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Dating non believers

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Brian90, May 19, 2009.

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  1. Brian90

    Brian90 Senior Member

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    What does God and The Bible have to say about dating non believers?

    Thanks. :)

    Please pray for my friend, she is a non believer. Thanks. :)
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2009
  2. wonderwaleye

    wonderwaleye New Member Supporter

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    GOD warns us:





    2 Corinthians
    Chapter 6




    14 Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?




    15 What accord has Christ with Beliar? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?



    16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said: "I will live with them and move among them, and I will be their God and they shall be my people.



    17 Therefore, come forth from them and be separate," says the Lord, "and touch nothing unclean; then I will receive you



    18 and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty."




    Your post really concerns me.




    You are walking on thin ice with the possibility of disaster just around the corner.


    If you are to have a good life you MUST GIVE IT ALL TO GOD





    GOD demands that you give HIM your WHOLE heart, mind, strength, and soul. That means you go in prayer and tell GOD that you will do this and from that moment on seek GOD in all your decisions. After this is complete GOD will know. For HE searches the heart. HE will then send HIS HOLY SPIRIT ( ANOINTED-BORN AGAIN- SAVED ). For it is then that you shall receive the MISSION GOD has for just you and supply all your needs, even what you have not the ability to have.





    Pick up GOD'S ROAD MAP to the KINGDOM of ALMIGHTY GOD ( BIBLE ) and start reading the NEW TESTIMENT till the next time you read it you will already know what IT'S going to say. For then it's locked in your heart to draw from for the rest of your life. You will NEVER be sorry you did.








    Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and Start right now!!!







    LOVE





    steven :hug:
     
  3. SecretAgentMan

    SecretAgentMan Still Breathing

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    Greetings,

    Well there is much to be said by God about how our relationships operate. But before I list a few verses, what do you have to say about dating unbelievers? The reason I ask this is because there are going to bescripture that will be presented to you, some you may consider rather obsolete, others a rather judgmental and inconsiderate, then you may see some that may be very intolerant and possibly outdated. You have to come to conclusion both in your mind and your heart that God knows best before you even before you read the scriptures because much of what is said in the bible goes against our culture and even selfish desires.

    Lets talk Old Testament real quick:

    God specifically told the Jews not to marry outside the Jewish faith. According to Deuteronomy 7:1-4, God told the Jewish people (This is God prescribing the law through Moses) that once they had entered over into the promise land and He gives the people of the land over to them not give their children over in marriage because that marriage would cause the Jewish brother/sister to possibly forsaking God and taking up idol worship. God stated that this was a no-no because what does a pagan nation and its culture has to do with God's way of doing things.

    Though this is talking about marriage, dating someone that is not of the same faith can cause the same hindrances. I know many of men and women that have decided to date outside of the faith and most of the time their lives paid a hefty price because of compromise. They began to compromise in their standards, in their emotions, in their faith, you name it compromise was laced all through the relationship. What ends up happening, because I have been there before, is that ultimately you really do not care what God has to say anymore because you would rather have it your way. Here goes the saying, "It's my way or the highway!" More than likely you will be telling God this, rather than He telling you.

    Now lets talk New Testament:

    Paul made it clear: what does light and darkness have in common? (2 Corinthians 6:13-15) Paul was teaching the Church about relationships and he made mention that as believers we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Though this passage was talking marriage again, it still applies to all relationships from dating to doing business. Paul used the word yoke because it was a picture of two oxen yoked together to plow or work the field. You never saw a donkey and ox plowing together..

    So how does this apply into today’s culture? First and foremost, not everyone that goes to church (The building) or calls himself or herself a Christian really are. (That is neither here nor there, but just stating my opinion) Also, even if they are Christians it does not mean you will be equally yoked, however, at least you have a solid foundation and that is what relationships are all about. Relationships are about building a life together, whether it is through marriage, friendships, business you name it. If the foundation is not set right, then it will make life so much harder and complicated than what it really needs to be.

    Most people want to skip the foundation part of their relationships and get right to it because they want results. People are looking to see, hey will this work for me. Wisdom tells you that foundations matter and if they are built right, when turbulence comes up against you more than likely you can weather them. Foundations are the most important part of any relationships, if they are not set right from he beginning you have already set yourself up for failure. Just look at the divorce rate now, folks not building on the right foundation. I hope this brings some clarity to your search.

    Regards,

    SAM
     
  4. heron

    heron Legend

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    There was a situation where Solomon knew he was not supposed to take foreign wives. (Ignore the plural for now.)

    He ended up marrying some, and they begged him to construct temples so they could worship their own gods. So Solomon's kingdom and city, not long after his famous temple for God was constructed, ended up building temples to other gods. His noteworthy accomplishment in life was trampled by people close to him, twisting his passions and skills to use for something he felt ethically conflicted about.

    These "high places" were not always just benches with an altar, or steles and poles. You've seen the Parthenon.

    While you're not going to fill your future yard with gazebos and candles (or are you), you will find that a person having different motives and values than you will eventually need to have equal respect for their faith. This is not just something you can toss aside and assume yours is more important.

