Domestic Discipline

[Mirelys]

If you have to force someone to do what you want them to do, why are you married to them in the first place? Part of the reason my husband married me is because I made an effort to learn how and when he wanted things done and it made me happy to please him in all ways possible. From knowing that he likes mayo on both sides of the bread on his sandwiches to what he likes in bed. My personal opinion is that a woman who enters into a marriage knowing her husband takes part in this form of 'discipline' or stays in the home with someone like this and doesn't seek help from God and a counselor for both of them must be mentally unstable in some way. I'm not saying retarded or anything but maybe suffering from low self esteem or depression or maybe a misguided view of a Godly marriage.

Two words: Stockholm Syndrome. Abuse does strange things to the mind.

 

[searle29678]

Two words: Stockholm Syndrome. Abuse does strange things to the mind.

I can vouch for that as well. My husband never called it 'domestic discipline' but there have been times when I have done something that he didn't like that I didn't even know I was doing wrong and I got hit for it or at least scared out of my wits by his following tantrum. It's been a while since this has happened but for a while it got to be more regular than it should have. I would find myself telling my friends what happened Saturday night like it was as normal as going shopping. They would sit with their mouths gaping and I didn't understand what the big deal was. It was normal to me and just how things were. Granted I knew that this wasn't everyone's life and not normal for everyone but it was just my life.

 

[Mirelys]

I can vouch for that as well. My husband never called it 'domestic discipline' but there have been times when I have done something that he didn't like that I didn't even know I was doing wrong and I got hit for it or at least scared out of my wits by his following tantrum. It's been a while since this has happened but for a while it got to be more regular than it should have. I would find myself telling my friends what happened Saturday night like it was as normal as going shopping. They would sit with their mouths gaping and I didn't understand what the big deal was. It was normal to me and just how things were. Granted I knew that this wasn't everyone's life and not normal for everyone but it was just my life.

Me too. Well, not hit, but other stuff. I thought it was normal and I just wasn't adjusting well, but then again not many of my friends are married.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Well I guess my OP has changed a little after reading about 5min of that site. At first I thought it was consensual, and that the wife wasn't afraid of her dh, and the beatings caused minimal pain. But after reading this I feel slightly different! It appears he has to spank her till he sees tears

<****ere is no particular prescription about Loving Domestic Discipline that says a woman is supposed to be scared when she is about to be disciplined. However, most women are either scared or filled with some kind of dread before they are spanked. Often, a woman will be trembling like a leaf after she is told to prepare herself for a spanking by her HOH. This is entirely natural and normal. *If a woman does not fear the spanking in some way, it will have no disciplinary effect*, nor will it have any deterrent effect to prevent her from misbehaving in the same way afterwards. Her HOH should not be taking any kind of pride or pleasure in her fear, but he should be man enough and strong enough to have the ability to instill this fear in her through the strength of his hand when he spanks her and the tone of his voice when he scolds her. If she does not fear being disciplined in some way, the spanking won't have the same effect. She doesn't necessarily fear her HOH - she fears the pain of the spanking. And the spanking comes automatically as a response to her misbehavior, so in fact she is in control of the fear, because she can control her own words and actions.

Often, the fear that a woman feels when she is about to be spanked will make it easier for her to be brought to tears when her husband begins to spank and scold her. And as you probably know already, tears are highly beneficial for the woman being disciplined, because they help her to overcome the internal resistance and stubbornness that prevent her from learning the lesson that her HOH is trying to teach her.>>

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Oh for the love of Bob...

 

[HeatherJay]

Another point that I would like to make about this...

If this is all about discipline, then let's apply it to children. Would it be okay to discipline your child in this manner? And if it's not okay to discipline a child in this way, then how in the world is it an acceptable form of discipline for a spouse?

First off, the author's very definition of discipline and the purpose of discipline is skewed. When I spank my kids, it's NOT about causing them pain, it's NOT about making them cry, it's most certainly NOT about humiliating them. I spank my kids to get their attention, to let them know that they're in a dangerous situation, or to let them know that it's time to straighten up. I don't keep spanking them until they're "crying sufficiently", and I would certainly never spank them until they were screaming. Just typing this out horrifies me beyond belief.

This is not about "discipline" and it's not even about "Godly submission." Anyone who reads that article will see that it's ALL about the author's perverse, demented sexual desires...but even more than that, it's about his need for power and dominance. He needs to hurt things smaller and more defenseless than himself in order to feel like a man. This is the same type of man that probably got pleasure out of hurting animals when he was a child.

I'm normally not a judgmental person, but my blood is literally boiling reading about this type of horrific abuse.

 

[gracefaith]

No I mean it doesnt matter if its a sin.... thats besides the point to me. The point is that I think people who are into such things need counseling because they are unbalanced. So... not legalism... because its not about Christianity at all... I hope that makes sense. Its sort of like if I see someone with body dismorphic disorder. No, its not a sin. But are they emotionally well? No. If I see someone with anorexia. Is it a sin? No, it is not a sin. But are they well? No. For this issue.... same thing.

Regardless of whethe it is a sin, it is definitely Satan leading people astray.

I don't know if this will be helpful at all, but I've been trying to imagine in what possible circumstances any intelligent woman would ever submit to such a scenario. Why would she feel she needed it? What kind of man would agree? As I was pondering this, my mind drifted back to a relationship I had with someone before my husband and I was chilled to the bone.

