Dating: the proactive approach vs waiting for God

[Nom De Guerre]

That is the way it should be. Alas some individuals feel the need to do far more, painting the perfect image as they so dislike how the appear without the war paint.

Fake tan, more tan, lashes, glitter, giving definition to otherwise shapeless faces, plumping the lips, enhancing the waist line, more tan, more defining, hair styling, double triple hair stick stuff, the right outfit, the right thing ... it happens when certain ladies are on the prowl.

Far too much effort for me, but whatever gives them the boost to go out and party like it's their birthday...

Idk, some shouldn't go without make-up... one of my ex-girlfriends looked almost exactly like her older brother without make-up on. It was really awkward...

 

[pinkstars86]

Who's to say that God doesn't have perfect timing to match that "leap of faith"

This! I think some of my OP was misconstrued or at least a bit misunderstood. I'm not saying I'm going to sit in my apt all day and night and wait for prince charming to come knocking at my door. Come on now! I just don't feel comfortable asking a guy out or anything - I never have. And I'm also fairly ok with being single for now so I'm not going to be actively seeking anyone but if the opportunity presents itself I wouldn't just sit back and let him do ALL the work. I just need a good affirmation that someone is interested in me (boooo low self esteem again lol) and then I'm a lot more comfortable putting more into it if you will. Does that make sense?

 

[Nom De Guerre]

.

 

[HosannaHM]

Idk, some shouldn't go without make-up... one of my ex-girlfriends looked almost exactly like her older brother without make-up on. It was really awkward...

The point is it should be her choice. If someone is dating a girl that doesn't wanna wear make up all the time, they should accept them. Otherwise if it's too big of an issue get out.

Honestly I've seen some of the most gorgeous women with no make up on at all. Beauty begotten only my God; but its also what we percieve as beauty. All of God's creation is beautiful to Him.

 

[IreneAdler]

i can see it, the shape of the nose, cheek bones and eyebrows (he doesn't have a very prominent brow ridge like most men)

 

[pinkstars86]

Idk, some shouldn't go without make-up... one of my ex-girlfriends looked almost exactly like her older brother without make-up on. It was really awkward...

As lol-worthy as that is...I always hate when guys say that some girls should never go without makeup. It's so nasty. It's so funny how things are. I mean a woman's worth is SO often based solely on looks. And yes I've fallen into this FAR and feel uncomfortable taking my dog outside my apt without makeup on! Ok, that's stretching it a bit and although I HATE me with no makeup I know I at least don't look like a dude.

I know looks are important. At first! Hopefully soon that looks thing falls a bit lower on the totem pole as someone else said other, more important things, start to take its place. But I mean, I get it. You have to be attracted to that person and you really can't if someone looks ilke their brother without makeup on lol. But it still just sucks that we are in a position where we have to do up our faces to be considered attractive to the opposite sex. Not to mention stay a certain size, make sure we look good at all times, etc. I enjoy it because I tend to be girly but at the same time, it just gets old sometimes.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

Yeah, well, lol, I didn't see it... until after I saw it

 

[HosannaHM]

This! I think some of my OP was misconstrued or at least a bit misunderstood. I'm not saying I'm going to sit in my apt all day and night and wait for prince charming to come knocking at my door. Come on now! I just don't feel comfortable asking a guy out or anything - I never have. And I'm also fairly ok with being single for now so I'm not going to be actively seeking anyone but if the opportunity presents itself I wouldn't just sit back and let him do ALL the work. I just need a good affirmation that someone is interested in me (boooo low self esteem again lol) and then I'm a lot more comfortable putting more into it if you will. Does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense. It's the feeling of uncertainty! Where do I go Father?? What do I do? These are the questions most people ask. When will I find that special someone? Really it should be a statement: Father, whatever Your will is be it done, You know the desires of my heart, and I ask that you match them to Your will.

Which is a cool thing. Because if Jesus lives within our hearts, then His desires become ours! We can have confidence in making descisions about our spiritual walks. Its a glorious thing!

A peaceful chaos leaning on the Everlasting Arms

 

[pinkstars86]

It makes perfect sense. It's the feeling of uncertainty! Where do I go Father?? What do I do? These are the questions most people ask. When will I find that special someone. Really it should be is a statement: Father, whatever Your ill is be it done, You know the desires of my heart, and I ask that you match them to Your will.

Which is a cool thing. Because of Jesus lives within our hearts, then His desires become ours! We can have confidence in making descisions about our spiritual walks. Its a glorious thing!

A peaceful chaos leaning on the Everlasting Arms

Thank you!

 

[Miles]

It seems to me that being proactive and waiting for God aren't mutually exclusive.

One stops waiting for God when one acts out of desperation and settles. You might compare it to eating the leaves of an apple from an apple tree that doesn't currently have any apples. A better option is to patiently wait for there to be apples, and then take your pick. Maybe you'll find a nice one at eye level, or maybe you'll have to climb high into the branches to find the one that you're looking for, but both involve waiting for God.

 

[Sketcher]

One stops waiting for God when one acts out of desperation and settles. You might compare it to eating the leaves of an apple from an apple tree that doesn't currently have any apples. A better option is to patiently wait for there to be apples, and then take your pick. Maybe you'll find a nice one at eye level, or maybe you'll have to climb high into the branches to find the one that you're looking for, but both involve waiting for God.

Unless perhaps you're a perfectionist to begin with.

 

[darktipper]

Win or lose there is like a 50-60 percent chance that the dating to marriage will end in divorce this day and age... even with Christians...