    If you value your partner, you will respect their beliefs, and find ways to build them up in their beliefs. That is not an accusation -- it is advice. Don't build a relationship with someone you plan to change.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2009
  5. Brian90

    Brian90 Senior Member

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    Thanks everyone.
     
  6. heron

    heron Legend

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    Personally, I think the decision is more about long-term wisdom. Balancing short-term and long-term gain. Our minds will tell us that the person is perfect for us... it happens to everyone. But if we follow our restlessness, our fear of losing them, then we will block out the truth of how they will impact our lives.

    There is a difference between loving people despite their differences, and including them in your life plans. In dating, a hot item can bring you respect from other guys, and you find it worth keeping her happy, to protect your status.

    That's probably what Solomon did.... picked wives for their beauty, bypassing who they were as people. Maybe that wasn't your motive... just sayin'.

    I Kings 11
    Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable idol of Moab, on the mountain which is east of Jerusalem, and for Molech the detestable idol of the sons of Ammon. Thus also he did for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and sacrificed to their gods.
    (Forgive the bold text... just trying to speed up reading.)

    Molech Definition: The god of the Ammonites and Phoenicians to whom some Israelites sacrificed their infants in the valley of Hinnom

    Chemosh Definition: The national deity of the Moabites and a god of the Ammonites
    1. also identified with 'Baal-peor', 'Baal-zebub', 'Mars' and 'Saturn'
    2. worship of this god was introduced into Jerusalem by Solomon and abolished by king Josiah of Judah
    From The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia:
    The discovery of the Moabite Stone in 1868 at Dibon has thrown light upon Chemosh and the relations of Moab to its national god. The monument, which is now one of the most precious treasures of the Louvre in Paris, bears an inscription which is the oldest specimen of Semitic alphabetic writing extant, commemorating the successful effort made about 860 or 850 BC by Mesha, king of Moab, to throw off the yoke of Israel.

    The wrath of his god, Chemosh, could be appeased only by the sacrifice of his son. (2 Kings 3:6, 27).

    In the long run, a wife sacrificing to either Molech or Chemosh would have cut off the royal lineage. Solomon would have seen his own children be killed by this wife. And since the Moabites were intent on overthrowing Israel, bringing Chemosh worshipers into the royal household was like marrying a spy.

    We start out assuming that partners are like us, because they create so little conflict in early stages of dating. I'm sure that Solomon didn't think "hey, this girl's cute but she sacrifices babies... oh well."

    Of course you're only talking about someone who has different reasoning about her faith, and that is much, much, much less critical than what Solomon went through. But in a relationship, it would be great to have someone you could pray with, run to when something went wrong, and they would understand the solutions you choose to deal with troubles. Maybe that already goes well for you.

    There are some people who just "get us" even though they believe very differently about faith.

    The wisdom sometimes only makes sense in retrospect.


    RE3, article "Kemosh"; Cooke, Text-Book of North-Semitic Inscriptions, "Moabite Stone," 1-14; W. Robertson Smith, Prophets of Israel, 49; Sayce, Sayce, Higher Criticism and the Monuments, 364.
     
  7. Brian90

    Brian90 Senior Member

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    Thanks again, anymore comments?

    Thanks,

    Brian.
     
  8. LoneSheep

    LoneSheep Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me

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    "A house divided against itself cannot stand" -Abraham Lincoln

    "...Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand" - Jesus Christ, Matt 12:25

    My advice is to have someone there who has the same outlooks on life and the afterlife or it will become a source of contention down the road.
     
  9. GaryP

    GaryP Newbie

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    Hi,
    Just use common sense, remember when you play you will pay. You might want to
    go to youth groups, church, events with her and see how she responds. I remember some guys would behave in a Christan manner only in front of Christian girls and do
    what-ever with the other girls. Of course, I was guilty as well, an example is prayer
    at dinner to impress your date or not praying at dinner because it will reveal your true identity. Don't forget you are Creation. Jesus said it's Finished.
     
    heron likes this.
  10. Saudus

    Saudus Newbie

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    Be yourself and don't expect her to be anyone else than herself.
    If you can't take that she's a non-believer then you either have to end it or change yourself.

    But there is no harm in trying it out atleast?
     
  11. Caonus

    Caonus New Member

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    Honestly, a lot of believers can be in worse messes then non-believers. It is difficult to judge. The thief on the cross... what did he know... but in his last hour, he had the glorious chance to believe God, and God graced him. SO you can have a life of sin and be saved even in the last hour. (Sorry guys that don't want that to happen -- check out Jonah for once.)

    I have dated serious "unbelievers" before, back in the day, when I was on the market. My wife wasn't so super believing herself - in a sense - having been scarred by a JW cult her mom raised her in.

    People change.

    Not believing in God is pretty absurd and something you should expect change in from everyone.
     
  12. Brian90

    Brian90 Senior Member

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    Thanks, this is the point I was trying to make.

    So its okay to date an unbeliever, and possibly start to tell her about Jesus Christ, and believe that she would change?
     
