Disagreement with your Pastor

[sanctified112]

I don't know where else to post this but I'm needing prayers and looking for answers regarding this. I understand the importance of authority and how we need to follow those God has placed to watch over the flock but I'm just very discouraged right now. There's a huge mental block and I've stepped down from ministry because of some disagreements I have.

The disagreements I have are not necessarily theological and he's not in sin (at least carnal) but maybe along the lines of pride. We're an independent church so we have no other leaders to talk to and there's no real accountability. It's basically his way or the highway. Several family already have left but I really don't want to uproot my family and have invested so much in terms of relationships in the church.

There's a growing sentiment on how things can be improved such as networking with people or other churchs but he wants everything to be funneled primarily through the church or his scope of people he knows or are comfortable with.

There are those that are spiritually mature have some disagreements as well along with other members. No one really want to approach him despite his open door policy. Perhaps people are too scared to confront him behind closed doors.

I desire unity but how is it possible in the midst of disagreements in the body? As mentioned earlier i don't want to leave but it's increasingly getting difficult where it seemingly has affected my relationship with the pastor and killed the joy of going to church. Im at a crossroads and wonder if leaving would be the best thing to do or does God have me there for a reason and should I just stick it out?

 

[walkinginthelightnow]

"if any man's work shall be burned up, he shall suffer loss but he himself shall be saved, so as by fire."

Sometimes leaders may have certain personalities that we might not agree with. While they still hold the foundation of truth in place...they build up stubble that will be burned by God's fire.

No one is perfect. If he has minor quirks, pray to God about it and continue on serving the Lord there. If it's major...then you must leave. If it's false teachings etc...then that can warrant you and your family to leave. But sometimes the level of understanding a person has can be immature. If they are willing to grow in the Lord, then God will increase the understanding and knowledge of truth.

 

[iambren]

It's hard to buck against strong Christian leaders,especially if there is no board to hold them in check. In my case it was a board were HE selected the members. The pastor made strong statements of where the church was going (building,buying land,etc) that I felt no witness in my heart so I left. Yes,that set me to wandering for a while but other hings opened up that in hindsight expanded my views and operation in the Church.

It's a forgotten concept but we ALL are members of the Priesthood of Believers and none of us owns the church nor are we to "lord over others" to oppress and kill the love of the Spirit among brothers. I am very leery of the superstars in Christendom.

 

[Scottmcc1]

Is there an emphasis in the church to make disciples?

Discouraged.
Mental block.
Stepped down from ministry.

Unity with disagreements.
Joy of going to church killed.
Relationship with the Pastor.

God's will to leave or not?

In all the areas you have stated, (that I have listed above) look to Jesus and rejoice in faith as you live them out. Make a decision to rejoice.

Philippians 2:1-4
Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Live out this passage of Scripture.

Encourage others in Christ.
Show love to others.
Share with others what Christ is doing in your life.
Show others you care about them.
Have the same mind with church leadership. Which should be making disciples.
Keep your love for leadership and the rest of the people there.
Put others ahead of yourself. Look out for the interest of others.

James 3:13-18
13 Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Don't give the enemy an opportunity in your life.
Truth can be shown.
Righteousness is sown in peace.

From living out these 2 passages of Scripture you will see clearly.

 

[tturt]

Only Yahweh can only answer your question about where to go to church. We fasted, prayed, asked Yahweh to remove any forgiveness, etc.

 

[dragongunner]

Been down that road also. I was very close to my pastor, like a best friend for many years. It was very difficult to talk to him but I intreated him like a father, nothing changes but got worse, I never thought in a million years I would leave, but the Lord in a dream came to me and showed me how things were and going and what lay ahead, and I told my pastor who for the first time had to pause and say he would have to think about it and get back with me……he never did and I ended up leaving and seeing in the end my church and pastor being swept away from a flood of tribulation. I can only encourage to seek Christ for your answer of leaving. If you leave without telling your pastor then shame on you. I boldly told my pastor when and why I was leaving, and he thanked me saying I was the only one ever who had came and told him they were leaving. People I saw leaving without ever saying good bye were in IMHO those who had problems and were leaving for the wrong reason….I had peace with God and so why be afraid?

 

[ByTheSpirit]

I had a similar situation where I was in ministry and the Pastor said some things about me and my wife. I left after some prayer. God will lead you the correct way. Do not be afraid of a pastor, listen to the Spirit.

 

[pdudgeon]

I don't know where else to post this but I'm needing prayers and looking for answers regarding this. I understand the importance of authority and how we need to follow those God has placed to watch over the flock but I'm just very discouraged right now. There's a huge mental block and I've stepped down from ministry because of some disagreements I have.

