Dating: the proactive approach vs waiting for God

[pinkstars86]

I'm sure this has been done before but threads disappear like crazy here!

So what is your approach? Do you actively seek out dates or do you kind of just stay back and let God bring that person to you instead of going to find them? I mean I'm sure this has a lot to do with personality too; I'm not a person who will actively seek someone out. I would never think of asking a guy out on a date lol..not that there's anything wrong with that but it's just not me.

I have taken the stance of saying 'God will bring it to me when I'm ready'. I have been through some crappy relationships and actually was 3 weeks from getting married back in 2008 before it was called off. I have dated here and there since then but in that time I wasn't living a Christian life and some of the people I "dated" the relationship was actually not based on a real connection, but instead other un-Christian things. I decided about a year ago that that wasn't going to happen anymore and that I wouldn't do that to my relationship with God.

Now it's been since then that I've had so much as a phone call from a guy. But I truly feel like this is where God wants me right now and that he will make it happen when he wants to - but now is not the time. I don't feel like he wants me seeking out love interests at this time. I'm hoping this is not my brain using it as a cop out to not find someone, but I've been known to manipulate myself a time or two before without really realizing it lol.

So for now I've put it in God's hands and feel like he'll lead me to love or bring it to me when the time is right and that I need to just sit back and wait for it right now. But maybe I'm just leading myself into a life of being lonely? Ugh, who knows.

What are your guys approaches and what do you think?

 

[HazelWings]

ITA with your approach. When I've been actively seeking in the past, all it led to was the wrong kind of guys. I am not looking and my schedule is really too busy for a relationship (and is about to get even crazier soon), so I just kind of put it in God's hands because that's something that's out of my control.

 

[pinkstars86]

Yes - that's something I sort of forgot to put in there. Whenever I've looked it's been the same as you..guys that are totally wrong for me! I don't want to date someone that doesn't devote themselves to God. Not saying I'm perfect but I want a partner that I can worship with and a relationship that will grow with God. I don't want a guy that wants to go out and get wasted every weekend or one that loses interest when he learns that I am not interested in sex before marriage.

And tbh it would take way too much time and energy to actively seek out someone that fits just those 2 things, at least where I live. Hopefully getting more involved in my church will lead to finding someone like that but again, not seeking it out.

 

[HosannaHM]

Well waiting for God is a funny subject in general. We are told of "God's perfect timing" which is true, but it also doesn't neccessarily mean wait for the waters to part. I remember trying things on my own, looking first for a mate in general, then after dedicating myself to the Lord thanks to His grace. Then looking for Christian women, but that didn't ever work out either.

When I gave it all up, praying to God to take FULL CONTROL, He already had... I just didn't know. God has blessed me with a wonderful fiance to this date (It's only been about 8 months!!)

I know this is a singles forum, but I felt compelled to post. Sooo anyways sister in Christ, God has perfect timing, but He doesn't want you to sit and wait for a man to fall into your lap! Opportunities will come, if you believe that the Lord will bring them.

Like the Good Word says:

"However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived
the things God has prepared for those who love him"
-1 Corinthians 2:9

God's already got His wheels turning just for you! Someone will come along, For if you believe it, God will provide it!

"Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith let it be done to you” -Matthew 9:29

 

[HosannaHM]

Oh and I almost forgot! When you pray, it has to be guidance, guidance, guidance. God's ways are perfect and He will reveal it.

P.S. Don't just get you a Christian man; get one who is hungry for God's Word

 

[Blank123]

I think people mistake proactively looking as a sign of unbelief as if they're guaranteed to find the love of their life if they just go looking for him/her. But thats generally not how it works.

When I didn't look, I wound up with little attention from men, the wrong kind of attention from men, and a relationship that left me miserable.

I have signed up to dating sites to proactively look for the right kind of men, and found very little out there that I actually would date. It took me nearly a year to meet one guy I know I could seriously fall for. but things are up in the air about where we're headed right now.

I think no matter if you wait for the right person to be brought into your life or if you actively go looking for someone it'll still come down to timing, luck, and God's providence to meet the right person. So IMHO there is no right or wrong way to approach it. If you feel like you should wait, wait. If you want to try the proactive approach, then go for it.

 

[IreneAdler]

somehow I end up with guys I've known a long time. I can't say I've ever dated anyone that I didn't know for at least a year before (and was usually good friends with). This has been a trend since I was say... 15-16. I guess it's my "thing". I think it's a pretty good thing. We're friends first, we know each other pretty well, there's none of that "lie so she likes you" thing. (the only really craptastic outcome of this was my ex-husband who I knew off and on from 14 to 23 and I should have anticipated the changes in the long gaps in there and I didn't).

 

[pinkstars86]

Ooh I love this forum. You guys are wonderful.

iamnot - I'm glad you decided to post in here. Very wise words. Thank you.