  13. skysthelimit

    skysthelimit Senior Veteran

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    People take part in "missionary dating" which is what you're talking about. 9/10 times it doesn't work and just hurts both people in the relationship. The rare instance where it doesn't work is the unbeliever accepts Christ and the relationship works out. Personally I wouldn't recommend going this route. If you like someone that isn't a christian....be a good friend to them and shine your light in whatever way possible and see if they accept Him into their lives. It would make your relationship that much stronger.

    That's my 2 cents coming from someone who has dated multiple non christian girls and having all of them end badly. Hope it helps :)
     
  14. seashale76

    seashale76 Orthodox Christian

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    You don't.
     
  15. heron

    heron Legend

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    Ha ha, the age old question.

    Guard yourself over creating a method for getting around what God is trying to teach us about the concept. He knows what's going on; and if He's the standard for this decision, then it's Him you're trying to please, not the church.

    I tend to think of dating a nonbeliever as safer than pushing someone to change by the time you are ready to commit. The mismatch is over faith, not a hairstyle. A core part of their thinking.

    We don't usually expect friends to be someone they're not, for our convenience. Or hold faith over them like a condition of acceptability. Of course you might be earnestly saying you want to make sure she connects with God, but I would wager that's not the strongest motive. (And then you can catch me for wagering.)

    It's a practical principle, to keep your belief system pure and uncluttered enough to function well. That doesn't mean she's evil or deceptive. It doesn't mean we wouldn't like her. I'm sure she's a great friend... which is certainly something to be treasured.

    Some of the verses on mixed-faith marriages refer to foreign spouses who bring in known abominable practices -- not just neutral beliefs.

    Exodus 34:16
    Deuteronomy 7:3,4
    1 Chronicles 23:22
    Ezra 9:1,2,12
    Nehemiah 10:30; 13:26,27
    Malachi 2:11
    1 Corinthians 7:39
    2 Corinthians 6:14
     
  16. Brian90

    Brian90 Senior Member

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    Thanks everyone. :)
     
  17. SecretAgentMan

    SecretAgentMan Still Breathing

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    Greetings,

    Here is my final advice on this subject. You can take God's word and apply it to your life or you can choose to do what you feel to be right and worry about everything else later. It would be my hope that you would trust God in this matter, not what man thinks is best for you. I have noticed much of the time when we choose to embark on a journey that the Lord did not want us to take we end up asking God later for forgiveness because we did not trust Him from the get go. Learn from the Israelites, who wandered in the desert for 40yrs because they were a "stiff-neck" people, meaning "unwilling" to trust Him completely in all matters, thus choosing to only turn to Him half way instead of all the way.

    Regards,

    SAM
     
  18. wonderwaleye

    wonderwaleye New Member Supporter

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    When GOD speaks you better listen:






    Proverbs 3:5

    Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding



    LOVE


    steven :hug:
     
  19. Naal

    Naal I'm a tiger, rawr!

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    There has been a lot of great verses quoted here, so I'm going to be talking from a psychological point.

    People of different faiths, whom are serious about them, can not be in a healthy relationship, and doing the short-term dating? No, that won't work too. You can fall in love with someone when you let the guard around your heart down. Doing that you're playing with fire.

    Let me give you a couple examples.

    My mother was raised Catholic and was a pretty good girl growing up. She met a man whom was very shady and she entered a relationship thinking she could change him. My mother became pretty hardcore into drugs, drinking, and ended up having my sister and I. Shortly after I was born my birth father, in a drunken rage, tried killing my mother. Luckily she got out with my sister and I in arm. She tried changing him, when he actually changed her. Luckily a year after that incident she bounced back, met my (Step)father and got back with Christ.

    Another story is about a friend of mine whom I attend College/College Bible study with. He's an amazing man, so sweet and was so in love with God. He soon met a girl who joined our College social circle. I knew her from before and while she was a sweet girl, she was not a believer. They soon started dating and I had a talk with him about it. He claimed that she was Christian and loved God, while I politely told him he was making a mistake.

    She caught wind of this and pulled him away. I had not seen him for a year after that. He stopped going to church and when I tried contacting him she would just delete my emails. After that year passed I saw him again at Church, and he told me that she became pregnant. He said that it was a mistake dating her because even though she claimed to be a believer she did not act that way. She never wanted to go to church, never wanted to read her bible and didn't even like to pray. In a way she was a professing Christian, but practical Athiest.

    They have broken up now and she wont let him know anything about his unborn child. As much as he tries to contact her about his child she never returns his calls and has even told him she wants to raise the child by herself.

    Someone also said something about believers being in a lot worse mess than unbelievers, and while that is true you can tell who is true with their faith than someone who is not. You should be dating someone you have gotten to know and can see the fruits of their faith.

    What I'm trying to get to here is that Missionary dating is SUCH a bad idea. God has already said that we shall not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), and He says no so we can say yes to so many things! You may think these rules might hold you back, but they free you from a world of hurt, pain and stress.

    I'll be praying for you and your friend.
     
  20. secretshadows618

    secretshadows618 Breaking Chains

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    Just from personal experience I can tell you that its a bad idea. I dated a guy who was a non-believer and it spiraled out of control. God wasn't a part of our relationship and although you may find some happiness in a relationship without God being a part of it, You'll never be TRULY happy without him being a part of it.

    secretshadows
     
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