Chronic pain/illness' and depression seem to go hand in hand

[One day at a time]

Thanks Fangtastic!! Just saying that made me smile....so that is good!

 

[Fangtastic]

A good day to you One. How's the pain today? I have a cold today but other than that off to a healthy start.

 

[One day at a time]

I am enduring right at the moment. Last week was in the ER and I have pleural effusion and have finished my antibiotics but it hasn't taken care of it, so breathing is still not the best. Went to the dr. Today and she is sending me to a pulmonary dr this next week. Honestly, if it's not one thing it's another.
Then I needed refills and they gave me the next step down and didn't even talk to me about how I was feeling...
So the next step is looking for pain management!
But this too shall pass!
Makes me appreciate all the good deep breaths that I had before!

 

[pumanator]

Will be praying 1. When I went in to the cardiac unit it was because of shortness of breath and it was scary. I hope you get the care you need.

 

[Chaplain David]

Like a lot of you, chronic pain is but one aspect of other illnesses and symptoms. But it is ever present at varying levels usually fairly severe. There's so much to deal with and talk about when you're dealing with chronic illness and it can get quite complicated. Despite our medical system being very good we still have to end up being our own advocates most of the time and that is frutrating (and burdensome) when added on to all the other things.

But something someone told me recently was a reminder of things not new, just misplaced. The advice was that I should try to live "today" and make it the best day I could and not think about all the other stuff unless I absolutely had to deal with it.

Of course I new about concentrating on the positives but it's easy to lose touch with these things when one is navigating the various hallways of illness and feelings. So I say, God bless everyone! Let's put our faith and trust in Him. Let's make today the best day possible and at all times remember, "This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Faithfully,

 

[One day at a time]

Thank you both for your prayers and kind words....

 

[Armistead14]

I live with a severe nerve disease. I think for those that reach such a level it becomes overwhelming. I lost a job I worked for 20 years due to it and went to work for myself. Eventually I couldn't do that at a level to pay the bills. I think that's the worse thing that comes with illness, it seems to roll over on everything.

My illness is complex with no cure. My Neuro had me on many strong pain meds for years. Still, she seldom knew who I was when I say her. I finally couldn't pay medical insurance, but she saw me and I paid out of pocket for the visit. The meds I take require drug testing that I couldn't afford. She stopped all my meds at once, nothing to wean off of. I went into a world of hell as pain increased and withdrawals. I don't know how I got through this with no help. Then on top of this I rupture a disc in my neck that needs surgery.

Illness is terrible. I once was strong and a good provider, now losing everything. I know what it's like to have power cut off, go without decent food and now my home I've lived in 20 years is being foreclosed on. The hardest thing is knowing my wife and 14 year old son will have to move in with her sister and I have no clue where I will go. Illness takes everything over time. It's terrible just to deal with pain, much less dealing with poverty.

Part of me is mad. I had a good LTD, but kept trying to work. I never wasted money, had little bills and some savings. I lived off my savings for
a year, instead of using my LTD. When I applied for it, I couldn't use it because it's based on your last recent pay quarter...I had none because I lived off my savings....so check your policy if you ever do this.

One sad thing is without medical insurance with severe illness you can only run to the hospital so many times. They won't treat your chronic pain daily. Really they don't care, rushed in and out.

As someone stated, those around you don't understand. They look at you and want you to be what you were. Over time people look at you with distain..."just do something", but don't understand many of us just live each moment with all our energy dealing with pain.

Often I feel panicked wanting to kill myself. Like most, nothing in me wants to die. If I did I wouldn't want anyone to feel blame or guilt. The only thing that stops me is knowing the pain it would cause my son, but since going off meds it's hard to keep him in focus when I have those suicide moments.
I've written him a large book telling him all I would through his life in case I do. I don't think it will be planned, I think it will just happen in a weak moment of despair.

So sad, most not only deal with pain, but if it disables you, you have to deal with going into poverty. Watching my family suffer so is as bad as the pain.