When I was in my late teens I was recovering from an abusive home life and also in a long-term relationship with a guy, who I am afraid to say, was sort of a weenie. He was flighty, irresponsible, undirected, morally and spiritually weak but I, seeing him in his possibilities rather than his actuality, thought myself quite in love with him. The thing is, deep down, I had no respect for him. If we had gotten married there would have been no question that I would have dominated the marriage intellectually, rationally and spiritually. I believe in submission and so did he, but because I saw him as so unable to prove his worthiness as leader, I think it would have been impossible.

But...

There is one thing he would have had over me and that is physical power. Head to head in a game of wits, he would lose, but physically (he was a big guy), I would have had no chance. I was already a little messed up as far as love and pain goes and having the man dominate you physically at least gives the appearence and feeling of being submissive. He feels like he's in control. The woman submits to his physical attempts to 'direct' her. It's sort of like play acting at submission.

I think DD sucks people in and gets them stuck there because they simply don't have the maturity to make the relationship work in a healthy way. They're running from their reason and they're running from the truth. They're both terrified. They revert to the most basic form of relationship - the physical dominance of one being over another.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

To the poster that said she fill me in about the but plug. Go ahead and pm me back. I had to delete your pm cuz i reached my limit again.

 

[Honibee]

I think DD sucks people in and gets them stuck there because they simply don't have the maturity to make the relationship work in a healthy way. They're running from their reason and they're running from the truth. They're both terrified. They revert to the most basic form of relationship - the physical dominance of one being over another.

I see alot of insight here, Gracefaith. Thank you... so glad you got out of that destructive relationship.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

A man here stated, "what, no men replies"

I have noticed when topics such as this come up, there's very little outrage from the men, or dialogue. Do you think bc it's a 'womans issue', or is it, bc they don't find it as disturbing as us womenfolk do?

 

[HeatherJay]

A man here stated, "what, no men replies"

I have noticed when topics such as this come up, there's very little outrage from the men, or dialogue. Do you think bc it's a 'womans issue', or is it, bc they don't find it as disturbing as us womenfolk do?

I think it's because they know how fiesty it's going to make all the girls and they'd rather make themselves as inconspicuous as possible, so as not to be injured by any unidentified flying objects.

 

[gracefaith]

I see alot of insight here, Gracefaith. Thank you... so glad you got out of that destructive relationship.

Well, it never got quite as far as anything approaching DD, but I can see why it is seductive to some people. I am however, that glad that I did get out of that relationship. I think it's important that couples balance each other well, otherwise, I do think it opens the door to potentially destructive ways trying to make the relationship 'work.'

 

[Leanna]

A man here stated, "what, no men replies"

I have noticed when topics such as this come up, there's very little outrage from the men, or dialogue. Do you think bc it's a 'womans issue', or is it, bc they don't find it as disturbing as us womenfolk do?

hmmm or maybe it is because the men who like to post on serious issues dont feel outrage on this (thinking in particular) and those who would find this outrageous probably arent reading because they avoid serious threads at all costs

 

[WalksWithChrist]

A man here stated, "what, no men replies"

I have noticed when topics such as this come up, there's very little outrage from the men, or dialogue. Do you think bc it's a 'womans issue', or is it, bc they don't find it as disturbing as us womenfolk do?

Hello!!! I posted *twice* already.
And yes, I was highly outraged. To any who know me, you know that if I say something flat like in my first post then I'm pretty upset about an issue. Most issues at least have a little "wiggle room" for discussion, but not this one. That's why I just said my piece.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

hmmm or maybe it is because the men who like to post on serious issues dont feel outrage on this (thinking in particular) and those who would find this outrageous probably arent reading because they avoid serious threads at all costs

Just speaking for myself...I'm happy to report that you're wrong on both counts.

 

[Mirelys]

WalksWithChrist, I'm glad to see you here. Sometimes it does feel like people would rather ignore these kind of issues...

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Just speaking for myself...I'm happy to report that you're wrong on both counts.

SORRY I forgot bout you. I think only two or 3 men responded, and you may have been the only one to show disgust over this. I understand Jims point, bc that was my stance too....... until I read further.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

WalksWithChrist, I'm glad to see you here. Sometimes it does feel like people would rather ignore these kind of issues...

Thank you! I do lots of lunking on threads, but I had to say something on this one. I think everyone has mostly come to be of one mind on this. I'll admit I didn't ever read far enough to get to the "graphic" parts but I still smelled something rotten.

 

[WalksWithChrist]

SORRY I forgot bout you. I think only two or 3 men responded, and you may have been the only one to show disgust over this. I understand Jims point, bc that was my stance too....... until I read further.

Don't sweat it hon. My posts tend to be short and easy to overlook.
I am even *further* disturbed to read some of those excerpts that were posted. Seems like the women who would agree to this have some pretty serious self-esteem issues. And the men also if they feel the need to inflict punishment to maintain control. In my eyes, marriage isn't about control. It's about mutual respect and service. And lots of love.

 

[JimfromOhio]

Its funny, regardless of what my comments might be, people can be judgemental and not putting things in perspective. I have had my issues with some posters who made negative comments about people with disabilities and not many healthy posters come in to defend the disabilities. Back to the topic, I disagree with that particular website and perhaps borderline sinful. We should voice our opinions why some of these activities are wrong. All I am saying is that we just need to be careful on making quick judgement and how we word our statements as I have seen some words been said that should not have been said. I have seen many people who make quick ignorant judgements regarding people with disabilities.