Defeating Lust

[Pal Handy]

I do not want to offend anyone or start any kind of debate, so please, if what I say offends you, don't take it personally.

I have read most of the post in this thread and thus far I have not seen an answer for this young man that he has not either already concidered or attempted. Job made a convenat with his eyes. Job didn't live in a society that promoates woman wear no more than skimpy underwear as their only form of clothing and walking the halls and malls. So, this suggestion is not applicable. Paul said get married. Ha. That means finding the right woman, dating, engagement then marriage and THEN your problem is solved, in theory. Give your will over to God. Easy statement to write. Impossible for any man to do. Don't believe me? Find me a saved person who since they have been saved has not made one single choice that was not self motivated. Don't try. You will only be depressed when you can't even make it past the mirror.

OP, if you look at my info you will see that I have only started one thread. And in that thread you will read that I have fallen to the sins of lust of the eyes....more than once. I just found out today what will help me with this. Love. In my case the love of my wife. When I think of another woman I now get a pain in my heart. When I browse the net and come across a harmless site that has an advertisement with tempting women, I get a pain in my heart. The love of a woman is the only thing I can come up with that will block out the lust of the eyes. Now, "I don't have a wife" you say. I know. But you do have a mother. The love my wife showed me today was the kind of unconditional love a parent shows a child. I have four children. There is not a force on this earth that could make me forsake them. None. Your mother feels that way about you I'm sure, or at least, I pray she does. Look at a woman with lust in your eyes, then think of your mother sitting next to you. Imagine doing sinful things with that woman, then try to imagine your mother watching. It may sound contrite and too simple, but it's the only thing I can think of to help you that you yourself have not thought of and tried. Call your mother. Talk to her. Ask her to tell you the stories of all she gave up for you. All the pain she suffered for you. All the things she protected you from. Then put her face on one of the bodies of the woman you have lusted after. It'll stop you dead in your tracks. The closest thing a single man has to the love his wife will give him is the love of his mother.

I truly hope you overcome this demon. I failed, for so long. And now I carry the burden of raising two sons and two daughters. The idea of one of my sons looking and thinking as I have before makes me sick. The idea of some man looking at my daughters like I used to look at other mens daughters makes me shamed and angry. Please don't let yourself get to a point where you have the kind of cross to bare that I do. If you would like further communications, feel free to PM me.

Praying for you Brother.

Great advice...

I would add this to anyone struggling with any sin....
Don't beat yourself up...
God made a way for poor sinners like you and me to escape
what we all deserve and to find favor in the eyes of our God.

My sig line says it all...we are the righeousness of God in Christ.

I know it isn't easy to let go but God tells us to...

Who are we to hold God at arms length and say...your grace and
mercy isn't good enough for me.

When you fall you get up and run to God...

That's what all children do...

They do something that they know was wrong and then
they run back to the only source of love and
help they know.

You already know the whole "should God's
grace lead us to sin more" that Paul spoke of.

But there is also the desire of God that we would not cover ourselves
with our own ways of trying to atone for our sins and to expose
ourselves to Him, receive Christ's forgiveness and go on.

The relationship is crucial...
If we keep coming back to God and asking for His help,
He will help us change.

If we think we are alone and God is angry with us and we need to
get it together before God will want to have anything to do with us, we
have believed the lie and the devil will have placed a wedge between us
and our source of love and help.

God loves us absolutely.
God has joined Himself to you and I through the marriage of
His son to you the bride of Christ, all of the believers.

Is there anything you or I could do to make God love us anymore
that He loves us now in Christ?

Is there anything you or I could do to make God love us
any less than God loves us in Christ?

Christ is the answer....so call on Him and ask Him to do in your
life what you have been powerless to do on your own.

Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you....

 

[dewba]

wrong place.

 

[dewba]

Keep moving!

Jesus didn't have to struggle with lust, although we're aware that the Devil was always tempting him but since it's impossible to tempt God...he didn't have to worry about sinning.

 

[Blueforest]

I do not want to offend anyone or start any kind of debate, so please, if what I say offends you, don't take it personally.

