Does God really expect Christians to live in loveless marriages?

[Brianlear]

how are things going with your wife? Per your last update, it seemed like you had both given up. I'm not surprised you are struggling with crushes on other women when you have basically given up on your marriage and family. You need to cut this other woman out of your life NOW. You have received a lot of good advice in this thread, I have to wonder, are you heeding it? Have you gotten serious about this? There are situations that warrant divorce, but you've given us nothing to indicate that this is the case with your wife. What's going on?

 

[Goatee]

how are things going with your wife? Per your last update, it seemed like you had both given up. I'm not surprised you are struggling with crushes on other women when you have basically given up on your marriage and family. You need to cut this other woman out of your life NOW. You have received a lot of good advice in this thread, I have to wonder, are you heeding it? Have you gotten serious about this? There are situations that warrant divorce, but you've given us nothing to indicate that this is the case with your wife. What's going on?

Me and the wife are 'friends'.

I have asked her if she loves me but she has stated 'never' will again. As i pointed out before, the situation was like this for years before i had an affair.

Yes, you are right that i should cut ties with this other woman. I have done this already, this weekend. I have emailed her and told her this. She is not at all happy and emailed me back. I replied today saying it has to be over! However much i have feelings for this other woman i have told her it cannot continue!!

I went to confession on sat and talked to priest about it. Good advice given as always but so very very hard not to think of this other woman. I am determined though to get her out of my mind / life. I WANT GOD MORE!

I am hoping the the wife and I will remain good friends. She said she would not kick me out. She said we only together because of our child. I want to be there for my child.

I made a pact with myself on saturday that as and from that day i am going to try really hard not to 'lust' over this other woman and to pray better, harder, more sincerely. I am so determined, however hard it is going to be.

I do need help, i know. But, i want help from my church. I have been seeing a couple of people who have helped me in the church.

I just pray that God will help me and that he will help my wife. Whatever is in my future i know that i want God there to guiding me.

Thanks for your concerns

 

[Brianlear]

I made a pact with myself on saturday that as and from that day i am going to try really hard not to 'lust' over this other woman and to pray better, harder, more sincerely. I am so determined, however hard it is going to be.

This sounds like you are trying to do it on your own, instead of asking God to come into your life and do it for you.

It also doesn't sound like you are all that serious about restoring your marriage. If you were, you wouldn't accept your wife saying that she will be "friends" with you and "stay together for the child". Not that those are bad things, but there is so much more to it than that.

Sounds like you are settling for mediocre.

 

[Goatee]

This sounds like you are trying to do it on your own, instead of asking God to come into your life and do it for you.

It also doesn't sound like you are all that serious about restoring your marriage. If you were, you wouldn't accept your wife saying that she will be "friends" with you and "stay together for the child". Not that those are bad things, but there is so much more to it than that.

Sounds like you are settling for mediocre.

Waw, really? If you look at my posts you will see that i have continuously and continue to ask God for guidance every single day! No way i could ever do this on my own!!

Not serious about restoring my marriage?!! Again, i think you need to read my posts to see how wrong you are buddy. I have tried loads! Like i stated, the marriage was failing many years before i had an affair.

Plus, the wife has made it as clear as a newly cleaned pane of glass that she does not love me and for her the marriage is over! What am i supposed to do? Hypnotise her?

I am settling for 'reality'. Cant keep hitting my head against a brick wall.

 

[Avniel]

But, when you 'love' someone they also become a need to living!

I hear you I need my daughter around me

 

[Avniel]

Waw, really? If you look at my posts you will see that i have continuously and continue to ask God for guidance every single day! No way i could ever do this on my own!!

Not serious about restoring my marriage?!! Again, i think you need to read my posts to see how wrong you are buddy. I have tried loads! Like i stated, the marriage was failing many years before i had an affair.

Plus, the wife has made it as clear as a newly cleaned pane of glass that she does not love me and for her the marriage is over! What am i supposed to do? Hypnotise her?

I am settling for 'reality'. Cant keep hitting my head against a brick wall.

You should have never told your business here people are going to continue to attack you. You should get this post closed and start a group conversation with some of the posters that are kinder in dealing with people going through tribulations.

Did you repent? Are you seeking God? Did you confess your sins?

 

[Goatee]

You should have never told your business here people are going to continue to attack you. You should get this post closed and start a group conversation with some of the posters that are kinder in dealing with people going through tribulations.

Did you repent? Are you seeking God? Did you confess your sins?

Yes i have repented and been to confession many times since. Thank you

 

[Avniel]

Yes i have repented and been to confession many times since. Thank you

Then forgive yourself and go off and sin no more. Don't explain yourself to anyone but your wife and God. If you want advice only take those that are positive and you feel wish the best for you as Christians.

My advice to you is maybe the love dare. I would suggest you try it out with your wife.

 

[Brianlear]

Sorry you felt that my advice was not sincere. I still have an issue with your statement that "if i just pray harder, better, more sincerely, i can get rid of my lust and fix my marriage". It just doesnt make sense.