I think men and women shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to dating. I have seen women get decent guys then reject them and complain about how there are no decent guys. I have seen guys get women and reject them because they we not like their dreamgirl or once she removed the makeup they ran for the hills lol. I think people should get a decent person with similar views and accept their faults and hopefully God will be in the relationship.

But what do I know The NFL draft makes being single that much more enjoyable lol!

 

[Luis67]

For some reason I believe us men should be the ones to make the first approach. As I stated somewhere else around here, some true confidence, a touch of assertiveness and honesty is good. I don't want to generalize but I believe the real problem we have today is men don't want to lead and if they do lead it's with grievous domination.

Going up to a woman and like I said before, through Christ showing some genuine interest in who they are, what they like, their hopes, memories. Will open a entire world of itself that only you and her at that moment are in. Finding out who she is in it's most neutral mystery without any words of commitment or friendship but you and her in this aura of uncertainty. As you listen to her, gracefully look into her eyes and remain focused on what she is actually saying...she will test you to see whether you were listening. There is much more but..herein is the beginning stages of you showing you can lead her with love by listening and knowing her. Those are the steps to unity as well.

The Lord won't hand us our bride by magic, but he will give us the wisdom to choose her from his daughters and lead them with love and courage. And she is a gift from God to those who are wise and discerned.

 

[darktipper]

For some reason I believe us men should be the ones to make the first approach. As I stated somewhere else around here, some true confidence, a touch of assertiveness and honesty is good. I don't want to generalize but I believe the real problem we have today is men don't want to lead and if they do lead it's with grievous domination.

Going up to a woman and like I said before, through Christ showing some genuine interest in who they are, what they like, their hopes, memories. Will open a entire world of itself that only you and her at that moment are in. Finding out who she is in it's most neutral mystery without any words of commitment or friendship but you and her in this aura of uncertainty. As you listen to her, gracefully look into her eyes and remain focused on what she is actually saying...she will test you to see whether you were listening. There is much more but..herein is the beginning stages of you showing you can lead her with love by listening and knowing her. Those are the steps to unity as well.

The Lord won't hand us our bride by magic, but he will give us the wisdom to choose her from his daughters and lead them with love and courage. And she is a gift from God to those who are wise and discerned.

That does not work all of the time. A guy can ask out 20 women and get rejected 20 times even if they are interested in them. You can look into her eyes and listen and all of that stuff and then magically you will be in the friend zone and or rejected. The guys who don't call or listen tend to get the girl.

 

[IreneAdler]

really? I don't think that's the selection criteria at all darktipper. I just think there has to be a spark there (chemistry, intellectually - well one would hope intellectually, and by chemistry I don't mean necessarily sexual).

there was a guy when I was in high school that I dated that I wanted to really like so bad because he was so perfect but I just didn't (he was even cute, smart, all that). I think there just has to be some underlying connection that happens. (and ignoring me will just hack me off, it won't make me like you)

 

[LightUp]

While I don't really see the two options as mutually exclusive, I do like to take the proactive approach to finding a partner. Luckily, it has been my experience that just being out there (even in subtle ways) is enough to get you in the door.

 

[Blank123]

That does not work all of the time. A guy can ask out 20 women and get rejected 20 times even if they are interested in them. You can look into her eyes and listen and all of that stuff and then magically you will be in the friend zone and or rejected. The guys who don't call or listen tend to get the girl.

sounds like you've been hanging around some pretty twisted women. or very young girls who still haven't figured out how to have a healthy and mature adult relationship. No woman I know would reject a man she was really interested in, and no woman I know takes being ignored as a turn-on.

 

[Luis67]

That does not work all of the time. A guy can ask out 20 women and get rejected 20 times even if they are interested in them. You can look into her eyes and listen and all of that stuff and then magically you will be in the friend zone and or rejected. The guys who don't call or listen tend to get the girl.

Well, reasonably if a man is interested in 20 women he is obviously not walking after wisdom. That sounds and looks like the pattern of desperation. A way of when we were children and could not control ourselves and our approaches.

No offense, but that is wisdom of the world that might work for a broken woman, coming from a wreck less man. That wisdom does not work for a daughter of God, a woman of true virtue. Have you not realized if Christ has completed you, the woman you seek will be complete as well and you will join as one. The women you will seek for will not be broken but whole in her God, upholding his love not perfectly but with growth and learning.

How else will you connect with a woman of God who is guarded by her God and his wisdom from the ravenous wolves that pose themselves? by ignoring her!!! Ha! That is exactly the definition of cowardice and pride, not love or leadership. This type of wisdom works for the broken woman who has been rejected, tormented and is comforted by such behaviors because she cannot except good. If she could, she would be in the love of Christ. That wisdom from a man to a broken woman is why he then ignores everything about her in a relationship, abandoning her, putting her down and for her just another repetition of her past.

Good attracts good, righteous love the delight of the righteous.
Evil attracts it's fruit of evil.

Behind a good man, is a good woman. And you know a man by the fruits of his family. Stay away from the wisdom of the world and their cowardice manipulations. That's why their relationships suffer beyond a disagreement which is normal.


Men, Be confident, controlled assertiveness, honest...and lighten up throw some humor your getting to know her, without any implications. Just let the boat go with river.....

 

[GQ Chris]

Focus on being the right person instead of looking for the right person.

 

[GQ Chris]

How many people can honestly say to themselves that they have the majority of their life together and are really ready to settle down? If your answer to yourself is yes, then congratulations.