I have read most of the post in this thread and thus far I have not seen an answer for this young man that he has not either already concidered or attempted. Job made a convenat with his eyes. Job didn't live in a society that promoates woman wear no more than skimpy underwear as their only form of clothing and walking the halls and malls. So, this suggestion is not applicable. Paul said get married. Ha. That means finding the right woman, dating, engagement then marriage and THEN your problem is solved, in theory. Give your will over to God. Easy statement to write. Impossible for any man to do. Don't believe me? Find me a saved person who since they have been saved has not made one single choice that was not self motivated. Don't try. You will only be depressed when you can't even make it past the mirror.

OP, if you look at my info you will see that I have only started one thread. And in that thread you will read that I have fallen to the sins of lust of the eyes....more than once. I just found out today what will help me with this. Love. In my case the love of my wife. When I think of another woman I now get a pain in my heart. When I browse the net and come across a harmless site that has an advertisement with tempting women, I get a pain in my heart. The love of a woman is the only thing I can come up with that will block out the lust of the eyes. Now, "I don't have a wife" you say. I know. But you do have a mother. The love my wife showed me today was the kind of unconditional love a parent shows a child. I have four children. There is not a force on this earth that could make me forsake them. None. Your mother feels that way about you I'm sure, or at least, I pray she does. Look at a woman with lust in your eyes, then think of your mother sitting next to you. Imagine doing sinful things with that woman, then try to imagine your mother watching. It may sound contrite and too simple, but it's the only thing I can think of to help you that you yourself have not thought of and tried. Call your mother. Talk to her. Ask her to tell you the stories of all she gave up for you. All the pain she suffered for you. All the things she protected you from. Then put her face on one of the bodies of the woman you have lusted after. It'll stop you dead in your tracks. The closest thing a single man has to the love his wife will give him is the love of his mother.

I truly hope you overcome this demon. I failed, for so long. And now I carry the burden of raising two sons and two daughters. The idea of one of my sons looking and thinking as I have before makes me sick. The idea of some man looking at my daughters like I used to look at other mens daughters makes me shamed and angry. Please don't let yourself get to a point where you have the kind of cross to bare that I do. If you would like further communications, feel free to PM me.

Praying for you Brother.

Those are some good answers here. In fact, all of them have been so far!

Now, the issue is that I'm not married. Would I like to be? Sure, in time. But I'm simply not ready to be at this point in time. I'm just not. Just getting married obviously won't solve this inner issue of the heart. The problem isn't inappropriate contentography, or even lust. Those are all attitudes of the heart that need to be fixed. For long, I have ignored God's commands, promptings and ideals for my own. And I am now reaping the negative consequences of them.

It is only fitting that I should be alone, because it is the penalty or "punishment" for my sins. When you stand in the face of God and repeatedly yield yourself over to sin, you invite all manner of disaster into your life. So I am suffering that which I deserve and it is meet. I have none to blame but myself for my actions. God is not to blame for being righteous and just. The devil is not to blame for sowing the idea, for it was I who obliged him and his ideas.

Do I think I will go to hell? No, I have repented. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. But that doesn't erase all of the ramifications of sin either. We still have to pay the penalty when we willfully and repeatedly sin against God, especially when He is telling us not to. So I really have no one else to blame for my crap in my life but myself. I deserve to be alone at this point; that is my sentence.

How long it will be, I don't know. Perhaps for my life, perhaps for many years, I don't know. But I do know it is real.

Also, I'm not close with my earthly mother at all, so your application won't work. I have no sisters either. I do not enjoy sinning because I know it angers God and I am already reaping the results of what sin can do in a person's life. Jesus may have "paid it all" so that we can go to heaven, have fellowship with God and be free from the curse, but that doesn't magically cancel out the ramifications for one's own sins in their life and what follows after that. God's wrath is just, in this regard.

Let no one say, when they stand before God and wondered why a certain thing befell them, "I am innocent. I did not deserve this!" Because perfect justice can only demand that the meet penalty be paid. Jesus may love you and God may have forgiven you, but gravity still kills, fire still burns and sin still has a penalty to pay in this life, make no mistake.

 

[znr]

It is only fitting that I should be alone, because it is the penalty or "punishment" for my sins. When you stand in the face of God and repeatedly yield yourself over to sin, you invite all manner of disaster into your life. So I am suffering that which I deserve and it is meet.

This may or may not be the reality for you. But what if God disagrees that you should suffer; will you agree?

 

[Blueforest]

This may or may not be the reality for you. But what if God disagrees that you should suffer; will you agree?

God desires none to suffer.

It is we who make that decision for Him. When we choose to go our own way and walk in the sinfulness of the flesh, we force His hand and (whether He actually is the One punishing or not) we reap the results.

