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Do guys get scared away?

Discussion in 'Singles (only*)' started by mbotz72, Jan 2, 2004.

  1. mbotz72

    mbotz72 mbotz72

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    I have been wondering about this for a while, but haven't really reached a conclusion that makes sense. Do guys get scared away from girls because they think they are too good for them? I know I automatically throw some options out the window because I see them as too good for me. They already have multiple girls that like them, they are too good-looking to ever like someone like me, they are way more talented than me to even notice me. I pray that I will not undermine myself and abilities and get scared off by such crazy things. Those guys that are Christian, smart, good-looking, athletic, genuine, and loving.... sweet, but wait, I can't have him because he is the guy every other girl wants it seems like, so I better run, I am not good enough for him. Hence, an opportunity is lost. Do guys think this way? or more arrogant, confident, looks more important?
     
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  2. Koop

    Koop New Member

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    If they are Christian, loving and all that, then you souldn't worry. They would be more concerned about God's will than what a woman looks like or what her talents are. I know I am, and I'd like to think i'm at least some of those things. I would encourage you to not worry about feeling inadiquit for any man, becuase you should be here to please God not a man. When the right guy comes around it certainly won't be a problem. I'm not sure about other guys, but I never look at a woman and think to myself, "dang I could do better than that."
     
  3. Durelen

    Durelen +|-|3

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    Naaaahhh… that’s more of a typical thought with women. I mean really, I’ve heard that a lot. They are surprised I would spend time with them because they feel their looks (mainly) are not up to some level or standard I have. I think women often use such standards when they consider whether or not a man is fit for them (by looks at first) so they use the same standardization presuming a certain man would not be interested in them.

    Myself, I think visual stereotyping will often only lead to disappointment really. And unfortunately I’ve met women that look great to me but are just so obsessed with looks it becomes a turn off to me. They don’t relax and often complain about some aspect of their looks constantly. And I'm talking about any woman. I guess if they sit around and stair at glamour magazines there will be some negative effect. Women are just so constantly bombarded with these Hollywood set standards (that are not real) no wonder they seem to be getting even more obsessive.

    But really they don’t scare me much, it’s the ones that say (serious) “I’m called to be a pastors wife, are you going to be a pastor some day?” or general disappointing looks concerning career paths or what not. But that’s not so common really. If they don’t like what I do I just impress them by picking up a very heavy object and grin [​IMG] lol. Just let God lead and don’t worry ;)
     
  4. Injured Soldier

    Injured Soldier Senior Member

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    Question is, if none of the other girls wanted him, would you notice this hypothetical smart, good-looking, athletic, genuine, loving, sweet Christian boy? No girls notice me, even though my mum says I'm the handsomest, most brilliant boy in my school. :D

    Seriously, I have to admit I would be kinda intimided by a pretty girl, which is why I'm so reserved in this post in front of mbotz72. :blush: But that's just my insecurity, most boys aren't like me. Most guys know that regardless of looks, a girl is going to have a few gentlemen callers to choose from (of course depending on the timing, and whether she knows the guys like her is a different story), but at the same time she is going to reject some because of personal preference issues, and other guys she is after are going to ignore her. After knowing all this, most guys will chase after the girl they like, regardless of the competition, although using confidence, ego and insider information is not out of most guy's reach. And the rest will risk it sooner or later.
     
  5. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

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    My whole life i've never been noticed by any guy, much less a Christian one. When I became a Christian in my teens, all the good,Christian guys would want to be with the good looking girls even if their faith wasn't that serious(like the girls that would go and cut someone down and then attend Christian things but not really be into it). And college guys were much the same in my experience. People would tell me "oh they are just intimidated by you cause you are pretty/good/shy/etc..." But i really don't think that's true. I just don't know, so I decided to stop worring about it. I mean if a guy doesn't want me for who i am then I don't want to be with him. If i'm too good or not good enough, then i dont think i would be comfortable to be myself. It's sort of frustrating,
     
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  6. looksgood

    looksgood Veteran

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    Yes us guys can be intimidated. I know I always am. But I think when us guys get to know who we are and what we are worth we will braven up. I have found my worth now, and am going to go ask a girl I have known all my life out. She is amazingly looking, smart, and best of all...a real christian. The odds that she will be discusted by me because of the way I look are high. But now that I know my worth I relise that if she is like that, she is not worth me.

    I am starting to think that a guy should have the courage to ask the girl out. And if he doesnt have it, he needs to find his worth and prepare himself before a relationship first.
     
  7. Apollonian

    Apollonian Anachronistic Philosopher

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    For me at least, it is more a matter of having some prompting to 'notice' a girl in such a capacity. I assume that by "scared away" you are referring to something like a dating relationship. In this sense, I am not so much "scared away" as oblivious to the fact that you have any interest in me. Guys don't take subtle hints - they have to be overtly subtle hints, if you get my drift, wink wink nudge nudge (ok, so that was ironically confusing, but I still think you get the point).

    It is a travesty if people run away without even effectively hinting at such things. Self-image is trouble enough, worrying how your self-image matches with others is a horrible ordeal. More often than not, your self-image is not as good as the image that other people see of you (and also, someone's image is often not nearly as good as the image that they think of themselves).
     
