Do I tell husband I kissed a guy over 3 years ago

[All4Christ]

She cheated on him I don't think she has a right to decide that.

Many couples would discuss this together before pursuing a divorce even after something like this (especially since it has been done and over with for 3 years and didn't go anywhere beyond the kiss). She doesn't have the sole decision, no, but she certainly can express her repentance and opinion.

We don't know her husband and her situation - It is pure speculation here on what will happen - and hopefully her husband, if she tells him, will acknowledge her repentance and try to work it out together. No matter what, she can and should express her desire to stay together if he follow the path of pursuing a divorce.

 

[Avniel]

Honestly, I know people are going to think Im terrible but... no I don't think it's neccessary to tell him that unless it directly effects him. Like, if you got mouth-herpes from the kiss and now you have sores on your lip and your husband could get them from you... but it happened in the past, you feel ashamed and know it was wrong and wouldn't repeat it now... why should you bring it up?

How do you know he wants to be married to a woman that would kiss another man. That could be a red flag for him, her staying in the relationship after committing adultery, hiding that fact makes her a liar. Until she knows that he wants to still be in a relationship with her despite her error the relationship will be a lie.

If I had sex with a woman when my wife and I were struggling 3 years ago......you would certainly tell me to tell my wife. It is the same thing, intimacy is intimacy.

 

[Avniel]

Many couples would discuss this together before pursuing a divorce even after something like this (especially since it has been done and over with for 3 years and didn't go anywhere beyond the kiss). She doesn't have the sole decision, no, but she certainly can express her repentance and opinion.

We don't know her husband and her situation - It is pure speculation here on what will happen - and hopefully her husband, if she tells him, will acknowledge her repentance and try to work it out together. No matter what, she can and should express her desire to stay together if he follow the path of pursuing a divorce.

I don't know for me it doesn't have to go past a kiss. The kiss is betrayal enough for me to walk away, some men will not and some men will. It depends on personality and where that particular man is at during the time. The reality is a knife in the back is still a knife even if it's a pocket knife......it's still a knife in the back.

Regardless of not knowing her husband and/or his reaction....we know that he should have the right to decide to be in a relationship or not due to level of betrayal. Of course she should express her sorrow for her actions and more than once she should express her desire to keep the family together.

 

[~Willow~]

I don't know for me it doesn't have to go past a kiss. The kiss is betrayal enough for me to walk away, some men will not and some men will. It depends on personality and where that particular man is at during the time. The reality is a knife in the back is still a knife even if it's a pocket knife......it's still a knife in the back.

Regardless of not knowing her husband and/or his reaction....we know that he should have the right to decide to be in a relationship or not due to level of betrayal. Of course she should express her sorrow for her actions and more than once she should express her desire to keep the family together.

I am little surprised at this. Does it only apply to physical adultery? Not looking at naked women?

 

[Aijalon]

I am little surprised at this. Does it only apply to physical adultery? Not looking at naked women?

Willow, seeing women and being biologically "turned on" is not the same betrayal. I love my wife and have always loved her, but both of us know that there are things in this world that shouldn't be seen, but it's happened. A man might miss his absent wife, and heck, even look a bit too long at a flimsy dress on the street and get carried away by his thoughts.... it's a biological wiring, and the sin of all that is spread nice and evenly all over society. Women really do need to cover up sometimes - ya know!

inappropriate contentography too, is not adultery, some men love their wives but have sexual issues and inappropriate content addictions and their wives (God bless them) try to help by watching inappropriate content with them! It's a terrible idea, of course, and very destructive to the wiring of a man's brain, and a woman's self esteem, but all I'm saying is that truly cheating on your spouse involves a heart matter, not just a thought problem. Healthy sex requires a healthy mind.

 

[Aijalon]

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

Without more information, I'd say, no.

As a guy with a loving wife, I know that she has thought things against me that she's never said, and I know I've thought things against her I've never said. These destructive thoughts spread more damage when you speak them.

Confession to him may be healthy for your marriage, maybe not. If things are going well and you sense a risk that this issue would flare up mistrust between you, I would say do not confess it to him. He has no knowledge of it, you confessed to a believer, you repented to God, the higher law, you hopefully resolved in your heart to never do it again, your conscientious is now clean. If though, you cannot feel forgiven for that act, you need to do some more repenting. Consider where is the source of this anxiety coming from..... I suppose it is possible that he will admire your truthfulness and it will increase his trust of you, however.... there is a risk of backfire....

For example, he may ask "what kind of kiss was this", was it a "serious" kiss (sloppy sexual kind of kiss). If answering that question causes you pause, then wait and pray about this some more .

Blessings.

 

[Messy]

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

I wouldn't do it.
My brother in law, when they just had a kid didn't get enough attention from my sister I think and we went on a sail weekend, him and me because she was so busy with the kid. He tried to kiss me, but I didn't let him. My fault, he asked me what kind of man I wanted and I said: someone like you lol just to be nice. He drank. I never told her.

