Dismiss Notice

Welcome to Christian Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
  • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
  • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting after you have posted 20 posts and have received 5 likes.
  • Access to private conversations with other members.

We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

DNA testing a toothbrush

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by savitri, Aug 20, 2009.

  1. savitri

    savitri Newbie

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian
    I feel ridiculous even considering this. I read this forum often and know there are lots of you out there with sound advice on this. Last fall when my husband and I were having marital problems I found a pink toothbrush in his shaving bag. ( He works away from home) He claims it came in pack of two and one happened to be pink. I had actually forgot about it till the other day when I found it in my linen closet. I knew it was there....had just forgotten about it. Anyway....I found it again, happened to look at it and it is used....by whom is my question. I can have it DNA tested to find out if it was only used by my husband. I want to but realize it would only make me feel worse if the results were not in my husbands favor. Can anyone talk me out of this???
     
  2. Have it tested. You don't believe your husbands explanation and it's playing on your mind enough for you to ask others about it. At least that way you will know for sure. If it comes back innocent, you can forget the whole thing and know that your husband is trustworthy in what he says. If it comes back as someone elses, then at least you will know that he's not being honest with you and you can decide how to deal with that should it be the outcome.
     
  3. why buy a pack of two anyway? that wouldnt make sense to me...if i were buying myself a toothbrush while away i'd only buy 1??
     
  4. bliz

    bliz Contributor

    Messages:
    9,393
    Likes Received:
    488
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    Whoa! There are lots of reasons why someione might by a two pack of toothbrushes:

    that's all the store sold (remember, he's traveling on business)
    it was cheaper, and he figured he's use it eventually
    the brand he liked only came in 2 packs

    for starters.

    Throw the toothbrush away.
     
  5. all good points, but it's better to eliminate suspicion than ignore it.
     
  6. myanchor

    myanchor Regular Member

    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Private
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    If is is eating you up inside go for it. But do be sure to, if it comes back with just him on it, to let him know how you were feeling. Sometimes your gut is right, sometimes wrong. But however it comes out, do not confront (if someone else's DNA is on there) or tell him of how you felt (if it's just him) when it is just you two. Do it in front of a christian counselor so there will be 1. A witness, and 2. Someone to help direct the conversation and healing that will have to go on.
     
  7. Macx

    Macx New Member

    Messages:
    5,485
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Private
    Politics:
    US-Libertarian
    Faith:
    Anglican
    1. A huge percentage of men are to some degree color vision impaired. A huge percetage of men don't care too much about what color hygeine products are.

    2. You can only test to see if he used it. If it comes back as someone else, you won't know if it was a prostitute or his buddy Tom that he went drinking with and Tom crashed in the same hotel room so he wouldn't get a DUI on the way home.

    3. DNA from a toothbrush? The "skin of your teeth" isn't really literal. A toothbrush used for months maybe might pick some gum tissue up, but a toothbrush used once or twice it is doubtful it'll have a useful sample on it. Think about it, you rinse your toothbrush after you use it right? It isn't like a hairbrush that tends to collect sample.

    4. If he is up to no good, when you confronted him about the toothbrush the first time, you essentially told him he needs to clean the evidence. If he is remotely cautious he has probably boiled the brush and then used it himself.

    My conclusion is that the pink toothbrush is tainted evidence at best. Too little, too late. If you are going to catch your husband in something, you should focus on something that actually might lead to some conclusion.
     
  8. Conservativation

    Conservativation New Member

    Messages:
    11,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    IF you test this toothbrush, and it comes back his, or even inconclusive....know this, lacking anything else, and by something else I mean something other than this very easily explained thing (I always buy 2 toothbrushes, mine come in 2's and I change every couple months)....I suggest you face an uncomfortable fact....maybe you have a suspicion or jealousy issue you need to deal with. Then you need to deal with it.

    This cuts 2 ways. IF he did something, he faces it. If he didnt YOU face it. Just tossing it and feeling relieved will not stop you the next time he is 5 minutes late or something thinking the worst.

    I say all this with no background other than this post...so forgive me if there is a long chain of freaky coincidences and ladies undergarments in his briefcase and such
     
  9. savitri

    savitri Newbie

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian
    As a Christian I feel like getting the toothbrush tested is wrong and I should trust try to trust my husband again. I haven't thrown it away yet though.
    Things are going okay with my husband and I now I hate to put yet another dent in our marriage by dragging all this up again.
    I am growing to resent him for all the lies he has told me.
    Thank you to those who responded, very interesting points from everyone.
     
  10. are you unable to discuss your feelings with him?
     
  11. savitri

    savitri Newbie

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian
    I have a very difficult time to express my feeling to him. EVen if the DNA test came back and showed it wasn't his toothbrush I question whether I would even bring it up to him. I do not want to fight anymore. I have been through a year of fighting, I just want to trust him but how?
    I keep my feelings to myself most of the time for fear of pushing him away. No way to have a marriage, I know. I have thought of counselling but then I feel God should be my counselor.
     
  12. you are correct, that is definitely no way to have a marriage, God IS your counsellor, His word tell us that counsellor is one of his names, but he requires courage and a love for the truth, because without truth we are not of Him
    it sounds like you know there's a problem but don't know where to start or if even to start or fear of losing your husband? would that be right?
     
  13. joyful11

    joyful11 Veteran

    Messages:
    968
    Likes Received:
    8
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Christian
    You know my situation from my thread. I just wanted to say......you will trust him when he builds trust with you. As I've learned recently, I can't make myself trust him. I can't trust him by checking up on him. I will trust my husband again when he willingly offers transparency and begins caring for my heart. It's so hard....I know.
     
  14. myanchor

    myanchor Regular Member

    Messages:
    898
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Private
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    Hmph, God is our couselor, but He also says in proverbs in many counselors there is wisdom. Trained Christian counselors can give you great tools, and they can be there to help you both deal with stuff that is really sensitive and could cause a fight if there wasn't a mediator there. So, GO to counseling, even if your hubbie doesn't. Learn new things.
     
  15. savitri

    savitri Newbie

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian
    I threw the toothbrush away.....sigh
     
  16. savitri

    savitri Newbie

    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    0
    Faith:
    Christian
    not really....I go back and forth between wondering if I am just being naive and not wanting to face what could be the truth to I did the right thing.
    I am so angry all the time. Angry for the dent he has caused in our marriage, angry for the way I handled everything, angry that I can't talk to my husband about it.
    I am seriously considering marriage counselling.....is it right to go to counselling and not tell my husband?
     
  17. it is right to get some help for yourself. if you feel that you can't tell him then still go, and maybe you will get strong enough from going to tell him later that you have been going?
    if you are in a position that you cant even talk to him about needing counselling then something is for sure wrong.
    he may choose to go with you
    being angry all the time is a sure sign that you have unresolved built up feelings, and the freedom to talk to someone confidentially about it may help you to release some of that anger so you can see things clearer and from a healthier perspective.
     
  18. taku60

    taku60 New Member

    Messages:
    461
    Likes Received:
    0
    Marital Status:
    Married
    Faith:
    Non-Denominational
    what exactly are these "marital problems" do you give him a reason that he might cheat? If he is happy im not sure why he would want to cheat on you unless he is just a scum bag, but I would hope you would choose not to marry an outright scum bag.
     
  19. men don't need a reason to cheat..just an excuse!!
     
Loading...