HazelWings
There is no one like our God
Like so many of the other threads that pop up here, I think it all boils down to who the two individuals are and what's comfortable for them.
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Dates and who is buying...
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Starnchrist
Queen_E Formerly Soldier <3
Thank You!! lol I feel the male Lynch mob on me! lol I take it me and revive would have a horrible date. lol 
Revive I'm Sorrryyyyyyyyyyyy... lol
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Revived
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LOL you shouldn't get bulldozed for stating an opinion.
I guess we just have differing opinions on what constitutes financial stability and being a man. If I choose not to spend money on the first few dates, it doesn't mean I'm not financially stable or immature. It simply means that I've chosen to place a MUCH higher priority on God as the "provider" and getting to know one another without any concern or confusion over who's paying and why. Ultimately though, we all have our preferences and like Curwhibble mentioned ...
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Revived
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If you "expect" me to pay, then you're right!
Look, I fully realize I'm a bit jaded when it comes to this subject. Please accept my apologies if any of what I've written is construed as shortsighted or insensitive.
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Starnchrist
Queen_E Formerly Soldier <3
I'll end it with this.
If I go on a date and we get the check what I've done is take out my purse and say... how much for what I ordered? If the guy tells me don't worry about it. I'd take that as a good gesture and a good part of the date. thats basically what I mean. well for me. thats it. end of story. RUNS AWAY FROM THE MALE LYNCH MOB YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!! HAHAHAH
If I go on a date and we get the check what I've done is take out my purse and say... how much for what I ordered? If the guy tells me don't worry about it. I'd take that as a good gesture and a good part of the date. thats basically what I mean. well for me. thats it. end of story. RUNS AWAY FROM THE MALE LYNCH MOB
YOU CAN'T CATCH ME!! HAHAHAH
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Mrs.Slocombe
Active Member
Blind post.
First, I don't think women should do the asking/make the first move. Flirt all you want, be friendly, but IMO, a woman shouldn't mention the M-word first, say I love you first, and I strongly believe if the woman initiates the first date, he's just not that into you. So, the likelihood that I would pay for a first date, or would generally expect to, goes out the window for me.
Second, I do bring money with me and do offer, but I've only had one date actually take me up on going dutch on the first date. For reasons other than that, I never did return his calls. But it definately left a REALLY bad first impression, to go along with the rest of it all.
I think in the beginning, the guy should pay for the first few dates. Maybe not everything - if you go for dinner, buying coffee afterwards while you walk around - or him letting you - is not a faux-pas. But once things become settled, the couple should start splitting, or taking turns. I was 18 when I had my first SO, and it definately was dutch a heckuva lot quicker (maybe second or third date) than the current relationship I'm in (almost 3 months in, and dinners dutch have only been for the last month, and the chance for me to pay for something more than bottled water, liquor at a bar, or coffee was finally ok'd); but we're both adults now. (And before the dreaded gold-digger label gets thrown out there, we weren't meeting for crazy-expensive dates every weekend. There were lots of days we just did under a tenner afternoon coffee date, though The Boy still paid. It's not about being taken to 5 Star Resorts; I'd be touched if a date and I went for a movie and he paid for the McDonald's combos.)
IMHO (though I can't speak for all women!) it's the action of taking care of a lady that is important, not really how much he actually spent.
First, I don't think women should do the asking/make the first move. Flirt all you want, be friendly, but IMO, a woman shouldn't mention the M-word first, say I love you first, and I strongly believe if the woman initiates the first date, he's just not that into you. So, the likelihood that I would pay for a first date, or would generally expect to, goes out the window for me.
Second, I do bring money with me and do offer, but I've only had one date actually take me up on going dutch on the first date. For reasons other than that, I never did return his calls. But it definately left a REALLY bad first impression, to go along with the rest of it all.