  8. Xen_Antares

    Xen_Antares Senior Member

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    I can answer this question as yes, yes I get very terrified. I am not afraid of much in life, however I fear rejection. I see a girl I think is pretty, I think of all the reasons why she wouldnt go out with me. Im not exactly the best looking guy in the world, Im going bald, I am not the smartest person, I subscribe to the theory better to have people think Im a fool than to open my stupid trap and remove all doubt. I am not all the muscular, in fact I am very skinny, I eat healthy, I get exercise, I just have a body that is nothing more than skin covering a skeleton. So I ask what do I got that a good looking girl would possibly want?

    I did finally work up the courage to ask my ex out, but in the end she rejected me, and without reason, she couldnt tell me why. I had another ex who swore she wouldnt have sex until marriage sleep with a friend of hers and dumped me over it. This after her previous boyfriend was cheating on her and she thought him to be the biggest jerk alive, then she tells me if she had it to do all over again, she wouldnt change a thing. I guess my problem is self confidence, Im not what girls dream over and my past experience with girls doesnt help me. Although I really desire to have someone in my life, I pretty much know that she'll only reject me in the end, and my self confidence will be even lower than what it is now. So yes, I understand and feel the same things.
     
  9. ummidrinkcherrycoke

    ummidrinkcherrycoke cool like fonzie

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    All christian women intimidate me or most anyway. I actually had a thread on the same topic in this forum about a month ago. I find that I'm not good enough for most Christian women so I decide not to pursue them at all. Another problem of mine is that I'm not into competition when it comes to relationships so if I'm interested in a woman thats being pursued by other guys I'll usually just let it go.
     
  10. Xen_Antares

    Xen_Antares Senior Member

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    I hear that! Especially if the other guy is somewhat decent and would treat her right. I may be more willing to step in if I knew he was only after a piece of tail. Unfortunatley the last time I tried that I lost the girls friendship until after she slept with him and he dumped her, he only wanted her virginity and I knew it. :(
     
  11. 72_Chev_Truck

    72_Chev_Truck Cookie Monster

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    I would have to say I'm almost the same in this area. Im pretty outgoing i would say, and dont know how attractive I am but apparently im decent according to the posts about my pic on this site. It seems like I attract all the wrong girls if any at all. If they are christian then i fear judgement from them. Oh well, just go for the gold and never look back.
     
  12. Stanfi

    Stanfi Senior Veteran

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    Due to my past experiences, it seems if I like a girl, then they don't like me, and vice versa. So, if I do meet one that I do like, then I do get intimidated. Also, I will agree with the above posters. If I am a "compitition" situation, and know it, then I will usually just walk away, because I never seem to win those.

    We have always heard the expression "The bottom of the barrell". Sometimes I think I am what is down there. I am the rust and crud that is stuck to the bottom.

    How is that for a self image picture?

    *mrstace drops head, and slowly walks off dragging feet*

    Actually on a more realistic note, this just goes to show you that when you do meet someone that you like, and they actually are willing to give you the time of day. That just shows you how special they really are, and we should treat them accordingly. In other words, gotta have some bad apples, to appreciate a good one.
     
  13. mina

    mina Brown Eyed girl

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    guys aren't the only ones that feel like the bottom of the barrell, I feel like that often.
     
  14. SpiritSabre421

    SpiritSabre421 New Member

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    mbotz72...in response to your post. I have actually had guys tell me that my confidence in myself (not conceit) is an actual turn off to them. What I've been told by guys doesn't change how I view myself...and my confidence is still high and will always remain high. I've had several guys tell me that I am too good for them. And I have also thought that guys are too good for me. It's just one of those outside impressions we get from the opposite sex. Then there are those guys that just give up because they see me with other guys. I just tend to have more guy friends than girl friends so naturally those I hang out with are my friends and happen to be male. So guys just assume that there is something more than just friendship between us. I think that it goes both ways....guys and girls get scared off by the opposite sex for one reason or another. And most of the time it happens before one person even gets to know much of anything about the other person. The bad in life just makes the good seem that much sweeter. So when the good comes along...enjoy it...relish it that much more!!!
     
  15. Stanfi

    Stanfi Senior Veteran

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    Uh, Chevy... they said you were decent?.. Oh.... ell, all they said about me was that I look "familar" and "pensive", hump!. well.
     
  16. Xen_Antares

    Xen_Antares Senior Member

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    he. Thats why I wont post my picture, I dont want to be told that I remind them of the backside of their dog
     
  17. oworm

    oworm Veteran

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    This whole generation seems obsessed with looks. I know they play a part but i just cant help feeling that character,personality,temprement, etc are so much more important. Looks fade with age but everything else remains.
     
  18. Garcookie

    Garcookie New Member

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  19. Xen_Antares

    Xen_Antares Senior Member

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    Youre right of course, I say what I do because I have been judged often on my looks. If Im in competition with another guy for a girl, I'll bow out because I always end up losing. It seems girls like those type of guys who will beat them and make them feel worthless cause they are good looking. :( I guess most people have to learn the hard way.

    I have the same problem, I blush way to easily, even if Im not emberraced, it makes me extremly mad because people always point it out and laugh at me about it. Its not laughing with me either, its laughing at me.


    Again I can relate.
     
  20. atoborch

    atoborch New Member

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    pershaps its becuase i have no fear, or maybe it is the lack of shame or dignity(many of my brothers you tell you that it has been sold to the lowest bidder), personaly i think it the latter, the fact that i have balls the size of coconuts, i never see any woman as to good for me, more that if she is unwilling to take a chance with me then she is not good enough for me, becuase in order for any realtionship to work, regardless of what from that realtionship is going to take, both parties have to have enough guts to take that chance or inital step, if one person does not then that is their faiuler not mine, but that is just my 2.5 cents
     
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