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Dating/Marriage

Discussion in 'Older Teens Area Ages 16-19' started by Girder of Loins, Sep 16, 2012.

  1. Girder of Loins

    Girder of Loins Future Math Teacher

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    Why is everyone so quick to get married? Aren't we supposed to be the bride of Christ? From my perspective, why wouldn't you stick with God, a thing that does not change or anything?

    I mean, I'm going to get married someday, but right now I don't feel like people should date until they are ready to get married. How is a thirteen year old ready for marriage in today's world?

    I guess this is more of a rant. I'm just sick of seeing people buy into another person's life onyl to see it be broken a few weeks/months later. Its ridiculous! There are rare cases(I know a few), but I feel it is still ridiculous. If you give your life to God, and He knows whats best for you, wouldn't He keep the person He created specifically for you until you're ready? Rather than throwing yourself at every boy toy or hot chick, why not wait?
     
  2. DaneaFL

    DaneaFL New Member

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    Kids these days are so in a hurry to get married because their church has taught them that it is evil to have sex if you don't have that piece of paper from the government.

    This is another proof that abstinence-only education does not work. States with larger populations of religiously abstinence people also have the highest rates of divorce and abortion.

    Abortion rates and religion.

    These poor kids are made to feel terrible about themselves over natural, biologic processes in their body that they cannot change and when they do eventually have sex, which of course most of them will, they know nothing about safe sex because no one taught them anything... so they are forced to have lots of abortions sometimes because of their parents.
     
  3. Chany

    Chany Imperfect Perfectionist

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    Because people do not have enough self-control and do not understand that marriage is, in and of itself, a job. You have to work together in marriage to ensure it all goes well. It's not a walk in the park and, unless you are extremely lucky, there will be struggles along the way.

    To simplify: people see as marriage simply a stage in a relationship and therefore do not take it as seriously as they should.
     
  4. I Eat Pie

    I Eat Pie New Member

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    Hey we got a smarty pants here :p. I don't know much about statistics of divorces and whatnot but she's spot on about the piece of paper part. I myself am not rushing into marriage. I've never even had sex and I can wait a bit. We live in the instant gratification era. Sex is a big deal to some people.
     
  5. EndlessSerenade

    EndlessSerenade Newbie

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    It's a healthy and totally normal thing to date when you're young. I see nothing wrong with it. You learn how love works, who you are compatible with and you grow as a human being. If you only start to date with the purpose of getting married then I have news for you... you're only going to end up settling for someone who you most likely aren't compatible with. Some people are lucky and meet their partner the first time around but I think majority of people had to go through break ups simply because of compatibility issues. However I do agree, dating at 13 is ridiculous and asking for trouble but when you're older and more mature I think relationships are a great way to test who you're compatible with and what works and don't work in a relationship. Just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you want to get married. That's supposed to come AFTER knowing the person very well and dating them when you realize this person really is for you and you gel together well in a relationship.

    "If you give your life to God, and He knows whats best for you, wouldn't He keep the person He created specifically for you until you're ready? "

    The problem with that mindset is that you forget that God isn't going to send your soul mate to come knocking on your door. You have to reach out too and give God the opportunity to send your partner. By not opening yourself up do dating you could be missing out on that one person God has sent for you... You need to keep your eyes open because God doesn't just hand everything to you. You must do your part. By closing yourself off from dating you're basically decreasing your chances by 90% for finding that right person.
     
  6. Girder of Loins

    Girder of Loins Future Math Teacher

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    EndlessSerenade,

    I should definitely categorize women based on my own self-fulfillment desires. I should definitely itemize women and turn them into nothing more than items on a shopping list. And while I'm shopping, why don't I try the merchandise out? Figure out what I like in bed. Then I will get the perfect girl for me, right? Of course, ten years down the road, my sense of "beauty" will ultimately change, and any chemistry we had going on with our pheromones will change.

    That is the problem with choosing your spouse based solely on physical features. Physical features change over time, and that is why I think the divorce rate has gone up. People get sick of the person they married, because the person they married is no longer there. Instead of the blonde they married, they have the wrinkly and greying female. Why would I want to end up like that? I want to make sure I am basing our relationship on spiritual things, as it is the only thing that ultimately lasts. When we die, the spirit goes on, but the body stays behind. So to make a list of likes and dislikes is quite frivolous and will only lead you to hate your spouse later on. Now there are exceptions to the rule. Some stick it out because they feel obligated to not divorce, and others actually get lucky. But why risk it? Why risk going after something that is bound to change? That is why I think dating should take a spiritual side, not a physical side.