I think in the beginning, the guy should pay for the first few dates. Maybe not everything - if you go for dinner, buying coffee afterwards while you walk around - or him letting you - is not a faux-pas. But once things become settled, the couple should start splitting, or taking turns. I was 18 when I had my first SO, and it definately was dutch a heckuva lot quicker (maybe second or third date) than the current relationship I'm in (almost 3 months in, and dinners dutch have only been for the last month, and the chance for me to pay for something more than bottled water, liquor at a bar, or coffee was finally ok'd); but we're both adults now. (And before the dreaded gold-digger label gets thrown out there, we weren't meeting for crazy-expensive dates every weekend. There were lots of days we just did under a tenner afternoon coffee date, though The Boy still paid. It's not about being taken to 5 Star Resorts; I'd be touched if a date and I went for a movie and he paid for the McDonald's combos.)
IMHO (though I can't speak for all women!) it's the action of taking care of a lady that is important, not really how much he actually spent.
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darktipper
Outside I look bad but inside is like candy :)
I paid for every date.... It sucked. It left me broke. After a while the woman I was dating started to get fewer dates out of me lol. Now that I am single and have no one I can actually enjoy my cash for the first time in a while. I think women should off to pay for some dates. It also shows the guy that you are into him and into the date too. If she never offers to pay then you may have to question her motives...... This is just from my dating experiences. I paid for ALL of the dates with whoever I dated.... Never again lol
It almost feels like prostitution of something... It is a catch 22 with women. If you go on cheap dates then they call you cheap and leave. If you insist that she pays on at least a date here and there then she will leave for a guy who pays for dates. Usury is the word of the day. Then there is the thought that gays have of what if I get dumped, I am wasting money on her
It almost feels like prostitution of something... It is a catch 22 with women. If you go on cheap dates then they call you cheap and leave. If you insist that she pays on at least a date here and there then she will leave for a guy who pays for dates. Usury is the word of the day. Then there is the thought that gays have of what if I get dumped, I am wasting money on her
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SneakerPimp53
Becoming X
Guys that insist on paying usually are just setting themselves up for frustration and feeling used down the road. It gets old and expensive to pick up the tab every time you go out. There are certainly guys that will do it because they believe it's traditional, or somehow living up to a divine roll in which God demands they pay for dinner. But reality has a way of sinking in and when you can't do something you want to do, go out with friends, or buy yourself something because all your spare money goes to paying for dates it gets really frustrating. I've seen it over and over, and I've seen guys dump girls because they're tried of paying for dates and want other stuff. If they can't resolve that maybe the solution is for her to pick up her own stuff they're going to end the relationship. Then there's a lot of guys end up feeling used when they get dumped, even if that wasn't the case. If you're stuck paying for everything all the time and get dumped it's going to feel like a huge waste of money, and it kind of is a huge waste of money. So my philosophy comes down to keep early dates free, or very cheap. There's lots of stuff you can do like go to the park, or out for a cup of coffee that cost nothing or very little. If a girl comes out demanding being taken out to dinner then there's more than a fair chance she's just looking for a free meal, and should be avoided. Later on if you want to invite someone to something they normally wouldn't do, or is beyond their means, then you should pay for it. If you want to take your girl to a football game and she doesn't really like football all that much it's not really fair to ask her to dump that much money on tickets for something you primarily want to do. Or if you want to go to some big fancy restaurant and you know she can't really afford it then it also wouldn't be fair to ask her to pick up half. Normal kinds of activities you can take turns paying, or split the check. It keeps things fun and far less expensive. Women that simply refuse to pay for anything IMO should be avoided. You can pretty well be sure they're going to go for the fattest wallet, and as soon as that ain't you, they're gone.
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darktipper
Outside I look bad but inside is like candy :)
The truth lol....... I got tired for paying for it all and she made a lot of money but never upped any on dates until I once payed for only my food at a place then she was force to use her cash on her meal.
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SneakerPimp53
Becoming X
Ability really has nothing to do with it. Is it fundamentally fair, in your opinion, that a guy should have to spend all his extra money on dates while you get to spend your extra money on just things you want?
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Thunder Peel
You don't eat a peacock until it's cooked.
I always like to pay if I can. I guess I'm old-fashioned but if I ask a girl out I like to pay. It's ultimately up to the couple though, which is one more reason why communication is so important.
