divorce and remarriage.

[mikedsjr]

I have a question that enters into the land of controversy, but I seek an answer from those with familiar belief and knowledge of this area. I've tried since my teen years to grasp this without discussing it because it's such a hot button. I don't know the answer to this so I wanted to get some feedback. My question is coming from the foundation divorce and remarriage, apart from adultery is a sin.

If a person has divorced and remarried in un-biblically, how does the church handle this? Also, if the person ever acknowledged this sin what should the person do? It seems as though there is a lot of situations where this can end terribly bad due to the sin.

 

[Bluelion]

Divorce is never what God intended as Jesus tells us but He gave a way out like Moses saying except by adultery. Now adultery is looking at a woman or for women men with lust. I think Just about all marriages qualify for divorce on these grounds. But we should be true to God and keep are vows we took before Him. The church should do everything in its power to save a marriage. But i don't think they should try to stop or call out a person for remarrying. Certain marriages should be stop, such as marring your brothers wife before he is dead, or you step mother your dad wife. But truly I think all marriages qualify for divorce but this was not as God intended so the person is going against God's will. That is a powerful thing to say and nothing I want to do. i pray about my marriage I ask God to protect it. I think we need to treat marriage as the most beautiful thing on earth. It is also hell on the kids(divorce). just my two cents

 

[John Robie]

I have a question that enters into the land of controversy, but I seek an answer from those with familiar belief and knowledge of this area. I've tried since my teen years to grasp this without discussing it because it's such a hot button. I don't know the answer to this so I wanted to get some feedback. My question is coming from the foundation divorce and remarriage, apart from adultery is a sin.

If a person has divorced and remarried in un-biblically, how does the church handle this? Also, if the person ever acknowledged this sin what should the person do? It seems as though there is a lot of situations where this can end terribly bad due to the sin.

I think it should be treated like any other known sin. If there's no repentance, church discipline should be administered. If they are repentant, then life moves on. What you don't want to happen is for a second divorce so that the first marriage can be restored. That's just another wrong. Imo.

 

[twin1954]

The Gospel is about forgiveness. What people did as unbelievers must be looked at as though it is forgiven. Now as believers divorce should never happen but it often does. The reason for that is that the truth of marriage picturing Christ and His bride is rarely taught or preached. Our western culture is so self focused and divorce such and easy out that many take it when trouble comes. But, as I said the Gospel is about forgiveness. We ought to never condone divorce but we must often forgive it.

 

[98cwitr]

Divorce is awful, but it's the remarriage part that really does me in (Scripturally and from personal experience). My parents divorced when I was 4, and it was hard for me...but I was able to maintain until my mom started seeing someone else. Things got really difficult then for me.

I promised myself, that if my wife and I ever did divorce, I wouldn't remarry. If I did, that seems like I would really be breaking the vows I have made to God.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Divorce is awful, but it's the remarriage part that really does me in (Scripturally and from personal experience). My parents divorced when I was 4, and it was hard for me...but I was able to maintain until my mom started seeing someone else. Things got really difficult then for me.

I promised myself, that if my wife and I ever did divorce, I wouldn't remarry. If I did, that seems like I would really be breaking the vows I have made to God.

Well, exactly.

And by God's grace, it's often ppl who think the way you do, who stay married.

 

[mikedsjr]

I appreciate the replies. I'm still attempting to wrap my head around this.

Twin, i agree it should be forgiven. The problem is multifaceted. Is the church condoning of such divorces and remarriage by allowing them to stay in their church? Can their truly be repentance if they stay in the relationship when Scripture calls it adultery? Is the church to apply forgiveness to other relationships and let them remain as is, even if there are children in their family?

 

[98cwitr]

Well, exactly.

And by God's grace, it's often ppl who think the way you do, who stay married.

What God has brought together let no one separate! Including ourselves!

 

[98cwitr]

I appreciate the replies. I'm still attempting to wrap my head around this.