I spent the first years like most..."God heal me" or "just let me keep working" and the famous "why me" Eventually it's hard not to get mad at God...I finally went for why me to why not me..with millions around the world suffering so, why should God treat me different, but it's hard to grin and bear it.

 

[JourneyToPeace]

I just wanted to stop in here today to offer my prayers for everyone here who's hurting and in pain. I see my grandma and my mom in chronic pain often, for different reasons, and I witness what they go through and always wish that it could be taken away. So please know that I am thinking of all of you here, and will be keeping you in my prayers!

 

[pumanator]

Dear Arm,
I just got back from the ortho for knee injections...the pain had me in tears, no bucking up this time around.

I was feeling sorry from myself until I read the your post...I wish I could offer words of encouragement but I am simply shocked at your situation.

My biggest question is WHERE IS THE CHURCH?!?!?! I would hope you belong to a fellowship that could reach out to you. The church in america is sitting on a lot of wealth and tithe only on average about 2.5%. If you have to move in with family I would hope and pray that the 3 of you can stay together, the Lord and each other is all you have.

I will be praying for you but I have to admit that I am numb to all pain that is in the world that goes unchecked and I shouldn't but still wonder sometimes where is God, where is the church and whats the point to it all.

 

[Armistead14]

Well, what makes you mad is if you could afford it you could at least have some quality of life. Sadly those that live in severe pain about the only option is strong narcotics, but with that comes the stigma of those that party and abuse them. Doctors put you on them, then treat you like drug users, constant expensive drug testing, if you complain with pain they think you want more, ect. You have to go pick up your meds monthly, just so expensive without insurance. Strange, I use to use a clinic to drug test employees for about $80 per test. My Neuro charges $580 per test.... to get a $20 prescription

Like most I never saw this coming. Had a great job, upper middle income life..When I first go this illness I joined several support groups and saw many go into despair and poverty and just give up. I was not going to let that happen to me...but it did. I didn't give just give up. When I lost my office job, I started doing odd jobs, anything. I had to duct tape tools to my hands or I would drop them. Eventually you can't hide it from people and the pain just makes you useless. I was still doing odd jobs until my Doctor dropped me and stopped all my meds.

I had a lot of stuff I collected over the years and sell it on ebay for dimes on the dollar, but I somehow made it this year.

Overtime most just have to let you go, they just don't know how to deal with it. Eventually theres nothing left to say and people understandably have to move on and live their lives. I think this is what's hard for most that live in pain, they know they can't make others miserable with constant complaining, so they end up in a lonely world.

Course will millions of kids dying of starvation/disease/war in this world, it's hard to know where you fit in in God's eyes.

 

[pumanator]

Joni and Friends
check this site. her ministry is to ppl of ALL disabilities.
Is your pastor and the body that you belong to know what you and your family are going through?

 

[pumanator]

Arm...I still would like to know if you have asked you church for help. Also, you pay taxes and should be eligible for SSI and for temp help welfare though I understand not wanting to look into it. I hope you are looking into help from what ever sources available to you.

 

[Armistead14]

I'm not connected to a church anymore per say. I was a member of a Ind. Bap. church most of my life, taught SS, youth ministry, ect. Some years ago I started having issues with certain traditions and doctrines, why I stayed, I lost position in the church. I loved so many of the people and a youth group I gave so much time, so I stayed. Eventually my issues just deemed that I needed to find some where else, but about then my illness started causing issues, so I never found a church home. A few members visited, but no one has called on me for over a year....that's just life, people move on.

I realize my pride got me in the trouble I'm in. I find it impossible to ask for help. Don't get me wrong, a few times people offered and I would take feeling ashamed. Don't know why I'm like that, I've had times I've made good money and certainly paid my share of house payments and medical for others in my support group when I could.

Again, I made the mistake of living off my savings when I should've drawn my good LTD. The hardest thing is losing your medical insurance, because then you lose your Doctors and you really need them for getting SS. A social worker at a state hospital is trying to get me on medicaid and help me get on SS, problem is it takes years. You still have to have some income for visits, meds....just have none, so I don't go.

