaning I'm finished school forever.
However, all the studying and busy time tables has taken a tole on my health, I started getting fatter, slower and now something serious has happened.
A few weeks ago I was munching down on my fav food ' Pizza ' when my Kidneys started really hurting, It was like someone was squeezing them with a vice grip.
I ignored it at first, but then I started to ' feel ' my kidneys working, It wouldn't hurt per say, but I could feel something wasn't right.
Last week I had a blood test and everything came back fine except I have a DANGEROUSLY high Potassium level.
This means my Kidneys aren't filtering as they should anymore and It's only down hill from here.
For the first time in my life I'm scared and depressed.. I have to somehow get my Drivers license ( test is next Tuesday ), Study for my exams and worry about dying at the same time, not to mention if I dont die It's a life long commitment to being on a drip or contant needles or something.
On top of that things aren't settled between me and God, there's not enough faith there to get me to Heaven.
The thought of dying just after 20 breaks my heart, I never got my dream of moving to the USA, I never got to be with a woman, or even have a Girlfriend.
To think I wont even outlive my parents is just horrible. I was just getting prepared for life and suddenly I'm dying already?!
I know I can't blame God but I'm very upset with him, I've had nothing but abuse and torture my whole life and just as I finally fix it all I get slapped with this.
Please pray that the test is wrong or the Doctor is lying and I'll heal up. I don't want to die at 20.