 

[GracetotheHumble]

The truth will set you free. If you don't tell your husband you are in bondage and living a lie.

 

[All4Christ]

Dawn - I saw on your other thread that someone has threatened to tell your husband. Have you talked to that person to ask her not to do that? It is better for him to hear it from you as opposed to someone else, though I'm not sure what I would do otherwise. I'm not sure what the best thing is to do.

 

[Aijalon]

The truth will set you free. If you don't tell your husband you are in bondage and living a lie.

You are using that out of context, and again, Ecc 7:16 applies.

 

[GracetotheHumble]

You are using that out of context, and again, Ecc 7:16 applies.

No, I'm not using it out of context. Whenever you come to the light and are truthful it has a freeing effect to your soul. Living a lie and abiding in darkness is bondage.

 

[~Willow~]

Willow, seeing women and being biologically "turned on" is not the same betrayal. I love my wife and have always loved her, but both of us know that there are things in this world that shouldn't be seen, but it's happened. A man might miss his absent wife, and heck, even look a bit too long at a flimsy dress on the street and get carried away by his thoughts.... it's a biological wiring, and the sin of all that is spread nice and evenly all over society. Women really do need to cover up sometimes - ya know!

inappropriate contentography too, is not adultery, some men love their wives but have sexual issues and inappropriate content addictions and their wives (God bless them) try to help by watching inappropriate content with them! It's a terrible idea, of course, and very destructive to the wiring of a man's brain, and a woman's self esteem, but all I'm saying is that truly cheating on your spouse involves a heart matter, not just a thought problem. Healthy sex requires a healthy mind.

That is not what I am talking about. Accidentally seeing someone and feeling an attraction is not the issue. It is purposely looking, knowing you are going to. This is adultery. I'm going to listen to Jesus on this one... not some men on an internet forum who might be having issues with this. I'm sorry that is rude, but it's what I am noticing on here.

 

[Aijalon]

No, I'm not using it out of context. Whenever you come to the light and are truthful it has a freeing effect to your soul. Living a lie and abiding in darkness is bondage.

the truth of the gospel sets you from the power of sin. That's the point. Being overly wise can actually be destructive, Ecc 7.16

 

[Messy]

Depends on the person. To some you can say it, to some you can't. It's done away anyway.

 

[Avniel]

I am little surprised at this. Does it only apply to physical adultery? Not looking at naked women?

Certainly I believe we all should have the truth in our relationships and be able to decide what we will do. Me personally I couldn't be with my wife if she would share a kiss with another man. However that is because of my own insecurities and issues I've dealt with in my childhood that affects my reaction. If he leaves he shouldn't pretend he's doing it for any other reason than his own selfish insecurities that allowed his heart to harden. We have to be honest with ourselves about what and why we are doing those actions. I was never judging you, I was encouraging you to be stronger in Christ than I could be in that situation.

 

[annafullofgrace]

Honestly, I know people are going to think Im terrible but... no I don't think it's neccessary to tell him that unless it directly effects him. Like, if you got mouth-herpes from the kiss and now you have sores on your lip and your husband could get them from you... but it happened in the past, you feel ashamed and know it was wrong and wouldn't repeat it now... why should you bring it up?

Why bring it up? Because it's dishonest and there should be zero dishonesty in a marriage. If this was a man, I imagine most people would tell him his wife has a right to know.

OP - I think you should pray for guidance on how to speak to your husband about this, but he has a right to know. In my opinion.

I suppose a better way to look at it is...why do you think you should tell him? Are you consumed with guilt? Do you know your husband well enough to know if he would want to know?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I'm tending to think this is a post-and-run, but...

Honestly, it all depends. I see somebody is using it against you and the fact that it happened is slowly starting to seep through your social and church circles. While I'd normally say that you should consider just keeping it to yourself, the chances are now growing he'll find out through somebody else, and chances are pretty high that they'll tell him in the most shocking way possible so as to get a complete and total reaction from him and/or you. As in, blindside him at church in front of you and your family, or tell him privately but in a way that's meant to rile him up, that they'll say it wasn't just a kiss, etc etc.

Considering people are essentially blackmailing you into telling, I think you're now at a point where you have to say something. Ethical or not, people only have power over you as long as this remains a secret and you'll find yourself in a more awkward place than before if you allow it to continue. And I can promise you, however bad the news, he'd rather hear it from you in a planned, controlled situation from a person who genuinely cares about him... As opposed to the town gossip.

 

[sahjimira]

No

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

.

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

 

[sahjimira]

No my husband confessed some thing to me. Made him feel better but not me. Basically left me holding the bag on dealing with it. Once spoken it's out there. I can forgive him but memory still there. I could have lived without it. It would b his to deal with God

No

.

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

.

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regr

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

No

.

etted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?

I'm married to a lovely man and we have two children. About 3 years ago, me and my husband weren't getting along and I kissed another guy who I'd known for 20 years. I regretted it and spoke to a fellow Christian, repented and asked for God's forgiveness. I never told my husband, should I tell him now as it happened so long ago?