The disagreements I have are not necessarily theological and he's not in sin (at least carnal) but maybe along the lines of pride. We're an independent church so we have no other leaders to talk to and there's no real accountability. It's basically his way or the highway. Several family already have left but I really don't want to uproot my family and have invested so much in terms of relationships in the church.

There's a growing sentiment on how things can be improved such as networking with people or other churchs but he wants everything to be funneled primarily through the church or his scope of people he knows or are comfortable with.

There are those that are spiritually mature have some disagreements as well along with other members. No one really want to approach him despite his open door policy. Perhaps people are too scared to confront him behind closed doors.

I desire unity but how is it possible in the midst of disagreements in the body? As mentioned earlier i don't want to leave but it's increasingly getting difficult where it seemingly has affected my relationship with the pastor and killed the joy of going to church. Im at a crossroads and wonder if leaving would be the best thing to do or does God have me there for a reason and should I just stick it out?

For the problem of pride there is only one answer--whose church is it?

If the answer is that it's his church, that's the wrong answer.

The church always belongs to God, and if your pastor has lost sight of that fact then you owe it to him as a brother in Christ to make him aware of that fact.

What he does about that problem will give you the answer as to whether to leave or to stay. If he recognizes that he's got his priorities mixed up, then stay beside him and support him while he sorts things out. But if he wants to brazen things out, then it's time to wish him well and leave.

 

[Bob Carabbio]

I don't know where else to post this but I'm needing prayers and looking for answers regarding this. I understand the importance of authority and how we need to follow those God has placed to watch over the flock but I'm just very discouraged right now. There's a huge mental block and I've stepped down from ministry because of some disagreements I have.

The disagreements I have are not necessarily theological and he's not in sin (at least carnal) but maybe along the lines of pride. We're an independent church so we have no other leaders to talk to and there's no real accountability. It's basically his way or the highway. Several family already have left but I really don't want to uproot my family and have invested so much in terms of relationships in the church.

There's a growing sentiment on how things can be improved such as networking with people or other churchs but he wants everything to be funneled primarily through the church or his scope of people he knows or are comfortable with.

There are those that are spiritually mature have some disagreements as well along with other members. No one really want to approach him despite his open door policy. Perhaps people are too scared to confront him behind closed doors.

I desire unity but how is it possible in the midst of disagreements in the body? As mentioned earlier i don't want to leave but it's increasingly getting difficult where it seemingly has affected my relationship with the pastor and killed the joy of going to church. Im at a crossroads and wonder if leaving would be the best thing to do or does God have me there for a reason and should I just stick it out?

Not an unusual situation, of course - I've "Moved on", and sometimes I've stayed - right now I'm Staying.

The "Ice Block" test is the key.

You can sit on a block of ice - as LONG as it's melting under you.

But when your posterior starts to freeze - it's time to move.

Simple as that.

But my posterior is getting a bit chilly -

 

[Scottmcc1]

Not an unusual situation, of course - I've "Moved on", and sometimes I've stayed - right now I'm Staying.

The "Ice Block" test is the key.

You can sit on a block of ice - as LONG as it's melting under you.

But when your posterior starts to freeze - it's time to move.

Simple as that.

But my posterior is getting a bit chilly -

Through the years I have learned to feed myself from God's word. I still get much food from the Sunday sermon. I use it as a menu to study. But if I don't get anything out of it at all, I am still blessed by being with the saints.

The key for me is what is God calling me to do.

The 4 IFs of Philippians 2:1 This is my test if I am to stay. Do I receive them or can I give these.

If there is any encouragement in Christ.
If there is any consolation of love.
If there is any fellowship of the Spirit.
If any affection and compassion.

Love will cover a multitude of sins. Not only to just ignore them, but also to bring repentance and restoration.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

there once was a church,

a normal kind of church,

in a city in sante fe new mexico, or within a thousand miles of there,

the pastor did pray, and the people did too,

and they prayed together like the woman who lived in a shoe,

and the ones who left, left in peace, no anger displayed,

they said "we don't agree", but cannot stay, and left peaceably, to this very day,

the remaining folk, the whole congregation, agreed totally, in union together,

remaining in prayer, like birds of a feather,

another few years, they stayed thus in prayer,

finding God's will, and always in prayer, in union with Jesus, their Master and Savior,

with peace they continued, in peace they remained,

and faithful to Jesus, their faith was sustained......