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To be quite honest.. I treat it the same way I do when i go out with friends.
If I explictly state I'm going to pay.. then I expect to have to pay. My best friend for instance has a crappy job and he has to help his parents with stuff. so I know I'll be paying most of the time. I'm fine with that. If I'm out with a bunch of friends.. and I've not told them I'm paying- I expect them to pay their share.
On the topic back to dating.. most of my first dates the female has insisted she pay her part anyways actually.
--Having been drug halfway across the world and experienced sooo many cultures.. I guess those that think half & half for the dos part od do/do not stuck. That's just me.
I can understand that some people were raised differently and the culture shock that comes with meeting someone who has different views on the subject, btu don't discount me because I had a different upbringing
If I explictly state I'm going to pay.. then I expect to have to pay. My best friend for instance has a crappy job and he has to help his parents with stuff. so I know I'll be paying most of the time. I'm fine with that. If I'm out with a bunch of friends.. and I've not told them I'm paying- I expect them to pay their share.
On the topic back to dating.. most of my first dates the female has insisted she pay her part anyways actually.
--Having been drug halfway across the world and experienced sooo many cultures.. I guess those that think half & half for the dos part od do/do not stuck. That's just me.
I can understand that some people were raised differently and the culture shock that comes with meeting someone who has different views on the subject, btu don't discount me because I had a different upbringing
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Mrs.Slocombe
Active Member
Us women spend a heckuva lot more on undies, clothes, cosmetics and skincare for the man's enjoyment while dating, while the guys just shower and show up. Consider it an even trade.
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PinkSweetart
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My opinion is pretty much the same as these ladies. It's just the way I was raised.
In my sisters realtionship, she did most of the paying and picked her boyfriend up for dates. She even asked him out first. This drove my family insane because it wasn't something we were used to. She said she didn't do it because she was a feminist, though. She did it because she loved him. It was okay for her to pay for a few things, but after a while her boyfriend seemed to have gotten comfortable with the fact that she was paying.
It worked for her, but it's just not my cup of tea.
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half-blind post:
Not true for me. I would be happy to pay. But, if she doesn't feel comfortable about it, I wouldn't insist.
It doesn't hurt my feelings at all even if she pays my share too.
I'm cheap. Edit: By the way, in my culture, the guy pays, and it doesn't matter how many dates you've had already.
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Starnchrist
Queen_E Formerly Soldier <3
I'll end it with this.
If I go on a date and we get the check what I've done is take out my purse and say... how much for what I ordered? If the guy tells me don't worry about it. I'd take that as a good gesture and a good part of the date. thats basically what I mean. well for me. thats it. end of story. RUNS AWAY FROM THE MALE LYNCH MOB
If you "expect" me to pay, then you're right!
Look, I fully realize I'm a bit jaded when it comes to this subject. Please accept my apologizes if any of what I've written is construed as shortsighed or insensitive.
I was pardoned!!! Lol apology accept and also forgive me if I too was harsh in words. You still gotta pay!! Haha just kidding.
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SneakerPimp53
Becoming X
In other words it's not fair, but if more guys figure it out you'll get fewer free dinners.
And no, your personal grooming products are not taken as an even trade.
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Thunder Peel
You don't eat a peacock until it's cooked.
One thing I forgot to mention is that I think it helps to keep the first dates small and cheap. You can both pay and as the relationship progresses you can alter that and find what works best for both of you.
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No, the woman pays for everything, and I choose what she orders and if I like the food that she orders maybe I eat her food too....
I'll write it off as our kink.
As for other people.. I'd say it should be negotiated between the two.. this whole "be a man" thing seems like a lot of crap, especially coming from a society that tries to be equal with the genders. A man shouldn't be pressured to do anything.
I'll write it off as our kink.
As for other people.. I'd say it should be negotiated between the two.. this whole "be a man" thing seems like a lot of crap, especially coming from a society that tries to be equal with the genders. A man shouldn't be pressured to do anything.
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