It's hard to explain to people when you're disabled and in pain, can't drive, getting help can be hard. There is so much red tape to the system and that makes it hard for people to use it.

I'm hoping I will somehow be able to get back on the meds that helped and maybe get back to work some. The pain is you can't make any money why trying to get on SS, I guess they expect you to starve why you wait for years.

I filed Chapter 13 to try and save my house because it's half paid for. I should've sold it, cause they added so many medical bills to my case running my bankrupt payment up. Anyway, I should've been done in a year ago, but sold enough crap and did enough work that I made it until now, lot longer than I thought I would make it.

 

[pumanator]

Being an anonymous voice in a public forum I realize what I have to say carries very little weight. I in no way wish to play counselor knowing that if there is anything of value in what I have to say that it comes from Him and not me.

Having said that I will use some of what you yourself have said. Pride is at the center of all our problems/sin and it separates us from God/loved ones/fellowship/people. God is in charge of it all and nothing is beyond His fixing...He simply is waiting on you but what He is waiting for from you is between the two of you. I imagine it may be as simple as surrendering the the situation. I can say with confidence that He wants you back in fellowship...maybe at your old church or He would lead you to a new one.

I have been attending Calvary Chapel for year simply because they teach the Bible and share the gospel, nothing else, just the basics. I too spent a long period of time out of church but about 2 yrs ago I went back to my old church...it was hard but things had changed for the better...in both I and the church. Its not perfect but I am where God wants me, to grow where He has planted me. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with my pain and limitations and how some ppl perceive me but I am staying put come hell or high water. YOU NEED A CHURCH YOU CAN CALL HOME! I say this with all the love and care He can muster in me for "I" wasted many years (man, years) being bitter about my circumstances because "I" choose to be bItter rather than become bEtter.
I can recommend the Calvary in your town but where ever it is that you can be comfortable you need to be plugged in...you are a coal out of the fire...Paul made it clear that we are to be in fellowship which is no simple matter and can at times be both painful and fulfilling all at the same time.

As to getting the help you need and deserve from the govmt God can fix those things in a heart beat and show Himself strong on your behalf. Ask Him what it is He wants from you and do it. Place this trial at His feet and trust Him. No name it and claim it...no blab it and crab it...just with the the faith He gives you to trust and believe He loves you and is with you...He has never left you during this trial but for what ever reason He is letting you/me run out of our own strength getting to the end of our ropes, the bottom of the barrel, flat on our back where the only place to look is up.

I can't think of anything else which is probably a good thing but know this, I can relate, I have worked since I was 10 and the jobs I have done have left me near crippled and only by the grace of God can I still go to my current job. I have been out of fellowship for long periods, I have no friends just my family but I am trying myself to be thankful for what I do have. I wish I could simply say a prayer and yours and my problems where gone...but this is boot camp...boot camp for heaven. He says His righteous ones will never go hungry, He will take care of you...I don't know what that will look like but He is with you and loves you.

Hope the new year is just that for you.

Lord bless

 

[Armistead14]

Being an anonymous voice in a public forum I realize what I have to say carries very little weight. I in no way wish to play counselor knowing that if there is anything of value in what I have to say that it comes from Him and not me.

Having said that I will use some of what you yourself have said. Pride is at the center of all our problems/sin and it separates us from God/loved ones/fellowship/people. God is in charge of it all and nothing is beyond His fixing...He simply is waiting on you but what He is waiting for from you is between the two of you. I imagine it may be as simple as surrendering the the situation. I can say with confidence that He wants you back in fellowship...maybe at your old church or He would lead you to a new one.

I have been attending Calvary Chapel for year simply because they teach the Bible and share the gospel, nothing else, just the basics. I too spent a long period of time out of church but about 2 yrs ago I went back to my old church...it was hard but things had changed for the better...in both I and the church. Its not perfect but I am where God wants me, to grow where He has planted me. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with my pain and limitations and how some ppl perceive me but I am staying put come hell or high water. YOU NEED A CHURCH YOU CAN CALL HOME! I say this with all the love and care He can muster in me for "I" wasted many years (man, years) being bitter about my circumstances because "I" choose to be bItter rather than become bEtter.
I can recommend the Calvary in your town but where ever it is that you can be comfortable you need to be plugged in...you are a coal out of the fire...Paul made it clear that we are to be in fellowship which is no simple matter and can at times be both painful and fulfilling all at the same time.