    So that leads back to my point. No one in jr. high or high school is ready to think at that level. Especially not in today's culture. There is too much junk running around, and way too many stereotypes(like the one you just described). It is so easy to fall into the lie that people can be categorized into "beautiful" or "ugly". That thinking makes me sick. I guess I have seen too many guys saying "Your team" or "My team" when a girl walks in. Itemization of people is sexism at the highest of levels.
     
  7. DMMullinax

    DMMullinax I could live in hope

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    I understand what you're saying, but I don't see how you're representing abstinence as bad? Yeah, it's sinful to have sex outside of a context where you are permanently bound to someone in marriage. How is that wrong? If you were getting married to a man wouldn't you like to know he hasn't had sex or been intimate in that way with another woman? I wouldn't want my spouse to have been with someone else.

    I don't remember a time when I ever felt terrible about myself because I couldn't have sex right now. Sure, it's a lot of self-control, but I think it's something a lot of people have lost nowadays. It's worth it to wait, and I'll have a heck of a lot more appreciation for my wife and know her a lot better having spent so long getting to know her on a personal level and not a physical level.

    The connection from abstinence to abortions doesn't seem like a connection at all. You're forgetting the variable where people make decisions based on their own free will. Decisions like: should I have sex, which is a temporary thing, or should I wait a while (and sure it's rough to wait) and have sex with my spouse in the awesome context of marriage and enjoy it as it should be.

    Doesn't seem to be the issue of abstinence. I think it's more a person's lack of self-control.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2012
  8. EndlessSerenade

    EndlessSerenade Newbie

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    wooooow wait a minute. Who said that by choosing to date you are "itemizing" anyone? You're simply looking for love and seeing who you are compatible with and then progressing to a relationship? I mean, how else are you going to do it? Pick a girl and hope that she's the one and end up wasting 6 months of your life while you could have found your soul mate? And when did this become about beauty??? This has NOTHING to do with beauty. It has to do with compatibility. By compatibility I mean do your personalities work out and do you share similar interests. Your entire outlook seems distorted. Dating has nothing to do with "oh you're attractive, let's date". It has to do with something called chemistry that is often not explainable. You just feel something inside saying you should give this person a chance. So you're not "going after something that's bound to change". You're going after someone who you're compatible with and could be with for the long run. Divorce rates aren't so high because people picked the other for their beauty, it's high because people picked partners who they aren't COMPATIBLE with. Just ask my parents and you'll have a wonderful example. And it's not just them you know. It's something that I see all the time. Marriages clash when partners have different outlooks, different goals and conflicting personalities. Not because the one partner is now bald or wrinkly.
     
  9. Girder of Loins

    Girder of Loins Future Math Teacher

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    I agree with you, and I imagine we are battling semantics.

    What I would call chemistry is the interaction between people's chemical releases form the body. BO can actually seduce people. Natural pheromones can attract different people, as can people's perception of beauty. With such naturalistic standards for dating, one will lose interest over time, as the chemical interactions change, and social standards change.

    That is why I promote a deeper sense to dating. What is a person actually like: belief systems, ideologies, characteristics, spiritual maturity, and other things of a more personal level. I also promote waiting until about junior level of college as that is about the time that the changes in mentality and beliefs. So dating in high school or earlier is quite frivolous, as you will more than likely change, and trying to please your old self is limiting to personal growth. Some people don't change, and those are the people that have great relationships in the distant future. You won't like the same thing in people later until your mindset does not change drastically. Think of how much one changes mentally in high school and college.

    I am not trying to create strife between us, nor do I pass any judgement on anyone in a dating relationship. If you think you're ready, who am I to judge? I just think more people need to think about dating in a more serious manner, rather than it being a "game" or something insignificant as that.
     
  10. HarborOrange

    HarborOrange I am a sieve.

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    When you have sex with someone, you're married to them based on my understanding of Scripture.

    So, everyone's married these days.
     
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