Call it cause and effect, a spiritual law, divine justice or God's wrath, when you do wrong it will find you out, make no mistake.

 

[znr]

God desires none to suffer.

It is we who make that decision for Him. When we choose to go our own way and walk in the sinfulness of the flesh, we force His hand and (whether He actually is the One punishing or not) we reap the results.

Call it cause and effect, a spiritual law, divine justice or God's wrath, when you do wrong it will find you out, make no mistake.

I agree with everything you said. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Eat too much get fat. Or parasites.

But what IF God wanted to lift you out and pardon you? Would allow it? I might.

 

[Blueforest]

I agree with everything you said. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Eat too much get fat. Or parasites.

But what IF God wanted to lift you out and pardon you? Would allow it? I might.

Should that come, I would welcome it.

But the time is not now. Maybe one day... As I said, I don't know how long it will be. I doubt if God is quick to turn a blind eye to willful and consistent rebellion, whether or not He is the active agent in punishment or not. Either way, you do the crime, you must do the time.

 

[dewba]

The problem isn't inappropriate contentography, or even lust.

What do you consider lust, blueforest? Your OP title, "defeating lust," suggests that the problem is lust...

 

[znr]

...

 

[LWB]

The idea of defeating lust brings to my mind the image of someone trying to stand against a mighty wave bearing down upon them. The wave crashes, whipping the person off their feet, pummeling them around, and spitting them out the other end with a few cracked vertebrae for the effort.

It is your ego, your Self that thinks lust can be defeated. Good luck to you Blueforest, because that is a mighty vain effort you are undertaking.

I prefer to view my sexual appetite as just another biological function of the body. No more sinister than my appetite for food, drink, and rest. Rather than see it as an enemy to be defeated, I see it as an ally of my species. The internal instruction manual for the species, without which we wouldn't be here.

Rather than wish to defeat it, for I appreciate the dimension it has added to my existence, I seek to manage it. I seek to manage it in a way in which the least damage is done.

Rather than feel frustrated and trapped, and view my body as a cage, I feel that it is instead a compelling challenge. Like learning to master a difficult instrument.

So rather than stand against a wave, I prefer to duck under it. Maybe even do some surfing.

 

[chefjason]

Should that come, I would welcome it.

But the time is not now. Maybe one day... As I said, I don't know how long it will be. I doubt if God is quick to turn a blind eye to willful and consistent rebellion, whether or not He is the active agent in punishment or not. Either way, you do the crime, you must do the time.

Blueforest, would you define "willful and consistent rebellion" as sin? I'll assume your asnwer is "yes" since you obviously have a grasp on the gospel. How much sin did Christ die for? I'll assume you say "all", again because of your grasp. When God turned His back on Jesus, why did He do that? Because Christ took on Him EVERY SIN EVER COMMITTED OR EVER TO BE COMMITTED. Therefore, once we have accepted Christ as our savior, God no longer holds us accountable for our sins in regards to the eternal punishment. So, does God turn a blind eye to sin? The way I read my Bible is that God doesn't see our sin. God sees the blood of His Son, Christ Jesus. Inside of every christian resides the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit sees and feels all you do, because He is part of you. We are taught that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one, so God knows and feels your sins through the Spirit. When you commit sin, you feel "guilt", or at least, you should. That is the Spirit inside greiving from your actions. So the pain and remorse you feel in your heart is the Spirit suffering because of your sin. Will God allow you to continue to do this forever? Know one knows. God is the one who knows every mans time. Will he rebuke you through the Spirit to remind you that He died for you and you are spitting in His face? You betcha He will. I don't know exactly what sin you are struggling with as you stated inappropriate content and lust are not them, but what ever sin it is you are clinging to, when you feel that tug in your heart to stop doing it, that is God talking to you through the Spirit inside. That is how He "will not turn a blind eye....." The fact that you have recognized this tug (I am assuming you have since you made this thread) means you still have a heart that will listen to Him. Open your heart and let the Spirit tell you what to do. He never lies and He will never lead you astray.

 

[dewba]

You can do it, blueforest.

 

[hedrick]

But I am open to thoughts about how to defeat this ugly, vicious dragon in my life called Lust.

