Confession question

[~Anastasia~]

I'm not sure why this seems to be so difficult for me to figure out.

Maybe because different jurisdictions look at things differently, and I've read and heard some really conflicting information. And I know I should probably ask Father.

I'm a little hesitant to ask him because I think he's probably pretty overworked. No deacon, only one priest, and lately we haven't even had chanters or readers during weekday liturgies, and the parish is probably the upper limit size for one priest, and he is happily expecting his third child soon (the first two are still small!). And add to that, I think Greeks consider confession more than twice a year to be "frequent". I've stretched things out and been 3 times in less than 6 months.

So those are the reasons I'm hesitant.

What I want to ask is this ...

I'm still figuring kind of what confession is for. The checklists ask you to go over all these sins as if they're a shopping list, and check them off. But some teachers insist that's not what confession is about.

And I don't have anything grievous to confess. Father may wonder why the urgency? But here's the thing. I've become so aware of how un-Christ-like I am in my heart. I'm constantly reminded. It's feeling like a burden, and yes, it's getting heavy, and I feel like I want to go to confession.

But the thing is, I'm also aware that after confession, I'm still going to be me. Throughout my life, I'm going to remain soooooo far short of Christ. So does it even make sense to want to confess for that reason?

I don't feel barred from communion, and indeed, I always receive it. So I guess I am not sure about troubling Father, who is so busy, over something that isn't going to change to a great degree, and I don't know how I SHOULD be thinking about this?

I've even thought about finding out if Antiochians confess more often and maybe going to the other priest, if he already plans to hear confession regularly. But Father knows me, and gives good advice, and I've come to trust him. I am not sure I could even explain what I'm feeling to a different priest. Though I do know him to be very kind and helpful.

 

[ArmyMatt]

confession is one of those things (ie the sacramental life in the Church) that will soften your heart to help you accept Christ, so that when Judgment Day comes, you are prepared to embrace Him.

 

[AKBlessings]

I think I know just how you feel. Having been to a number of parishes in different jurisdictions, I have received very different advice in each. I have been told by an OCA priest that it is important to be very conscious of our sins but to confess not the individual acts but the underlying vice. So instead of saying I yelled at my kids 20 times this week, you would confess anger and pride in general. An Antiochian priest told me that I was too focused on my sins when I made a regular (for me) confession of the general sins I had committed that week. But I have had both OCA and Antiochian priests who said nothing of how I confess my sins, leaving me feeling like they were fine with the way I did it. A bit confusing, but I guess each priest has their own way of looking at things.

For me, I do not feel comfortable going to communion without having been to confession that week. I tend to confess the general vice but then mention the scenarios that I keep stumbling in so the priest can offer more personal counsel. The OCA parishes in my area do weekly or more frequent confession, while the Antiochians are more like a few times a year. Each of the two parishes I divid my time between have good priests, but I confess at the OCA parish because he has been a confessor for quite a few years, while the other priest has only been able to hear confessions for a few months.

In your situation I would go to confession as often as you feel the desire to. If the priest tells you it is not necessary for you, then abide by his advice, otherwise, do not hesitate to confess whenever you need. And while it would be great if our repentance was enough to change our ways instantly, for most of us, this is a long process, and we will need to confess the same things over and over again.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Thanks for the replies.

I have only Greek and an Antiochian here, so it sounds like Antiochians don't confess all that much more often than Greeks?

It's not so much overcoming sin ... how can I say this? Or maybe I'm wrong. But I'm just aware of my thoughts - not constant, but what comes up sometimes - and what they indicate about my heart. And it grieves me to see that I'm not like Christ in those moments. Yet on the other hand - how can a human being REALLY be like Christ? You'd be a walking, miracle-working Saint I think. It's not that I think I should be like that (else I'd be so eaten up with pride I'd be hopeless!) ... but at the same time I'm just so grieved by individual instances of not being like Him.

I really am not sure that I'm making sense, and I'm not sure I should be talking about this. Essentially maybe it's more a spiritual question than something that really ought to be confessed, because I can pretty much guarantee that within a day of confession, it's going to happen again. Possibly within 5 minutes if I have a conversation with anyone.

But I've heard priests say things like "so and so taught me what confession was supposed to be about" and "confession isn't just listing your sins" and even saying you should NOT list your sins because that's simply focusing on them and not a good idea. Father brought this up as well - that it can cause more problems to focus on sin and talk about it, and he warned me to consider carefully if I thought I needed to discuss such a thing.

It may soften my heart more, but it's not a hard heart I'm looking to deal with here.

Thanks so much for responses. I guess it makes things more difficult to understand when different priests take different approaches.

And in a way, I feel like I ought to "get" this by now, but what's available to read just confuses me.

Thanks again. I appreciate you both taking the time to reply.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I need to go back and read some more. I ran across some blogs that talked about moral progress, or rather that such was an illusion? Iirc, that might apply here. Maybe my question is more about moral progress than confession ...

Except I'd really call "a perfect heart" instead of moral progress. And I'm thinking that's really almost impossible.

Perhaps focusing on such a thing leads one away from appreciation of God's ongoing mercy ... So maybe I actually need to stop thinking this way.

Lol I am confused!

 

[AKBlessings]

Oh, I can so relate! I feel like a new person after confession, but by the time I am getting all the kids in the car to drive home, I feel like I need to turn right back around and confess again! I am torn between feeling like I just need to stay in the church constantly confessing, and just taking a chill pill and accepting that our Lord is merciful and understanding. The priest I have been confessing to gave me some great insight this last time, mentioning how everything I brought up was related to one particular mindset (going to keep that detail to myself) and that a way to get out of it was to realize that Christ is in all of us. When I look at myself and others, the only thing I should be doing is looking for the Christ in them, and loving them for His sake. If I could do that, a lot of my sins would be avoided, as well as my preoccupation with tallying up all my sins. So focus on God and the good, not my perpetually fallen state. (But still come to confession each week.)

 

[AKBlessings]

There seems to be two (at least) different approaches to a relationship with God. Focus on your own unworthiness and continually pray for mercy while trying to avoid and repent of all sin. Or, focus on the majesty of God and bask in His love, trusting in His mercy, regardless of your unworthiness. I go back and forth between the two.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hmmmmmmm. Thank you so much, AKBlessings. I feel much less alone in my confusion, at least. I need to think about this some more. Maybe I will simply ask Father, and that way he doesn't have to get the vestments and all that if he doesn't feel confession is necessary. I need to try and get to see him regarding some other issues before he's sequestered with a new baby for a while. Presbytera will probably need a lot of help!

Thank you for your insight.