Twin, i agree it should be forgiven. The problem is multifaceted. Is the church condoning of such divorces and remarriage by allowing them to stay in their church? Can their truly be repentance if they stay in the relationship when Scripture calls it adultery? Is the church to apply forgiveness to other relationships and let them remain as is, even if there are children in their family?

As far as the church is concerned, I don't think a pastor should agree to perform a marriage between people who are divorced (either party), but I don't think they should be asked to leave if they are remarried either. The whole "expel the immoral brother" scenario comes to mind, where in 2 Cor. Paul says forgive him and let him back in.

 

[faroukfarouk]

As far as the church is concerned, I don't think a pastor should agree to perform a marriage between people who are divorced (either party), but I don't think they should be asked to leave if they are remarried either. The whole "expel the immoral brother" scenario comes to mind, where in 2 Cor. Paul says forgive him and let him back in.

Forgiveness and repentance go hand in hand; there is not one without the other. If ppl lock themselves into a situation where they cannot undo what they have done, it's easy for them to say they 'repent', but it's hard to see how they can forsake the sin.

 

[98cwitr]

I understand and agree to the point that they really can't repent unless, well, I guess divorce again right? Who should they repent to though? God? The church? Their ex-spouse? Their current spouse? Can/will the church forgive someone that doesn't repent?

 

[faroukfarouk]

I understand and agree to the point that they really can't repent unless, well, I guess divorce again right? Who should they repent to though? God? The church? Their ex-spouse? Their current spouse? Can/will the church forgive someone that doesn't repent?

As I understand it, repentance is first and foremost an inward and spiritual matter Godward, which then manifests itself outwardly by practical results. Romans 2 is Paul's great treatise on repentance. The word in Greek, METANOIA, refers to a turning, both a turning from sin and a turning to God in faith.

Contrast this with a man, say, who dumps his wife to the great disapproval of a local church, and who persists in this Godless attitude, then suddenly marries a P.Y.T. and immediately announces that he has 'repented', and now wishes to come back to the local church's fellowship. One can at least credit the wife dumper with having a savvy sense of timing to announce his 'repentance' at a time when his wife dumping and remarriage actions cannot be undone.

 

[OGM]

Say a person marries at age 20. Let's say the spouse cheats on them at age 25, divorces and marries the new lover. Now let's say both of the original parties live until 85. The original innocent spouse will have to remain single for at least 60 years. That is why marriage can be extremely risky in the first place.

 

[twin1954]

I appreciate the replies. I'm still attempting to wrap my head around this.

Twin, i agree it should be forgiven. The problem is multifaceted. Is the church condoning of such divorces and remarriage by allowing them to stay in their church? Can their truly be repentance if they stay in the relationship when Scripture calls it adultery? Is the church to apply forgiveness to other relationships and let them remain as is, even if there are children in their family?

In all honesty I am the only one of my living brother or sisters who has never been divorced. I have been married to the same woman for 43 years. We have gone through many difficult times, all my fault by the way, but we both recognize that marriage isn't about happiness but about commitment. Of course that fact that I love her more today than I did when I married her because she "stuck it out" when she could have easily divorced me makes no difference.

But I do have to ask the question: Which sin has the Lord not forgiven His people? Did He not know everything that have done, are doing and will do? Repentance was never a requirement of salvation as though it is salvation. The legalist makes it to be salvation but the Scriptures never do. Committing two wrongs to make a right is not possible. We must simply look at fellow believers as we do ourselves; weak and full of sin yet forgiven because of the blood of the Lamb. Oh that we could look at our brothers and sisters as does the Lord.

 

[twin1954]

As I understand it, repentance is first and foremost an inward and spiritual matter Godward, which then manifests itself outwardly by practical results. Romans 2 is Paul's great treatise on repentance. The word in Greek, METANOIA, refers to a turning, both a turning from sin and a turning to God in faith.

Contrast this with a man, say, who dumps his wife to the great disapproval of a local church, and who persists in this Godless attitude, then suddenly marries a P.Y.T. and immediately announces that he has 'repented', and now wishes to come back to the local church's fellowship. One can at least credit the wife dumper with having a savvy sense of timing to announce his 'repentance' at a time when his wife dumping and remarriage actions cannot be undone.