People seem to mean different things by lust. It can range from everything to admiring a pretty girl to plotting to seduce someone into a "one-night stand." My reading of Jesus is that he was concerned most about intent and motivation. A lot of Christian guys get aroused by pictures or thoughts, but would never dream of treating a girl dishonorably or cheating on their girlfriend. Perhaps they'd be better off dealing with their fantasies, but I think it's the intent towards actual girls that is the most important.

The danger is that battling lust can turn into an obsession, which diverts attention from other things in your life that may matter more, and interferes with your ability to have relationships with girls and others. You don't have to be perfect to be an effective Christian, though that's not a reason to ignore the remaining imperfections.

 

[Blueforest]

Make no mistake, I know what I am calling lust is actually that. I don't make the mistake of confusing lust with normal, sexual desire. The former being sinful, the latter being good. I'm not apt to go into great detail here, but trust me when I say it is a true issue with lust, not ordinary desire.

Sometimes I feel as though since God has "punished" me (in a sense) then what is the difference at this point? Seeing as how God has already - and rightly so - judged and condemned me for being lustful, with singleness, it almost makes little to no difference whether I engage in wrong activity or not. Now, that is not to say I don't struggle with guilt, remorse or other such emotions, but it seems the damage is already done. I cannot "undo" my sins or take away the ramifications of them either. The ironic thing is, the very thing I desire is the very thing I cannot have BECAUSE of my sins. It is a never-ending cycle of death and defeat. It is depressing. It is reality.

 

[aiki]

Blueforest:

You didn't comment on my first post and I'm curious as to why.

Make no mistake, I know what I am calling lust is actually that. I don't make the mistake of confusing lust with normal, sexual desire. The former being sinful, the latter being good. I'm not apt to go into great detail here, but trust me when I say it is a true issue with lust, not ordinary desire.

Usually normal sexual desire is inflamed by something in order for it to become controlling lust. Removing yourself from those things that serve to inflame you is a necessary step in getting control of yourself. "Make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof." (Ro.13:14)

Sometimes I feel as though since God has "punished" me (in a sense) then what is the difference at this point? Seeing as how God has already - and rightly so - judged and condemned me for being lustful, with singleness, it almost makes little to no difference whether I engage in wrong activity or not.

God has punished you with singleness because of your lust? I don't know about that...I was single until I was 39. Being a healthy male, I struggled mightily in the area of sexual desire. The struggle, though, taught me some very important things about how to battle spiritually, how to "stand" on Scripture, and how to depend on God completely. I think God is far more interested in you learning the same things and growing deeper with Him than in just punishing you. In fact, God promises, not to punish, but to discipline His children when they are wayward. But this is a mark of His love, not His anger. (He. 12:6-8) And He intends for His discipline to correct and teach that it might "yield the peaceable fruit of righteousness." (He. 12:11) rather than simply to penalize.

Now, that is not to say I don't struggle with guilt, remorse or other such emotions, but it seems the damage is already done. I cannot "undo" my sins or take away the ramifications of them either.

But you can allow God to improve you and your condition from this point forward - or you can reap the death God promises comes from all sin. (Ro. 6:23; Ja. 1:15) The right choice here seems rather a "no-brainer."

The ironic thing is, the very thing I desire is the very thing I cannot have BECAUSE of my sins. It is a never-ending cycle of death and defeat. It is depressing. It is reality.

Would you be content just with God?

Selah.

 

[GodsHandiwork]

Make no mistake, I know what I am calling lust is actually that. I don't make the mistake of confusing lust with normal, sexual desire. The former being sinful, the latter being good. I'm not apt to go into great detail here, but trust me when I say it is a true issue with lust, not ordinary desire.

Sometimes I feel as though since God has "punished" me (in a sense) then what is the difference at this point? Seeing as how God has already - and rightly so - judged and condemned me for being lustful, with singleness, it almost makes little to no difference whether I engage in wrong activity or not. Now, that is not to say I don't struggle with guilt, remorse or other such emotions, but it seems the damage is already done. I cannot "undo" my sins or take away the ramifications of them either. The ironic thing is, the very thing I desire is the very thing I cannot have BECAUSE of my sins. It is a never-ending cycle of death and defeat. It is depressing. It is reality.

So, Sir Blueforest, is the strong willed knight admitting defeat to the enemy?