As to getting the help you need and deserve from the govmt God can fix those things in a heart beat and show Himself strong on your behalf. Ask Him what it is He wants from you and do it. Place this trial at His feet and trust Him. No name it and claim it...no blab it and crab it...just with the the faith He gives you to trust and believe He loves you and is with you...He has never left you during this trial but for what ever reason He is letting you/me run out of our own strength getting to the end of our ropes, the bottom of the barrel, flat on our back where the only place to look is up.

I can't think of anything else which is probably a good thing but know this, I can relate, I have worked since I was 10 and the jobs I have done have left me near crippled and only by the grace of God can I still go to my current job. I have been out of fellowship for long periods, I have no friends just my family but I am trying myself to be thankful for what I do have. I wish I could simply say a prayer and yours and my problems where gone...but this is boot camp...boot camp for heaven. He says His righteous ones will never go hungry, He will take care of you...I don't know what that will look like but He is with you and loves you.

Hope the new year is just that for you.

Lord bless

Thanks for the support Pum. I would love to find the right church, maybe I could go back on meds. I'm currently in stage 3 of my illness and don't even want to go outside. My nerves are so hyper that even slight wind, clothes, taking showers will about bring you down. I was once very active in my illness support group and go about once a month when someone picks me up. Sadly this illness has a high suicide rate in stage 3 even on strong meds. Nothing in me wants to die. I would hate to hurt others by doing that, but often like many others I've known , I fear in one of my panicked states of pain I may in that moment. I've come so close so many times. I try hard to stay focused on my sons face in those moments of weakness.

I think the most difficult thing through this is dealing with God. I've had my faith tested and totally broken so many times you just go numb. It's hard to explain to people. In the past Christian friends offered much the same advice and most ill do try and put it to use. One of the strongest men I knew, a 25 year pastor took his life a few months ago. His nerve damage was in his eyes, it became so painful he had them removed, but the pain remained. I think he fought a good fight as long as he could. What makes you mad is people think he lacked faith, gave up, ect...it's not that, it's that severe pain can drive you insane...and he had a whole church behind him paying his bills and taking care of him. For most in stage 3 you end up going insane or in bed on a constant morphine drip living as a zombie.

I think most could deal with pain or poverty alone, it's just facing both. I think what becomes difficult is it's such a slow progression and each year you lose a lil more until you're left with nothing but being alone and in pain and God becomes silent on the issue. You lose jobs, family has to move, homes, ect.. Many get kicked out of their homes, then past around to overcrowed social services full of red tape, until they can't deal with that and give up. I honestly think the world can never be right for some no matter how hard they try.

A lucky few get great medical care, but due to having rich relatives and I've seen them talking about how God got them through, how their faith became strong, ect... For the majority of us, we can't see God in it.
It's easier to say fate is doing this to me. Most stop praying for healing and just pray they will eat that day and often not. Many ask, why would God help others and not me...in the end most just try to hang on to a shred of faith to die with, but I've known many that became bitter. I try and not be bitter towards God. I do know much of God as study will allow, 4 years of bible college in my 20's, past youth minister, ect. It was much easier to explain suffering than to deal with it. In the end I can find no real answers to why some suffer more than most would in 10 lifetimes. If you saw good endings like Job maybe it would make more sense, I've just seen too many bad endings.

I loved my wife and son more than I can say and watching the day they moved away was worse than any pain I live with. We didn't want that, but that was the only way they could survive. She probably would've stayed, but I wasn't gonna watch them live in complete poverty over me and our home was in foreclosure so it was a matter of time...Heck, I ain't made a payment in over a year, but I'm still here, so I'm thankful for that. I cried in the bathroom floor for days cussing God with every possible word I could think of.... Course I was hoping he would kill me, but I would hope he understands enough that people say things out of hurt.