When we can actually see into the heart of a person then we have the right to make such a judgment. Until then we must take them at their word and trust the Lord to do what is right. We are never told to examine each other we are told to examine ourselves whether we are in the faith.

 

[twin1954]

Say a person marries at age 20. Let's say the spouse cheats on them at age 25, divorces and marries the new lover. Now let's say both of the original parties live until 85. The original innocent spouse will have to remain single for at least 60 years. That is why marriage can be extremely risky in the first place.

Marriage isn't risky it is a commitment. I was married at 18 and was not faithful to my wife after the newness wore off. But she was committed to our marriage and by her example I was committed to it as well. Then the Lord saved me and our commitment strengthened.

The truth is that one should never get married until they can be committed. That is what is needed to be taught instead of how to be a good husband or wife. Christ committed Himself to us and the picture of marriage is just a small part of that truth. It is better to be single and burn with lust than to marry without the commitment necessary for marriage.

The fact is that the lust will not diminish and the marriage will be a constant turmoil if commitment isn't there.

As to living 60 years single: do you not think that the Lord can give grace to help in time of need?

 

[mikedsjr]

In all honesty I am the only one of my living brother or sisters who has never been divorced. I have been married to the same woman for 43 years. We have gone through many difficult times, all my fault by the way, but we both recognize that marriage isn't about happiness but about commitment. Of course that fact that I love her more today than I did when I married her because she "stuck it out" when she could have easily divorced me makes no difference.

But I do have to ask the question: Which sin has the Lord not forgiven His people? Did He not now everything that have done, are doing and will do? Repentance was never a requirement of salvation as though it is salvation. The legalist makes it to be salvation but the Scriptures never do. Committing two wrongs to make a right is not possible. We must simply look at fellow believers as we do ourselves; weak and full of sin yet forgiven because of the blood of the Lamb. Oh that we could look at our brothers and sister as does the Lord.

I guess based on your statement, my question would be asking, is the divorce of the second marriage really a divorce in the eyes of God, or does God see it as adulterous relationship we humans want to classify as a legitimate true marriage. I thought we Christians live by a different standard, not by the civil law.

 

[Bluelion]

Divorce is awful, but it's the remarriage part that really does me in (Scripturally and from personal experience). My parents divorced when I was 4, and it was hard for me...but I was able to maintain until my mom started seeing someone else. Things got really difficult then for me.

I promised myself, that if my wife and I ever did divorce, I wouldn't remarry. If I did, that seems like I would really be breaking the vows I have made to God.

but you forget the part you force her to commit adultery.

 

[OGM]

Marriage isn't risky it is a commitment. I was married at 18 and was not faithful to my wife after the newness wore off. But she was committed to our marriage and by her example I was committed to it as well. Then the Lord saved me and our commitment strengthened.

The truth is that one should never get married until they can be committed. That is what is needed to be taught instead of how to be a good husband or wife. Christ committed Himself to us and the picture of marriage is just a small part of that truth. It is better to be single and burn with lust than to marry without the commitment necessary for marriage.

The fact is that the lust will not diminish and the marriage will be a constant turmoil if commitment isn't there.

As to living 60 years single: do you not think that the Lord can give grace to help in time of need?

Remember...the commitment can be there...but one of them may backslide years later. You maybe divorced against your will. Happens all too frequently unfortunately.

 

[Job8]

If a person has divorced and remarried in un-biblically, how does the church handle this? Also, if the person ever acknowledged this sin what should the person do? It seems as though there is a lot of situations where this can end terribly bad due to the sin.

If unconverted people were divorced and remarried, then all their sins have been forgiven when they repented and received Christ as Lord and Savior. If there are saved church members who know Bible truth and go against it, then the elders of the church must deal with them as they see fit. There could be many different scenarios, but if the shepherds are doing their work as they should, then they should also be able to deal with these issues. The main thing is to be preaching and teaching the biblical principles of marriage to Christians from the Bible.