Dating: the proactive approach vs waiting for God

[GQ Chris]

I think marriage is difficult enough to begin with without compounding one's problems more by throwing in the fact that the person's finances are in disarray.

 

[Luis67]

How many people can honestly say to themselves that they have the majority of their life together and are really ready to settle down? If your answer to yourself is yes, then congratulations.

It's not about having your life together, but what you believe and you acting from your faith, everything else falls into place.

I could look at my finances all day long, mope and grope, think no woman will want me for the lack of or misuse and it not change a thing. But correct my way of thinking in my spending and stewardship of the use of money. And bit by bit my money situation gets better. Wisdom, hope and understanding always brings about change. Thank God for Christ and his faith!!!

 

[IreneAdler]

Everything you have is God's anyway, and he can provide it or take it away at any moment, so while being responsible is what you should do, there should be no illusion that it will forever make you "safe" for life or "prepared" for marriage

 

[SullivanZ]

I'm sure this has been done before but threads disappear like crazy here!

So what is your approach? Do you actively seek out dates or do you kind of just stay back and let God bring that person to you instead of going to find them? I mean I'm sure this has a lot to do with personality too; I'm not a person who will actively seek someone out. I would never think of asking a guy out on a date lol..not that there's anything wrong with that but it's just not me.

I have taken the stance of saying 'God will bring it to me when I'm ready'. I have been through some crappy relationships and actually was 3 weeks from getting married back in 2008 before it was called off. I have dated here and there since then but in that time I wasn't living a Christian life and some of the people I "dated" the relationship was actually not based on a real connection, but instead other un-Christian things. I decided about a year ago that that wasn't going to happen anymore and that I wouldn't do that to my relationship with God.

Now it's been since then that I've had so much as a phone call from a guy. But I truly feel like this is where God wants me right now and that he will make it happen when he wants to - but now is not the time. I don't feel like he wants me seeking out love interests at this time. I'm hoping this is not my brain using it as a cop out to not find someone, but I've been known to manipulate myself a time or two before without really realizing it lol.

So for now I've put it in God's hands and feel like he'll lead me to love or bring it to me when the time is right and that I need to just sit back and wait for it right now. But maybe I'm just leading myself into a life of being lonely? Ugh, who knows.

What are your guys approaches and what do you think?

If you want a mate, do all you can to find one. Like looking for a job, you don't sit back, say "I'm believing God" then do nothing. You get out there, send out resumes, tell people you're looking and hope for the best, while improving yourself in the meantime.

Too many Christians are lazy when it comes to searching for a mate and wind up alone. Then they blame God.

 

[DYOLF]

I'm sure this has been done before but threads disappear like crazy here!

So what is your approach? Do you actively seek out dates or do you kind of just stay back and let God bring that person to you instead of going to find them? I mean I'm sure this has a lot to do with personality too; I'm not a person who will actively seek someone out. I would never think of asking a guy out on a date lol..not that there's anything wrong with that but it's just not me.

I have taken the stance of saying 'God will bring it to me when I'm ready'. I have been through some crappy relationships and actually was 3 weeks from getting married back in 2008 before it was called off. I have dated here and there since then but in that time I wasn't living a Christian life and some of the people I "dated" the relationship was actually not based on a real connection, but instead other un-Christian things. I decided about a year ago that that wasn't going to happen anymore and that I wouldn't do that to my relationship with God.

Now it's been since then that I've had so much as a phone call from a guy. But I truly feel like this is where God wants me right now and that he will make it happen when he wants to - but now is not the time. I don't feel like he wants me seeking out love interests at this time. I'm hoping this is not my brain using it as a cop out to not find someone, but I've been known to manipulate myself a time or two before without really realizing it lol.

So for now I've put it in God's hands and feel like he'll lead me to love or bring it to me when the time is right and that I need to just sit back and wait for it right now. But maybe I'm just leading myself into a life of being lonely? Ugh, who knows.

What are your guys approaches and what do you think?

I will tell you my approach in a bit,I have a 100% record because I havent lost any.That's simply because I haven't tried.

 

[Luis67]

Everything you have is God's anyway, and he can provide it or take it away at any moment, so while being responsible is what you should do, there should be no illusion that it will forever make you "safe" for life or "prepared" for marriage

Amen.

 

[Im_A]

That does not work all of the time. A guy can ask out 20 women and get rejected 20 times even if they are interested in them. You can look into her eyes and listen and all of that stuff and then magically you will be in the friend zone and or rejected. The guys who don't call or listen tend to get the girl.

Ha, if that was true, I would have a girl by now. I have no problems leaving a girl hang dry, ie stop listening and stop calling if it isn't going anywhere. Then the opposite is true...meaning when I am super committed, good luck getting me to give up without an apocalyptic fight. To tell you the truth though, it takes her to do the same to me to get that point so its just two people repaying each other the same action back and forth because they simply don't like each other in that way or it takes me to make a mistake to go after someone I am someone, "Just in case".

But what can be said? Girls are fickle. They should know that about themselves. Guys are fickle. We should know that about ourselves. Both sexes need the chemicals in their brain to act and lead them in an unexplainable manner to be committed. No reason for anyone to change. I mean the way I see it, if you or anyone of us are constantly choosing women that reject you, take a look in the mirror to the women you are choosing to go after instead of expecting girls to change for you. Girls should do the same thing in my opinion if they are choosing guys that end up not calling and just hanging them dry.

 

[darktipper]

sounds like you've been hanging around some pretty twisted women. or very young girls who still haven't figured out how to have a healthy and mature adult relationship. No woman I know would reject a man she was really interested in, and no woman I know takes being ignored as a turn-on.

My ex was like that. I would ask her out and at first she would accept but later on she asked me for favors but rejected me asking her out. Later on she then blamed me for not going out with her but she did not realize she said no so many times that I basically stopped calling her etc... which lead to me finding out that she was trying to get with another guy. We will not go in on the other woman I was talking to years before I met my ex. Lets just say I got cussed out for no reason at all. They were both church goers that I met outside of church. Both of them had fathers that left their mothers. One of the mothers was divorced like 2-3 times. I forgot.

@Luis67
I think that I am too kind. I now do better being single and alone for some odd reason. Maybe because I don't worry about days like valentines day or having to call for dates. I don't have to help her with car troubles anymore etc... I can get more sleep lol. From my parents experience they told me that the woman has to be a chaser too or else the relationship will not work. But what you see in society is a guy asking out a woman and it is like she sits and waits for the guy to call and other things but she does not go after the guy. Remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The only way for a woman to get me is for her to club me over the head and drag me into the cave lol but then again I am wearing a helmet.