Our Father is neither judging nor condemning you. He is merely teaching you some rules of engagement and how to correctly wield some weapons in the castle arsenal. You see, a gauntlet has been thrown down and accusations made against you in Heaven. Now, you can either refuse to take it up, declining to fight and admitting defeat...or...you can pick up the glove, take up the fight, use the right weapon and defeat the dragon. The Father loves you regardless. But, when that dragon is dead, more than likely, your reward will be fair lady because...ladies like that kind of stuff , but even more importantly, our Father loves to bless and reward his children that diligently seek and follow after Him and further His Kingdom.

Some hints...or thoughts:

Your will is only truly strong when and where it aligns with the will of the Father. When it doesn't, it becomes a liability, not an asset.

Choose and learn the correct weapon. Your weapons must be used in accordance with His Word and Wisdom...outside of that, they lose power and can hurt rather than heal.

The antithesis of lust is love. He can not bless you with true love if lust rules your heart.

I pray for you in your battle, Blueforest, and I leave you with this quote from Ravi Zacharias:

"An essential principle in a philosophy of pleasure arises here: all pleasure must be bought at a price. The difference between illegitimate and legitimate pleasure is this: For legitimate pleasure, the price is paid before it is enjoyed. For illegitimate pleasure, the price is paid after it is enjoyed. Turning aside from instant gratification is one of the most difficult things to do. But this is where the battle is often won or lost.

The strength of our will—and this is crucial—surrendered either to God or ourselves—reveals the character we possess, and the strength of our will determines when the price is paid. It is the submission of our will to God that protects us from illicit pleasure, so that we may fully enjoy those which are legitimate. When that distinction is made and honored, life becomes a delight."

 

[Blueforest]

So, Sir Blueforest, is the strong willed knight admitting defeat to the enemy?

Our Father is neither judging nor condemning you. He is merely teaching you some rules of engagement and how to correctly wield some weapons in the castle arsenal. You see, a gauntlet has been thrown down and accusations made against you in Heaven. Now, you can either refuse to take it up, declining to fight and admitting defeat...or...you can pick up the glove, take up the fight, use the right weapon and defeat the dragon. The Father loves you regardless. But, when that dragon is dead, more than likely, your reward will be fair lady because...ladies like that kind of stuff , but even more importantly, our Father loves to bless and reward his children that diligently seek and follow after Him and further His Kingdom.

Some hints...or thoughts:

Your will is only truly strong when and where it aligns with the will of the Father. When it doesn't, it becomes a liability, not an asset.

Choose and learn the correct weapon. Your weapons must be used in accordance with His Word and Wisdom...outside of that, they lose power and can hurt rather than heal.

The antithesis of lust is love. He can not bless you with true love if lust rules your heart.

I pray for you in your battle, Blueforest, and I leave you with this quote from Ravi Zacharias:

"An essential principle in a philosophy of pleasure arises here: all pleasure must be bought at a price. The difference between illegitimate and legitimate pleasure is this: For legitimate pleasure, the price is paid before it is enjoyed. For illegitimate pleasure, the price is paid after it is enjoyed. Turning aside from instant gratification is one of the most difficult things to do. But this is where the battle is often won or lost.

The strength of our will—and this is crucial—surrendered either to God or ourselves—reveals the character we possess, and the strength of our will determines when the price is paid. It is the submission of our will to God that protects us from illicit pleasure, so that we may fully enjoy those which are legitimate. When that distinction is made and honored, life becomes a delight."

Well, the fact is even should I become "totally free" from lust (which most would admit is a frank impossibility), no one for sure can speak for God and attempt to say that somehow He will magically bring me someone special at the end of it all. That is assuming much and we really have no basis for doing so at this point.

Maybe he has a different fate in store for me; perhaps something along the lines of a Catholic Priest or something? A call to eternal and perpetual singlehood could be on the menu after all. Who can say for sure?

 

[znr]

Well, the fact is even should I become "totally free" from lust (which most would admit is a frank impossibility), no one for sure can speak for God and attempt to say that somehow He will magically bring me someone special at the end of it all. That is assuming much and we really have no basis for doing so at this point.

Maybe he has a different fate in store for me; perhaps something along the lines of a Catholic Priest or something? A call to eternal and perpetual singlehood could be on the menu after all. Who can say for sure?

The Lord spoke loudly within me just now and wants me to tell you...uh, no hold on. That was me.

(trying for humor)

 

[Blueforest]

The Lord spoke loudly within me just now and wants me to tell you...uh, no hold on. That was me.

(trying for humor)

I don't get it.