I feel like this was kind of a rushed post, I highlighted in bold the important stuff to me.
I'm having a lot of trouble understanding the attitudes of my co-workers...
Most of the time, I either feel:
1) Like I'm being teased too much
or
2) Jealous of other co-workers
or
3) That I may loose my job
or
4) Unable to keep up with the "intelligence" of other people in conversations or in competing assignments and deadlines
OR...
5) All of the above
(Fortunately, this isn't a multiple choice test.)
It's a big complex problem, and I get very emotional at times working there. I have talked about my personal issues too much to a few people there, and one co-worker teases me about it a lot. I also assume he talks about me with another friend of mine, when I'm not there. I think this way, because, around me - they have talked about other people behind their backs, too. I admit that I've joined in their conversations and talked about other people, too. I don't do it anymore because of the amount of times I've messed up over there and feel like a hypocrite talking about people when I haven't done so well, either.
At work, I haven't followed instructions very well. I'm so much better than I used to be, but sometimes I don't do the work exactly the way I'm supposed to, either.
There is a "know-it-all" person that sits next to me, that does a very good job and sometimes looks over my work and always points out what is wrong with it. He is always bragging (teasing?) about his work and how mine doesn't look as good sometimes. On a good note, he does praise some of the work I have done. He doesn't usually talk much, but when the time comes up, or whenever our boss is around; he tells her how good of a job his work is compared to mine, and complains about the people who don't do as good of a job to others in the company. He's one of those people who constantly complains about "idiots", like he has never done anything wrong in his life, which gets annoying. He once told me that if a chance arose that he has gotten incompetant people fired before.
Whenever the co-worker that trained me, the one that has helped me a lot in overcoming some things, talks to him, the "air" about them is - "You have never messed up, you can do no wrong!" My trainer complained about him before, back in the days when I really didn't do anything wrong and he wasn't sitting next to me. It's not that I want her to complain about it again, though. I also get the feeling they know I'm jealous, because this guy also likes to bring up my insecurities and tease me about them...Oh it's a long story, but you get the point.
While it's true he has done a lot better job than me, he is being a hypocrite, at times. He has failed to do the work he was supposed to, a few times. And I want to tell my boss that he hasn't been doing his work. I just don't see how my boss is ever going to believe me, especially since I've messed up more times than one and would seem like - "Yeaahh, right."
ANYWAY - my MAIN problem is -
I'm just trying to get past my own state of mind, that ever since that person started sitting next to me, I have done poorly, and that my trainer talks to him more about things, often ignoring my solutions to problems. I'm one of those people who take comments to heart and overanalyzes everything, even if they aren't true. I'm trying to get over the "caring what people think" stage, because I've discovered that all my life, I have been driven by what people think of me. And the more I get criticized, the more I feel like they are just talking amongst themselves because they know I get jealous - the more I say - "forget this work, I'm sick of it, I never get any praise like I used to get...Im quitting. Why bother?"
I believe there is a way out through "self-improvement", often forgetting God. I can't even talk to anyone at work about these issues - I feel that my "talk to people about my personal problems" card has been used up. I know of one close Christian friend there, but I feel like I'm annoying her, but I'll try...
I'm having a lot of trouble understanding the attitudes of my co-workers...
Most of the time, I either feel:
1) Like I'm being teased too much
or
2) Jealous of other co-workers
or
3) That I may loose my job
or
4) Unable to keep up with the "intelligence" of other people in conversations or in competing assignments and deadlines
OR...
5) All of the above
(Fortunately, this isn't a multiple choice test.)
It's a big complex problem, and I get very emotional at times working there. I have talked about my personal issues too much to a few people there, and one co-worker teases me about it a lot. I also assume he talks about me with another friend of mine, when I'm not there. I think this way, because, around me - they have talked about other people behind their backs, too. I admit that I've joined in their conversations and talked about other people, too. I don't do it anymore because of the amount of times I've messed up over there and feel like a hypocrite talking about people when I haven't done so well, either.
At work, I haven't followed instructions very well. I'm so much better than I used to be, but sometimes I don't do the work exactly the way I'm supposed to, either.
There is a "know-it-all" person that sits next to me, that does a very good job and sometimes looks over my work and always points out what is wrong with it. He is always bragging (teasing?) about his work and how mine doesn't look as good sometimes. On a good note, he does praise some of the work I have done. He doesn't usually talk much, but when the time comes up, or whenever our boss is around; he tells her how good of a job his work is compared to mine, and complains about the people who don't do as good of a job to others in the company. He's one of those people who constantly complains about "idiots", like he has never done anything wrong in his life, which gets annoying. He once told me that if a chance arose that he has gotten incompetant people fired before.
Whenever the co-worker that trained me, the one that has helped me a lot in overcoming some things, talks to him, the "air" about them is - "You have never messed up, you can do no wrong!" My trainer complained about him before, back in the days when I really didn't do anything wrong and he wasn't sitting next to me. It's not that I want her to complain about it again, though. I also get the feeling they know I'm jealous, because this guy also likes to bring up my insecurities and tease me about them...Oh it's a long story, but you get the point.
While it's true he has done a lot better job than me, he is being a hypocrite, at times. He has failed to do the work he was supposed to, a few times. And I want to tell my boss that he hasn't been doing his work. I just don't see how my boss is ever going to believe me, especially since I've messed up more times than one and would seem like - "Yeaahh, right."
ANYWAY - my MAIN problem is -
I'm just trying to get past my own state of mind, that ever since that person started sitting next to me, I have done poorly, and that my trainer talks to him more about things, often ignoring my solutions to problems. I'm one of those people who take comments to heart and overanalyzes everything, even if they aren't true. I'm trying to get over the "caring what people think" stage, because I've discovered that all my life, I have been driven by what people think of me. And the more I get criticized, the more I feel like they are just talking amongst themselves because they know I get jealous - the more I say - "forget this work, I'm sick of it, I never get any praise like I used to get...Im quitting. Why bother?"
I believe there is a way out through "self-improvement", often forgetting God. I can't even talk to anyone at work about these issues - I feel that my "talk to people about my personal problems" card has been used up. I know of one close Christian friend there, but I feel like I'm annoying her, but I'll try...