eventually (after years), they multiplied greatly,

but not a 'big church' , like men oft do vainly,

instead several meetings, in homes here and there,

in hundreds of places, their meetings and prayer,

in union in Savior, Messiah Yeshua,

their testimony faithful, their lives remained true,

and the Mighty Lord God, the Creator of All,

was glorified rightly, in the lives of all....

the main 'building' was given

back to the group that owned it,

the small groups continued, in faith were united, as one in Christ Jesus,

unanimous righted.

oh dissension did happen, as tendencies go,

but prayer helped unite them, as God let them know.

no, they did not agree, to disagree,

but prayed until all were convinced,

by divinity,

of God's Purpose and Plan, and they all followed Him,

as He tells His people to do, so they do,

and God gets the glory, always, in Christ Jesus,

through and through......

 

[Jethro99]

Every person makes a mistake sometimes. Every person is wrong sometimes. Of course, this didn't apply to Jesus.

But for everyone else - we mess up, we make mistakes, we are in the wrong sometimes. This applies to every human - 100% - bar none.

Since leaders are human - they are going to make mistakes too. Its a fault in a leader when they cannot admit when they make a mistake.

This applies to pastors too!

Leaders being unwilling to admit a mistake or an error in judgement is (unfortunately) an all too common thing.

A leader that cannot accept and admit that they are sometimes in the wrong simply because they are human is no leader to sit under.

 

[PRMan99]

God has led me as a prophet to correct a pastor on more than one occasion. I have left churches afterward more than once.

One time the pastor came back and told me I was right (and without coming out and saying it, that he was wrong). We're friends now and I helped him out when he did a one-night marriage conference at my church.

The other time the Board (of which I was the chairman) came to me and told me I was right and that they had fired the pastor (but not before we had left).

As another poster said, just listen to the spirit and you will be OK.

 

[sanctified112]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and input. I'm going over Philippians 2 and trying to make sense of it. I have to admit, I haven't been spending time with Jesus as I ought to and was thinking this contributed to my miserable state. I'm still at the same church but have been somewhat aloof. Please pray that He will make it crystal clear for me in which direction to take this is a very difficult situation for me right now. I really don't want to uproot my family as we have established close relationships with other people but my conscience is not clear.

 

[MissRowy]

I hope everything works out for you...God will work His wonders for you as He has for me

 

[jamadan]

I don't know where else to post this but I'm needing prayers and looking for answers regarding this. I understand the importance of authority and how we need to follow those God has placed to watch over the flock but I'm just very discouraged right now. There's a huge mental block and I've stepped down from ministry because of some disagreements I have.

The disagreements I have are not necessarily theological and he's not in sin (at least carnal) but maybe along the lines of pride. We're an independent church so we have no other leaders to talk to and there's no real accountability. It's basically his way or the highway. Several family already have left but I really don't want to uproot my family and have invested so much in terms of relationships in the church.

There's a growing sentiment on how things can be improved such as networking with people or other churchs but he wants everything to be funneled primarily through the church or his scope of people he knows or are comfortable with.

There are those that are spiritually mature have some disagreements as well along with other members. No one really want to approach him despite his open door policy. Perhaps people are too scared to confront him behind closed doors.

I desire unity but how is it possible in the midst of disagreements in the body? As mentioned earlier i don't want to leave but it's increasingly getting difficult where it seemingly has affected my relationship with the pastor and killed the joy of going to church. Im at a crossroads and wonder if leaving would be the best thing to do or does God have me there for a reason and should I just stick it out?

Nothing in what you posted indicates the pastor is doing anything wrong. Any leader can be 100% correct in what he/she is doing and never please more than 50% of those following. There's always disagreements and everyone always thinks they're right.

Think of it this way, if that pastor birthed that church, it really is his way or the highway. You joined that church because of things he said or did that you agreed with. Now, it sounds like you and some of your leaders should do what he asks and sit down with him and discuss your concerns and suggestions in a smaller, non-threatening meeting, maybe over dinner where you're blessing him at the same time and honoring him for all he's done over the years. Don't ask for an immediate decision. Just gently and respectfully make your case and ask him to pray about it. And then give him time to do just that. Don't expect instant change, sometimes it's a process. If after some period of time (6-12 months) you still feel like you can't submit to him as your pastor, then have another conversation gently letting him know it's time for you to move on. Keep it loving at all times.

Remember, a pastor can't help to take it personally when people disagree and walk away. To them, it's like being rejected by a best friend or family. The nature of a pastor usually means they want to be liked and agreed with. And conflict gets them defensive. Know that going into it.

 

[PRMan99]

"it really is his way or the highway"

No. It really isn't. It's God's way or I'm on my way.