 

[All4Christ]

Could you say a prayer for you and your wife every time you feel a longing for this other woman? Perhaps have a list of things you love about your wife, and read through them every time you experience that? Perhaps your wife may not love you now, but she is willing to stay with you for the sake of your daughter. That means that you still have her in your life and you still have a chance to make something of your marriage. Remember, a marriage isn't solely for the purpose of love. It also exists to assist you in spiritual growth and to help raise your daughter. Many marriages in the past started with friendship and grew into a mature love. It wasn't always the romantic love, but it was love nonetheless. Show your wife that you care by putting her and your daughter first (only second to God). Love her daily, and be thankful that she is willing to be a friend to you. Perhaps in time, if you show her your love through your actions, she may grow to love you again as well. If she doesn't, be thankful that you have her friendship, and show your respect for her by denying yourself any attachments to other women. I strongly suggest writing up that list and keeping it with you! Perhaps keep a photo of your wife, child and you in your wallet as well. Look at them both any time you are tempted, and say a prayer. The Jesus prayer is a good prayer to pray when you need God to help: Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!

 

[Goatee]

Sorry you felt that my advice was not sincere. I still have an issue with your statement that "if i just pray harder, better, more sincerely, i can get rid of my lust and fix my marriage". It just doesnt make sense.

I think that is 'your' statement not mine!

 

[Goatee]

Then forgive yourself and go off and sin no more. Don't explain yourself to anyone but your wife and God. If you want advice only take those that are positive and you feel wish the best for you as Christians.

My advice to you is maybe the love dare. I would suggest you try it out with your wife.

Love Dare? What is that?

 

[Avniel]

I think that is 'your' statement not mine!

Perfect you catch on quickly

 

[Avniel]

Love Dare? What is that?

It this program that basically helps you become more aware on how to be loving.


My wife and I did it because we got the book, it was fun for us but it did show us certain things we missed out.

 

[Goatee]

It this program that basically helps you become more aware on how to be loving.


My wife and I did it because we got the book, it was fun for us but it did show us certain things we missed out.

Thanks but my wife has made it very very clear that she does not love me and that we are just together for our child. Believe me, i have tried!

 

[All4Christ]

Thanks but my wife has made it very very clear that she does not love me and that we are just together for our child. Believe me, i have tried!

I didn't see a response to my last post, but based on this post, it looks like you are planning to give up. Your previous posts sounded like you wanted to make it work, so I am a bit confused. My response earlier (a few posts up) was to encourage you, but perhaps a reminder might help as well.

Remember that according to the Bible and the teachings of your church, there is NO scenario where you can legitimately be with the other woman. Even if your wife gets an annulment, that doesn't free you to choose someone else.

Cut that woman out of your life completely. Tell her you no longer can keep in touch with her. Delete her emails, phone number, social media connections and anything else associated to her. Remove the temptation and move forward. If your wife doesn't love you, continue loving her anyways.

God forgives your sin, but the consequences still happen. That doesn't change your responsibility as a husband to love your wife no matter what her feelings are towards you. Be thankful your wife is staying even if it is because of your daughter. Follow the commandments you are given. Love your wife as Christ loves the Church. Does Christ stop loving us if we stop loving him? No! He is always there should we choose to follow and love Him again.

Keep pursuing God first. Cut out the temptations from your life, both for your wife and even more so for your spiritual welfare. Love your wife always. And try the tips I mentioned about keeping a list of things you love about your wife with you always, as well as a photo of her. When you are tempted, look at that instead and say a prayer to God asking for help.

 

[Goatee]

Death is the only release from this hell

 

[All4Christ]

Death is the only release from this hell

Seriously? You consider your situation to be like hell? You are in a bad situation, but it could be a lot worse.

Trust in God's love above all else. Immerse yourself in working on your spiritual life and focus on raising your daughter to the best of your ability. And yes, continue to love your wife as you are commanded and as you have committed to do.

 

[Goatee]

Hopeless buddy. Wife hates me massively!

 

[tmoderncatholic]

I studied sociology a year ago here in the US, therefore I'm not sure if this qualifies for everyone.

When Equal opportunity rarely existed, the divorce rates were low because women would not be able to support themselves if they left. Some were truly happy in their marriages, some weren't. There really wasn't any survey about the percentage of the latter. Anyways, after the war, women started to get jobs helping out in the industrial section. The men went to war, and the women stayed at home. Many decided to work because there really wasn't much to do. That's how women started to get more jobs.

Later on, women were able to get jobs that would enable them to support themselves. Divorce rates started to increase. This was due to the fact that people were marrying due to happiness, and not because of need (entirely).

Therefore, the answer is no. There are no such thing as a "loveless" marriage. One must understand that God is love. Marriage is love. If you truly love someone, you will sacrifice everything and anything for that person. If you don't feel you love someone enough to marry them, then it's okay.

Remember that every person has a flaw. It depends on you if you can live with that flaw forever.