I've never been aggressive in any such way when it comes to dating. Like I said, I'm not the type of girl who will ask someone out or even really flirt much. I'm sort of reserved at times, esp if I like I guy which kind of blocks a lot of opportunity bc I expect them to read my mind instead of showing that I like them. A lot of that comes from low self esteem as well though. I've done dating sites, but they weren't Christian ones. I met 3 guys off of them but none were right and each time afterwards I gave up and deleted my account only to make a new one when I felt lonely. I wouldn't do that again except for maybe christianmingle.com but still, I'm pretty hesitant to do that. I hate the fact that guys want my number after the first message and want to meet very soon. Makes me a bit uncomfortable.

But thanks guys. I have faith that God will bring it to me and I feel at peace knowing that he will provide when the time is right.

 

[pinkstars86]

Irene - a lot of my relationships have been the same. My ex fiance I knew in high school but we didn't like each other AT ALL back then. Funny how things work. But in the end he had too many addictions and I had too many issues which blew everything up for us. The sad part was that he WAS hungry for God and we did have a good relationship in Him. Just too much fire (both good and bad) between us.

 

[IreneAdler]

(it only makes me a little sad because I'm always a 'buddy" first... lol... never that woman men chase - which I guess is a good thing too)

I get that pink. My ex was psycho but even I can say he was also hungry for God. He just had many issues from his childhood.

 

[Im_A]

I'm sure this has been done before but threads disappear like crazy here!

So what is your approach? Do you actively seek out dates or do you kind of just stay back and let God bring that person to you instead of going to find them? I mean I'm sure this has a lot to do with personality too; I'm not a person who will actively seek someone out. I would never think of asking a guy out on a date lol..not that there's anything wrong with that but it's just not me.

I have taken the stance of saying 'God will bring it to me when I'm ready'. I have been through some crappy relationships and actually was 3 weeks from getting married back in 2008 before it was called off. I have dated here and there since then but in that time I wasn't living a Christian life and some of the people I "dated" the relationship was actually not based on a real connection, but instead other un-Christian things. I decided about a year ago that that wasn't going to happen anymore and that I wouldn't do that to my relationship with God.

Now it's been since then that I've had so much as a phone call from a guy. But I truly feel like this is where God wants me right now and that he will make it happen when he wants to - but now is not the time. I don't feel like he wants me seeking out love interests at this time. I'm hoping this is not my brain using it as a cop out to not find someone, but I've been known to manipulate myself a time or two before without really realizing it lol.

So for now I've put it in God's hands and feel like he'll lead me to love or bring it to me when the time is right and that I need to just sit back and wait for it right now. But maybe I'm just leading myself into a life of being lonely? Ugh, who knows.

What are your guys approaches and what do you think?

Actively search. I am not waiting around for the whims of a god to guide me in my love life or in my sex life. Human relationships are naturally confusing enough let alone adding a 'super'natural element to it.

 

[mina]

I guess i was a balance. I made myself avaliable but I wasn't out there dating anything that moved. I didn't hide away and chastise others for dating either. I kept my eyes open and if someone interested me then I tried to get to know them. The times when I really wasn't doing anything were when I really wasn't interested in anyone I knew. I did pray for wisdom and guidance to the right person, but I didn't reject any opportunity to get to know the opposite sex. I think that presents more of a challenge than a help. There were lots of times where i wasn't that interested in people and it felt like i wasn't doing anything or nothing was happening..... I just tried to be the right kind of person and live my life.

 

[pinkstars86]

Don't get me wrong - if the opportunity presented itself with someone of interest I certainly wouldn't turn it away! I'd welcome it for sure.

 

[HighwayMan]

that question exists only for girls lol. There's no force, be it God or otherwise, that is gonna "bless" a guy just waiting around.

 

[IreneAdler]

that question exists only for girls lol. There's no force, be it God or otherwise, that is gonna "bless" a guy just waiting around.

IDK. My current SO said he prayed and prayed for God to send him someone. Far as I saw he wasn't out looking. (apparently in this situation I did the "picking up" even though we have been friends for a year or so before getting together)

 

[HighwayMan]

IDK. My current SO said he prayed and prayed for God to send him someone. Far as I saw he wasn't out looking. (apparently in this situation I did the "picking up" even though we have been friends for a year or so before getting together)

lol. So did you literally drop from the heavens?

 

[IreneAdler]

no. lol, I actually had to drive 600 miles to this middle of nowhere from civilization for some strange reason unbeknownst to me.

 

[Im_A]

no. lol, I actually had to drive 600 miles to this middle of nowhere from civilization for some strange reason unbeknownst to me.

That better have worked. What guy, with a right mind that is, would screw things up with a woman that did that?

I went on a 2372.1 miles trip for one and was engaged from 2392.9 miles away and one from your humble state(I would calculate the milage if I could remember the town's name).

So when I say I hope it works and glad to see it working, you know I mean it. I lost way too much in my travels and hate seeing it happen to other people. I think I am gaining some of it back tho.

Or maybe I am lucky...I had three angels drop from heaven out of no where. I am now hoping that they come from the mountains.

 

[IreneAdler]

(that was BEFORE I knew him, but I still have no idea why I'm here or why I came - maybe that IS why, who knows )

 

[Im_A]

(that was BEFORE I knew him, but I still have no idea why I'm here or why I came - maybe that IS why, who knows )

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.