In the end for me it was no longer about my pain. I guess when you live with illness you become tuned in to the illness of others. Complain as I do I have seen people way worse off. I've been to several suicides done by people in my support group. We don't hear from them, so we go check. Most end up in section 8 housing alone. I've been in some houses where people were living off dog food and took their lives the hard way, not having a gun to do so....ain't pretty...but we love them. Then you think of millions of people living in this world just starving to death...I know people suffer much more in this world than I. It's like why should I expect God to help me, if he can watch all this suffering and do nothing. I can only assume God uses man to do his work and few are willing, but then again God being God, he could wink and change it.

In all that I've seen, I am unable to make sense of all the suffering that happens to people that don't deserve it. I've read much of Mother Teresa, not that we agree on much doctrine, but truly a woman that loved to help the suffering. In the end she admitted almost total lack of belief in God and became agnostic. I guess you pray for years with dying children in your arms it becomes difficult. That is what is happening to me. I keep searching for faith, but can't make sense of all this suffering. I know people say God will end it all one day, but that doesn't help much to the people going through it now.

I think like many, the biblical message is twofold, one side answered prayer, God meeting needs, valleys and hills. Still, the bible is full of those that suffered until death, so we know God works both ways, it's just hard to reconcile it at this time. My favorite verse has become "Fear not him that is able to kill the body." The fact is I think you would go mad if you kept trying to find an answer to the suffering question.

I'll continue to hang to hope..not that I expect healing, just love to get medical care enough to deal, somehow work again and know that my wife and son are in the same house. If not, I just want them to be able to move on and find happiness.

Enough ranting, thanks for listening and for your kind words of support. Nice to be able to even rant to someone once in awhile.

 

[pumanator]

Not at all...I have had the same questions you have stated as to the why of things beyond belief with no answer. Fact is that life sucks...those that don't know suffering don't get it, don't care or are scared to death that they could be next. All I can say is reach out to the body, a pastor, a new church...just don't go it alone. This make me all the more convinced that I need to do something. There is no support system/group in my area for ppl who are hurting.

Ill pray for you and you pray for me. Pm me with you 1st name and Ill send the same.

"Dear Lord please be with and help this brother in every aspect of his life that needs your touch, amen"

 

[Armistead14]

Support groups are about the best thing for ill people, people that suffer as you do understand on the same level. Sadly, most churches don't offer support groups for the ill, except to bus them to church. A few here offer cheaper food programs, ect. I'm not Catholic, but we have several large Catholic churches here that do a great job serving the disabled.

 

[pumanator]

Gotta love St Vinnies (vincent de paul) I am a protestant but my hat is off to catholic charities.

 

[Colleen1]

I am fairly new to forums so bare with me. In my search for christian information concerning chronic myofascial pain I came across this web site and thought I'd give it a try. I understand where you are coming from with regards to your feelings. I have struggled for over a decade to get properly diagnosed and get help. Where I'm from most of the doctors don't believe in chronic fatigue and they don't know how to treat it or myofascial pain syndrome or fibromyalgia. It can also be difficult if the people in your environment or church etc. don't understand. People can be small-minded, as one of my friends says. I have had a very difficult time this past while with pain especially yesterday and today. It actually hurts to type. However, I read your message and thought I would reply. Sometimes just expressing what one is thinking and feeling is helpful. Something I find truly helpful when dealing with big things and tough feelings when there are no big solutions, is looking for the little things in life that make me smile or that remind me of God's grace or love. I have this poster on my fridge I got from a clinic wall. It says, "I have entered the snapdragon part of my life. Part of me has snapped and the rest of me is draggin'". After I find a healthy way of expressing myself I look for the rays breaking through the clouds and it seems to help. I hope this encourages you. I must go rest now I'm in bad shape.

 

[pumanator]

in our prayer Colleen. start a post specifically about what you want to talk about...you will get responses from those that can help.

As to finding pleasure in the small and the simple you are spot on.