Do guys get scared away?

[Chino]

Another problem of mine is that I'm not into competition when it comes to relationships so if I'm interested in a woman thats being pursued by other guys I'll usually just let it go.

I feel like that a lot too, it's like the odds are always against me. But it's good once in awhile to step up to the challenge and really live and feel the competion. It's much better to fail then to have regrets. My problem is I just have to find that right lady to make me do this.

 

[Durelen]

This whole generation seems obsessed with looks. I know they play a part but i just cant help feeling that character,personality,temprement, etc are so much more important. Looks fade with age but everything else remains.

Yep, this is very true, very.

 

[Quiet Storm]

Haven't read replies, so please forgive me if I duplicate anything.
Once again, experince talking: First and foremost, please don't undermine the gifts and talents God has blessed you with. Secondly, if you want to approach or consider a specific person but don't want to because you don't think you're good enough, please change your thinking. If you're anything like me, you'll realize some time down the road how good of a catch you actually are and then when you get the confidence you need, you'll kick yourself for not taking the chance of a catching a great guy. I know I'm only one person, but from this males perspective, I really couldn't care less how many girls like me because I'm marriage-minded. I'm just concerned about the one that I (whenever it may be) have my eye on. And of course you've heard the old cliche "quality over quantity". I think most people can agree when I say it's better to have one knock-your-socks-off person who likes you and meets all of what you desire in a mate than to have one hundred girls who you'd never be interested in who like you. In fact that can be more frustrating than anything.

 

[brettnolan]

I have been wondering about this for a while, but haven't really reached a conclusion that makes sense. Do guys get scared away from girls because they think they are too good for them? I know I automatically throw some options out the window because I see them as too good for me. They already have multiple girls that like them, they are too good-looking to ever like someone like me, they are way more talented than me to even notice me. I pray that I will not undermine myself and abilities and get scared off by such crazy things. Those guys that are Christian, smart, good-looking, athletic, genuine, and loving.... sweet, but wait, I can't have him because he is the guy every other girl wants it seems like, so I better run, I am not good enough for him. Hence, an opportunity is lost. Do guys think this way? or more arrogant, confident, looks more important?

Women don't scare me so much as being rejected by women. THAT petrifies me. From that perspective, any girl that I THINK will reject me, scares me. Then when I get turned down by women that I think won't reject me, it terrifies me even more.

If you're interested in a guy, and you know he's not seeing someone, all you need to do is LET HIM KNOW that you're interested. Guys are so easy. Except that you CANNOT be subtle. A guy may not understand it even if you come right out and say "I like you, let's date." So if you think you're coming on to him because you laugh at his jokes, think again. We all think we're funny anyway. Smile at him a lot and ask him what his weekend plans are, tell him he looks nice today when he wears a "nice" t-shirt, etc. Putty in your hands.

 

[mbotz72]

Women don't scare me so much as being rejected by women. THAT petrifies me. From that perspective, any girl that I THINK will reject me, scares me. Then when I get turned down by women that I think won't reject me, it terrifies me even more.

If you're interested in a guy, and you know he's not seeing someone, all you need to do is LET HIM KNOW that you're interested. Guys are so easy. Except that you CANNOT be subtle. A guy may not understand it even if you come right out and say "I like you, let's date." So if you think you're coming on to him because you laugh at his jokes, think again. We all think we're funny anyway. Smile at him a lot and ask him what his weekend plans are, tell him he looks nice today when he wears a "nice" t-shirt, etc. Putty in your hands.

I like these thoughts and they way you put them. I think a lot people are really more scared of rejection than the person. I definitely agree that we can not be subtle; it just doesn't work unless you are completely up front. Thanks for sharing, it helps out a lot!

 

[Stanfi]

I like these thoughts and they way you put them. I think a lot people are really more scared of rejection than the person. I definitely agree that we can not be subtle; it just doesn't work unless you are completely up front. Thanks for sharing, it helps out a lot!

Being honest and up front with people the only way to go. It saves so much confusion and heartache, and that is a very good thing!!

 

[Micaiah]

A bit of advice from someone who is down the track a little. Good looks are only skin deep as the saying goes. Unfortunately blokes often follow their instincts and not their heads in this matter.

Try to cultivate your character. A fella that is worth having is one who recognises the inward Christian beauty of a woman, rather than simply what is on the outside. I can promise you that at the end of the day, when you are travelling along the high seas of life, your spouses true worth will soon become evident.

Incidentally, the same applies to men and women, attractive or unattractive.

With the high rate of divorce in our western society, I wonder how long it will be before we begin to really value the qualities in a person that make for a lasting relationships.

I'd be interested in suggestions on those qualities.

 

[brettnolan]

Mic,

I agree with you to a point. The girls that I have had the closest relationships with, including my ex-wife, were all beautiful but their character left something to be desired. Being older and more spiritually grounded, I have been able to look past the immediate exterior and find myself attracted to girls that I probably wouldn't have been 2 or 3 years ago. Unforunately, for me, most of these girls are married.

However, 2 points...Women who are in similar situations to me as far as age, marital status, children, etc. so far, don't seem to have adopted a similar view. And second, there is still a point at which I'm not attracted at all, physically. I work with a girl who is the perfect example of this. She is a gorgeous person on the inside, but there are just too many exterior hurdles to jump. I know that sounds horrible, but as we've said that honesty is the only way to go, there it is. I know from recent experiences that women feel exactly the same way, if not more so.

 

[danielb]

Being honest and up front with people the only way to go. It saves so much confusion and heartache, and that is a very good thing!!

I totally agree with you and the other poster (sorry forgot your name!) about this, rejection is not good. How you reject someone can be as important as how you accept them (well to them anyway).

Being honest with each other is so important I don't think it can be stated enough!

DanielB

PS: And the being subtle about liking a guy is usually a bad idea as we are pretty bad at recognising subtle hints usually. I know this to my cost...

 

[Wide-eyedWithWonder]

Wow, it was so sad to read all the posts from y'all who don't have confidence around other people, especially the opposite sex. The thing is, I can relate so much to this, or I used to, at least. Don't believe that this is a permanent thing, because it's not. I am so thankful to God, strong Christians, and even psychology for helping me to see that I'm not that weird and it's possible for me to have awesome relationships with other people. Never give up! Most of your feelings and thoughts are probably irrational and can be fixed! I pray that y'all may know the joy of being free of this bondage to shyness/low self-confidence.
~Candace~
P.S. It's funny, I used to be very judgmental of appearances, but now I'm not. One of my guy friends is interested in dating me, and he's balding and a bit chubby. I now see people in terms of character and personality, so I don't care that much about his appearance. The whole world isn't obsessed with looks!

 

[brettnolan]

Wow, it was so sad to read all the posts from y'all who don't have confidence around other people, especially the opposite sex. The thing is, I can relate so much to this, or I used to, at least. Don't believe that this is a permanent thing, because it's not.

Easy to say when you're 20.